Died three times, the third ex-husband went crazy

Chapter 135 Don't Bow Your Head
"What about me?" Chen Ci asked as if wanting to compare with Li Ying: "Does Ayu trust me?"

Lin Yu affirmed, "Of course."

Seeing her hesitating towards Li Ying, but being sure of herself, Chen Ci was obviously very happy.

"...I won't let you down, Ayu."

"I just want to thank you, no matter how willful my decision is, you all support me."

"Because for me, Ayu is also unique and irreplaceable." Chen Ci said: "Whenever I feel pain and confusion, Ayu will always point out the way out for me."

"Huh?" Lin Yu couldn't help being a little curious when he heard him talk about his feelings for the first time: "For example?"

"Do you still remember, Ayu? After I entered Beijing, I sent poems and essays everywhere, but there was no response. In order to make a living, I could only write letters for myself at a roadside stall, or copy books for wealthy families to earn money." As he talked, he fell into memories: "I once suspected that I was overestimated and unworthy of being appreciated. I just felt that the world was hopeless and there was no way out. It was then that Ayu found me. In dark times."

Lin Yu thought helplessly, shouldn't the darkest time in your life be the time when you were beaten to death by Lin's private soldiers?

She also remembered that time, and smiled: "I'm your big customer."

"Yes," Chen Ci said with a smile: "Ah Yu said that my handwriting is very good, and she said that she wanted to 'customize' me."

"I found a lot of poems and essays, and I asked you to copy them for me."

"Sometimes a poem is worth the price of copying a book for someone."

"That's because your handwriting is indeed very good, and you are also very good at drawing."

"It's Ayu's insight. Before Ayu, no one was willing to pay for my paintings."

Lin Yu nodded seriously: "It is true that they have no vision."

Chen Ci looked at her tenderly: "Then one day, I accidentally rolled a small portrait with the scroll to be delivered..."

"I opened it and saw that small portrait floated out. The women's costumes and makeup on it were exactly the same as what I was dressed on a certain day."

"That day I found out that the small statue was missing, and I was almost desperate," Chen Ci said with a wry smile, "I know that Ayu is the daughter of the Lin family in Nanyang, and I know that there is no possibility for us. ...I am not afraid of being ridiculed, but I am afraid of being alienated by Ayu..."

After Lin Yu learned of Chen Ci's intentions, he did not respond immediately.She pretended nothing happened and didn't know anything, and continued to communicate with Chen Ci, but she asked about his family background.

Lin Yu said softly, "You have passed my test."

"Later, Ayu came to me and asked me to draw a tree melon and a pile of Qiongyao jade wares, which will be delivered on the Shangsi Festival."

"You gave me the picture scroll of papaya," Lin Yu said with a slight smile, "I left you the picture scroll of Qiongju."

Chen Ci looked at her deeply: "Throw me a papaya, and repay it with Qiongju. The bandit repays, and it will always be good."

He tentatively stretched out his hand towards her, but Lin Yu didn't dodge it.Seeing this, he happily and carefully took her hand, and repeated it gently: "It's always good."

Seeing him so happy, Lin Yu held his fingertips instead and pinched them in the palm of his hand. Thinking of the vows he had made, his heart ached.

"In the darkest time of my life, Ayu was the only light that illuminated my world."

"I...how can it be that important!"

Seeing that she didn't seem to know how important she was to him, Chen Ci suddenly became anxious: "Ah Yu is very important! Ah Yu will not look down on my background, she has always understood me, sympathized with me, and supported me... When she felt that there was no hope in sight and wanted to give up, Ayu was even willing to give up her luxurious life and marry me."

He hugged her in pain, and tightly clenched her clothes with his fingers: "I'm useless, I can't protect you well."

Lin Yu hugged him tenderly, and patted his thin butterfly bones comfortingly: "You have done a good job."

"I'm not good at all! I've hated myself countless times for being so powerless, for being weak, for having fantasies about the nobles, for being so servile to them—"

He took a deep breath: "So this time, I swore to myself, I will never be so powerless, I will never be weak again, and I will never have illusions about the nobles again..."

Lin Yu remained silent, and continued to stroke his back with a sense of comfort.

"I can do a lot of things now, Ayu," Chen Ci let go of his arms, looked into her eyes, and said sincerely, "No matter what you want, I will do it for you."

Looking at those warm eyes, Lin Yu thought for a moment: "When we have nothing, we only need to think that we can live a better life, but when we have some power to change... …People will greedily want to change more things.”

Chen Ci's expression changed: "Am I making Ayu feel greedy?"

"No, I mean me. I'm very greedy." Lin Yu said: "When the power of this world far exceeds me, I will hide myself in fear, but once I find out, it can be shaken by me When the time comes, I can't wait to stretch my fists and feet, exposing those incompatible edges and corners."

Lin Yu felt that Chen Ci might not understand what she meant, but she still wanted to confide in him: "I know that I may be seeking my own death, but at the same time I am very happy, very happy that I did not bow to this world, Changed too much."

She has always hated this world, and she can always clearly feel that living in this era is like being forced into a cramped cabinet, or wearing shoes that are too tight.

Because it couldn't adapt, it could only be ground into countless blisters, and then it was dripping with blood when walking.

Now, she briefly left the world bound by countless rules, and escaped from the prison named "Lin Yu".

But the outside of this world is just a bigger cage.

But she had some opportunities to stretch her limbs, and she didn't want to go back.

What's more, she even felt that she had a glimpse of the possibility of breaking the box and reorganizing it into a house that she could live in comfortably.

"Ayu don't have to bow to this world." Chen Ci hugged her again, "I can make anything that doesn't suit your wishes disappear. Ayu always advises me to restrain myself and not be so extreme. I'm good, I'm worried about me, but I...even if I don't die in the end, even if the world hates me to the bone, or even if I light a sky lantern after death, it doesn't matter. Because what kind of world Ayu wants, I am willing What kind of world can I create for Ayu?"

(End of this chapter)