One-man puppet Xi

Chapter 53 Depression

"You know, once I closed my eyes, tears could overflow. I used to be like a cold robot that could cry. In junior high school, my classmates were all in groups, and I was the only one forever Later, Xiang Wan came, and I had my only good friend. They said that I had autism, and I was afraid to speak and could not speak, so I had to endure crazy bullying from my classmates. Fortunately, I endured it. A piece of cake."

"It was them who broke me down, my dear parents. Although I am a rare good girl among all my classmates, I usually study besides studying. But my parents still think that I am fooling around in school."

"One day my father came to school, and my classmates told me enviously that he still came to see me at school. But he came to school to investigate me, to investigate how I was fooling around in school. He went out to follow me, and the only time he came to school to pick me up It’s all because I’m afraid that I’m fooling around, all this is just a classmate’s joke because there is a boy who likes me, and I’ve been a fooling around girl ever since! I was scolded to death when I came home 1 minute late, they didn’t remember my birthday but Xiang Wan did , but the gift I gave to Xiang Wan has also become their weapon to hurt me."

Every time I think of her, she feels as if she has gone crazy. Even a few cuts can't vent her anger, and nothing can relieve her pain.

"But what I can't accept the most is why they told my aunt that I'm going to run away with men outside. Why do you think this is? I don't even have two friends. Why do they slander me in front of the person I love the most? Me. I really can't accept it, I can't accept it, I thought I was going to commit suicide that day, but when I was about to jump, I still hesitated, I couldn't bear my aunt and uncle!"

She raised her head all of a sudden, roared angrily, her eyes were full of hatred, and she clenched her hands into fists and hit the bed hard again and again, "But I can't accept it, I can't accept this shame!" She broke free, and the blood flowed down her hand to the ground. She didn't care at all, and didn't even look at the injured hand.

Mu Nan didn't know what to do for a while, so he must not force her anymore at this time, so he quickly took gauze and wrapped the wound up, and went to the hospital for treatment when she got better.

She slumped on the floor powerlessly, with tears glistening, she looked at Mu Nan with pleading eyes, and said very sadly: "I just want to see them often and accompany them. Why do you think it's so difficult?"

"Why do you think they forced me?" She asked quietly.

She has always been in control, controlling herself not to get angry, controlling herself to be calm and calm. .

She didn't wait for Mu Nan to answer, and continued to speak alone. Finally, she could tell all the things hidden in her heart, and she didn't know if she would have a chance to recall this past in the future.Anyway, she really lived enough, it's boring.

"You know, I never dare to say that I have depression, because in my family's opinion, I am a neuropathy, a neuropathy! I always say that one day is good and don't think about bad things, but is there any good thing in my life? ?”

"A child suddenly separated from the parents who raised her. In this strange environment, a child can only hide in the corner toilet, cover her mouth and cry secretly. A child cries every night and every day. She just misses her family, but all she gets in exchange It's their swearing. Countless nights you can see a child sitting in a corner playing with toys because her sister and brother won't let her go to bed or sleep in another room. Even in the cold winter I can only hide in a cold room with bare feet."

"Munan, can you feel that feeling? I'm cold and scared, and I miss my family crazily, but they don't allow it... I feel like I'm living in dire straits, and I'm getting used to the yelling and talking every day. .”

She stretched out her hands tremblingly, looking at the disguised fingers and the white and black fingers, she couldn't cry for a while, and the tears quickly blurred her eyes.After she calmed down, she continued.

"So I had severe chilblains, my ten fingers were swollen and rotted, and I would bleed a lot at any time. Even wearing clothes would cause the bleeding to stop. I didn't notice the long blood dripping all the way. I didn't dare to stretch out my hand for fear of being scared. I was injured, but I still had to wash clothes with them, and my blood flowed. It lasted for seven years, but they never took me to see a doctor, buy a ointment, and said to the outside world that frostbite can’t be cured.”

"Many people think that it's good if they want to open up a little bit, but do you know? The most annoying thing for depression patients is to hear this sentence. If you can think about it, there is nothing to be depressed about."

"Depression has been tormenting my mind for so many years. Every day when I look at my slender wrist, I just want to cut it open with a knife and watch the blood flow out, so I feel relieved."

"Hehe.. I take off my disguise every night, distraught, self-prepared, painful, pessimistic, and world-weary. I feel that every day I live is to torture myself in despair. I want to commit suicide countless times, but I don't want to Relax, let those who love me feel uncomfortable. Despair is gnawing at my mind bit by bit, my heart seems to be pierced by dense needles, and my heart hurts to the point of suffocation."

"But now I personally killed my own child, how can I accept it?"

Having said all the things hidden in my heart, it was like tearing open a bloody wound again, but I hope it can heal this time.Because I still have Han Qingrui in my life!

"Xixi, I know you're suffering, but think about so many people who love you, how about we receive treatment? Believe me, everything will be fine. I'll be with you no matter what."

"Xixi, you can't be depressed. Don't you care about so many beautiful things in life? And the person you love, you want him to worry, don't you?"

Lin Yuxi listened, she didn't want him to worry, and she couldn't make him worry.

Brother Rui, I will be fine for you.

Slowly looking up at him,
"Munan, I'm suffering from depression. I don't know if I can survive it. I have no hope for the future." Her voice was low and melancholy. The depression that had been under control for so many years still broke out at this moment. She didn't know what irrational thing she would do next.

Mu Nan said anxiously: "Why can't we go on, we will go to the doctor for treatment and we will be fine."

He has long seen that Yu Xi suffers from severe depression, and normal people will not overflow with sadness when they are silent.She also knew that the injury this time would definitely aggravate her depression.Now it has finally been confirmed, and I am really worried that I am going crazy. Patients with depression can't see any hope for the future, and they may have suicidal tendencies at any time.

"I'm so tired, I don't want to see a doctor, just leave me alone, I can last a day." The people I love can't take care of me, so why do you treat me so well?
(End of this chapter)