Endless Debt.

Chapter 107 Blessed and Loved

Compared with other diaries, this diary is as good as new. It can be seen that Adele also cherishes these memories. After so many years, these diaries have been preserved very well.

Turning to the first page, the date on it was just a year ago. This is the last diary in Adele's life, and it accompanied Adele to the end.

After entering the twilight years, Adele obviously didn't have much energy to write a diary anymore. She basically only recorded once every few days, and her life became monotonous and peaceful.

"I suddenly realized that this monotonous life has been repeated for a long time without any ups and downs, just like a calm sea, silent until death."

Adele wrote in her diary that she lost her emotions in her life, and gradually, her life seemed to be lingering.

"I feel like I'm waiting to die... Thinking about it, I am so old, I have experienced everything I have to go through, and I have done everything I have to do. Now I should lie on the bed and wait for the arrival of death." right."

When writing these pages, Adele often mentioned death, but Burlogo did not feel fear from the words on it, but a sense of relief.

Adele was like a soldier, she had fought the good fight and it was time for death to judge her life.

"I often think about it, how did I become like this?

This is the wonderful thing about life. You are immersed in it without knowing it. When you look back, you are shocked to find that you have become another person. "

Even in her old age, Adele's handwriting is still neat, and her thoughts are clear and never confused.

"I think it probably came from my parents, I don't remember them now, but the strange thing is, I still remember that last scene.

I remember that the doctor pulled up the bed curtain, and the hazy white gauze separated us. I could only see their hunchbacked figures tortured by the disease, and they apologized to me while crying.

I didn't understand at the time why they were crying or why they were apologizing to me, but soon, they all passed away.

I seem to understand.

I hate suffering, and I hate suffering, but I can't stop it, but I think I can help others, and help them get out of it.

As the nuns helped me, they used to say that I was a child raised on the sacrament, that I was blessed by God, and that it was my duty to spread blessings to others who suffered. "

She never doubted herself, Adele was never confused from the beginning, and now she is just looking back at the legend of her life at the end of her life.

"I did what I wanted to do, I became who I wanted to be, I had a lot of kids and they passed on my blessing.

I think I am happy. "

After this page, Adele didn't write in a diary for a long time. She seemed to be really ready to face death, and these words were just the last confession in her life.

Burlogo thought it a good idea to end her lengthy autobiography with these words.

He continued to turn the pages, and according to the date, Adele picked up the pen again after a month and wrote a new page.

"God, you absolutely can't believe who I met."

Adele's words rarely appeared out of control, and the handwriting seemed to have a soul, screaming on the paper.

"I saw him, Borogo Lazarus, as I saw him last.

God, what the hell was I thinking, what the hell is going on with all this?I... I took him home. "

For a moment, Adele seemed to be young again, standing opposite Burlogo, she squatted in the corner with her hands on her head, crying loudly.

Bologo's expression was a bit complicated, and a smile could not help showing at the corner of his mouth, and he finally laughed out loud.

When he met Adele after he was released from prison, Burlogo was extremely anxious, fearing that the shock he brought would frighten the old lady, but she actually accepted it so frankly.

Bologo thought that he was a believer, so that Adele could accept everyone calmly. At that time, he was still in awe of such Adele, but in fact, this guy was too old, and he was so slow that he couldn't even make an expression. not come out.

In the days that followed, Adele wrote more frequently in her diary, and she didn't mention death and peace, but rather messy things.

Like a catfish, I got into a school of sardines, disturbed Adele's life, and broke the calmness full of death.

"Dear Blog Lazarus."

Suddenly, the page begins with Burlogo's name, as if this is no longer a diary, but a letter to Burlogo.

"As you can see, this is my life, Adele Dauvillain."

Some kind of strange feeling came to his heart, and Bologo couldn't explain this feeling. He wanted to look away, but the words were like magic, which firmly bound his sight, making him unable to escape.

"Here, I show you my all.

The kind, the indifferent, the loving, the numb, the naive, the free, the pitiful, and the loving, everything, everything. "

As if a pair of gentle big hands were holding his head, he was powerless to struggle, and could only continue to read along the trajectory of the text with trembling eyes.

"Bologo, sometimes I wonder, is what the nuns are saying true? They say that I grew up eating communion and was a blessed child of God, but looking back on everything I have experienced, I feel that I am not Being blessed, sometimes it's more like a curse.

I saw a lot of suffering, I tried my best to pull people out of the mud, but then I saw more people in the mud.

It seems that everything I do is useless. No matter how hard I try, I still can't eradicate the suffering from this world. Every night, I often can't sleep because of this pain, but my efforts are Truly, one after another people were indeed saved by me.

Caught in a hesitation, neither up nor down.

Gradually, I no longer think about such distant things, I put all my energy in front of my eyes, to help those people I can touch, they are my extension, even if I am powerless or die, Someone is always going to keep it going. "

Adele sat beside Burlogo and whispered to him, as if reciting an old story.

"Bologo, I did what I wanted to do, became who I wanted to be, and lived a happy life.

After this, I thought I was ready to face the arrival of death, lying on the bed calmly, closing my eyes contentedly, no longer looking forward to the sun coming the next day.

But every day, every night, I always wake up, and sometimes I complain, why doesn’t God want me to die?I'm so old, my mind is groggy, my bones are so fragile that sometimes I can't even take care of myself.

Why should I go on with this earthly asceticism instead of stepping into heaven?

I always doubted like this, until that day, when I found out that you were still alive, when I... saw you on the streets of Opals. "

Adele's voice was both surprised and happy, but still so gentle.

"I couldn't believe my eyes, as if the years had frozen and reversed, everything was just like when we parted.

I saw you standing in the street in a daze, your eyes were full of exhaustion and darkness, it seemed that there was an evil will that imposed all the suffering on you, it wanted to distort your mind and turn you into a bloodthirsty beast monster.

But you have gone through all this, and you still haven't compromised, hovering on the edge of human nature, but I know that if you can't hold on anymore, the abyss is behind you, and if you retreat a little, you will be lost.

In that moment I suddenly understood, Burlogo.

I understand why God has allowed me to live in such a state of embarrassment until now, and I also realize that all the hardships and ups and downs in my life are for this moment.

For you.

To save you, a lost lamb, from suffering. "

Burrog looked at the words in the diary silently, his heart was blank, as if all his thoughts had been emptied, leaving only dullness and numbness.

"I feel like a teacher, I teach you everything I know, when I have nothing to teach you, that's when you and I part.

This is nothing, the fate of the teacher is to be no longer needed by the students.

I don't know what happened to you in the past, it's the past after all, you just need to focus on the present, but I can also feel that you must have lived longer than me, maybe you are still immortal.

Ah... I really want to ask you, what have you been through these years, but if you think about it, it should be some sad things.

Immortal...

It sounds bad, when my life is over, I can finally enjoy the total peace, and you don't have such peace, but luckily, you can walk in this world, be you Want to do until everything is as you wish.

So...do what you want to do and be who you want to be.

Happy Pledge Day, Borogo Lazarus. "

Seeing this last line, Burlogo understood why Lawson said it was a gift. It was a vow day gift that Adele had prepared for herself, but she could no longer give it to herself.

Burrog turned the pages in a panic, praying inwardly. He didn't want this to be the end of the story, even if it was over a long time ago.

Turning to the next page, there is a date written by Adele on it, which is the day after the festival of vows, and there is a line of words under the date.

"You are blessed and loved."

This is the gift Adele prepared for Burlogo, a diary waiting for him to continue writing.

Burrog put the diary aside, looked at the unfinished sweater, took off his shirt, and put the sweater on.

Because the knitting was not finished, it only covered Burrogo's chest, and the belly button was completely exposed. With the colorful colors, it was like a ridiculous navel dress.

But Burlog could not laugh.

Losing strength all over his body, Bologo felt that his bones had been drained dry. The warmth brought by the sweater was like fire, scalding his body, reminiscent of the execution of prisoners by fire a hundred years ago.

Suddenly Burlogo felt very sad. He thought he was sad enough at Adele's funeral, but now it was like a cold arrow, which pierced time and space, and pierced his heart with an arrow. nailed to the wall.

A tidal wave of pathos engulfed Burrog.

(End of this chapter)