endless roses

Chapter 124
I rode forward.In the rain, thinking about how this life will be passed.The rain was not heavy, and I sweated a lot. I felt that my heart was as cold as ice and as solid as a rock. Tenderness was just clothes, and indifference was the core.How should I live?
No matter how you live, the end is a death.It's normal for a teenager to think about death.I felt sad, ashamed, felt a great sense of shame at being inauthentic and reticent, and generally tolerant.

I stared at the straw hat on the back seat of the man's car, watching him drive across the road ahead, the straw hat...

It seems that there are many things on his mind, even too fragile, and he has great confusion about himself.My leg still hurts.I don't know, I can't think of anything, there doesn't seem to be any answer.I long to be loved because I'm not worthy, and to be unworthy is to be honored.

After saying so many "I", the rain is light, in a safe place, sometimes I close my eyes, let the wind blow, let the singing, forget me for a while.

It seems that an old friend is here~ Old people, I hope my existence will not cause too much trouble.

The rain is so light that I can't wet my hair, I can't cover my wild thoughts and focus on avoiding the rain, and I can't stop my cold eyes from always looking back to see if there is a car behind.What kind of person is this? I don't understand what kind of person she is making these gestures. This person is me, so I don't understand her.Language is a wildflower and a toy that comes at your fingertips, not subdivided.Looking at things on the surface, only seeing people talking, but not anything the person said, can the inner core be identified?

Am I not longing for love, longing, am I not worthy, I am.But everything is right except everything is wrong.This is a very confusing statement, I know it very well, and take it as reality, and I am not confused about it.

I am an animal, I repent, I accept many things, I have not accepted to be born.

Will it be like, Amarantine?Reject all marriage, long-term, and love-related relationships. I am afraid of losing itself, so I refuse to have it.

Maybe, I will jump down in a secluded corner that does not cause too much trouble to others, for the moment of "flying-", not hate, not proud, I want to breathe the wind at that time, stand alone in a high-rise building, I have full sleeves, maybe live to be very old, I have become the grandmother of many people, I am always naive.I don't know, that's a matter of the future, and it's left to the future.

As for falling in love, just because I don’t have hope for love doesn’t mean I refuse to fall in love. Being happy is the most important thing.Thinking about it this way, there is a high probability that I will not experience cold violence, quarrels, and sighing alone in the future. I will just turn around and leave the useless sword behind.No need, no need, no pity.

Growing up so big, I haven't talked about love with anyone, never.I'm proud of that, no blasphemy, no deceit.If I say it, it must be sincere, otherwise, how could I escape the torture and deception I imposed, oh, how did those people do it calmly.

June 6, next night
(End of this chapter)