She is cute and has a thousand layers of routines

Chapter 197 She is weak, but not cowardly.

"Oh." Cai Jiayi didn't ask what nightmare she had, but just said, "Do you feel better now?"

Shen Nianchu closed her eyes, "Yes."

But after a while, she opened her eyes again, and whispered, "Maybe, it's because it's too dark after turning off the lights. I've been a little afraid of the dark since I was a child."

"I see..." Cai Jiayi smiled understandingly.

She took her hand off the light switch and said, "Then don't turn off the lights...it's getting late, I'm going to bed too, good night."

Shen Nianchu raised her eyes and looked at her, with a difficult expression on her face. Seeing that she was about to leave, she finally opened her mouth and said with a little embarrassment: "Can you, can you not leave, I am alone, and I am still a little scared."

"..."

Cai Jiayi turned around and looked at her, with her arms folded around her chest, her expression quite complicated.

But after a while, he still walked to her bed and sat down.

Shen Nianchu returned to the second bedroom, sat on the bed, and opened the first page very gently and carefully.

But... If at this time, it can be stronger, try to rush out of the ground, and feel the existence of the sun, maybe, for it, everything will be different again.

Rather, something else entirely different.

No one loves me, I love myself.

Hearing her question, Shen Nianchu was momentarily at a loss.

I want to strive to be better, not to satisfy anyone's desires, but because I love myself, so I hope that I can get better every day.

"Oh." Cai Jiayi nodded subconsciously, and it took a second to realize, "Mother Ni? What's wrong?"

"My father wanted to turn on the light for me, but my mother didn't allow it. She said that the more afraid I was of the dark, the more I had to work hard to overcome it. She locked me in a dark room alone and told me when I would stop crying. I can only come out if I am not afraid of the dark. After that, as long as the room is too dark, I will easily have nightmares."

Cai Jiayi's eyes also rolled up, "The homework is just to tease you, but I really don't have any miscellaneous books, and I don't have time to read them in the third year of high school."

Shen Nianchu also understood very well. Just as she was about to say forget it, she glanced over the desk and saw "The Little Prince" with a beautiful cover on it, and said casually, "Then can I read that book?"

"Your school uniform was only washed last night. I just went to the balcony to look at it, and it wasn't completely dry. I put my spare school uniform on the sofa. You can wear it first if you want to wear it. In addition, the dining table I put the keys and money on the table, and I don’t know what you like to eat, so I didn’t prepare breakfast for you, you can go outside to buy breakfast, or you can take a walk around..."

"Actually, when you look back after ten or eight years, you may find that this is just a trivial matter. By the way, do you know what the focus effect is? It means that a person always pays too much attention to others The self in my eyes. But 90.00% of people don't care about you as much as you think."

Maybe it's because of the change in her orientation, maybe it's because of the fear brought by that nightmare, maybe it's the helplessness during the day and the loneliness at night, maybe it's because of wanting to break the loneliness of being speechless, Shen Nianchu suddenly wanted to say something .

"I think true love is giving. I am willing to treat you well. I take the initiative to give it to you. If you don't want me, I won't be angry with you. It's not that I love you, you have to return my equal love or something else. stuff, that's not love, that's greed and selfishness."

"She was afraid that the little prince would see her crying. She is a very proud flower..."

"……thanks."

"..." Cai Jiayi's obvious hesitation fell into Shen Nianchu's eyes, and she said, "I'm just asking casually, if it doesn't work, forget it."

"Are you sleepy? That's right. It's so late. It's all my fault for dragging you and talking for a long time...you should go to bed first."

But today, after this series of events happened, she suddenly found that this position has become blurred.

Shen Nianchu looked at her.

Shen Nianchu was in a daze and didn't say a word for a long time.

"Well, I don't want to tell you too much about your life, so as not to be suspected of giving you chicken soup. The only thing I want to say is that I hope you remember that no one loves us, and we can love ourselves."

"That night, when I woke up in the middle of the night and saw the dark room, I was suddenly very scared and started crying."

"And those who use the so-called "love" as a shackle to try to imprison us and hurt us, in the final analysis, we are still not strong enough. When we become better and stronger, they will naturally not be able to imprison us or hurt us. It's gone, isn't it?"

She bit her lip for a while, and finally spoke again.

Maybe in the process of getting better, someone will notice my goodness and fall in love with me?
"As for what true love is..."

"Well, thank you."

She curled the corner of her mouth and said with a chuckle.

"There is no rule. A person must be loved by others to live. There is also no rule. A flower must grow into a sunflower or a rose to be considered beautiful and charming enough."

Shen Nianchu pursed her lips and smiled, "Well, you're right."

Shen Nianchu followed her to the room, curious about what books Cai Jiayi had.

"I'm really sorry..." Shen Nianchu said in a low voice with some embarrassment, "It's so late and I still let you stay with me."

Shen Nianchu sighed.

After Shen Nianchu finished speaking, Cai Jiayi spoke softly with a voice that was almost soft.

"Actually, I know that under those auras, I am not as dazzling and outstanding as everyone sees. What's more, I am just a girl who is both sensitive and inferior. The more I am afraid that everyone will know the real me, the harder I will work. , Let the halo on your body be brighter and brighter."

Shen Nianchu was awakened by knocking on the door.

This time, she slept soundly and had a dreamless night.

It's like a plant that has been buried in the dark and harsh soil without sunlight, how can it bloom and bear fruit normally?

Shen Nianchu: "... Are these the books you are talking about?"

"Indeed, I love you. "Hua'er said to the little prince, "But because of my fault, you didn't pay any attention to it at all... I hope you will be happy in the future...""

"It's okay." Cai Jiayi smiled again, and said casually, "You have experienced a lot today, and you are in a strange place, in a strange bed... It is normal to have nightmares if you can't sleep well."

Are you a friend?But it doesn't seem like it.What's more, she doesn't even know what a real friend is like.

"Okay, okay, come on."

"For example, a stranger fell in front of you. Maybe you laughed at the time, but after a few days, will you still remember the appearance of the other person? For others, you are the one who fell. People who laugh at you now will forget about it after a while."

Cai Jiayi looked serious: "Isn't it best to watch these to help you fall asleep?" She thought for a while, and then said: "I still haven't finished my homework yesterday. If you are really not sleepy, help me do it." It's okay."

……

At this moment, the relationship between her and Cai Jiayi seemed to have become very delicate.

Cai Jiayi immediately closed her mouth and smiled at her.

……

Shen Nianchu was startled.

Then, Cai Jiayi walked to a bookshelf and introduced it to her: "Wu San, 38 sets of Tianli, Huanggang secret papers, compulsory questions for the college entrance examination...you choose yourself."

That night, even though she was crying hoarsely in the dark, her mother ignored her, and even her father did not come to help her because her mother stopped her.

"Sometimes I think, if I'm really not that good, will my mother still love me..." Shen Nianchu's voice became softer and softer, and at the end, it was almost a murmur, "If, I'm not that good, would you still love me?" Will anyone love me? And, what is real love anyway?"

In fact, everyone will not lack love, as long as he knows how to love himself.

At this time, Shen Nianchu suddenly looked at her.

But living in a loveless environment since he was a child, he has never experienced what true love is, and the people around him and the education he received are all indifferent and utilitarian, how would Shen Nianchu know how to love himself?
This is also human nature.

As she spoke, there was a faint smile on the corner of her mouth, which seemed to be a mockery of herself, but also seemed to be an affirmation of those words.

Cai Jiayi hesitated for a while, then took the book in her hand, and handed it to her: "Forget it, you can read it, but remember not to damage it, and return it to me."

Cai Jiayi sat beside her, watching her with gentle and peaceful eyes, neither urging nor impatient, just listening quietly.

Cai Jiayi said again: "By the way, Chen Jiayu told me just now that he plans to contact the administrator of the confession wall and ask him to delete that post. When the post is gone, in a few days, everyone will Forget about it."

"I'll sit by myself for a while, and sleep when I'm tired."

Seeing this, Shen Nianchu felt tired and couldn't resist. After closing the book, she gently put it aside, then lay down on the bed and covered it with a quilt.

Early the next morning.

At this time, Cai Jiayi finally couldn't hold back, and yawned again.

"Ah, can you?"

"Why, do you insist that others love you? If no one loves you, will your life have no reason to exist?"

"From childhood to adulthood, I didn't know what it felt like to be truly loved. I only knew that when I met my mother's requirements, she would be happy and treat me well. Therefore, I have to work hard in everything Do my best and never dare to disobey any of her words. When she is satisfied, she will smile at me, praise me, and buy me gifts... At that time, I was also happy, and I think she should love me Yes. But, as long as I don't do it well, she will become another person..."

Shen Nianchu's eyes lowered, and after a moment of silence, he followed up with a light statement: "I'm afraid of the dark, but it actually has something to do with my mother."

"Really?" Cai Jiayi rubbed her eyes and murmured, "Well, if you're not sleepy, go to my room and find a few books to read, maybe it can help you fall asleep."

Cai Jiayi covered her mouth with her hand and yawned quietly.

However, she understands that reality is not a fairy tale, and she has not become a princess that everyone loves, but is still that helpless child in the dark.

Do you want to continue?She didn't know what kind of relationship she had with Cai Jiayi now. After all, she once hated the other party, and the other party also said that she didn't like her.

Shen Nianchu felt a little embarrassed.

"I'm sorry to wake you up." Cai Jiayi tilted her head and said with a smile, "But I'm going to school, so I have something to tell you."

At the beginning, the other party's position in her heart was very clear, that is, the rival in love, the one who snatched Chen Jiayu away, and her competitor.

As she turned over page by page, her tiredness climbed up bit by bit.

Cai Jiayi looked at her and smiled.

"Because my mother always believed that children's independence should be trained early, so when I was very young, I slept alone in a room by myself. I remember very clearly that once, my father accompanied me to the bookstore, and I accidentally I found a book of fairy tales, and the little princess in the fairy tale was captured by the monster in the dark."

Neither foes, nor friends, nor anything in between.

Shen Nianchu chuckled, "Okay."

Later, she understood that reality is not a fairy tale, and there are no demons in the dark to catch her.

"So, she showed her four thorns innocently, and then said: "Since you have decided to leave here, then, go, I can live well by myself. ""

Is it an enemy?It seems that I don't hate her so much anymore.She is not a person with no distinction between good and bad, and no conscience. The other party extended a helping hand when she was most vulnerable and helpless. Let alone the reason, but the help is real, let alone "disgusting" or something , on the contrary, she seemed narrow-minded.

"how about you?"

"Okay, I'll stay a little longer."

Shen Nianchu turned to look at Cai Jiayi, "You were right that day, I am actually a very inferior and loveless person."

"Dad came and asked me why I was crying, and I said I was afraid of the dark..."

Shen Nianchu lowered her head, put a pair of small white hands on the quilt, grabbed the quilt for a while, let go for a while, and did not make a sound for a long time.

She got out of bed, opened the door, and saw Cai Jiayi outside.

"Wait for me for a while, I'm going to school too."

Shen Nianchu said suddenly.

She can't escape forever, sooner or later she has to face all this, and then accept it all——

Maybe she is weak, but by no means cowardly.

(End of this chapter)