endless roses

Chapter 155 "Son, maybe you need a relationship"

It’s Mid-Autumn Festival, I’ll go to the convenience store for a cup of latte in the morning, and then eat the mooncake with rose bean paste when it’s dawn, it’s really delicious!Can't wait.Daoxiangcun and Xinghualou, I think the taste is not too bad, the other one is creamy coconut flavor, I haven't tried it yet.Wait for the time later and prepare to go to the cafeteria to explore the wind, because the school may distribute moon cakes.

September 9, very early morning

I rode on his small motorcycle, put on my blue clothes, and went to see the wonderful scenery of the world. In fact, I was driving on the coastline road, and on the left was a wonderful curved grassland.

I know that there will be many sexy girls on the beach in the evening, so I specially picked the time when everyone hasn’t gone out yet. It’s still hot, my arms are slightly numb from the sun, and my lips are dry and cracked. I didn’t do anything in the house by the sea. , well, there is one thing going on, that is, sitting on a small stool and doing nothing, you can see the sea.

I heard the sound of the wall being knocked down, from the backyard, and looked back with a trace of panic, in this dream, I was more afraid of the unknown than the tragedy, oh, it’s okay, it’s a stranger who might come to kill Me, maybe shame on me, no one will know, I have a dagger on the upper, nice design it stays upright, straight mid boot style, and it's cool, the knife goes right in the back, it's necessary It can be used to duel when necessary, and it can be used to end one's own life when necessary.

After thinking a lot, I felt that there was not much time left in the future. There are a few guys who haven’t said goodbye yet. The main thing is that it’s not a problem. Tomorrow there will be a rush to buy coupons, and I may have to give up; the playlist has not been sorted out, and the camera has not been bought, so it just becomes gray, hey.

The robber was polite, he climbed over the backyard wall and knocked down the wall, came over and knocked on the backyard door, I opened it, he asked if he could stay overnight, I said enough, what do you want, he is very A polite apology is about "sorry" rather than "sorry". The former is more disdainful, or the latter is relatively twitchy.What does this mean, you broke into my house, you might kill me, why are you apologizing, what was in your eyes just now, being slandered?Being sexually suggested?Tell the end?

Don't just smile without talking, I can join the duel now, if I fail, if there is a very small chance that I will have my arm cut off before I can commit suicide, then let you deal with it, let's duel, just please don't waste my time, life or death Death, maiming half of life are acceptable endings.He is still laughing, what a villain, this smile is more hateful than my usual contemptuous and gentle, help, this dream is so weird, stop it, I have to get out of the house, or take out the dagger.

Waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to sleep because I lost sleep, getting out of bed, sitting blankly at my desk and hearing the sound of my watch

Imagine it breathing rapidly.My head hurts very much. At the same time, on the other hand, I am feeling the physical pain and my mind is observing this pain at this moment. I don't know why they are happening so peacefully at the same time.It's a dizzy pain, mild, intermittent, neither good nor bad.

I'm lost, not about the future or what in life, but at this moment, lost sleep, yes, again.Excessive excitement made me unable to think, my eyes were sour, and all other cells were jumping for joy. It was 55:[-], and there was still a while before dawn.

I was looking at the dresses at night and liked a lot of them.The next time I read this favorite, there will be another big cleanup. For various reasons, most of them are unsatisfactory.Suddenly, I realized that I could never run out of good-looking clothes. I only had one person and one body. There were many days, but there were very few clothes worthy of serious attention.

I bought several knitted sweaters, all of which are very cheap. I am very happy. There are not many wool components, black, white, and a famous milk tea brown. I think it is very atmospheric.I told a friend yesterday that I felt so bored and somehow lost my "mood", so she invited me to have a meal, maybe two weeks, or a month, I don't know.I hugged her and it felt so good to be close to another human being for a moment.I asked, how can I be happy, and she said, just remember to enjoy life and don't think about it.

They, the friends who seemed friendly, told me not to think too much.Is it because I think too much? Is it possible? Is it because I think too little, and my thoughts are flying, but I can’t fly to my emotions. Can I have a little expectation?In the end, it really turned out to be a friend from a foreign country who is close to me but not close in heart. It's amazing. I can turn our relationship into this, a friend who has tried love together, hahaha.All of this is natural and reasonable here, and it is actually reasonable.

The counselor came to me yesterday and left a message saying: "I'm in the cafeteria, a red car." I walked over and knocked on the window, and the teacher said: Come in.Then she handed her a glass of juice, and she was eating ice cream.

She is really a friendly and nice person. After she was free, she said that I might be too lonely at school, so she came to visit.The counselor asked a question, and I answered a question. Looking at this young man with a slight smile, I felt very warm.She talked to me a lot and provided a lot of help. When asked: "You are always alone, do you miss home?"

I said, "Yes, but just wanting to go back doesn't mean I want to go back."

"Isn't your father coming back to accompany you?"

"What are you doing back here?"

"Accompany, you can be less lonely."

"Teacher, to be honest, I think 'accompanying' is a very strange thing. Even if we come back, we still have to separate. It doesn't matter if it happens or not. I don't seem to have such a need."

……

"Son, maybe you need a relationship."

"Sister, it seems that you don't need it either."

Recently, I don’t know what love is. One person pursues another person. If they are together, if it’s for happiness, happiness is short-lived after all. For myself, if I can regain my emotions, it’s okay. What do I do, maybe For reproduction, or the illusory feeling of "peace of mind."It is really possible for me to get married, and I may be rebellious or quiet, surly or gentle, hard-working, tired after work, full of expectations, all of these can be done, all kinds of life attitudes.

My mother treated me like a baby and sent some snacks, most of which were salty. I didn't hold back and ate a lot, but I didn't really like it.For a long time, I was full of aversion to food, feeling very greasy and disgusting, even if it was milk and coffee, when I thought of how they mixed in my body, I suddenly didn't want to touch them.Not all the time, sometimes when I'm hungry, I eat a lot.It should be a shadow of eating disorder, relieve stress with food, forget the moment of swallowing with swallowing, forget emotions and inexplicable depression.When I pass by the mirror, sometimes I feel that I am really ugly, which makes me ashamed, it can't be like this.Occasionally, I feel that there is a trace of melancholy and classic between the brows, and I quite like myself at that time.

There is a light yellow dress and it is really beautiful.It’s just a little long. If I go up the stairs, I might step on the hem of the skirt if I don’t lift the sides. It has the temperament of ancient Greece, the hanging skirt, and the elegant gauze. Be gentle, I love it.

I suddenly realized that I don’t need so many knitted sweaters. Even though winter is not here yet, if it’s not expensive to keep warm, it’s better for a girl to have as many wardrobes as possible, but it’s true that there are quite a lot. Counting the old ones, there may be nearly ten pieces. It's really unnecessary, but I don't know who to abandon.

If we talk about the mentality of giving up completely, it doesn’t seem to be the case, at least I don’t choose to dress inappropriately, and I don’t choose weird and ostentatious dresses, because they will attract attention, even if it is a short glance and thought, I don’t want to happen.So those are very simple knits, plain, warm, minimalist.

Singing, beautiful audio and video are all about expressing emotions, right?If so, I know why they are gradually converging, jazz and antiquity, joy and melancholy, blurring the boundaries.I need to get back the ability to perceive, well, I was wrong, I was waiting for it one more time in the waiting list.

Is it too much for one person to have ten sweaters?If you count the sweater, you can see that I am still talking about this silly little thing.To change the analogy, do one thousand books, five thousand books, many dresses, electronic devices, many memories or food all come from a need for possession?It may not be right to say that, exchange possessions for possessions, and use them to make up for losses, or to fill in empty spaces, like knitting undercoats.

Lately, always longer and more coherent dreams than usual, and forgettable.Most of the friends who have asked, after getting the reply of "no feeling" and "no emotion", will advise not to think too much, I don't know how to say it, whether this is a problem or not is not conclusive.Some people say it’s because of a psychological problem, and some say it’s just that I’ve been bored for too long and have nothing to do. In fact, compared to most people, I don’t even feel sad, and I don’t get disturbed by anger, helplessness, and regret. Is it luck or misfortune?

I bought a small bookmark, hollowed out in metal, in a square shape, with the words "Harmony with Light".I keep it by my side, owning this piece of processed metal out of a desire to hoard, rough in workmanship but delicate in implication.The ones that can be discarded are still good. After a day or two of freshness, I neither welcome nor hate it, so I put it in the garden book.

9/9

(End of this chapter)