I am a writer in Tokyo

Chapter 67 Can Be Your True Self

It seems that many people who read books selectively ignore the end of the book.

In other words, maybe they have long been immersed in the fear of their own unknown and are not good at thinking.

Such a sense of fear lingers in everyone's mind.

Over time, no one is willing to open that book again.

After all, it is very difficult for them to examine themselves together.

After Kazuya Oshima's reminder, both the alcoholic and the first generation realized that there was an afterword in the book.

Maybe that's the main reason this book exists.

At the end of the book, there is a series of handwritten paragraphs.

At the end, Kazuki Koin signed his signature.

Since there are not many words written, it is easy to be ignored.

One person is mentioned in the entire postscript: Okawa Masato.

I would like to use this book to remember Mr. Okawa.

This is the last sentence of the postscript.

Then a question arose: Who is Okawa Masato?

Of course, other people may not know who Okawa Masato is, and it is impossible for the people at Ito Tavern not to know.

And when the alcoholic saw Okawa Masato's name, his heart trembled instinctively.

Before he knew it, he recalled that night in his mind.

The figure running in the snowy night.

It seemed that some things that should have disappeared from memory suddenly appeared very real in front of my eyes.

At the beginning, why didn't I wantonly criticize and mock Okawa Masato like everyone else?

Later Okawa Masato committed suicide.

They just thought that maybe a rotten person like him has one and only one destination.

That is to end your own life with your own hands.

The alcoholic has a palpitation.

It turned out that I was not actually afraid of becoming Oba Yozo.

What he was really afraid of was that someone would shoot him.

The kind of existence that stands on the commanding heights of morality and obliterates everything.

……

Maybe because the alcoholic found out and told others.

Or some readers themselves saw the existence of this postscript when they were reading the book.

This eased the criticism that the disqualification in the world was like a tsunami.

Maybe people don't just want to bury readers with this so-called mourning.

Instead, after seeing the real mourning, tell readers that there are people worse than them in this world.

But it's better than these so-called doubts or criticisms.

Readers who really pay attention to what the disqualification in the world has to say, they have a different understanding.

"The so-called disqualification in the world is actually far less exaggerated than Oba Yozo, but it is definitely not that simple.

I think I should have understood the meaning of the teacher in the small courtyard. Disqualification in the world should refer to a clown who pleases the world.

In this respect, none of us can escape.

At the same time, we are all Oba Yozo.

I still remember a story my friend told me about a friend of his who was a friend of my friend.

His mother suffers from mental illness. As long as he can remember, he has been lying in bed all day long, or raged at his family; his father is very busy with work and has little time to take care of his children.

He is the youngest child in the family, but even because of this, he doesn't get much love from his parents.

But he was the happiest one in the family.

He often makes all kinds of grimaces, tells embarrassing things and jokes to make people happy, and he doesn't care about the difficulties in life.After growing up, he is still everyone's "happy fruit", but his love and work have not been smooth.

In his late 40s, he dated a girlfriend, got dumped just as he was about to get married, and then lost his job.

He sold his house, cut off all contact with all his acquaintances, and became a "cocoon".

It is said that he lived like this for a long time.Maybe three years, maybe five years, no one will know his news.

Then, apart from my friend of a friend, I personally saw something that happened to me.

It was a girl who had just graduated.

She cried and said something to me that day.

She said that many people around her play well with her, because she often invites them to dinner and brings them food.

On weekdays, I will help others, and if something happens, I will rush to the forefront.

On weekdays, when they called her, there would always be some requests, such as money, treats, or help.

But she complied.

This time, she was really aggrieved, she cried and told me.

In just ten days, her friends had already spent all her money.

But she never took the initiative to ask them for money, because she didn't know how to say it.

……

Therefore, these two kinds of people are disqualified in the world, and they all exist like clowns to please the world.

We are all afraid, what is the real fear?
A clown who blindly pleases the world, because of fear, desperately grabs something, even if the things in his hands are not good for him, as long as they can make him feel that he exists, he will hold on to them firmly. hand.

Even if an emotional connection with others is established, it is not real and powerful, but a weak formalism, just like the friend Horiki who Ye Zang made would only drink with him and borrow money from him, and would not let his true self Show him.

Because of fear, he never opened his heart to the outside world. The false clown image blocked the hurt and also blocked the warmth and love.

Because I have never really lived, after a long time, my true self is gradually replaced by a disguised mask, and I become weaker and weaker. Therefore, when I am alone, I am always empty to death, lose my mind, and degenerate.

In fact, there is a part of each of us who is a "clown who pleases the world".

In order to survive, he wears a clown's coat, performs acrobatics, performs hard, speaks insincere words, and pleases others;

Cover up the inner trauma with funny and careless;
Occasionally pretend to be indifferent and cynical and forget the limitations, failures and difficulties of being human...

I saw what was written in the postscript of the teacher in the small courtyard, and also learned about Mr. Okawa's deeds.

Maybe I think we should thank Mr. Okawa more.

He is brave.

Although he chose to commit suicide.

But he did not choose to end his life because of cowardice and fear.

He was nothing like that group of people.

A despised person like him never gave up on love until his death; a "rogue" and "coward" like Ye Zang was "still a good boy like a god" in his innermost being.

So why don't we cherish life more or love this world more?
Thanks to Teacher Xiaoyuan, he denied all the previous existence.

I think the greatest significance of this book is that we all have a very clear understanding of ourselves and the truth behind the mask.

From then on we all understood one thing.

We are still us, and the daytime one is just a clown to survive.

When the night falls, we can be our true selves at that time. "

　I think it should be Noru, who recovered a little today.

　　I also saw the concern of the big guys, thank you very much.

　　Everything is getting better!
　　
　
(End of this chapter)