June is our farewell song

Chapter 37 The Moon and Sixpence (Part [-])

There was nothing wrong with what the parents did. In this family, they lived for her wholeheartedly.

Chen Ying knew this clearly, but it was precisely the root of all her pain.

Because they are not wrong, so they can not resist.

Because there is no reason to resist.

The closest people don't necessarily understand you, explaining is sometimes just futile.

The clouds cleared and the fog cleared outside the window, and the moonlight shone in through the window, shining coolly on the bed and pillows, full of dreaminess and unreality, close at hand but out of reach.

What is the meaning of life?

Chen Ying didn't know the answer.

On the desk not far away, a book pressed the test paper. It was "The Moon and Sixpence" I read last night, and I forgot to put it away.

Fortunately, my mother didn't enter her room, otherwise she would be very angry and throw away this kind of meaningless book in her opinion.It doesn't matter if it's a book I bought myself, but this book was borrowed from a literature club, so it would be bad if I lost it.

Charles in the book abandons his wife. He is selfish, indifferent, and indifferent to everything in the outside world, which makes his painting enter the true state.This realm only exists in novels, this kind of purity only exists in the world of geniuses or madmen, and most of us are just ordinary people.

Chen Ying thought, closed the book, put it aside, and looked up at the bright moon outside the window.

She remembered the book saying, "Chasing dreams is chasing your own bad luck. There are sixpence everywhere, but he looked up and saw the moon."

But she looked up and saw the moon, but she couldn't see the sixpence all over the floor.

This is where the novel is not true. The author always deliberately exaggerates certain things while selectively ignoring certain things.Dreams are actually trivial things, and life is much, much heavier than it.And the novel exaggerates it when, in fact, it doesn't matter that much.

So, giving it up is a matter of course.

Therefore, Chen Ying made a decision.

The next afternoon, Literary Club.

"Chen Ying, why do you want to quit the company?"

Gu Yuan turned his head and looked at Feng Ziqiu who was standing in front of the bookshelf on the left. He was holding a can of fruit juice in his hand. Even in autumn, he should drink cold drinks. This is the consensus among boys.

"Poor grades, too much pressure, weak health, etc." Gu Yuan rubbed his sore eyes, "But Teacher Chen Ge said, these are all external factors, the most important thing is Chen Ying's inner idea."

"Thinking in my heart..." Feng Ziqiu frowned slightly, "Could it be related to her parents?"

"Huh? Why do you think so?"

"The moral kidnapping in the name of love is often the most difficult to break free. The words and thoughts of parents often confuse the hearts of children and prevent them from seeing their true thoughts."

While several people were chatting, Chen Ying appeared at the door.

The girl was carrying a milky white backpack, with a tired face, she didn't look like a middle school student, tiredness and bewilderment were written all over her face.

The so-called youth is probably like a moth locked in a glass bottle. It seems that there is a bright road everywhere, but in fact there is no way out.The blood and ideals that are full of blood and ideals are bumped into the transparent bottle wall again and again, layer by layer, where can they go in the end?

In retrospect, youth is just a process of spilling blood.Whether it is absurd or stupid, it will pass.

It's just that even such a reckless and passionate youth has nothing to do with me.

Each of these people in front of them has a talent that they can't match.

Things that are easy for them to do, even if they try their best, they can't do it.

"I... this is the book I borrowed from the literature club last time, and I'm returning it to you now." Chen Ying took out a book from her bag and put it on the cabinet at the door, and then ran out without looking back.

"Hey! Wait!" Liu Qingsi hurriedly chased her out.

On the way from the library to the teaching building, the street lamps on both sides already gave off a cold light in the twilight, and the campus with light rain seemed to be extraordinarily quiet, and the wind passed by the bare skin, bringing wet pain.

Two boys who were walking in the opposite direction came towards them. Chen Ying, who was running, couldn't dodge in time, and bumped into one of the boys holding a thick exercise book. At that moment, the exercise books flying all over the sky seemed like It was a flying bird with fluttering wings. After rushing to the sky, it quickly folded its wings and fell down.

The boy who was knocked down couldn't help scratching his head helplessly looking at the exercise books scattered all over the floor, while his companion had a depressed expression on his face, because it was raining lightly and the ground was not dry, some unlucky exercise books were a coincidence Unfortunately, he opened his arms and hugged the wet bluestone road. The stains and mud marks on it were clearly visible. This is not something easy to clean.

When Liu Qingsi chased her out, she saw Chen Ying squatting alone in front of the two boys picking up books, her clothes were crumpled and stuck to her body, outlining conspicuous lines that were only bones.

The coolness in my heart is like water droplets dripping on the title page of the exercise book, slowly soaking away.

Not only the heart, but also the hands and face are cool.

Liu Qingsi didn't say anything, but squatted down beside Chen Ying and helped her pick up books.

In the next second, a white towel came into sight.

Chen Ying raised her head, the gray sky was slightly red, Gu Yuan held two umbrellas on top of her and Liu Qingsi's heads, one on the left and the other on the right, Feng Ziqiu apologized to the two boys, and Qi Yu held a neatly folded dry towel in his hand, pursed his lips and stared at himself with wide eyes.

"If you get too much rain, you'll catch a cold~"

When opening it, Chen Ying felt the warm air rising from the towel. In any case, the girl who was immersed in loneliness a second ago felt warm in her arms under the effect of the towel.

Back in the literature club, Chen Ying lowered her head and sipped the hot tea prepared by Liu Qingsi.

"Did something happen?" Qi Yu asked tentatively.

Gu Yuan and Feng Ziqiu leaned against the window with their hands in their trouser pockets, and the sound of the rain outside gradually formed a line.

Chen Ying shook her head and said softly, "No."

"We are on your side, forever." Liu Qingsi put her arm around Chen Ying's shoulder, "If you have any difficulties, just tell us."

"Really not, I just feel that the time is too tight and the pressure of studying is also great, so I want to quit the company."

"Is that true? Isn't it because of coercion from your class teacher?" Gu Yuan frowned and asked, "If it's just a math score, we can tutor you together and improve it by one or twenty points in a short period of time. It's not a big problem. .”

"Well, we can definitely do it." Liu Qingsi said softly, "Also, Senior Sister Zifeng and Teacher Chen Ge are chatting with Teacher Jia Ping, everything will be fine."

everything will get better?
Is it really?

In Chen Ying's heart, there were some unknown things running away, sometimes in her heart, sometimes on her lips, and sometimes in the cup of hot tea held in both hands.

In the end, no one was able to change her mind about quitting the company.

No matter what Gu Yuan and the others do, Chen Ying's own will is an important prerequisite and necessary condition for her to stay in the literature club, but since she is not even willing, they have no good solution.

The application for quitting the club was handed over to Jiang Zifeng by herself. At that moment, Chen Ying had a firm expression on her face, as if all her weakness and hesitation had been washed away, like a green bamboo standing on a cliff.

"Doing what you want to do most, living in the environment you love, being indifferent and peaceful, and not competing with the world, is this ruining yourself? On the contrary, being a famous surgeon with an annual salary of [-] pounds, marrying a A beautiful wife, is success? I think it all depends on how a person views the meaning of life, on what he thinks he owes to society and what is expected of himself.”

The next day, at the Literature Club, Liu Qingsi leaned against the window and read softly. Gu Yuan, who was sitting opposite her, raised his eyebrows and asked:

"What book is this?"

"The Moon and Sixpence by Somerset Maugham."

Liu Qingsi stood up the book, and the title of the book was written in those six shining white letters on the cover.

"What are you talking about?"

"The prototype of the protagonist is Gauguin, a French impressionist painter. He was originally a stockbroker. When he reached middle age, he suddenly responded to his inner call and gave up everything to live with the indigenous people in Tahiti in the South Pacific, gaining inspiration and creating works. produced many masterpieces of art."

"Abandon everything?"

"Well, he abandoned his wife, children, job, social status, and all his own life to pursue the so-called 'art' that seemed out of reach, and thus made a series of An absurd behavior that is not understood by others." Qi Yu walked over and sat down beside Gu Yuan, "This book is very famous, you haven't read it yet?"

"There are so many books in the world, and I'm not an old pedant with a lot of knowledge, how can I read every one of them." Gu Yuan curled his lips, "By the way, do we just give up like this? It's about Chen Ying."

"Otherwise? Do you still want to hold her head and drag her back? Chen Ying has made up her mind to study hard, so you don't want to harm others." Qi Yu rolled his eyes at him, "What to do We have done everything, but since quitting the company is her own idea, what can we say?"

"Although... I still think that Chen Ying shouldn't think so." Gu Yuan said, "I still remember that when she came for the interview that day, her eyes were bright, like the aurora? No It's too clear, anyway, I think she really loves literature, at least better than me."

"You are quite self-aware." Liu Qingsi pretended to touch the skin on her arm, and then distanced herself from Gu Yuan with a look of disgust.

"I said, tomorrow is the weekend, why don't we go and see her together." Feng Ziqiu suddenly suggested.

"Huh? Visiting at home?" Gu Yuan raised his eyebrows, "Shouldn't I ask for my consent first?"

"Go, we'll go after the exam in the afternoon." Liu Qingsi nodded vigorously, "Chen Ying didn't come to class today, and the girl named Luo Yi in her class said that she seemed to be sick, so we just happened to go and see she."

Being ignored habitually, Gu Yuan sighed softly, but since Chen Ying was ill, it would not be impolite to visit her at this time.

Just do it.

(End of this chapter)