My kaleidoscope pupil technique is dark blue with dots

Chapter 60 The Unremovable Mask!Sarutobi Hiruza: I regret your shadow
"Give me the cigarette first! Please!"

Hearing Da Renyi's question, Sarutobi Hiruzen, who had already patted his clothes on the ground and got up, smiled and gestured to him to light a pipe.

Da Renyi laughed, and threw the pipe and tobacco box on the table next to him,

Hiruzaru Sarutobi stretched out his hand to take it, skillfully lit it and took a big mouthful, the wrinkled old face that was originally suffering instantly stretched out, he let out a long and happy breath,

He squinted his eyes and enjoyed it for a moment, then raised his head and seriously recalled his own mental journey, it may be the first time that he spoke out his heart without reservation:
"I'm not a human god like the first generation of Hokage, I'm just a mortal, I can't fulfill all my wishes perfectly, and I can't protect everyone.

As a result, in the face of difficult situations, I can only make my own choices between bad and worse again and again;

To sacrifice innocent people to protect the interests of the majority is of course unfair to the victims,
For example, the Uzumaki clan who couldn’t wait for Konoha’s powerful rescue, the Uchiha clan who were innocently killed, and many others,
But as Hokage, in order to avoid accidents and make the situation worse, I have limited ability, so I have to make the most conservative and least bad choice.

Just like ordinary people, of course they all want to spend more time with their families, take good care of their children, fulfill their responsibilities as a wife or husband, and as parents,

But most of the time they can't do it. In order to live and earn money to support their families, they have to be busy and disappear all day long.
Of course their wives or husbands, as well as their children, will resent them, but there is no way to do it. This is a rational and painful choice in itself. "

Having said that, Hiruzaru Sarutobi paused for a moment, noticing the mocking expression on Da Renyi's face, he blushed, smiled embarrassingly, and added:

"At least at first, I did think so!

At that time, every choice I made was cautious and thoughtful before I made it.

Even, every time, with deep guilt and self-blame for the innocent victims, I had no choice but to give up on them.

Every choice makes me extremely painful, and then, then..."

"and then?"

While listening, Da Renyi took out a pen and paper, and carefully took notes, recording all of these.

Hiruzaru Sarutobi shuddered, this guy, is he planning to publish my confession record?

Although he was worried that he might be "publicly executed", but at the same time, there were many things that Hiruzaru Sarutobi kept in his heart after he came to the current situation.
Shaking his head, Hiruzaru Sarutobi continued, revealing the darkness in his heart that he had been deliberately avoiding and unwilling to face directly:
"...Then, I got used to it with pain and pain, and I gradually became numb and indifferent,
The pain that used to be real has also become insensible. I have gotten used to the position of Hokage, and I can no longer feel the pain of the victim.
I acted out my sympathy and helplessness for them, but my heart gradually became indifferent,
The appearance of kindness and tolerance has become a mask on my face, performing hypocritically and formulaically,

While acting out sympathy for them, own pain and helplessness as a habit,
While skillfully pushing them off the cliff, slowly, it seems that there is no one who cannot be sacrificed!

Whether it's the village hero Konoha Shirato, or the innocent child Uzumaki Naruto,

Especially after Danzo and his roots appeared, when I blamed myself, I had a reason to shirk responsibility,

At the beginning, Danzo made a mistake without telling me. I was shocked and angry, but I was reluctant to deal with him hard.
To others, he's a callous bastard, but to me,

But it is my close friend who grew up with me, my teammate who lived and died together. On the battlefield, we have entrusted our lives to each other countless times,
So, I forgave him once,
Then, I couldn't help but forgive him the second and third time...

Later, I began to quietly enjoy the benefits brought to me by his selfishness. Danzo took the initiative to realize all my dark and selfish thoughts for me.

Because I didn't do it, I can lie to myself that I'm a good person!
So, while I blamed him on the surface, I actually condoned him.

Countless times, I told myself in the mirror that those dark things were not my fault, they were all caused by Danzo's arbitrary decision!

I'm not that kind of person, everything is Danzo's fault...

Then, I can walk into the sun with peace of mind, enjoy the stability and prosperity brought by the victims, and wear all the honors on my head. "

As Sarutobi Hiruzen said, he was lost in a daze. As a big smoking gun, he was unaware of the burnt and extinguished pipe in his hand at this time.

"...Once the mask is worn for a long time, it will grow all over the face and cannot be taken off again.
In fact, in the end, even I myself couldn't tell what kind of person I was!
In the midst of bit by bit compromises and indulgences to reality, friends, and selfishness,

I have become what I never imagined when I was a teenager!

Once, I thought I could keep my original intention forever. I felt that wearing a hypocritical mask was just a temporary compromise. I thought conceitedly that I would not change.

But in reality, it's all an illusion...

Please tell Naruto that he defeated me, defeated me,
Then, don't be me again!
Mistakes like Sarutobi Hiruzen of the Third Hokage, one Konoha is enough. "

Darenyi put away the note paper that was full of notes after his own "processing and polishing", and gave him a thumbs up to praise him:

"Your wrong case is convincing and very valuable,
It is very suitable as an important reference material that every Hokage in the future of Konoha must read before officially taking the throne.
Rest assured, your story will be known and your mistakes will live on forever! "

"Uh... that would be great!"

Hiruzaru Sarutobi didn't know whether to laugh or cry, he rubbed his hands together in embarrassment, with a sense of embarrassment, and then he laughed freely and happily,

Failure in life is like him. Before the curtain is completely over, he can provide a life reference material for future Hokages.
He was content to rule out a wrong choice for them.

"Okay, let's go! I'm going to sleep soundly!"

Stretching his somewhat hunched waist, Hiruzaru Sarutobi felt a sense of relief as if he had completely let go of everything.

"One last question, I'll leave after asking,"

There was a smile Sarutobi Hiruzen couldn't understand on Darinyoshi's face. Although he couldn't understand it, Sarutobi Hiruzen felt an inexplicable malice,
"If you are not defeated, when do you think you will reflect on your life? Will you be wrong forever?"

(End of this chapter)