endless roses

Chapter 40 Elena of Sioux City
I remember being a little careless today, I have something on my mind, not that one.

I read the Naples Quartet last year, which can be regarded as a history of Italian customs.The heroine's name is Elena, translated as "Elena", which is the same as mine.Here is just one paragraph, Pietro is his husband, he is educated, he is a famous family in the local area, and when he pursued Elena, she had just finished a love affair that was well-known on campus, and her reputation was not very good, but young scholars didn't seem to care , just surrounded her in a naive manner. Elena grasped it, walked out of Naples, out of the small town, away from friends whose fate is intertwined like a tale of two cities, and has the ability to control fate.For many years to come, she and her descendants will live a wealthy and peaceful secular life because of this grasp, and so will Pietro's mother, who is an elegant character I like very much.The situation she was in at that time and the things she was thinking were very similar to what I am now.

I clearly understand that there are many places in Liang that I think are suitable. I have read a lot of books, studied, amusing, lonely, indifferent... These are all people who can attract me, and they are not very vulgar and impossible to talk to.I have a lot of friends, they may be a little pale, or in some places "vulgar", immature, or not easy to understand, but they get along with me happily and briskly, so I respect and love them, probably a little bit of Teresa and Gandhi Impact.If I wanted to, I could understand him and even "know" him, so I told me later that I didn't know myself, and I still needed to meet and talk in detail.

The author Elena Ferrante and her works are still a mystery in Italy, so this is another history of mood. Frankly speaking, Elena is talking about herself.

The young philosopher said "there are few bosom friends", and there is a little sadness in the words, and I will also say these words silently in my heart.However, how many people in this world probably have a depression that no one can understand. Not everyone who talks about this suffering will definitely burst into sparks, whether it is a friend or a lover.It's just that I clearly understand that I don't love him, I just like him violently, and I can try to grasp it when I think it's appropriate.The string in my heart will no longer be fluctuated. The purity and hotness belonged to that boyhood with thin spring clothes, and it is gone.

Why do you say "escape into love", firstly you don't escape into love, and secondly, you escape into it, which is equivalent to door b, equivalent to coffee, you can forget other things, it is Kundera's sentence: there is no Lived, real life is only elsewhere.

I want to be an unknown person locked in an ivory tower for a lifetime.I despise the realization of some kind of leap through love and marriage, but it is directly related to the whole life of a woman in the world, and I know this.What is wrong is that I can only use like here. If I use the original words when I say it myself, it will be a blasphemy against love itself.

What he knows about him is those superficial fragments. As for me, he has read the previous two crisp prose and commented on my writing as "well-written, loose with pen, but not wasteful at all", and he has heard I sang a few silly songs with a sense of jokes. The school girl from my alma mater has the intention of reading philosophy, can read some casual books, has a bit of literature and art, and knows nothing about the rest. Of course, I am a very pale person.

He likes me a little bit, but not that much, what a coincidence, so do I.

Fang Xue said, I know him, but I don't know if I have a chance; he doesn't know me, but he knows if I have a chance, which is fair.Since there is a dream, there will be reality. Some people are suitable for dreams, and some are suitable for reality.

I'm jumping through, whether it's a real dream or a hidden thing, I can handle it with ease, but in reality I feel that this person can do it, so I directly say: "I like you very much", "So, what do you think", getting a sweetheart but with a sense of continuation After the provocative reply, follow up "whether you have a chance to grasp it" and "whether you can take a walk".One is that I don't like ambiguity, yes it is yes, no it is no, and second, I know that the love for him is not very serious now, so I can do whatever I want.

This idea started when he said to me such words as "I hope to take a walk with you" and "Student girls have a chance to come to play with me". I came up with the idea and read a few of his articles. It's only two days, if you count the "I want to take a walk with you" that I told him clearly, it's only one day, fast and ruthless, leaving no room for tact, this is my reality.Zhi Yanzhai once talked about Baoyu's extreme poison of love, the depth of his love, which is different from ordinary people, and his unfeeling, which is also different from ordinary people. It cannot be expressed in words; if it is absolutely outside the uniqueness, it is a defective product of the same level, and it can be anything.I am like this, because I am ruthless, so I can make a decision as a matter of handling, and the gangster spirit still exists.

Balzac’s summary of Eugenie in the last chapter: She is a born good wife and mother, but she has neither husband nor children (the original words should be like this). My ending is probably like this, even if it is as Mu said. To become a woman who is "full of branches" is probably just a choice to succumb to reality. It will not be the kind of solemn and turbulent love, which is my "deep love", but I will try to grasp as much as possible in this choice suitable for yourself.This one is very good. Pietro, who studies books and studies, is well-known in the academic circle. He is rigorous in academic research, kind-hearted, etc., and some of the fields he involves are very appetizing to me.If he is willing to talk, I am also very happy to listen. Elena wants to think about her writing. Elena intends to write a book of the past and a book of the world.Observing the world with eyes, like Zhang Zeduan's brushstrokes, is as detailed as every human being in existence.

Today, I told Xueer that I am the woman in Zweig's works. Every time I write a narration, I am talking to a character in the novel.I'm talking to empty ghosts, which is ridiculous, maybe a little psychotic.

I threw away the scattered notes from the previous few days, because I was lazy to recall, and the paper recording certain moods became garbage and put it together with the garbage, which was very harmonious.Even if they still have a little bit of value, I don't like to repeat them. The old biography written by Monk mentioned that he hates reinterpreting words and rewriting the same point of view.Abandonment of certain moods and words, this is my "extremely unfeeling".

Another point of fear is that it is rare to look through the previous diaries. I have predicted this situation a long time ago, and it is exactly the same. "Prediction" is still a slightly deliberate word. To be precise, I saw and knew the result in a very ordinary way, just like when I get up in the morning to make coffee, take a walk and turn around, and drive without asking when the green light comes Direction, just like I said that I start to read less literature nowadays because the characters in layman’s literature are basically clear except for the specific events, and they are naturally foreseen.I may mention this again in the future, so I won’t say much for now.

She asked me if I would delay facing the state of mind, and I gave the following answer:
Won't.Those states of mind happened, are real and can only be respected.You have to respect, otherwise you will be very sad, and you can't deceive yourself.Thoughts are as important, on the same level, as events themselves, so narrative and ideas are intertwined.It is written in detail because everything is worthy of respect and must be respected, whether it is reality or the voice of the heart...

Storytelling and lying are the same skill, but the key to flowing narrative is to face up to every detail, which cannot be erased or tampered with. My eyes are the eyes of observation, which can record and reflect the appearance of the presentation.

What cannot be said, I am silent; what can be said, I say everything I can see.

There is another reason for the quick decision. At that time, I felt that this scene should be like this, so I did it.Respect the state of mind, face up to the state of mind, and submit to the state of mind, and be enslaved and instructed by it. I am its unhesitating executive officer.

"Yes" and "should be", this bank and the other bank, thousands of miles away, the latter is the meaning, it is the other side and the guide...

This is probably one of my philosophical thoughts, or literary theory, writing style,... I don’t know what it is.

Sometime
(End of this chapter)