endless roses

Chapter 93 Between half-dreams and half-awakes
The dream flowed and nonsense continued.

I haven't remembered a dream for a long time, but when I think about it, I don't want to recall it for a long time. This is today, and there are some ravings between half dream and half awake.

Around my neck is a yellow brass key, in medieval style, with a wardrobe in front of it taking up most of the wall.There is a keyhole in the ginger door on the left, which I want to open.Someone knocked on the door at the other end, and I heard the voices of children, and children always play an important role in horror stories, whether tragic or terrifying.Here it is the latter, yet the voice is pure and natural.A man, a child, they are my partners, I can't remember if the child is a boy or a girl.The inner voice says: Never open the door.So ignoring the outside world, I opened the closet.The scattered dust is quite thin.There are several volumes of medieval poetry in it, as well as many packages of different types of sanitary napkins. The poetry collections and books are all thick hardcover books, and there is a book by Byron, which says loneliness.

(One)

Downstairs, the girls were in twos and threes, and they were dispersing when they went downstairs.I can see the sunlight reflected on the wooden sofa downstairs.The one who looks like me has a smile in her eyes, she is kind and gentle, with a low ponytail and shaggy hair on both sides.I am fixed with her, so similar.

I really want to ask: "What kind of personality are you?"

If she is a in infp, then I am t, if she answers t, then I am a, curious.

She also paid attention to me, we met briefly and walked over in a little surprise, neither of us spoke.

I walked back from the vast grove, and there were several young women wearing floral skirts.

Driving by on a bicycle.The familiar-looking man stood by the fruit stand, pointed at the banana, and asked, "Do you like it?"

He's the usual cold guy of the dream (it's the normal day of the dream).I said: "I like them all." Then I rode away indifferently.

When I went back, I saw peeled bananas on my small table, and felt cared for, and my heart was warm and moist.It's a little bit of a surprise that such a cold guy can be gentle.After curling my lips and smiling knowingly, I forgot the surprise again and started to eat calmly.

(two)

In the dream of the dream, I wrote down many things in the dream, and forgot the recording notebook in the dream.

(three)

I heard some kind of instruction to drive me out of the dream.

Who is doing all this, on the verge of dreams?Why does it circulate?

(four)

After waking up for a while, I realized that I was in the dormitory, a college student, my name, and my role.The pain in the head and the racing heart were my punishment for "remembering" the dream.

(Fives)

See, the small stone bridge, the masonry workers are busy.

(six)

The dream of the rainy night, the rainy night of the dream, wrote a poem that could be confused with Byron, and then threw it into the grass outside the silk screen window, biting the pen and thinking about tomorrow.On the desk in my dream, there was the little leopard just like in reality.

(Seven)

After listening to countless concerts and watching countless dramas, one day, there was an extra person beside me. At first I was annoyed, but later when he was away, I occasionally looked forward to it.

(Eight)

The sun is burning, the ice is getting stronger and stronger, and the surroundings are getting colder.

(nine)

In the dream, the lines of the two rows of beige walls contracted into a figure of eight, and they did not disappear into the endless distance, but stopped in the vicinity.Comes from infinity and ends very near.

(ten)

Dreaming of my phonograph, I put a real morning glory in lavender and white on a small lacquered wooden checkered table with a big metal trumpet lace, a natural thing and a very clever thing in the world, reflect each other.It sings songs of golden dreams.

(eleven)

I saw against the background of the exhibition of ancient paintings, people danced in Chinese costumes, their skirts swaying.

Smell, Chinese herbal medicine, no.Why did I smell it? It must have come from the sachet beside the bed.But I am dreaming!

In ancient dramas, people on the stage would occasionally say: How about the audience in the audience? He did it on purpose, and Hamlet often asked himself questions, you trembling and speechless audience!When I was in a drama, I always remembered that I was an actor, a foreigner who participated in it.

In today's dream, he is afraid of losing himself in tragedies and comedies, so he always reminds himself a few words.The same goes for the lotus officials and other officials in the Dream of Red Mansions. They acted so seriously that they confused the drama with the reality.Just like I can't tell the difference between dreaming and waking, they are no different from real life, I always know that I am dreaming, and I think it is a dream when I am awake, another kind of confusion

And the smell I'm smelling at the moment was made with a group of children outside a few days ago. It contains wormwood and angelica.Lost, know that it is the fragrance of plants and trees from reality, is it a dream reminding me not to indulge?Yes, I'm in the game, I know it's a game.

No, I can't even indulge in dreams.Even here, I always know that I am in a dream state, which is "this play" that theater people say to themselves.Ah, this play, this game.When I say "experience immersion", "experience" already presupposes the impossibility of immersion.

(twelve)
The halo on the outer side of the planet diffused into dark lines, which were God's random graffiti.God is false, seems to be some kind of order, seems to be some kind of predestined destiny.

(thirteen)
A little guy from a fanboy band, cool, standing by a drum stand, and the drums aren't his weapon.Parted in the middle, slightly dark, sunglasses in the curly hair, a dwarf, very cool.

(fourteen)
I never envy other people's status, how much money they earn, fame, and leisure. Those are not important, and the romance they seek outside is not very interesting.The clamoring ideals, freedom, beliefs, belong to the ivory tower, belong to the broken one, that's all.

(fifteen)
I have not experienced the things that I have not obtained, and I am immersed in the experience, and I am dissociated from it.

(sixteen)
Here, besides, the outsider Meursault, I don't care if it's him, it doesn't matter if he looks like me or not.Shots were fired because they were fired, not so many reasons.Often behavior precedes thinking, so what does it have to do with me?why doDon't know, don't care, just did it.Why must there be a purpose?While I am still willing to answer a few words, most of the time I am silent.

Xu Shi went to Zhedi Bookstore with his father ten years ago, and after reading The Outsider, he fell asleep after reading a book on Chinese studies.The absurd say what they are doing in this world, they don’t repent before they die, they insist on a meaningless and precious unknown spirit, maybe this spirit is my “rhythm”, or something insignificant that can be grasped .

([-])
It was daytime again, and I was in front of the window, watching the rain from the bamboo leaves fall on the casement again.Converging into a stream and falling, bit by bit, from morning to afternoon, I lay my pillow on my arm at that time and listened instead.

Tap, tap, tap, falling, happening, and from dusk to night.

(Eighteen)
I dreamed of a rose belonging to the dark night, someone stabbed it with a sword, it was dripping blood, and the blood solidified and showed a black luster, I smelled the fragrance of flowers and fishy smell at the same time.

([-])
Objects are objects that accompany and walk together. I don't want to be enslaved by other objects, and I don't like being supported by ordinary people and objects.I am extremely strict in the selection of things, unless they are used as tools, that doesn't matter.This is also the behavior of perfectionists who have previously revealed that they will naturally grow slowly in the later period, but since they will accompany, the needs are the best, and the things that need to be selected are better than lacking.Tools are just tools, money is a tool, the house is a tool, and everything in life is a tool. Beautiful things need to be selected. They can be simple or exquisite, but they must conform to my rhythm.As for love, I would rather not have it and not profane. As for friends, the more the better, I am gentle and friendly. As for life, try to be richer in form, and do what this role often does in the role of a college student.The entry threshold is high, as long as you come in, you are a part of the big family in my inner world, and you can have fun.I am very casual about ordinary things, because they are not thinking items.

(twenty)
The wound stopped bleeding soon, and there was only a blood spot on the right leg, a little blue and fine wounds, and the bandages were removed.

(21)

In my dream, the viaduct connects the mountains, covered with fog, and the light green mountains are layered like ink paintings, and I see the mist spreading.

(22)

It suddenly occurred to me that my various behaviors might be typical cases of certain diseases in psychology and behavior.I am an overly typical infp, or xx mentally ill patient.Thinking that I might not be unique, I was slightly depressed again, so ordinary, I soon forgot my depression, yes, I am very ordinary, just hiding in the crowd.

(23)

I dreamed that a lion ate me, and I became it. I hunted and killed prey on the grassland, and I chose to let some prey go. I said to the lonely fawn: "You are my dinner, I will rescue you, We free each other, you're welcome."

(24)

Strange, I closed my eyes, why I saw the afternoon light reflected on the small stone table, a beam of sunset light that was not enough for the evening.In the endless black passage, seeing the dusk is like the silver and refracted colors of the mirror.

(25)

Grasping time and youth, clamoring for nothingness and indifference here, I am just moaning for nothing.In fact, why bother, this is what I said to myself, asking over and over again: why, why, so what?

Every time I ask a question, there will be a little grief in the deep corner, but the behavior cannot be sad.I even lost the ability to cry late at night. The behavior is far away from me. I mentioned why I was drinking and taking a walk outside in the middle of the night.I just walked over, I drank a glass of strong wine, sat there, and left in silence for a few hours.What happens and comes naturally, luck or misfortune, behavior or state of mind, I am willing to accept them as they are.

(26)

I fell off my bike.I didn't think it was fun to switch hands, but I suddenly put my hand on it by the way, and then I realized whether it would be interesting, so I fell down.Perhaps some kind of delay.Dullness II: Morning, June's World.I first thought about whose id, and then thought of some modern poems and literature in June.From June to October, I then thought about what it was, and finally decided that it is the June I am in today, which is just an ordinary June world.

The first reaction is slow, but the flow of thoughts is extremely fast. If I don't say it, the overall reaction time is actually the same as many immediate reactions, but during this period of time, the thoughts are more intensive and run at a high speed.

(27)

Gentle, calm or affectionate, even if you don't care, it's just an appearance; the act of loving life is a kind of persuasion and comfort to yourself.

Look at how they live, how they live, how they happen.

Occasional nightmares, seeing, the hands of virtual phantoms on the bed, suddenly disappearing.

I see more details and superficiality, even if it is to speculate on events and their state of mind, it is also very superficial. "Conjecture" can almost be removed here, I don't need to speculate, I'm just a spectator, just to see how they appear.

Ordinary things, if you don’t want to, you need to be deliberate. I laugh at the ordinary things that I pay attention to, but there are too many things that I don’t notice at all.Just as I have no memory of the details of the gap period, I only remember that there was such a period, knowing that being in it was a long period of endurance, and the process of endurance was painful.However, it was naturally discarded and forgotten after that. This is my "lost time".

I'm a dreamer.No "white day" prefix, anytime, anywhere.

I can be very vulgar, pretending to be noble, pretending to be worldly, it is all a matter of behavior, and it is not in the list of attention.It will not be like many "idealists" who refuse to condescend to certain specific behaviors, because they are not paying attention at all, so condescension is impossible to talk about.

There are few things I like, but there are often things I don’t like. As long as a little, a little bit offends some corners of me, then immediately enter the exclusion item.There are too few unpleasant things, because it is too difficult to offend those points, and it is basically untouchable, and I have almost no chance to be angry.As soon as anger is involved, it is already an exclusion, no, it never was.Anger is fine, it's a rippling process, I'll love it.The ups and downs make me feel vivid, and the little creatures and nature are also extremely vivid. The vivid experience conveyed by them makes me realize that I am really alive, not here but not outside.

(28)

The wound on the leg touched the comforter, well, I still have skin, it hurts.It hurts so much, it hurts to tear, it should be scarring.The gauze was ripped off and it was uncomfortable.

(29)

In the dream, I pushed lightly, and the house collapsed together with the floor-to-ceiling windows, so I saw the grassland, and saw the sea occupying the same space as the grassland but a different space. from the deep sea.

(thirty)
Someday I will settle down, although I am always free, everything is present, they are juxtaposed with bodies and illusions and thoughts, I have no center of gravity, nowhere to put it.I just want to sit down quietly and take a rest. I can take a long rest, but I haven’t found a chair. There is a desk, and there is a cool breeze. I can listen to the rain in front of the window, and at the same time, I have tea and condolences. I said no. The host is also sincerely smiling and caring, so there is no need to talk about it.It's because the requirements for the branches are too harsh, and you can live in one place for a long time without being happy, and gradually forget that it is patience, but in essence, I know it is not always.No, it's exactly the same, too idealistic.

I am very easy-going, and I have never met a guy who is close to such an easy-going guy, so easy-going that he doesn't look like an idealist at all.

It's okay, the storm of being offended by accident is only rolling in Cunxin.

(31)

Ai Qing's "Why are my eyes always full of tears, because I love this land so deeply", he will talk about love, as if he really loves it, so envious.

(32)

I won't cry anymore haha, where the tears are dry, whatever, please give me a reason to cry.Let me think, oh oh, I care about this, it's broken haha, sad so cry, okay?Please, God, fate or whatever, give me something worth crying for, I haven't shed a tear for a long time.

(33)

Please, tell every nonsense seriously, and express every sincerity with jokes.

(34)

The extremely ordinary me, with another attitude, looks down on myself in the ivory tower.

(35)

I dare not think, if a person like me reaches middle age or even old age, what will happen to me.Will hate myself.Even so, I'm extremely easygoing because, well, it's easy.

April 6, night

(End of this chapter)