not a monster

When Gao Xiaodong received the news, he was still reviewing the exam questions in the library of Yuzhou University.

His mother sent him a message at five o'clock yesterday, saying that grandma had left.

It was sudden, but not unexpected.

In fact, since dementia started a few years ago, my grandma's health has deteriorated day by day, and she went to the hospital frequently in the past one or two months.

The doctor had told them they were counting the days.

He was already prepared.

But looking at those few words, he felt ridiculous. When the two phrases grandma and death were combined, the world seemed no longer real. delete.

And took a deep breath.

My mother said that he was so far away that he probably wouldn't be able to make it back. He will be buried in the ground tomorrow, and let him take care of himself there, and come back to worship when he is free.

After all, even if you rush back, you won't be able to see this last side.

Gao Xiaodong agreed, and he also felt that there was no need to rush back like this, and he might as well concentrate on studying for the postgraduate entrance examination.

He had already prepared for the old man's few days. When he heard the news, he had mixed feelings for a while, but he didn't feel sad.

He thought he would be sad and burst into tears, but nothing happened. He was extremely calm, and after replying that he understood, he lowered his head and looked at the question again.

Looking out of the window on the fourth floor of the library, it is no longer a winding river, old trees and white walls, but row upon row of tall buildings.

Gao Xiaodong grew up in the countryside and was brought up by his grandmother. The earliest memory he can recall is just learning to walk.

He still remembers that scene, grandma was cooking with firewood in the kitchen, while he stood up holding on to those chairs, staggered all the way to the kitchen while leaning on the wall, and suddenly hugged the old man behind his back.

The old man was taken aback, but he couldn't close his mouth from ear to ear with a smile, so he hugged him quickly.

At the age of three or four, he woke up in the middle of the night, clamoring to find his father. He knew that his father was working in other places. He pointed out many places where his father was usually, and the old man carried him one by one, walking all over the place in the dark. village.

At the age of six or seven, he saw a set of beautifully packaged public painting brushes in the next door, and asked her to ask for it. The old lady rode the bicycle she bought when she got married, and went to many bookstores in the town to buy it for him. It turned out that he didn't buy the one he wanted, and he had been angry with the old lady for a long time.

When he was ten years old, when he failed in the exam, his grandma would become very fierce. He felt like a ghost with a stern face. Although he would not beat him, he was always very afraid of her getting angry.

So he studies well.

In such a rural area, he was one of the few who went to high school, went to university, or a double first-class university.

When the old man started to suffer from dementia, Gao Xiaodong was in the third year of high school. The third year of high school was very hard and tiring. He didn’t remember many things, but he remembered that his grandson liked painting, so he said: It’s not just reading is the way out. Let's draw and do whatever makes us happy.

She talked in a mess, saying that it doesn't matter if you can't read well.

Grandma, who has been urging herself to study hard all her life, told him that it was no big deal not to study when she was about to forget everything.

It's the same as having to explain the funeral.

Then she couldn't remember things all the time.

Grandma didn't know what a double-first-class university was. She knew her grandson was stumped in his studies, and she was happy. Although dementia had begun, everyone in the village said that her grandson was a double-first-rate university.

She almost doesn't remember anything, she forgets what happened yesterday, but she remembers Gao Xiaodong, the grandson she brought up since she was a child.

She always asked people, is Xiaodong back?Others told her to go to college.

"Oh! Go to college, go to college!"

When Gao Xiaodong was a freshman, he often called back. The old lady would laugh when she heard his voice, but she would not speak for a long time.

"Xiaodong, don't catch a cold." This is what the old lady explained every time before she hung up the phone.

He looked at a high math problem for half an hour, but he couldn't solve it no matter what, he just felt that his strength was losing.

He wasn't actually sad, he just missed grandma.

So he didn't pack anything, he planned to buy the earliest air ticket, and bought a high-speed rail ticket if he couldn't buy an air ticket.

Starry night and travel, by the time he realized it, it was already the evening of the next day.

The sky in the countryside is more beautiful than that in the city, the black electric wires are low, the water surface on the edge of the field ripples from time to time, the mole crickets make toad-like cooing sounds, and the sparrows peck at the spilled grain.

He walked on the cement road that was hot in the sun in his memory. On both sides of the road were low white walls, crops, and piled up rice stalks.

From a distance, he saw the old man sitting on the big rock by the pond, as if waiting for someone.

Gao Xiaodong was not afraid, how could he be afraid of the person closest to him, he just walked over and sat beside her.

Living alone for so long, he has traveled a long way to come back here, from Yuzhou to Junsha, from university to childhood.

He said, "Grandma, I'm so tired."

The old lady asked him why he didn't rest when he was tired.

"I don't know."

The old lady asked him, are you having a good time?

"I'm not unhappy. I'm not happy when I'm busy..." He scratched his head, a little shy: "I like a girl, but I didn't bring it back for you to see."

The old lady said that she was a girl when she was only a few years old.

"23, you forgot again."

The old lady told him to bring it back next time.

"I don't know if it will work or not." He was a little embarrassed.

The old lady asked him, where is your school, is it far away, is it a long way to go to your school from Laoniu Village.

She said you said it a few more times, she has a bad memory recently, and I'm afraid she won't be able to remember.

"Not far, not far, just tell me if you want me, and I'll be back."

The old lady said that she went to the city to apply for a card. She didn't know what it was called a Dawang card, but the person who got it for her said that there was a lot of traffic, so that she could make a long call next time.

Gao Xiaodong didn't know whether to laugh or cry: "The traffic is not for making calls, if you can't make calls, you're being cheated again."

The old lady didn't understand and was ridiculed by her grandson, but seeing him laughing so happily, she laughed too.

The old lady asked him why he was crying, and he was still crying at the age of 23, so ugly.

"You are the ugly one." Gao Xiaodong wiped his face, unconvinced: "You must have not combed your hair this morning, it is all up, very ugly!"

There are countless insects screaming in the fields, cicadas on the trees are calling summer, the pond reflects the scenery on the horizon, and there are gusts of evening wind.

"Xiaodong, don't catch a cold."