girl riding a horse

Chapter 441 Chapter 41: The original intention at that time

Shen Liuzhen leaned his head on her shoulder, looked at her hands on her knees, his eyes flickered, and after a moment of silence, he said softly:
"Give me your hand."

"What are you doing?" Xie Yuan lowered his head and asked.

Without saying a word, Shen Liuzhen directly pulled her hand over, and then grabbed his wide brocade robe sleeve, and wiped her hand again and again.

Xie Yuan's fingers are long and slender, with well-proportioned joints, but because of practicing martial arts for many years and holding various weapons, his palms are covered with calluses and some small old wounds.

Shen Liuzhen seemed to be wiping some treasure, holding her palm in one hand, and wiping it carefully with the other, with gentle and careful movements, as if afraid of hurting her.

Xie Yuan didn't know his mood at the moment, but felt that he was a little hypocritical, so he said impatiently:
"At most, there are some medicated oils, which have been absorbed just now, what can be rubbed off?"

Shen Liuzhen turned a deaf ear, his lowered eyes were still serious, like a deep pool.He stubbornly grabbed Xie Yuan's palm, wiped it and replied:

"For so many years, you have been running around in the military camp, eating and sleeping in the open, don't you feel bitter?"

Xie Yuan heard his serious voice, and after thinking for a while, he said, "I didn't care whether it was hard or not, I just thought about how not to be discovered by my secret, how to earn military merits desperately, and prove my ability. "

Shen Liuzhen's watery eyes looked up, as if some thoughts flashed by, he stretched out his arm, changed Xie Yuan's other hand to wipe it, and after a soft "um", he said:

"Now that you have proven your ability, you can't fight for a lifetime. Have you ever thought about leaving the barracks and living an ordinary life?"

When Xie Yuan heard that Danfeng's eyes froze, he looked at the head resting on his shoulder, and asked in displeasure:
"What do you think?! Why don't you quit the court and live an ordinary life?"

Shen Liuzhen was stunned when he heard that, stopped his movements, looked up at Xie Yuan, and said innocently:

"I live the life of an ordinary family. I don't need to fight and kill people. I eat three meals a day. It's normal."

Xie Yuan withdrew his hand from his, tilted his head speechlessly, and explained patiently:

"The ordinary life that belongs to you is what you want. The ordinary life that belongs to me is to suppress my ability and do nothing all day long. Can I be the same as you?"

Shen Liuzhen watched her eyes flicker and did not speak. After a long while, he spoke softly again, as if acting like a baby, and said:
"A Yuan, don't be angry, I just love you and don't want you to have such a hard life. Do you know? Just now I heard what you said on the battlefield, it reminded me of something."

Xie Yuan's anger was diverted a lot because of curiosity, and he didn't say a word, waiting for his next words.

Only Shen Liuzhen said with a tone of reminiscence:
"You know, my dad was often away when I was young, and when I felt lonely and scared, he wasn't by my side. So for a while, I was shy and shy and didn't want to talk."

When Xie Yuan heard this, Dan Feng's eyes widened, and she looked at his side face in surprise. She really couldn't imagine Shen Liuzhen's shy and reticent appearance.

Ever since the two of them became neighbors, in her eyes, Shen Liuzhen has always been a person who is used to pretending to be well-behaved, sweet and insidious.

And when they met, they were so young, only over six years old.

He said there was a period of time before, wouldn't it be the time when he just came out of the mother's womb and couldn't speak?

"...Once, my father came back from an injury, with a gash on his back, and he was recuperating at home. He was injured, but he made a great contribution. So his soldiers were very excited.

When I have nothing to do, I will pull me to tell me the danger and tragedy of that battle, vividly. "

Shen Liuzhen adjusted his face to make himself lean more comfortably, curled his lips and continued:
"In their eyes, that experience is a heroic deed worthy of showing off. So when I told it to me, I didn't shy away from it at all. After the lecture, I always asked me if I would like to be a general in the future and go to battle to kill the enemy.

I don't like to talk, and they talked more and more vigorously, with more and more details, and everyone has a version.

Then finally one day, I had a nightmare.In the dream, the sky and the earth are gray and blue, the color of the dead.I stand on a battlefield where banners, swords and halberds are messy.As far as the eyes can see, there are all kinds of tragic corpses, which can spread from my feet all the way to the horizon. "

Shen Liuzhen paused, even though he has grown up now, this childhood dream has passed for many years, but when he thinks about it now, the cold feeling at that time is still very clear, making his hair stand on end.

He asked softly:

"You know? It feels like I'm the only living person left in the world, standing alone in the gray-blue world.

I am a child, standing alone in the wilderness, among the endless corpses, feeling the cold loneliness and fear. "

As Shen Liuzhen spoke, his body shrank slightly, as if he was a little cold, he pursed his lips and said:
"Because of that dream, I was terrified for a long time. I didn't dare to sleep alone, and I didn't dare to be alone in no one's place. Later I realized that in that dream, what I was most afraid of was not the dead, but the dead people in that atmosphere. loneliness."

Shen Liuzhen suddenly smiled easily and said:

"Because of that dream, those hateful people around me became lovely in my eyes. Because they are alive, have body temperature, and can talk. It makes me feel that there is warmth around me, so I won't be cold and lonely."

Xie Yuan has been listening quietly, and asked:

"So, you don't want to practice martial arts, and you join the army according to the master's arrangement. Does it have something to do with this dream?"

Shen Liuzhen said:

"Of course. Am I stupid? Dive into your worst feared dream? Wouldn't it be good to read books and argue with the living people around you?"

Xie Yuan let out a long breath and said, "You can really hide your thoughts. We've known each other for many years. This is the first time I've heard you talk about this matter."

"It's not that I want to hide it, it's that I can't remember it at all. I just heard you talk about your experience on the battlefield, and it hooked me up."

He opened his innocent and bright eyes, looked up at Xie Yuan, and said:

"A Yuan, I really admire you, aren't you afraid? There are so many dead people on the battlefield..."

Xie Yuan showed a look of reminiscence, and said, "Of course I was afraid at first... But after a long time, this kind of scene is too frequent, and I got used to it later."

Shen Liuzhen's eyes flashed, and he asked:
"Do you still remember your original intention when we were with Guan Yifei and the others outside Linjiang City? You didn't fight to kill people, but to end the war. Do you remember?"

(End of this chapter)