endless roses

Chapter 35 Begonia's Lonely Season

The deserted city, the Gobi, and the darkness shrouded in darkness, this is probably my future.

What kind of great and non-human beings care only about humans?

Ride very fast, adjust to the third gear, drive and brake is the best state, and step on the pedals like a sprint.Passing by the outer wall of the North District, I got on the front of the car and slid over the entire Conservatory of Music.

Xu Wen encountered relationship problems and came to me. I asked him if he wanted to fall in love with this girl, hold hands, chat often and get along with each other in real life. You can't avoid occasions like this, do you know that you don't understand you so completely, and do you really want to be with her?The answer is "Think about it", so I will say, there is never "I guess", you only ask your sincerity, whether you want to, or don't want to.

……

Xuwen decided to go to a distant place to find his girl at the end of the month. At that time, he would bring flowers and crayfish because the girl liked it.He said that there are lilies on the outside and stars on the inside. I suggested that he buy a smaller bouquet so that we can walk and chat together on the street without being too cumbersome. I asked, "Rose?" He said he didn't dare, The boy found that the hypocrisy of the past was deeply troubled, and the meaning of the rose was too sincere and heavy. He was afraid that such an ordinary self would not be worthy of the girl's sincerity.He just said, "She's so real, I'm afraid I won't be good enough for her." I said, "Don't be afraid."

Why bother to say thank you again?

In Yamada Muneki's novel, Long Yangyi was afraid of disappointing Song Zi, and she had a life that she was even more disgusted with later, while Axu and that girl were brave, and they bravely pursued love.

And me?

The beautiful Gobi is empty, now that I think about it, it seems that the previous one is not love, and it is not a mistake. As for the small town, I will even forget that there is this person for a long time, like every ordinary semester of mine, I have no impression.Now I think of Guo Shiying, with the cold wind blowing tonight, thinking of him feels like remembering my dead husband.He once left a brilliance in the memory of so many people, this world probably won't exist again, never again.Sincerity, kindness, and brilliance, it swept across my heart like a butterfly, fluttered and fluttered, and then died tragically in other people's words, and brought a burst of sorrow to my heart half a century later.The book "Time and Temperament" borrowed from the library at that time only reminded me of him, passing by in a hurry, and it was fleeting. After his death, Guoping visited his home. His 15-year-old brother Jianying said: Experiment, door b, no tripod.” At that time, recalling and mourning were also wrong, and only being content with life and the status quo can survive for a long time, like the palace garden where his father lived in peace, writing dramas and sinking in the meantime.People's temperaments can vary so far, even if they are as close as father and son, even if they are husband and wife, even if friends are just passing by.

As the cold wind blows, I am thinking, if I am thinner and more beautiful, can I be regarded as Daiyu's sorrow.It's just that the same personnel and things are just a joke of Dong Shi's smile on different other individuals, and he will be ridiculed by himself.But Yaner won't listen to such intense tunes as "Time Machine", won't listen to such practical economics classes, won't attend tonight's must-go lecture on interview skills, won't have QQ and NetEase Cloud, and she will die I was still thinking about the piece of silk that was going to be burned before, which means that there is still obsession, which means the knot of heart and innocence that have not dissipated, and died in the prime of life, leaving the sincerity and the sorrow of the girl, and not burying the mind in the world. Is the most blessed person.

The stone bench behind him is facing the road, and there are trees in front of him, and the running water surrounding the football field and the medical building of the school before him. There is nothing in front of him.

From time to time, there were cars and people coming, and the street lights couldn't hit me, only the mottled shadows of the trees swayed.Every time there was a strange noise behind me, I would immediately turn my head and notice it in surprise, fearing the person hiding in the night with evil intentions.

Branches, leaves, spring begonias burst, flowers pile up, eyes are full of fragrance, always when the flowers fall, people are very comfortable when they leave, because the end of the scene is always a preset fate, and only when you wait and don't happen will your heart fluctuate.

There are songs in my ears all the time, why is Faye Wong's song so sad, why is the flute sound so sad on a moonlit night in the Oujing Pavilion, why do I think of life like this.

The lanterns of Zheshang Bank look very beautiful, and the dream falls in the building of the International Center.In a certain dusty day, when I climbed a tall building, I might have the feeling of being in the clouds.

When I was sixteen or seventeen was my favorite time to write poems. The dreams at that time were sad and clear. I would stop under the street lamps in the snow to watch them fly down in a slanting wind and fine snow. The collection of fallen leaves is clipped in the dictionary, and I will cry under the quilt in the middle of the night.Now I don't cry like this anymore, occasionally there will be a tear or two in the wind, and there will be no more tears after wiping it lightly.

It's a little unrestrained.

People who sincerely live like Dongpo, now look at his words and life, but they seem like myths and legends.In the first year of high school, I made a wish about Dongpo on the Christmas tree downstairs in the dormitory, and I also made a wish about love on the weekend when the books were returned.The former was written on a sticky note, which caused a little commotion and discussion in the dormitory building. No one knew who wrote it. The latter was written on the back page of my wrong question collection. I wrote down his name and a sentence: " For every cognitive subject, only one's own consciousness is consciousness, and everything else, including other people's consciousness, belongs to the scope of matter." Just looking at this sentence is also very romantic.

Jiang Xun painted a portrait of Camus when he was young, with a serious and bewildered expression, I like it very much.Then he mentioned the story of Kierkegaard passing by the same beggar many times to give alms, because giving a larger denomination banknote would make the beggar feel more pain because of hurting his self-esteem, so he had to divide it into many small and careless alms Undetected.Have I done it? I have done it. When I was ten years old, I met an old man who was begging. I gave him dozens of yuan. Many times, five yuan, ten yuan, because every time I walked away, I couldn’t live with my sincerity. He was there that winter, staying in a crowded place was despicable and distressing.When my father found out, he said angrily and helplessly, you can't help everyone.But, I can help him.I know he shouldn't beg, and I know the self-esteem he has given up, but it's true that these people encounter difficulties.Maybe the beggars don't care about the beggars lying on the ground kneeling on the ground wrapped in quilts, but I care, my heart does not allow me to walk like this.

Now, probably not, I'm used to it.

As the cars came and went, a black cat climbed onto my stone bench, calling softly, and it came, my acquaintance tonight.

Or, instead of listening to sad songs, I should continue to slowly read the book "Chinese Women's Makeup in Past Dynasties" in my hand, watch Rouge test Meidai test dyed fingers, watch Qin Shi Nongyu and Xiao Shi drive westward, Watching the antiphonal song of Peach Blossom Fan, listening to the laughter of Jianghu and melodious American country music, and going around in the alleys of Sioux City, use these light and mundane things to cultivate your temperament.

It went away again, sat on the manhole cover next to the electric box, and burrowed into the grass again, leaving behind me the sound of bushes that would alert me.Life is probably like this, it's set, and it doesn't make much sense.

"Diary", my father taught me this poem before, when I read it, the "one" in a teardrop will always be pronounced as "doubt", the voice is elongated and full of affection, it seems that there are many years of secrets and unspeakable hidden in it.

It is the right time of youth, but also the right time of desertification. You know what life is like, and then you have no choice but to accept it calmly.Tang Yin's unrestrained and unrestrained time is probably after the age of 30. He has nothing to worry about, howing the fields and asking flowers, changing wine and lingering. At this time, it is so easy to pretend to be carefree.

Looking at it this way, I don't seem to be free and easy, with deep obsession and sadness. With this sadness, I can't be truly happy.It's just that there is a flowing water flowing above this layer, it is so calm, so calm that it can accept everything without making waves.

It turned out that there was a crabapple tree behind it. It had five thick branches, and there was another branch on a certain branch. They opened up the flowering branches of a tree, opened up the brilliant flowers, and buried the people under the flowers.I only feel the easiest time when the scenery is in full bloom, the prosperity of spring and the prosperity of life, and the flowering period is just right.

They come and go, go back to their respective homes, with their own worries.

Behind me is a piece of wasteland in Yele, an undeveloped land with lush green grass. Opposite to it is the Bank of Suzhou. In the distance is the commercial palace and the lake of Bailuyuan. The lake wind is very cold, it must be colder than here.

It was the evening wind that made me shed tears.

Sitting in the corridor of Xishi's hometown many years ago, leaning against the pillars, the reddish-brown paint has cracked, and there is no trace of life in the former residence of celebrities.But a faint sadness lingers, what kind of story will the life of an ordinary woman like me be.She lingered in the land of Wuyue, but in Chen Baoguo's TV series, she did not die away in a light boat. Instead, she drank poisoned wine and fell out of the camera trembling with a smile.Gou Jian could send his wife into the tent of the king of Wu, taste his feces, and attribute everything to "Xu Tu's great cause" and "tolerance", but he is like an inhuman.

Why is it so sad tonight? Teenagers always feel sad occasionally, when faced with loneliness and the way out.Escape to the b door of the camera, escape to other people's stories, escape to the gentle "don't remember", maybe I shouldn't have gone to Taohuawu yesterday afternoon, and I shouldn't have turned those few pages of the book.Driving on the side of the road through fallen leaves, rustling and traffic.

I no longer know how to write poems, without the strong impulse at that time, I will no longer be too moved by those little things.

The man he was thinking about tonight was just a stranger who had been dead for more than half a century.Maybe it's because today is the lunar calendar's birthday and the situation of being alone, maybe it's because Xu Wen finally decided to find his girl, it's because Lao Mo is stuck in love, it's because of the "virtual boyfriend" that my roommates joked about today The software, the song I sang in the shower, and the empty can of coffee touched a soft corner together.Bucket after bucket, this is my external wine, bitter enough to froth, it fills the whole room as soon as it is poured, cup after cup, the expression is indifferent and the taste is normal, the residual coffee in the cup is attached to it like syrup, sour and bitter From the tasteless coffee, it’s not clear enough, they drink too much, and I drink too much coffee.

When you are young, it is a good time to waste your body. There are so many experiences, so many interesting people, healthy body, you can drink, you can be sad, you can drink coffee, walk more than ten kilometers along the coastline, or pass through Sioux City. Riding in the streets and buildings for a day, the time flies by like this, waiting for the spring to pass, waiting for the mid-term and final exams, to graduation and then to middle age.

What will the sad southern girl in the rain lane think about, it’s nothing more than these things, feeling the season and hurting the spring, the troubles at the moment, or studies or livelihood, or tomorrow’s sighing love, it’s nothing more than these.

My gaze is very trivial, the sights I have seen, and the past, I have condensed their whole life into "the person sitting behind the electric car", "the old lady carrying the food basket", "a security guard" and "a cat". "This crabapple", to me, they are the world, the world, and human beings, and I don't care about the world and human beings tonight.I only think of Dongpo, Shiying, and Juemin. They are so sincere and kind people, shining brightly. I think of a few lonely and lovely people and me.

As soon as the prime time is over, it will become clear to me.

On the return journey, Begonia couldn't bear it all the way, and drove past Huaying at high speed.

4/7

(End of this chapter)