The world is heavy and late

Chapter 229 The Past
After Gu Weiyun sent Qiao Huan away, he thought for a while and said to Xiang Cang, "Go and investigate the matter in the East Palace, don't make too much noise, and be steady first; send a letter to Qiao Huan tomorrow morning, and say that I invite you Get the Ping'an pulse, let Xia Qing come back later in the afternoon, and you go and invite a doctor to come early in the morning."

Xiang Cang promised, hesitated for a moment and said, "Did you invite Imperial Physician He?"

Imperial Physician He is a master in gynecology, he has been asking for pulse since she was pregnant, Gu Weiyun hesitated for a moment and said: "Please come with Yuanzheng."

After Xia Qing used up the so-called emperor's daughter's hairpin, seeing that Qiao Huan hadn't come back, she sighed quietly by herself.

I rummaged through the box and found two cans of good wine that I had prepared. One can was warmed on the stove, and the other was opened directly. I raised my head and drank a big gulp. I closed my eyes and began to breathe. I slowly sat by the window and started to lose my mind. Unconsciously, he held the jade gourd to play with, and his expression was relieved.

She has known her problem for a long time, but she also feels that it is not a big deal. What is the problem of being afraid of pregnancy and childbirth?

She unconsciously thought since when did she start to hate this thing?

She seems to have forgotten that it should not be achieved overnight, it seems that it has accumulated over time, and she has heard a lot every day, and she is disgusted and afraid. Many times, she wants to ask, if she really made you suffer so much when she came to this world , why do you have to give birth to yourself?
She didn't enjoy her blessings for a few years, she smiled with the corners of her mouth pulled, and bumped her head against the wall behind her unconsciously.

She didn't dare to get pregnant, didn't dare to have a child, and actually didn't dare to raise a child, but she thought that Xu Zhong would be a good father. She hoped that with Xu Zhong, they could adopt a child, and she would definitely Be a good mother.

She drank the wine sip by sip, and rubbed the jade gourd in her hand all day long. It was smooth and oily, reflecting Xia Qing's eyes, full of pain and tenderness.

Xia Qing didn't know when Qiao Huan came back, because she seemed to get drunk very quickly tonight, maybe she drank too fast, after two cans, she just felt weak all over her body, and really wanted to go to bed.

Simply do the same.

There were many things in the dream that she seemed to have forgotten. These things were too far away from her. If it wasn't for this emotional collapse, she might not be able to remember them.

She lives well here. Although her parents are still unreliable in this life, they still gave birth to her and raised her. When she was a child, she didn't think it was a problem to work on weekdays. Even if they loved her older siblings more, she didn't think it was wrong. .

Because she didn't really regard them as her biological parents, how could she make them love her too?

If Meng Po soup is not drunk, it should not be regarded as reincarnation, so there is nothing wrong with the shallow relationship in this life.

After escaping from marriage, she left them the money to enter the palace and sell her body, and it was all regarded as clearing up the fate of this life, but after entering the palace, it seemed that her life had just begun.

Wu Xiaoyuan, Xu Zhong, Gu Weiyun, Qiao Huan, Xiang Cang, Sun Yu and even Ji Ling, these people flashed in her head, she has already had a real connection with this world, so that she rarely thinks about those things in her previous life, At most, think about it when you see water, and then walk around it.

Unexpectedly, I was caught off guard and remembered again today.

She and her mother depended on each other for life, so that after her mother passed away, she was in great pain.

There is the pain of losing the only one, and the pain of being unable to reconcile with the world. She is about to be suffocated by the pious world, but she is also pulled by the loneliness of looking up and looking around.

But she didn't seem to be doing well before losing her mother.

It's not that she can't make friends, but she finds that people who think they can be friends for life may turn around and put an end to their relationship.Passionate is always annoyed by ruthlessness. When she thinks about who she is, others only care about what you want from him.

Friendship is really a mess, and love is never thought of.

Even the precarious family relationship seemed to be automatically covered by Xia Qing with a soft curtain of light because of the passage of time.My father was probably an alcoholic, and my mother didn't have a good time giving birth to her, and she had to endure his father's laziness and irritability all day long, accumulating over time, seeing this child who made her give birth extremely painful was like a life-saving straw.

The husband is unreliable, only the daughter.

Xia Qing had heard countless times about the difficulty of giving birth since she was a child, and gradually she always felt that pregnancy and giving birth were not much different from Yan Luo's life, although every time she finished talking about the difficulties of giving birth, her mother would add, So you see how much I have paid for you, you must repay me in the future, do you know?
She knew her mother's feelings too well. How could she not know that the drowning man grabbed the driftwood.It's just that occasionally she also feels heavy, so she can't help telling her in a choked voice, if she thought it was too difficult to give birth to her, why not give her up early.Without her, there would be no excuse for not being able to leave his father. Wouldn't it be better for the sky to let the birds fly from now on?
At this time, the mother will most likely be silent, and then turn into a rage, asking herself one after another: "Do you not want to raise me in the future? Do you? Do you?" Then she hugged herself and cried bitterly.

Xia Qing didn't know how many times she asked this question, and she never answered it once, but the answer in her heart never changed, no.

She is her mother, the only person in this world who loves her. Even if this love is conditional and mixed with countless things, she still loves her. She knows, she has always known.

That's why he was in pain all the time, so what if he didn't love her, like that father, Xia Qing didn't shed a single tear when he died, but when she died, she also lost her energy.

It was as if Xia Qing had lived for her all her life, becoming her spiritual sustenance when she was a child, becoming a tool for her to pour love into, and becoming her reliance for the rest of her life.

Isn't Xia Qing like that? It's not that she can't be cured, it's just that she doesn't think about it, she is sober in pain.

Xia Qing was too tired and too afraid of living like that.

So much so that when she saw the child in someone else's womb being sad, she didn't know what the fate of the child would be.

But she was also sad when she saw a pregnant woman. The mother's complaints were deeply rooted, almost brainwashed. It's not that Xia Qing doesn't understand these things, but there are some things that she can't control, just like Xia Qing's love for her mother, and it is precisely because of this Only because of this love, I feel more pity for everything when the mother is pregnant and giving birth.

Over time, Xia Qing felt that pregnancy was really difficult. Apart from the physical phenomena she knew and learned, the most important thing was psychological problems.

If possible, Xia Qing hoped that she would not have to experience the feeling of giving birth in this life, and would naturally feel anxious and worried because of Gu Weiyun's pregnancy.

Emotional ups and downs, Xia Qing in the dream seemed to be restraining himself, but Xia Qing on the bed only left tears at the corners of his eyes.

In fact, although Xia Qing's spirit was taken away when her mother died, Xia Qing really breathed a sigh of relief. From now on, there is no one in this world who can let her stay.

Maybe nothing will happen when Xia Qing bursts into tears, because her voice itself is a signal to others, proving that she can be coaxed, attracting people like Xu Zhong, Gu Weiyun and Qiao Huan to come and comfort her quickly. looking at her.

But this kind of silent tears makes others wonder what to do.

Qiao Huan sat on the edge of the bed, looked at Aunt Xia who was lying on the bed, smelling of alcohol, and was silent for a while, gently wiped away the tears that were about to fall into her hair, pulled the quilt for Xia Qing and left.

When returning to her small courtyard, Qiao Huan thought a lot, and ran into Xiang Cang who just came to deliver a message.

Seeing Qiao Huan, Xiang Cang asked, "How is Auntie?"

Qiao Huan nodded and said, "It's still good."

Xiang Cang breathed a sigh of relief and asked, "My aunt is not as open to women's affairs as ordinary women."

Qiao Huan glanced at Empress Cang and said, "Who knows, maybe it's because of Mr. Xu, so Auntie happens to be afraid of this too."

Xiang Cang paused, turned his head to look at Qiao Huan, Qiao Huan had already withdrawn his gaze, Xiang Cang was silent for a moment and said: "The empress ordered the imperial physician to come and ask questions, let aunt rest tomorrow. Although aunt's illness is nothing to worry about, But I have to watch my aunt hurt herself."

Qiao Huan nodded and said to Cang, "Master Xu and Auntie are a match made in heaven."

Qiao Huan's voice was calm: "This servant also feels that my aunt is always happy to see Mr. Xu. Last time when the Empress was pregnant with His Highness Second Highness, my aunt was in a better mood when Mr. Xu was with her."

Xiang Cang was completely at a loss for words, and after a while he said: "I'm going back first."

Qiao Huan didn't answer, they were too familiar and didn't need to see each other off, so Xiang Cang turned and left.

Qiao Huan smiled, let go of the last worry in her heart, carefully chewed the four words "a harmony made in heaven", she felt that no one was more suitable than Mr. Xu.

Although Xia Qing believed early in the morning that Qiao Huan was always thinking about the changes in the world, but if it was Aunt who didn't want a child and eliminated Master Xu's last regret, no one in this world could surpass Xu Zhong in Aunt's heart. .

(End of this chapter)