Almighty painter

Chapter 316: The Haunting of the Inner Demon and the Kiss of Serenity

From the moment she sent "Hundred Flowers", Tang Ning was planning for Gu Weijing's current despair.

She wants to destroy this competitor.

Professor Lin Tao is a senior professor at CAFA.

On the one hand, he is 20 years older than his junior sister Tang Ning.

On the other hand, compared to Tang Ning, who has lived and held exhibitions in various European countries over the years, Lin Tao is the one who lives more in the ivory tower among the brothers and sisters.

He really doesn't mean any harm.

This time I told Gu Weijing on WeChat to read the interview. I just wanted to inspire the younger generation and remind him that it is not easy to be a disciple of Mr. Cao without special skills.

Even in Professor Lin's mind, he thought that this blow would be a big deal to the candidates that Mr. Cao might choose to close his doors.

It's drizzling!

Central Academy of Fine Arts is the best art academy in Eastern Xia.

Students who can get into Central Academy of Fine Arts and be selected to enter Lin Tao's studio are among the most favored students in the world.

Not to mention that everyone is an artistic genius like Katsuko Sakai who grew up under the media spotlight.

At least he is an outstanding student who is arrogant and self-confident. He relies on his tenacious personality to successfully defeat the exam emperor in the single-plank bridge among thousands of troops.

Talents selected in the highly competitive environment of Dongxia.

Don’t brag about anything else.

Just in terms of mentality and basic skills, looking at the entire art environment in the world, they are actually quite strong.

Those squeamish European students spend a month or two behind closed doors doing intensive painting training to prepare for exams, but if their mentality is not right, their paintings will collapse.

Even many of the students Professor Lin usually interacts with have more or less narcissistic temperaments in their personalities.

Narcissism - this quality is by no means a bad thing for an artist.

The most successful literary and artistic workers in the world often fall into two broad personality categories.

One type is represented by Van Gogh, Benjamin, and Munch. When they wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, they shed tears every now and then and sigh, "Ah, Mom, I'm going to die."

The other type is Dali, Andy Warhol, and Picasso. When they wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, they exclaim with wide eyes, "What the hell, the person in the mirror is so fucking awesome. How can there be such a perfect person in the world?" , where is such a lovely person? This is so unfair to others, all girls should fall in love with me unconditionally." Artist.

Their main focus is narcissism.

Sensitive artists are more inclined to integrate the environment into their paintings. Spring, summer, autumn and winter, sadness and joy are like a clean mirror. Every emotional change is reflected through the works. When the audience looks at their paintings, It's like going on an in-depth journey, traveling through thousands of fragments.

Sweet, sour, bitter, spicy, all come to mind.

Narcissistic artists tell the world about their powerful and passionate souls.

They don't need to look outside. Their own minds are a colorful world, and their works are more aggressive and conquering.

The sensitive painter hopes to guide the viewer slowly towards his work.

A narcissistic painter is like a powerful speaker and opinion leader, and his work is a big trumpet, instilling his inner worldview and exciting emotions to everyone.

There is no distinction between good and bad emotions, and both can go a long way on the road of art.

But the latter are proportionally more numerous.

It is no accident that a large number of famous painters are like Professor Boggs, whose characters are filled with a narcissistic style that is difficult to adapt to.

Narcissistic artists are more likely to get rid of the influence of the big filter of "self-doubt" and "self-destruction".

Professor Lin Tao thought that Gu Weijing must be a narcissistic person because he was so talented at a young age, had such a strong learning ability, and was accompanied by a beautiful woman.

Actually.

Gu Weijing is a sensitive and emotional painter.

Emotional people are the breeding ground for all emotions.

When he is happy, the world he writes becomes happy. When he is sad and desperate, the suppressed negativity will be like bacteria on a petri dish, multiplying wildly and unable to control itself.

Even if this trigger of negative emotions is not the removed wisteria tree in the Royal Botanic Gardens.

As long as Tangning planted the seeds of doubt in his heart.

It will also break out of the ground when it is nourished by negative emotions at other points in time.

"Jingxin, you are not as bad as you think. You can definitely draw it. Don't think about it. Don't think about this. Calm down. I want to calm down and think about the wisteria flower formula that Professor Lin Tao taught me. Now I just want to think about this. , forget everything else."

"Forget it all."

Gu Weijing broke away from Sakai Shengzi and held his hand.

He patted his hot cheeks with his hand, and once again grasped the brush in his hand.

Gu Weijing now looks like a scarred bull unwilling to fall in the bullring.

Even though his mind was pierced by the sharp sword of self-doubt again and again, he still kept his eyes red, raised his hooves, and rushed towards the matador in front of him.

The red cloth shaking in the matador's hand is the dream of a great artist that has been burning in Gu Weijing's heart since childhood.

this time.

The sales of "The Little Prince", the ingenious idea at the Singapore Art Exhibition, Mr. Cao's promise to accept a disciple... He just felt that this dream was close before his eyes.

How could Gu Weijing allow it to drift away from his body?
There are some things so wonderful that once you see them, you will never forget them.

They all came from humble backgrounds and were both "small town painters", so Gu Weijing suddenly discovered at this moment that in a certain part of his soul, he was really the same person as Miao Anwen.

The same fear of losing after gaining.

The same low self-esteem and fear.

Miao Aung Win was afraid of losing the wealthy life given by Brother Hao.

What Gu Weijing was afraid of losing was his dream of becoming a great painter.

He is afraid that what the system gives him will turn out to be a mirage.

At best, he can only become a craftsman with superb skills.

Because all he has are external conditions, and he lacks that crucial heart...the one that only a true genius like Ms. Tangning possesses...

The transparent heart of the artist.

"The hair is coated with titanium white, the tip of the pen is used to adjust the rouge, the side edge touches the petals, and the two strokes of the flower hook are..."

Gu Weijing tried to focus all his attention on the wisteria flower painting instructions recited in his mind, trying to use concentration to overcome the clutter and fear in his mind.

He even opened the system panel directly.

When I was painting, my eyes were fixed on the column of Chinese painting techniques on the panel.

Gu Weijing no longer cares about having to draw dozens of wisteria flowers to make the experience value of the progress bar jump a little.

never mind.

Now only the rising experience value can make him feel at ease and solid for a moment.

If the remaining gap of one hundred experience points required him to draw a thousand bunches of wisteria flowers to make up for it, then he was willing to just draw a thousand bunches of wisteria flowers.

This at least explains it.

A person without spiritual energy can still hope to break through the painting bottleneck by relying on hard work.

Art is a cruel industry that relies on talent to make a living. The fact that hard work can make up for weakness is the comfort that Gu Weijing needs most now.

pity.

The state of painting is not a physical test and running, as long as you practice for a long time, you can always improve.

It is like sand that is caught in the palm of someone's hand. If you deliberately try to hold it, it will lose more and faster.

"Titanium white is applied on the hair of the sheep, the tip of the pen is adjusted with rouge, and the side..."

"Gu Weijing, unfortunately, you were not shortlisted for the audition for the Singapore Biennale. Thank you for your support and trust in the project organizing committee."

"Titanium white is applied on the hair of the sheep, and rouge is added on the tip of the pen..."

"Hey, at this level, you still want to be my disciple? You have no aura at all. What's the use of having a photocopier that can draw."

"Yanghao..."

"Gu Weijing, didn't we agree that we would go to high places together and you wanted me to be my Monet? Where is your heart in painting? Why can't I see it at all?"

As he recited the painting formula, the noise in his mind showed no tendency to die down, but instead grew louder.

At first, Gu Weijing just recited the formula silently in his mind, treating the painting technique of wisteria flowers as something like a Zen "calming mantra", trying to calm himself down.

After a little while.

He was almost shouting.

But as his voice became hysterical, the volume of the villain in his mind also became deafening.

It is no longer just Tangning and her own voice.

The rejection letter from the Singapore Organizing Committee, Mr. Cao's disappointed eyes, Sakai Katsuko's questioning eyes - all kinds of phantoms appeared and disappeared one after another, and finally formed a huge chorus symphony in Gu Weijing's mind. echo.

It’s a piece about inescapable tragedy.

Buddhist scriptures say.

Inner demons are lingering, and all kinds of sufferings arise, like falling into hell.

It's ridiculous that Gu Weijing just drew a sketch about cats a few days ago to treat Jane Arnold's son's psychological problems.

In an instant.

He himself was overwhelmed by a flood of negative emotions.

Tony could escape into his own closed heart.

What disturbs the mind is the heart.

So he is at the end of the world with nowhere to go.

If Dr. Jin Anqing had witnessed this scene, the psychiatrist would have realized that Gu Weijing was experiencing an extremely classic textbook depression scene.

It is also the most typical way that depression harms sensitive people.

The problem Tony faces is known in psychology as mourning.

Gu Weijing's current state is called "PLOM", which is the abbreviation of "poor and weak me" (note).

(Note: PLOM-Poor little old me)

It started out as a small emotional upheaval, like the first snowflake that fell from the top of a mountain.

then,

A chain reaction begins.

Negative emotions will continue to accumulate and accumulate as the snowflakes roll down the mountain, faster and faster, accumulating more and more.

From snowflakes to snowballs, and then as emotions sweep away, they turn into avalanches that collapse all over the mountains and plains.

Objectively speaking, the patient may have a successful career and a happy family, but as the negative emotions continue to expand, the patient will be like a role-playing game player, constantly playing various "tragic me" roles in his mind.

They constantly imagine the tragic scenes they will face, and are hurt by such scenes again and again.

Repeating each other.

The scariest thing about this game is that.

If the patient cannot use supreme perseverance and clear awareness, he will be able to escape as if being attracted by gravity and falling towards the center of the earth.

Then he will really become the poor and weak "me" in the pretending game "PLOM".This is how most depressed patients mess up all the good things in their lives and then go to self-destruction.

Whether it is a fantasy or a prophecy, it all happens in one thought.

The brush in Gu Weijing's hand rattled because of his involuntary exertion, and the bamboo tube even seemed to be a little bent.

Don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

When going out to play, Gu Weijing was reluctant to bring the set of old pens passed down from his ancestors that Gu Tongxiang gave him.

perhaps.

If he had used that set of emerald-colored brushes today, the hard and cold touch would have successfully calmed him down.

Maybe.

The jade body of that precious old pen would break due to lack of moisture and toughness due to Gu Weijing's unconscious exertion.

[Title of work: "Wisteria"]

[Chinese Painting Techniques: Lv.4 Professional Level 4902 (5000/[-])]

【Emotion: A Simple Work】

……

[Title of work: "Wisteria"]

[Chinese Painting Techniques: Lv.4 Professional Level 4902 (5000/[-])]

[Emotion: careless]

……

[Emotion: careless]

……

【Emotion: Perfunctory】

【Emotion: Perfunctory】

【Emotion: Perfunctory】

"Meditate! Meditate! Calm down the hell, please calm down!"

Gu Weijing forgot to continue reciting the painting formula.

He watched blankly as the evaluation on the system panel changed from [Simple Work] to [Careless], and then uncontrollably jumped from [Careless] to [Perfunctory] again.

Perfunctory, perfunctory, perfunctory...

These four words are like a curse that cannot be escaped.

No matter how hard Gu Weijing painted, the system would tell him the cold facts.

The effort he poured into the wisteria flowers only deserves the lowest evaluation of being perfunctory.

this moment.

Gu Weijing knew that he really couldn't continue painting like this.

Put out the fire with the salary, the salary is not exhausted, the fire is not extinguished.

His spirit is the blazing fire, and the wisteria flowers in front of him are the fuel for the fire, which is scorching his thoughts and inspiration from the inside out.

Sakai Katsuko refused to use Gu Weijing as a model for her daily practice. The girl was smart enough to realize——

If something goes wrong during the painting practice, the bad mood will be combined with Gu Weijing's face practice, which will affect their romance.

Now, he continues to draw like this.

The wisteria flowers in front of him and even the Chinese painting itself will become an anchor for Gu Weijing's negative emotions. Whenever he picks up the brush again, he will be led into inferiority and self-doubt by the scene.

Put down your pen and admit defeat, even if you put down your artist's heart and your dream of becoming a great artist.

He can still be a craftsman who relies on the system to accumulate skills, and he can still be that Louis Troy.

Think about it.

Louis troy is pretty good too.

Although he was sentenced to life imprisonment, he still managed to win an award at the Chicago Song Biennial.

Although becoming Mr. Cao's successor or something like that, it is estimated that there will be no chance in this life.

But Miss Sakai has such a good personality, maybe people won't dislike her?Isn’t the soft rice delicious?If you just mess around, you will be fooled for the rest of your life.

If he doesn't put down his pen, perhaps this negative emotion will spread to all areas of painting. He is like those PTSD American soldiers who tremble when they hear the sound of gunfire after returning from Afghanistan.

Pick up the pen and these noisy noises will echo in your mind.

He can no longer even be a skilled craftsman.

But Gu Weijing just couldn't put down his pen, that is...

Not reconciled.

As if holding the pen, he grabbed a piece of the sleeve of his childhood dream, holding it firmly, holding it tightly, grabbing it with all his strength, begging not to let it slip away.

Is there a one-in-a-thousand chance that God is merciful and he can really hold it?
What Gu Weijing held on to was not hope, but despair.

Not only was the pointer of the mood meter firmly locked on the evaluation of "perfunctory", it didn't even mean to move.

Even the techniques began to regress.

[Chinese Painting Techniques: Lv.4 Professional Level 4857 (5000/[-])]

[Chinese Painting Techniques: Lv.4 Professional Level 4632 (5000/[-])]

4321, 3532, 2613...

The wisteria he drew began to lose experience points and skills, like a boat sailing against the current.

3000, 2000, and 1000 have all fallen below the professional level one, returning to Level 3 semi-professional level.

The artist's painting techniques are inherently positively related to the painter's emotional state.

When an artist paints a work, it is normal for the work to be of a higher or lower technical level than the artist himself.

Wherever you encounter extraordinary performance, you may encounter abnormal performance. You cannot expect a painter who is in such a bad mood that his hands are shaking to paint such exquisite brushstrokes.

Gu Weijing closed the system panel.

He didn't succeed in calming down, but Gu Weijing finally despaired.

A painting of despair can also shock the viewer's soul, just like the dark, grotesque and gloomy "Torma" by Spanish painter Goya Lucientes.

But a painter who is desperate for his painting skills can only produce extremely bad paintings full of mistakes.

For example, at this moment, the wisteria flowers in Gu Weijing's paintings seem to be twisted into densely packed trembling small color dots.

"Please, please, please please Gu Weijing, please calm down, please, I really beg you."

Gu Weijing thought desperately.

So, he really calmed down.

The physical kind.

A basin of cold lake water was poured down from the head.

Biting cold.

It was a 35-degree summer noon in Yangon. Being agitated by the cold water, Gu Weijing felt that a tight string in his heart had finally been broken.

The brush on hand fell in a free fall.

Gu Weijing was helpless and softened.

He didn't fall to the grass beneath him, but into a soft embrace.

"It's okay, it's okay, we don't think about it anymore, it's okay, it's okay..." Sakai Katsuko knelt down on the grass and gently ran her fingertips over his scalp, comforting him like a child.

Beside the girl was an empty bucket.

"I'm sorry. Katsuko, I tried hard, I really worked hard, but maybe, I am really not the person who can play Manet's Monet."

Gu Weijing looked at the sky with blank eyes and apologized softly.

"sorry."

He is defeated.

"It's okay." Sakai Katsuko murmured softly.

"Miss? Is Mr. Gu okay?" Uncle Alai had already ran over. He and the female bodyguard had just realized that something was wrong with Gu Weijing.

It's just that he doesn't know how to deal with the artist's psychological problems.

"You get out of here, now."

Sakai Katsuko said without raising her head. She lovingly put Gu Weijing's face into her arms and wiped away the tears mixed with the lake water on his cheeks with her fingers.

Shengzi didn't want Gu Weijing to appear in the eyes of outsiders with his embarrassed and depressed look.

"Is he feeling unwell? Is he having epilepsy? Do we need to call an ambulance?" The bodyguard lady rubbed her hands on her clothes and suggested. "Is that snot? I have tissues."

"Get out! I want you to get out of here! You don't understand." Miss Katsuko ordered in a very rare and rough voice.

this moment.

The female bodyguard suddenly realized.

This cute girl who is always easy to talk to is the daughter of a billionaire's family.

It’s time to be majestic.

Shengzi can also be very majestic, even the air seems to be frozen.

"Sorry, I'm not in a good mood."

After a moment of anger, Shengzi returned to normal, and her tone softened, "Please leave for a while, and by the way, take Jasmine away and take her to have something to eat. She is not suitable to be seen like this. Gu Jun, when you come back, I can take good care of her brother Gu and return her intact."

The female bodyguard wanted to say something else, but was pulled away by Uncle Alai.

Gu Weijing's eyes were still staring at the sky blankly, turning a blind eye to everything around him, as if he didn't care anymore, and as if he didn't hear anything at all.

Sakai Shengzi put Gu Weijing's face beside her legs and looked into his black pupils.

Gu Weijing's eyes were confused and completely unfocused.

Miss Katsuko didn't look away, she just looked at each other so persistently, as if she wanted to see the sea dry up and the stone fall to pieces.

a long time.

Sakai Katsuko nodded slightly.

"You're right, you are indeed not Manet's Monet."

Gu Weijing's eyes blinked, as if the last part of his heart was broken.

Sakai Katsuko smiled.

"You are not Manet's Monet, you are my Gu Weijing. Ms. Sakai Katsuko's Gu Weijing."

"Gu Jun is so cute, I won't change it for Monet."

Sakai Katsuko kissed her gently.

(End of this chapter)