old light morning light

Chapter 57 "Fifteen"

secret, eh?

"you can……"

He should and is unlikely to know what the secret is.

"Is it a secret about them?"

Although the guess must have something to do with "them", even if you don't know the content of this secret, you should be able to know what kind of secret it is, right?
"Yes, yes, hehe, it can make them panic, hehe, big secret!"

really.

"That……"

"No, no! You don't know this secret, you will die, you will die, hehe, hehe! You will die!"

Before I could continue to ask, he suddenly stood up and grabbed my right hand, showing a slightly ferocious smile.

"Lancetalo, it's dead, it's dead! Cough cough! Poor man, dead, wife and children, all dead! All dead!"

"You, you? You're not dead? You, you're back!"

Just after grabbing me and pulling me down in front of him, perhaps examining my face again, Rakashi mistook me for my father again.

Should I pretend to be my father at this time?

Now that I also know his name, I can pretend to be my father to set him up.

In this way, maybe we can also know why he feels so guilty towards my father, right?

The question is, what kind of emotion should I use to talk to him?
If my father didn't blame him and didn't have any resentment towards him, I probably know how to put on a face.

But what if my father really resented him?

"Lancetalo, it's you, hey it's you, you're back!"

Or maybe his expectation is that my father should resent him. To be honest, I am more inclined to the latter.

Then what kind of face should I use to face him?
"You talk, talk, I know, I know, you're still blaming me, blaming me!"

"Hey, it should be, it should be!"

He took my hand and kept shaking it, obviously this time he couldn't distinguish me clearly.

Is it the previous conversation that made him merge my face with those faces sealed in memory?
"Rakashi, we meet again."

Although I don't have the impression of what my father's face looks like when he is angry, if he just maintains a cold sense of distance, it should be reasonable, right?

"It's my fault, it's my fault!"

"Your fault, what's your fault?"

My father has always been a proud person. Although he looks gentle and normal, but after careful consideration, he is indeed the kind of person who would say the kind of words that would let others be buried with him.

If you think about it this way, you can probably guess what kind of posture my father will use to face him.

"I, I shouldn't have told them, cough, cough, cough!"

"Shouldn't have told them about you, you..."

Obviously they have already talked about it, but they still haven't said what it is for.

you!
Ugh……

"Blame me! Blame me!"

"Did they persecute you?"

Let's find a way to go around and see if we can induce him to say these things.

This feeling of not knowing, but pretending to know and trying to get him to speak out, really drives me crazy.

I never thought that there would be such a twisted thing!
"No, no, they didn't, ahem, but I, I don't know!"

"do not know?"

"I really don't know, they are here to catch you, I don't know, I swear, I really don't know!"

I can feel him grabbing my hand with increasing strength, as if he really wants me to trust him.

"Then what did you say?"

Looking at this ferocious expression, should I block Moral a little bit?

If he came to make trouble again, such an opportunity might be...

"I, I just told them, I said, you are, cough, cough cough! In the F area, your work area is in the F area!"

"They asked me, they asked me..."

The expression on his face is sometimes ferocious and sometimes confused. At this moment, even if he really doesn't want to think about those painful pasts, but the person in his heart is in front of him. For his own salvation, he has to desperately try to get mine. understanding.

Like I said, guilt really is always the best motivator.

"I... I told them, I told them, cough cough cough! Jessica is also on the boat, and... on the boat."

The ferocious expression seemed to have lost the strength to support it, and eventually the old face no longer had any expression.

"when!"

The eyes that had been staring at me all the time didn't dare to look at me anymore, and the hand that grabbed me slowly let go, and fell powerlessly to the cold ground.

This is his real knot.

He told the people who came to look for my father about my mother, which led to my mother's death.

Even the death of my brother who doesn't know exactly what happened.

"They're gone, they're gone...but I...really, don't know..."

In the end, the sound gradually became smaller and blurred, and gradually reached a state where I could no longer hear clearly.

Is he, is he crying?
It turned out that I had misunderstood him before.

His slight trembling turned out not to be afraid of anything, but sobbing, crying!

Maybe it is really like what he said, the enthusiastic person who is completely ignorant of all this is just pointing a way.

He could not have imagined, and it was impossible to imagine that this would be the beginning of a lifetime of suffering.

Even my father's suffering is also the purgatory that I will never be able to get rid of...

"I see, I... don't blame you."

"Really? You really don't blame me!"

Now is the time to redeem him?
At this moment, I seemed to suddenly understand why he mistook me for my father.

This is his lifelong ideal, his lifelong desire.

Longing to be forgiven by the person in my heart who has no chance to forgive himself.

"Woo... You can blame me, you can blame me! This is me, I deserve it, I deserve it!"

"You can't forgive me like this, you can't, you can't!"

"Lancetalo! You have to blame me, blame me! This is what it should be!"

Lakashi, who had already calmed down, once again fell into an extremely excited state. While grabbing me and shaking me vigorously, large drops of tears continued to drip on the ground made of steel with hysterical shouts.

"Lin Man?"

From a distance, he made a silent movement towards Moral, but fortunately, it was only Lakashi who kept venting, and Moral, who was confused, observed it and stopped saying anything.

"Uuuuuuuuuuu, Lancetalo..."

Although the atmosphere is not right, but I always feel like I have seen this scene somewhere?

Where is it?
Once again, he involuntarily looked at Moral, who had already turned his eyes elsewhere.

"You hit me, hit me!"

But I really didn't expect his resentment to be so deep.

The past hidden in my heart is constantly fermenting, brewing and deepening in guilt and self-blame, and finally I can only hide it deeply in my heart. In the end, in order to suppress those nightmares, I can only become crazy and be bullied by the world.

This is cruel, because from the beginning, I have not been able to let myself go...

But as I thought, this is exactly the meaning of the role of "I".

Looking at the old man who was already sobbing, even though I tried my best to exclude myself and only wanted to treat him as a simple bystander, I was slowly infected by his pure sadness.

He needed my forgiveness, my father's forgiveness, that Lancetalo's forgiveness.

I know that he has waited for such a redemption for too long, too long.

You are tired today, and you should take a good rest.

"Yes, I hate you, I've lost so much."

"I know that although you didn't mean to treat me like this, but now things have happened, and it's hard to get over it."

By the way, he was very happy when I called him senior, could it be because my father also called him senior?
This is very reasonable. According to the story he told, the senior who used to lead my father to work should indeed be called senior!
"But it is precisely because everyone has left me that I am here."

When I was talking, Rakashi kept sobbing, but he stopped trying to do anything to me. He just kept trying to raise his head, but in the end he couldn't do so, and kept his half-raised head in a Weird angle, no longer struggling.

"Because the only person I know now is you, senior, isn't it?"

To be honest, I'm not very satisfied with this sentence, because it makes me feel guilty like "I'm a terrible liar".

"Lan... woo woo! You really don't blame me!"

The slovenly old man who had been crying all the time, but just kept sobbing and crying softly, finally couldn't suppress the sadness hidden in his heart anymore, and cried out loudly.

Although people walked by from time to time, they didn't show any other expressions except for casting some curious eyes on the sloppy old man I was holding.

"I blame you, so you have to bear the past and live hard, understand?"

Lakashi, who was already speechless, just kept nodding, without any other reaction.

By the way, and crying.

"Okay, it's okay, it's snot and tears again, it's annoying to death."

"Ugh...!"

It can be felt that he tried his best to control himself, but with little success.

But slowly, his consciousness that had recovered a little seemed to start to slacken again.

Although she was still crying, her body movements had begun to slow down significantly, and she had a faint tendency to fall asleep.

He is indeed tired too.

"Rest, my old chap, I'm leaving too."

"No, don't... leave!"

That's it, are you still holding on?
But your suffering is over, rest well...

"Okay, I still have unfinished business, I will come back again..."

With a soft response, he slowly closed his eyes.

"I saw your son..."

Breathing has slowed down, and the previous violent heartbeat is no longer felt.

I know that his redemption is over.

Just when I was about to put the Reichsmark on my body into his pocket, the real dream whispered into my ears.

"He's a, good boy..."

　Dear officials, due to work needs, the author will go to other places for training from May 5th, so the update of the novel will be suspended until July 17th, I hope you will forgive me~ (Bow)

　　
　
(End of this chapter)