The whole entertainment circle thinks I'm confused

Chapter 312 "Cure" 5
People are alive,

in the end……

for what?
Bai Xiaofei hasn't asked himself this question for a long time since he came to the imperial capital.

She thought that after leaving that small place and coming to the imperial capital, as long as she worked hard and lived hard, everything would be different.

But she found that she still couldn't escape her mother's grasp, and was destined to rot in the quagmire...

Just like her mother thought she was not sensible back then, but she always remembered a sentence-"I have been like this all my life, he Bai Jianen wants me to rot in the quagmire, then I will let his daughters rot in the quagmire, anyway He doesn't care about girls either!"

"Alive, so tired!"

It's not that she doesn't live without heart, on the contrary, she is really living desperately...

Before choosing to take the self-examination, she got up at 04:30 in the morning to deliver milk part-time.

She needs to deliver to the first community before five o'clock, otherwise the next few communities will not be able to catch up.

One time, she was delivered in a hurry, fell down the stairs, and rolled down two steps. In the end, her forehead was only one centimeter away from the sharp stone steps at the corner. If she went any further, she would be gone.

This is the first time she felt it.

Death can be so close, and she wants to live so much...

Finally, I have to arrive at the company before eight o'clock.

A vegetable bun in the morning, occasionally a cup of soy milk, in order to save a meal at noon, I only eat two steamed buns, and at most I can eat hot noodle soup at night, but she feels that she is still alive, and she is still alive!
Going back to the basement at night, I have to endure roommates snoring, talking in sleep, and even grinding my teeth.

She didn't know what mental breakdown was.

He only knows that he sleeps at night, and if there is any movement in the house, he will wake up.

Even after a day, no matter how tired I am, I can sleep for three or four hours at most. Many times, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I can’t sleep anymore.

Sometimes, just sit on the bed and stare at the room until morning...

She knows that this should be a disease, but she has no money, no money... she is not sick!

Why did she take a shower in the dormitory and do so much confidential work?

Because within a month of living here, she found a miniature camera in the bathroom——

Be spied on.

She went to the landlord, and the landlady's wife also came forward, but who would recognize it?

The most frightening thing was that once, in the bathroom, she saw a pair of eyes——

When she found out, the man ran away quickly.

She didn't know how to deal with all of this, and no one would stand up for her at all...

Relying on her eyes, she caught the voyeur, a man in his fifties.

In the end, she was ridiculed by her wife in front of a group of people—"Look what's wrong with you?"

"You caught it on the spot? You ran out naked to catch people, are you splashing dirty water here?"

"What kind of high-end do you think you are? You can see the ends of those two small steamed buns at a glance. Do you really regard yourself as a treasure?"

Surrounded by a bunch of people, Bai Xiaofei felt ashamed, wronged, angry, hated...

I can't wait to bump my head to death!
It seems very bitter.

But she survived the worst.

After deciding to pay for the self-examination, I was even more motivated and felt motivated.

But when she found out that everything was in vain... All the hard work in the past, like a ridiculous joke that could no longer be ridiculous, suddenly became the last straw that crushed her body!
She walked on the street like a walking corpse, looking at the streets where people come and go——looking at those people who are running around for a living, she couldn't help but envy, and the stronger the envy, the more hopeless and helpless...

When a person can't even keep her belief in living, she has no extravagant hopes for this world.

She seemed to be pushed into the quagmire, struggling desperately, but there were two hands behind her tightly gripping her, pressing her into the quagmire, taking a breath with difficulty, and dragging her down again!

She is really tired...

She doesn't want to struggle anymore.

She suddenly looked up and looked at those cars, her eyes were already numb, she suddenly smiled.

Self-deprecating, relieved, "Maybe, close your eyes, just one click, and it's over..."

As for which driver was unlucky, she... can only say sorry.

As soon as the green light came on, she suddenly rushed from the side of the road towards the largest car——

……

Everything in front of him passed very slowly, Bai Xiaofei sometimes enjoyed this feeling!
"It's rare for the world to change because of her..." How ridiculous!
This kind of change is so slow that she only needs to take two steps back to avoid this fatal car accident.

But she didn't.

Tranquility watched the truck run over her, no fear of dying, only relief...

"Squeal!" The emergency brake tires rubbed against the road and made a screeching sound.

"Dididi—" a sound of horns sounded.

Her eyes were incandescent, she thought, she was going to die... Finally she was going to die——

A figure rushed over from behind, hugged her, and blocked her...

The driver's scolding sounded in his ears.

"You fucking don't want to live anymore, just go to the roof and jump off the building, don't fucking harm people on the road!"

"My car didn't touch you. You fell or broke your leg. It has nothing to do with me. There are surveillance cameras here. Don't try to extort money from me!"

Can you still hear me when I'm dead?Then a person she didn't expect at all appeared in front of her.

Chen Zimo?A gleam flashed in Bai Xiaofei's eyes, but she didn't move, letting Chen Zimo check her hands and feet, she couldn't feel any pain.

Watching him apologize to the driver and the traffic police, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, she's not feeling well, and she's causing trouble for everyone!"

Let Chen Zimo help her to the side of the road, help her, and wipe the beautiful blood on her hands.

He helped her up, but she neither refused nor accepted, like a walking dead.

After walking a few steps, she stopped and sat on a stone pier beside her.

Chen Zimo also stopped.

He just had a call.

Taking advantage of this time, Bai Xiaofei rushed towards the road again, but his whole body staggered and rolled to the side of the road—his head hit the ground, and his eyes were dizzy and pitch black!

Even if Chen Zimo had sharp eyesight and quick hands, it was too late. Fortunately, nothing happened. He grabbed her and couldn't help scolding her: "Are you crazy? You don't want to die? You are not even afraid of death, are you still afraid of living?"

In a daze, she smiled.

am I crazy?

……Probably.

Even if not now.

Probably soon too.

Life?
too bitter.

I don't want it anymore.

I am not afraid.

It's just that someone doesn't want me to live, it's the world, it doesn't want me to live as a person!

She wanted to scream, but she couldn't use any strength, her mouth twitched violently.

Chen Zimo looked at Bai Xiaofei, it was okay if he didn't look, but at a glance, he was pulled by the emotion in her eyes, numb and desperate!
like what?It was like a sparrow that was supposed to live under the sky, but was pessimistic in a cage, hunger strike, self-abuse, unable to survive or die.In his heart and eyes, he couldn't help trembling!
The world seemed to freeze.

Still so slow.

Chen Zimo helped her sit aside again, stopped what he was doing, and just looked at her like that, "You——do you want to die that much?"

"I don't want to die..." she said.

It's just that I don't want to live anymore.

Chen Zimo has encountered many patients with severe depression. They all want to live well, but they don't know how to save themselves, just like Bai Xiaofei in front of him.

So, he told a white lie and said, "You know what, I had a serious illness before, it was like being thrown into a pool, the water was deep, I couldn't swim, I struggled , I just couldn’t get out, and I almost drowned several times. Until one day, an old man picked me up——I want to be that person today, and I want to be that person. If you give me a hand, you can trust me once and give it to yourself A chance?"

In her ears were Chen Zimo's words, and there was a word in it that seemed to touch her heart.

"Am I... sick?"

"Yeah, sick, very sick."

"...What disease? Madness, mental illness?"

"No, it's just a heart attack."

"Are you sick?"

She didn't know how long it had passed, but she only knew that the sky was slowly getting dark.

She thought about it, but the pain, especially in her knees, slowly came up.

The world in front of me returned to normal.

"Thank you."

she said suddenly.

　Thank you [Nanli] for the two monthly tickets~
　　
　
(End of this chapter)