Dai Ziling

Chapter 183 The pain of self-deprecating
Running out of Biyou Pavilion, Zixi let out a long breath and thought: Where should I go?Looking for sister?Looking for Xinruo?Not good... These two people can't see themselves feeling uncomfortable, it would be great if things become serious... Ah... there is another place!
Running all the way to Qinrao's courtyard, Zixi slammed the door and shouted: "Open the door, open the door, it's freezing!"

Hearing Zixi's voice, Qinrao was quite surprised, she hurriedly opened the door and said, "Little ancestor, why did you come here?"

Breathing in the palm of his hand, Zixi rushed into the room: "Why, you don't welcome me?"

Ningfu put down the wine glass in her hand, stood up and said with a smile:

"Is there a monster chasing you? What happened in such a hurry?"

Untiing the cloak and throwing it aside, Zixi laughed aloud, picked up the jug on the table and said, "Sure enough, I came to the right place."

Qin Rao and Ning Fu looked at each other and smiled, a little puzzled, but judging by the girl's appearance, it didn't seem like she had any serious business.

Taking an exquisite small wine glass and putting it in front of Zixi, Ning Fu said: "Isn't the wine in Biyou Pavilion fragrant? Do you have to come to us to drink in the rain?"

Pushing the wine glass aside in disgust, Zixi raised the wine pot and took a big sip directly to her mouth, saying, "Qinrao, is there a whole jar?"

Qin Rao nodded, took out two jars of wine from the cupboard and put them on the table: "Hey, drink!"

Picking up the wine jar and taking a big gulp, Zixi thought to herself: It's really not as mellow as the one in Biyou Pavilion.

Just as Ning Fu was about to ask, Qin Rao pinned her shoulders. She winked and shook her head slightly, signaling not to ask further questions.

Ningfu smiled, took the jug gracefully, and poured a glass for herself. It was a cold rainy night, heartbroken, and lovesick. At this time, there was really nothing else to do except drink.

After half a jar of wine, Zixi wiped her mouth and said, "Where's Yuelu?"

Qin Rao pointed to an inner room, and said: "In it, I shut myself in it all day long, except for eating, I hardly see anyone."

Zixi smiled and sighed, went to the door of the inner room and slammed it twice, shouting: "Yue Lu, come out to drink! If you don't come out, I'll kick the door!"

What is this girl going to do?are you crazy?
Qin Rao and Ning Fu were at a loss, this good Bi You Pavilion didn't wait, and came here to have fun?Moreover, Teng Xuanyi and Zhu Lan haven't followed yet?in argument?It shouldn't be...

Squeaking, the door of the inner room was opened, Yue Lu said indifferently: "What's the matter?"

Pulling Yue Lu out, Zi Xi said, "Why are you bored in there? Let's drink together!"

Yue Lu was surprised and said: "Are you not sick! Come here to drink? I won't drink!"

After speaking, Yue Lu was about to go to the inner room, Zixi pulled hard, and said loudly: "Either kill me! Or drink with me! You choose!"

Suddenly his eyes widened, Yue Lu was speechless, what choice is this?

"What the hell do you want?"

"It's okay! I want you to drink with me!"

Although I'm used to seeing Zixi "behaving badly" on weekdays, it's the first time I've seen such an unreasonable appearance. Qin Rao has a premonition that something is wrong. This girl... I'm afraid she has something very serious on her mind, and she really can't bear it. come here.

Qin Rao thought for a while and said, "Yue Lu, just sit with us for a while!"

Ning Fu also echoed: "Yeah, I'm also curious about what this crazy girl wants to do? Just sit with us for a while!"

Yue Lu frowned, and sat down reluctantly, boom!A jar of wine fell in front of her, Zixi said: "Drink!"

Looking at Zixi's slightly red eyes, most of Yue Lu's anger disappeared in an instant. She uncorked the wine, took a big sip without saying a word, and said, "Have you been bullied?"

Qin Rao and Ning Fu sat down, moved the chairs closer, stared at Zi Xi, and waited for her answer.

Zixi waved her hand and said with a wry smile: "How is it possible? I am the only one who bullies others, how can anyone bully me!"

Ningfu and Qinrao looked at the roof at the same time, as if they understood something, they pretended to be nonchalant, and continued to listen to the conversation between Yuelu and Zixi.

Yue Lu said: "Well, this is true, you have always been majestic, so why are you like an eggplant beaten by frost?"

Zi Xi said: "What eggplants are beaten by frost, you are still burnt potatoes!"

Yue Lu gritted his teeth, and said fiercely: "Why don't I choose to kill you!"

"Hahaha..." Zixi laughed wildly, and two tears flowed down her cheeks to her neck. For a moment, it was difficult to tell whether it was because of laughing or because of sadness.

Gently holding Zixi's hand, Qin Rao said softly: "Girl, do you have something on your mind? If so, don't keep it in your heart, maybe you will feel better if you say it. If you don't want to say it, then argue with us." , a fight is fine, otherwise, let's burn the yard to vent!"

Ningfu turned her head and said: "Qinrao, you are crazy too! If you want to burn it, you will burn another yard, we still have to live here!"

Yue Lu said: "Heh! Let me see, the Biyou Pavilion is what she wants to burn the most!"

Zixi looked at the three women with very different temperaments in front of her in surprise, it turned out that they were so humorous!
Holding her cheeks, Zixi blinked. The three of them have experienced what it's like to be in love. The most ironic thing is that all they love are for themselves. Logically speaking, they should be jealous and hate themselves, but Is it because I am too lucky to drink and joke together here at this moment?

"Hey! I'm going to ask you a question. Answer it truthfully, or I'll really burn this yard down."

Playing a rascal is this girl's strong point, if she can say it, she will do it, but she is willing to say something, it is better than being bored in her heart and continuing to go crazy.

The three nodded and said, "You ask."

After taking another sip of wine, Zixi's expression gradually became serious: "You guys, do you hate me?"

The three of them were startled, their moods were a little complicated, and they didn't know how to answer for a while.

Seeing that the three of them were silent, Zixi smiled: "This is in line with common sense! You all have some grudges against me, don't you? Heh! It's inexplicable! Hey? Do you all think that I am that...that one?" A vixen? He hooks up with men everywhere, specializes in seizing people's love, and after hurting this one, hurting that...it's really bad, isn't it?"

Her face was flushed, her eyes were blurred, and Zixi's slightly drunken appearance was so cute that it made people feel distressed.

Qin Rao shook his head and said, "No!"

"Hey!" Zixi shook her arm and said, "I told you before, you must listen to the truth!"

Ningfu picked up the wine glass and drank it down. She had asked herself this question before, not only herself, but also Qin Rao and Yue Lu had thought about this question. She did not expect this girl to bring it up by herself today.

Looking at Yuelu and Qinrao's expressions, Ningfu became more convinced of her answer. She gently held Zixi's arm, and said in a very gentle tone:
"That's the truth, we don't hate you."

Zixi's eye sockets were moist: "Really?"

Ningfu nodded and said: "Really! You are not a vixen, and you have never seduced anyone. Why do you use such ugly words to describe yourself? Emotions are out of control. They have their reasons for liking you, even if you If you push them away in the most ruthless way, the feeling will not disappear, but it will only add to the pain. Zixi, you have done a good job, but... the most troublesome thing for you should be Teng Xuanyi and Zhu Lan?"

There was a sudden haze in front of her eyes, and Zixi silently lowered her head.

The three women looked at each other, and it turned out that this was the crux of the matter!
Glancing at the roof, Ning Fu continued: "Who said that if you love someone, you have to live and fly with him? Look at the three of us, we are all in love, but jealousy and complaints are crazy, and we have become distorted , will the unrequited love come? It won't... move yourself, disgust others, that's all. I think Teng Xuanyi and Zhu Lan also understand this truth, so they face each other so honestly, You don’t have to feel guilty, even if one day you recover your memory and have struggles in your heart, don’t be afraid, they don’t need you to make a choice, and you don’t need to choose at all, everything has a definite number, you can’t escape, you can’t escape, follow your own That's the heart."

Wiping away the tears from the corners of Zixi's eyes, Qin Rao held her in his arms and patted her on the back like a sister who loved her dearly: "That's right, everything that seems to be related to you has nothing to do with you. Everyone has their own fate, why bother to take everything on yourself, are you stupid?"

Seeing the carefree and unrestrained girl in the past leaning against other people's arms like a wronged kitten, Yue Lu felt very uncomfortable. She picked up the wine jar and took a big gulp, saying:

"Hey! Didn't you come to drink? Drink!"

Wiping away her tears, Zixi smiled and sat up straight: "I'm afraid of you! Come, drink!"

Crying for a while, laughing for a while, Zhu Lan and Teng Xuanyi sat on the roof listening to the four women talking madly and laughing at themselves, while Zixi's voice was like a knife, stabbing her heart from time to time.

Her body was already drenched by rain, and none of them expected that Zixi's heart had already been plunged into fear and struggle. The helplessness and timidity hidden behind her bright smile made even the two people who stayed by her side every day feel ashamed. Did not notice.

Which is worse, to love but not to have or to love but not to have?It should probably be the latter, just one word "can", how much heartache and helplessness has been exhausted?For example: if you don't go, you can't go; if you don't love, you can't love; if you don't speak, you can't speak...

The unknown road may make people feel confused or even a little scared, but if you know that the abyss is very likely ahead, but you can't control yourself to stop immediately, what kind of feeling will it be?Zixi, can she bear this kind of tearing, can she let go of the burden in her heart and muster the courage to face the moment when she reaches the edge of the cliff?

The feeling of powerlessness was mixed in the cold rain and slammed into the two figures on the roof. They panicked, their hearts were overwhelmed; they froze, and even their breathing became cautious...

(End of this chapter)