Yun Qishen

Chapter 1288 Self (17)

(God's perspective)
【The person's self-report】

When I was very young, my parents went out to work, and they entrusted me to the care of my grandparents in the countryside.

"Good boy, if you study well, your parents will be happy, and maybe they can come back to see you."

Those aging hands touched my cheek and held my hand.

Grandma's words began to imprison me throughout my childhood.

School is where tasks are assigned to be done, and home is where tasks are done and tasks are awaited.

【As long as my grades are good, my family will praise me, and my parents will come back and praise me...】

I thought so, and then continued to learn over and over again.

I don't like to talk, and naturally I don't have many friends.I think I am already very good.

until--

"Do you recognize your aunt's son? Your aunt said that his child got the first place in the whole grade. He's so smart.

Why can't my family's treasure be the first in the whole grade because he is smart? "

All parents are envious of other people's children, and my grandma is no exception.

No. [-] in the whole grade...

"My Bao'er is really good, she really won the first place in the whole grade? Old man, take a look at the certificate here!"

Grandma showed off to the neighbors for a while afterwards, but as me who did well in the exam... no one praised me well, as if I could do it for granted...

After I told my parents the news, they just hummed perfunctorily and hung up the phone.

……

I was only in fourth grade then.

"Look at that cousin of yours. It's the one from your uncle's house. I went to his house for dinner a few days ago. That little girl is very dear and can sing operas. That orchid finger is so stylish!"

Granny started again...

I……

At that time, I thought about not caring about it, but I wondered if my parents would praise me like grandma if I could also sing?

In the end, I secretly followed the programs on TV and learned a few plays.

But the final result is still no praise.

They just say, well, that's fine.

Never find fault with me.

What I want is not such a careless compliment...

I don't ask much, but they never let me.

I can only grow myself by obeying them.

what can i doI was just an ordinary elementary school student.

In middle school, everything started to change.

Because of my personality flaws, I have more obstacles in making friends.

There seems to be no tutorial, no instruction manual for making friends.

So what should I do?

What is a friend?
How can I make friends?

I even looked it up online.

The visible answer is nothing more than through communication.

communicate with?What does it take to communicate to make a friend?
common topic?what is that?How can I know that other people know what I know?
Because of this entanglement, I was isolated in the class.

Everything started to change.

When my parents came back, they rented a house in the city and took me there.

For some reason, I wanted to see them very much before, but now I feel very strange when I look at them again.

Who are these two?My parents?
This is already the case at home, and I don't ask them to praise me, so I have to focus on my studies.

It doesn't matter if my parents don't praise me, and the teacher, right?The teacher must be able to spot my excellence and point out my mistakes!
I studied very hard, and my grades were above average, and I was sometimes among the top three in my grade.

"Teacher, I didn't bring the cigarette! I really didn't bring it! I picked it up from the ground!"

"Where did you find it?"

"Under his table!"

Although that person is my classmate, I don't know his name.

During my one year here at school, I always misremembered even the name of my deskmate.Besides, I never said anything to them at all.

The targeting seems to have started from then on.

The teacher grabbed the classmate who framed me and came to me, "Take out the schoolbag!"

I obediently took out my schoolbag.

They should have seen my weakness, the weakness of obeying everything...

In the end, the teacher found a lighter in my schoolbag that shouldn't exist.

I can't tell what kind of eyes the teacher looked at me at that time.

Suspect?Disappointed?surprise?anger?
I can't understand.

Then my dad was called by the teacher.

I didn't say a word, and I was already a freak in that house.

Coupled with some inexplicable persuasion from the teacher, it actually confirmed the fact that I smoke.

But they never knew that I would have asthma if I smelled smoke and I couldn't breathe.

Adults will only think that I am sensitive to the smell of smoke, and don't even suspect that I smoke.

In the final analysis, being bullied has one thing and two things.

Active junior high school students can do anything, because they are ignorantly aware that they are underage, and they can be forgiven for doing anything excessive.

It seems that it was at that time that I started to create.

The self who wanted to be praised was severely suppressed.Some people can stand up and face it, and some people will just fall into the swamp.

Through creation, I found a pure land.

I named it Xuanruo's pure land.

If I have friends in Xuanruo, they will praise me and point out my mistakes.

At first I was naturally happy, but gradually my rational self broke it.

False is always false, how can it be true?
When I was bullied, I survived by Xuan Ruo.

When I was in high school, I never forgot anyone in Xuan Ruoli even though I had a lot of homework.

I even had my own ideal for the first time.

[I want to turn them into reality! 】

But the reality is too scary for me now.

I write about it in all the stories I create.

Live, as long as you can live, do whatever you want!
My studies have declined, and I can't find a way to go back to Xuanruo.

I was lingering in the depressive and dark reality, and finally one day I was able to go back to Xuanruo to stop...

I really don't deserve the praise—

I can't do anything well--

My fault--

live--

I can't go down——

At that time, I was completely eroded by the abyss, until I heard the voice that stopped me from jumping off the building.

【Meow~】

People, the meaning of living, will eventually change.

"Oh, by the way, you haven't eaten yet, right? The cat food is almost gone, I'll buy it for you another day—"

How did I manage to put on that relieved smile?I am not sure as well.

It doesn't matter if there is no Xuanruo, let Xuanruo's people fend for themselves.

I can take care of my cat now-

——■
……

——Fortunately……it crashed——

My cat is missing and I can't find it—

one day--

a week -

a month—

crazy!It drives me crazy!How can it leave me?
What should I do next?
What survival!What pathetic emotion!What a dazzling!What ancient pride!all!Just disappear!

All I want now is my cat—

(End of this chapter)