Rule Strange: Urban Legends That Don't Exist

Chapter 724 The Never Appearing 【Self】

The atmosphere in the room was silent, but not oppressive, and the quiet air wafted a woody, musty smell, like some kind of black spores that had taken over dead corn.

After Butcher Yang sat down with "Chen Yan", he didn't speak immediately, but looked at the rusted iron table with dull eyes, as if he was stuck in an old crack between the rust.

He seemed to be brewing something, and because of the lack of language, he didn't know where to start.

"Chen Yan" waited quietly.

It wasn't until the sunlight through the cracks at the top of the corner building pierced through the streets and alleys, and burned his eyes through the cracks in the ceiling of the model house due to disrepair, that he spoke unpreparedly.

"He...how is he now."

Butcher Yang was not used to such inquiries, he never seemed to greet a person with this tone.

"Chen Yan" said:
"he died."

Butcher Yang's pupils trembled.

The shudders flowed quickly down the mean face and down the corner of the mouth, turning into sarcasm.

"Ah, dead...a good death..."

Butcher Yang's mood was a little irritable, his brows wrinkled into Sichuan characters seemed to be locked up, and his words were chaotic like raving:

"I have no impression of him for a long time... I just remember my mother once told me that he was still young and a student at that time, and he had been with my mother for a long time... He was responsible for supporting her, and she was responsible for taking care of his life .”

Butcher Yang himself didn't know why he said these words to a stranger. He just felt that he was too depressed. He felt that he needed to speak out some things that had been suppressed in his heart for many years. It wasn't until facing his father's "old friend" that he finally had the possibility of being vented.

"My mother...she is a very stupid woman. She came from a small place and only attended the local rural church school for half a year. opinion..."

He may not know what he is talking about.

He just wants to talk.

He doesn't even know he's talking, he doesn't know the word "confide."

"Until she met my father—I admit that person is my father, because this is a fact I can't change—he brought her a slightly better life, people who could afford college at that time, The family has more or less property."

"He lived with her, rented her a room on the High Street, and she lived an unimaginable [good] life... She was always in touch with her fellow countrymen, she knew who went to Yharnam with her What kind of life did she live? Compared with those people, she lived a "fairy life" - when she faced me many years later, she also mentioned this word, "fairy life", ha... ..."

"Chen Yan" probably knows Butcher Yang's current state of mind, but even with the help of synaesthesia, he can't empathize with Butcher Yang's state of mind at this moment.

"She took good care of him, and because of the money, she doesn't need to pick up guests to support herself like her other sisters."

[Picking up guests] This word obviously irritated him, and "Chen Yan" saw his slightly twitching eyelids.

But when he said this word, he was very calm and natural, as if he had been used to it for a long time and had become a habit.

"She even drank coffee ... she was very interested in this new gadget, and with the time, she had plenty of time to tinker with these things.

After she used a small tool she made to make him a cup of coffee that was better than the coffee shop outside, he was pleasantly surprised to discover her talent. "

"He bought her a small grinder, the size of a palm, and bought her a percolator for a lot of money."

Butcher Yang raised his eyes.

Following his eyes, "Chen Yan" saw a certain rusted aluminum container in the debris pile at the corner. If the rust, bumps and dust-colored dust on it were ignored, the thing looked still It's exquisite.

"She made him delicious coffee, and he praised her, saying that he would open a coffee shop for her, so that she would have the capital to establish herself in Yanan City."

"When she told me these things, she was very happy, very happy.

Even if it was just a memory, she was... very happy. "

His poor vocabulary prevented him from finding enough adjectives to describe his mother's state of mind at that time.

"Then, they had me.

He was very happy and took her to meet his family. "

"Later she told me that that time, if she hadn't been fierce enough, I might have died."

"Things have gotten worse since then. He was cut off from his family's living expenses because of this incident, and he had to work and study in school to support the two of them."

"He couldn't afford to open a coffee shop for her, but she didn't care, she knew he was good to her, and she knew he was working hard - when he was about to graduate from university, he told her that he had applied for a very good one. He can even get a job right away once he makes progress in his research."

Work?

The job on the extraordinary side... Could it be the job of the Northern Federal Administration of Anomalous Creatures?

When Chen Yan heard this, in retrospect, when Wilke Yang had an accident, it was the time when Cyborg Quinn was expanding the North Bureau in Yanan City.

If Wilke Young made progress in exploring the underground, it was really possible to get a job directly in the North Bureau.

"Then, suddenly, he disappeared."

"Without warning, without sound."

"She went to the school to look for him, but the school only said he was missing and didn't know where he went.

She went to his house to look for it, but even his family members couldn't give a definite answer, they still only said that he disappeared suddenly without leaving a message. "

"She has been looking for him for a long time...about three to five years, and she has never given up looking for him."

that time……

At that time, Wilke Young, who occupied the body of the spherical Tunguska, was running for his life.

Chen Yan didn't know why Wilke Yang didn't come to look for Lana Yang, maybe it was because of his special form, maybe it was because of guilt towards her and despair of reality... He was dead, everything was wrong The clues are all broken, and there is no trace.

"Until all the things he left to her were sold out, until all the money she had saved was used up, she was forced to stop looking for him."

"She took me to the lower city and lived with her fellow countrymen. At first, she borrowed money to live, and then started to work in a factory intermittently... It was said that it was a factory, but it was actually a small workshop that was charged by the piece, and the wages were very low. Low, barely able to take care of her meals alone."

"She took me to work as a baby and worked hard every day. Because of the hard work, she didn't have enough milk to feed me."

"Fortunately, her fellow countryman has a conscience... There is such a man in the dinner business who treats us very well and takes care of me as a baby whenever he is free."

"She knew that the man was interested in her. At that time, she was still thinking about Wilke Young, so she always avoided the man's friendship... But she didn't completely refuse, so she hanged him, because once he stopped taking care of us, we won't make it through."

"Sometimes she felt sorry... She later told me that there were several times when she almost agreed to the man's request to stay.

It was because I was still thinking of Wilke Young and me, who was not cared for, that I didn't go any further with him. "

"This tangled life lasted for two years.

Two years later, as far as I can remember, the man died. He was killed by a gangster who robbed us on the street when he came to deliver dinner to us one night. His death was not as good as a wild dog. "

"We ran out of money, so she had to start that kind of business."

"Chen Yan" didn't know what mood Wilke Yang was in when he said these words, because he couldn't empathize with the synaesthesia that arose in him.

"Chen Yan" had a mentality change at this moment, he felt that he had no heart.

"Her body was not very good. After giving birth to me, she was weaker than before due to years of hard work, and she was mentally weak due to missing Wilke Young... But she still held on, she Watching me come of age, watching me make a name for myself in this small area."

Chen Yan had never heard of the division of units such as "small area", which may be a unique term on the market street in Xiacheng District. It sounds like the place should not be big.

"During a previous riot...about a month ago, when there were sporadic strikes in the industrial area, I became the boss of this small area, and anyone who did business in this small area had to pay me protection fees—— What I did was worthy of them, and I protected all the people in the small area during those uncertain times."

He lifted up his shirt, and Chen Yan saw a wound that had been bandaged. The scar spread from the left shoulder to the right waist. Under the cover of the gauze, the severity of the wound could not be seen.

"The black dog leg of the police cut it, and I blocked the knife from the fish seller downstairs."

He put his clothes down.

"I smashed the head of the black dogs. Few people in the downtown area dare to do this kind of thing. The black dogs in the police department dare to do anything, and they don't have to worry about any consequences. No one dares to provoke them."

Chen Yan roughly deduced from his words that the so-called "black dogs" are people who specialize in doing dirty work for the police.

"Since then, everyone in the small area has obeyed me."

"It was also at that time that I got the first protection fee - what everyone gave me willingly, and I deserved it."

"I was so happy I bought milk and toast with jam and took it home for her and I thought, I'm going to tell her she won't have to do that kind of work anymore and I can make money !"

This is the only line in Butcher Young's mood swings in this conversation.

His mood quickly calmed down.

"By the time I got home, she was dead."

"She's so tired, she can't take it anymore."

"I didn't cry for her because I knew she was relieved, that her life of exhaustion and despair had finally come to an end, that she could finally rest."

"You said, is she tired of living like this?"

"Chen Yan" replied:

"very tired."

Although he said the word "very tired", he just knew that "this is very tiring", and no other emotions could be extended from it.

Butcher Young went on to say:

"She has lived so tiringly for nearly 20 years, and after I have spent such a long time with her, she still can't stand it anymore.

But she didn't blame him until she died.

Because she knew that even without him, she would not be able to live a good life, she was just an ordinary person, and their meeting was purely accidental.

Because until the time of her death, she still loved him.

Ha, stupid people have such a strong love. "

Butcher Yang laughed at himself hysterically for a while, then raised his head and looked into the eyes of "Chen Yan":

"I've said everything about her."

"Chen Yan" said:
"I'm really sorry."

Butcher Yang still looked into the eyes of "Chen Yan" and said:
"Now, it's your turn to tell me—that damned Wilke Young, since he's still alive, why didn't he come to see her? Why didn't he send you until she died?"

His threatening behavior declared the fury in his heart—when he said this, he took out a pistol from his pocket, loaded it roughly, aimed the gun at Chen Yan, and slapped it on the table with great force, completely I don't care if such a large force will cause a fire.

"She doesn't care about his concealment, I care! Fuck! If you can't tell the reason today, go to hell and tell her these things yourself!"

Facing his almost out-of-control roar, "Chen Yan" seemed completely indifferent to whether he would believe him or not, and told everything he knew about Wilke Yang in detail.

From applying for graduation projects, to contacting spherical Tunguska...

From being infected by bacteria strains to sleepwalking, to forcibly occupying the body of a spherical Tunguska, living in this world in the form of a pangolin...

From being tortured by the Northern Federal Administration of Anomalous Creatures, to going underground, and coming into contact with Spyro Industries...

From returning to Fungus City a month ago, to ending his painful life in the form of suicide...

And then to the explanation to Chen Yan before his death.

Butcher Yang heard all this absurd and incredible thing under extreme emotions. At first, he thought that "Chen Yan" was just a fabrication, until Chen Yan told the story in more and more detail, until he said "Spyro Industries ", he finally realized that Chen Yan was not making up a story, because he had come into contact with this mysterious company due to some special circumstances, and almost became their miner.

When it came to Wilke Young's death, Butcher Young's rage was overwhelmed by confusion.

His originally furious eyes were filled with emotionless emptiness, and he was so lost that he couldn't even speak clearly.

"He... he actually ended up like this..."

"Chen Yan" said:
"Before he died, his last entrustment was to ask me to come to Xiacheng District to find your mother and give you some financial support so that you can live a better life."

Butcher Yang looked desperate:
"For so long...why didn't he come by himself?"

He already had the answer to this question in his mind——Wilke Young, who had turned into a spherical Tunguska, what identity should he use to find them?What kind of help can be provided to them?

"These things are unclear."

"Chen Yan" suddenly opened his mouth and said something that even he himself didn't understand.

"He may have been able to provide financial support to you in the past ten years, but he did not do it in the end. In any case, no matter what the reason is, it is already unclear... Even if he is still alive, he can't say no Clear."

Butcher Yang lowered his head, no longer the hostility before.

"Chen Yan" stood up and walked out.

He left the area where No. 381 was located and walked along an alley in the direction of Walker Street.

Ogami was not far or near behind him, out of sight.

At a corner where no one was around, "Chen Yan" suddenly said:
"I don't really understand them...I can't feel their emotions."

"Chen Yan" stood still and turned around.

Ohgami stepped out of the shadow of the eaves silently.

Chen Yan looked at "Chen Yan".

The latter who had turned on his spiritual vision also looked at the former who was a spirit body.

"I know what I'm going to do, and I know what I'm going to say... But I don't feel the meaning of what I do, even though I know that these things are [me] to do, [my] responsibility, [ What I should do and will definitely do.”

"Chen Yan" looked at Chen Yan and said these words.

"I know that their lives are meaningful, and I know that the life they endure is called [suffering], but I can't empathize with them—even with synaesthesia, [suffering] is just a period of bitterness. experience, I don't feel more out of this difficult experience."

He asked Chen Yan:

"But in fact, these things are not what I want to do, because I don't have any ideas.

These things are what you want to do.

These thoughts are also your thoughts. "

After thinking over and over, Chen Yan did not immediately respond to his question, but said:
'I probably know a little bit about the [suffering] you're hearing about, but I don't particularly relate to it because it's not my experience.

My life has been fairly smooth, and the kindness I feel from the society far outweighs the malice, so I...have not suffered too much suffering. '

"Chen Yan" said:
"It has nothing to do with experience... As far as we remember, it is impossible for man to touch things without feeling any emotion."

Chen Yan had nothing to say.

"Chen Yan" continued to say something that seemed to be repeated:
"When I reach out to them, when I hear them talk, I just know what I'm going to do and I know it's the right thing to do.

I know that the curse must be completely purified, so I guided Nate Jacob. In my original expectation, as long as this is the case, Bagley's evil spirits will not cause greater damage to Nate Jacob. range of damage.

I knew I wanted to keep Butcher Young from becoming a sociopath, so I told him everything that happened to Wilk Young, and attributed [Wilk Young never seeing them] as a "relationship with life." and their own helplessness."

I know it's the right thing to do.

But I don't feel the [feeling that "it's the right thing to do"].

I don't have such a feeling, it's like a cold machine can't feel the warmth of the human body. "

There was a hint of mechanical emotion in his words, like sadness, but not to the extent of sadness.

Chen Yan discovered that this sadness did not come from himself—with his personality, it is absolutely impossible to produce such a calm and long-lasting sadness.

He said to Chen Yan:
"I understand that because I'm essentially code without emotion, even with a body adapted, I can't express human emotion."

"I... I don't have a [self]."

"I have no soul."

Even if the most fatal "self-denial" for a data life occurred, "Chen Yan" still maintained his sanity.

Damn it, Chen Yan felt the despair in "Chen Yan"'s heart - he could immediately put himself in the situation of "Chen Yan", and knew the despair in his heart born of self-denial.

He can't even help "Chen Yan", because "Chen Yan" itself is incomplete, and he can't help "Chen Yan" have self-awareness.

"I feel like I can't breathe."

He calmly spoke of the fatal situation.

He is about to terminate the operation of the data code because of self-denial, or maybe there is a data contradiction because of self-denial, or it may be because of self-denial that the operation has a BUG...

He fell to his knees, breathing rapidly, as if he couldn't breathe.

Suddenly, Chen Yan felt that his current situation overlapped with a certain image in his memory - that was 20 years ago, in the attic of the apartment at No. 33 Walker Street, where the first-generation choral bionic named Anselm People [song], because of doubting their beliefs, self-denial occurred, and they committed suicide.

"Chen Yan" is also in this stage of self-denial, he is in the process of committing suicide!

Seeing that "Chen Yan" could not last long, Chen Yan asked urgently:
'What exactly is the dark space where you were born? '

"Chen Yan" clutched his neck and was short of breath, but the tone of his voice was normal:

"That is the narrow space between the real world and the online world. It is the place where everything in the world settles down. It is... a huge server room."

Why does the first half of this description sound like...

wilderness?

The moment he thought of this place, something seemed to flow through Chen Yan's head——

It also has the darkness that can devour the light, the same withered grass that grows everywhere in the wilderness, and the same existence in the narrow space between this world and some deeper worlds...

It turned out that those data people connected to the data lines that Chen Yan saw were all bound in the wilderness!

Can the wilderness be used as a...storage for storing data backups in the online world?
Seeing that "Chen Yan" was dying, Chen Yan took the time to ask again:

'How did Chen Changsheng know there?How did he communicate there? '

"Chen Yan" said in an already weakened doubtful tone:

"I don't know...I know for sure that I was not captured by Chen Changsheng."

Wasn't Chen Yan's backup downloaded by Chen Changsheng? !
If Chen Changsheng didn't download him, who was secretly involved?

What exactly did Chen Changsheng do in prison?
"In the dark, there is a voice calling me...

That voice was incomparably kind, yet incomparably cold...

So familiar yet so strange...

It seems that I have experienced thousands of years with that voice, but it seems that there is a gap between me and it that even the years cannot eliminate...

That sound is far away, far away..."

When "Chen Yan" finished speaking these words, it had completely disappeared from Chen Yan's head.

(End of this chapter)