The Happy Life of Small Officials in Northern Song Dynasty

At the beginning of the unitary period, the dark clouds that had been brewing for a long time over Bianliang City finally flashed a dazzling electric light. Along with the muffled thunder and strong wind, raindrops the size of soybeans finally fell, and the already dark world suddenly became a curtain of water. So caged, like a natural scavenger, a heavy rain poured down, and immediately wiped out the bustling crowd in the street.

In the wing room of the Xia family's front house, the doors and windows are closed, the room is pitch black and the lights are not turned on, and the occasional flashes of lightning illuminate the faces of a dozen people in the house, making the faces of these dozen people look like the faces of devils Horrible.

The sound of the torrential rain did not cover Yan Sanyin's cold and clear voice: "Brothers, we should start tonight, such heavy rain can just cover up all the traces, and the patrolling officers and soldiers must hide in the barracks." The rain will never walk around, and the sound of thunder and rain will completely cover up the sound of fighting, so tonight is an excellent time to do it."

The monkey grandson licked his lips, held out the bright steel knife at his waist, licked his lips and said: "Boss, brothers can't wait, with our skills, the gang of useless guards at Erjin are definitely not our opponents."

Yan San smiled slightly and asked, "Brother Zhuge, how is everything going?"

Zhuge Yige laughed and said: "There should be no mistake. According to the order of the eldest brother, five jars of wine were also delivered, and the brother went to the kitchen and poured half a catty of croton into the mutton soup. They would notice it if they were scented with sweat and medicine, but the croton would be afraid." Even if they have great abilities, they can’t taste it. I’m afraid they’ve poured everything into their stomachs at this moment, and they’re going to have an attack if they wait a little longer; they’re going to be weak when they have diarrhea for a while, let’s see how they still fight with us.”

Everyone looked at Zhuge Yige in surprise, and Monkey Sun asked, "Seventh Junior Brother, did you put croton in the soup?"

Zhuge Yige laughed and said: "Our lives are so precious, do we have to fight those idiots to our death? Brother came up with a good idea, boiled all the catties into soup and poured it into the mutton soup, waiting for a good show."

Yan San said coldly: "After another incense stick, when the sky is darkened, we will start. Brother Zhuge and two brothers will guard the door, and any servants of the Xia family who run outside will be chopped down. One must not run out. The other brothers followed me to the back house, and the gang of grandsons who entered the second time were soft-handed and soft-footed, so they all slaughtered; Leaving Xiruan to leave the city overnight; the dozen or so horses in the stables must be taken care of, don’t let them be dragged away, that’s a man’s wrestling to go out of the city.”

Everyone stood up and said in unison: "Follow elder brother's order."

Yan San snorted and said: "Be careful tonight, our ticket is called a flower in your heart, remember, this is in the territory of the emperor's old man, and you must not miss the trace after you are done. Because of the officers and soldiers, none of us can go away; brother, I have said my ugly words first, whoever dares to talk to me tonight, don't blame me for being rude."

Everyone's heart trembled, and they agreed in unison.

……

At the second entrance of Xia's house, more than a dozen houses are lined up like a barrier separating the outer house from the inner house. Zhang Heizi and more than 60 guards are responsible for guarding the gate of the inner house. Zhang Heizi is the Xia family The old man, he was originally a brave general in the army. He has repeatedly made military exploits in the Northwest, and his martial arts skills are extremely strong. He is very famous in the army; He captured the head of an enemy army and captured the head of the enemy army alive. This move caused a sensation in the army and became a record that will never be surpassed.

But Zhang Heizi also has a fatal weakness, that is, he is too greedy for drinking, and he doesn't care about the time and occasion; it's fine to drink when there is no military affairs, but one time when the two sides had a small-scale conflict, Zhang Heizi's alcohol addiction broke out, and he didn't care about it. It's unbelievable to leave the battlefield alone and go back to the camp to drink without hesitation.

Such a mistake will naturally be dealt with by military law. Drinking alcohol is not a serious crime, but running away in battle will result in loss of head. When he was tied up outside the tent and executed, it happened to coincide with Xia Song's inspection tour. After asking the reason, he unexpectedly led After leaving him, he was given the punishment of being dismissed from the military and escorted back to Beijing for a hearing.

Afterwards, there was no news of Zhang Heizi, but it was actually Xia Song who brought him into the mansion as the head of the nursing home; such things were common among court officials, such as the companions of Yan's mansion, who followed Yan Biyun to take care of business everywhere. The famous companions were selected by Yan Shu in the army by using his power, and all of them were good at fighting.

Zhang Heizi has no ambitions, as long as he has wine to drink, not to mention Xia Song saved his life, so he wholeheartedly helped Xia Song look after the house and nursery, and became a watchdog; Zhang Heizi is very satisfied with his current life despite the good food and food; before Xia Song left for Bazhou, he told him to strictly guard the back house and never let people from the outer house enter. Zhang Heizi knew in his heart that this was Mrs. Xia He was guarding against the desperadoes invited by the gang from the outer house.

Zhang Heizi is very proud of this. Although it is said that the gang in the outer house are highly skilled in martial arts, in Master Xia's eyes, they are all outsiders who are just using them. His real confidants are himself and the guard brothers, and for Yan San A group, Zhang Heizi has long been disliked, this group of guys walk around the house with their arms crossed all day long, and disturb the outer house. If Xia Song did not try to restrain him, Zhang Heizi would have found fault with them and turned against them. .

Xia Song earnestly warned Zhang Heizi to be careful before leaving, and not to be greedy for drinking, Zhang Heizi listened to it, and did not drink for three or four days; but the bastards in the outer house set up tables in front of the second courtyard Drinking, this really made Zhang Heizi unbearable.

This evening, a large pot of mutton was stewed in the kitchen. The boiling mutton soup filled the whole front house with a tangy aroma. Lamb is the best appetizer. Yan San seemed to be trying to show his goodwill, so he actually sent someone to bring a few jars of wine over, saying that he wanted to make friends and have a good time with himself in the evening.

Zhang Heizi drove away the man who brought the wine without hesitation, but the man did not take the wine jar back before he left. The mutton was fragrant now, and the jars of old wine in the corner of the room looked so eye-catching.

"Boss Heizi, why don't we have a little wine to cheer up the fun?" A companion said in an elegant and playful way when he heard the string song.

"Bah, I promised my lord. It's a big mistake to drink." Zhang Heizi refused, but his eyes did not leave the jars of wine.

The flatterer was slapped on the horse's leg, and the companion was speechless, so he had no choice but to eat mutton with rice. Lamb with rice is a waste of money. In fact, mutton is basically for drinking, and the current meal is hard to eat. pharynx.

All the companions stared at the wine jar and couldn't get rid of it, and they were all a little greedy.

"Actually... it shouldn't be a problem to drink a little less?" Zhang Heizi couldn't help but put down his job and said in a hoarse voice.

"Yeah, what's the point of drinking less? Besides, even if your boss is drunk, we brothers should be patrolling at night, and we should be on duty at night. What can happen?" Everyone nodded their heads.

"Since that's the case, let's drink less?" Zhang Heizi grinned.

As soon as this remark came out, someone had already rushed forward and reported the wine jar to smash the sealing mud. Suddenly, a strong aroma of wine wafted into his nostrils, and Zhang Heizi's saliva almost flowed out.

The wine bowl was poured, Zhang Heizi took a sip, his appetite whetted immediately, he stretched out his hand and tore open a leg of lamb and chewed it. The wine and meat seemed to have a catalytic effect, and his whole body felt like he was about to cry.

Now that it has started, it is difficult to stop. It was agreed to drink only a little, but five or six jars of wine were drunk completely, and a large pot of mutton was eaten up with soup and water. He even went to the kitchen to bring another bucket, which was still clean; Zhang Heizi drank half a jug of wine by himself, and the alcohol addiction that had accumulated for several days was finally over. This feeling is extremely comfortable.

But Zhang Heizi is not guilty. He has a good capacity for alcohol, and this half jar of wine is the bottom amount. I caught him, and from now on I will punish him with rice and pickles every day, no more meat or wine."

The guards said repeatedly: "How dare you dare." They wiped their mouths clean, and the two teams of patrolling brothers took their bamboo hats and coir raincoats and went out to patrol in the rain to show that they would be on duty with all their heart.

Zhang Heizi nodded in satisfaction, patted his stomach and leaned on the big chair, listening to the sound of wind and rain outside, and fell asleep. After a while, Zhang Heizi didn't fall asleep, but was woken up by a movement in his stomach , There was a faint cramping pain in the abdomen, and I felt that I needed to go out.

As soon as he thought of this, he suddenly felt his stomach grow more violent, and the gate was about to collapse. Zhang Heizi hurriedly grabbed a handful of toilet paper and ran out of the house, along the corridor to the hut at the base of the west wall. Outside the hut, he was dumbfounded, and saw a group of brothers standing outside the hut, all of them circling in pain with their pants up.

"What's the matter? You guys." Zhang Heizi forced himself to tighten the chrysanthemum to prevent the filth from splashing out.

"Boss Heizi, it seems...it seems that he has eaten his stomach." The nurses said with a mournful face.

"Then why don't you go in there!" Zhang Heizi faintly felt that something was wrong.

"They're all in line, and Niu Er is inside." The nurses couldn't hold back their hands holding their stomachs. Some people couldn't take it anymore, so they pulled up their pants and squatted on the ground, listening to "Kucha" There was a sound, comparable to thunder rolling across the sky, and the ground instantly felt like a blasted rotten watermelon, followed by a stench.

This was like stabbing a hornet's nest. The people who couldn't hold it anymore saw someone taking the lead, and they took off their pants regardless of the sound of "Kucha Kucha".

Zhang Heizi yelled loudly, and suddenly felt a hot current rushing from behind, as if it was about to rush out, and before he could say anything more, he took off his pants, and with a bang, the torrent flew down, almost rushing the mud-soaked soft ground out of a big hole. pit to.

Just when dozens of companions were enjoying this happy moment wholeheartedly, the knife light flickered in the shadows, and Yan San led a dozen of his subordinates quietly and slowly surrounded him under the cover of flowers and trees.