Hi persimmon

Chapter 61 regret

Outside the emergency room, Pan Shengnan comforted his father while looking at the light at the door from time to time.Pan Xihong's miscarriage had a great impact on her health. When she heard that her mother's heart disease was serious enough to be rescued in the hospital, the young lady fainted first. She simply called 120 and asked her father to accompany Xihong to the hospital. I asked Chang Yuan to take care of Xiaoxiao.Shang Yan was afraid that his little sister would be bullied, so he took a taxi to his grandfather's house in the middle of the night.When he saw his little sister being taken home by his father, he wanted to take a taxi to the hospital by himself.

Most importantly, he called Pan Xishi immediately.

"Grandma is your mother, aunt, but I probably don't think anyone in the family will want to call you. It's been played in TV dramas. If you can't see your mother for the last time, you will regret it for the rest of your life." Shang Yan began to talk on the phone Like a man, but in the end he cried like a child.He was brought up by his grandparents since he was a child, and he has deep feelings. When he heard that his grandma went to the hospital and went to the emergency room overnight, the more he thought about it, the more scared he became.

Shang Yan cried and said, "I want to do something, but I can't do anything. Grandma will be fine, right?"

Pan Xishi comforted Shang Yan on the phone: "Your grandma will be fine, trust me, I never lie to students!"

After receiving the call that Song Jiahui was critically ill, Pan Xishi's first reaction was not really sad.It is said that mother and daughter are united, blood is thicker than water, but people's inner feelings cannot deceive themselves.But at this time, Pan Xishi also felt very uncomfortable.A huge feeling of déjà vu came over her, and she couldn't help feeling flustered and lost.

Pity!

Yes, it is still a pity!

She regrets forever for a regret that cannot be changed, either in life or in death.

In Zhang Ailing's novel "Love in a Fallen City", there is such a sentence: When she was still in her teens, she came out of the theater and was separated from her family in the pouring rain. She stood alone on the sidewalk and stared at people. She also stared at her. Everyone was locked in their own little world, and she couldn't get in even if she bumped her head. When she heard someone coming from behind, she felt that it must be her mother, but the mother she prayed for and Her real mother was two people at all.

I don't know what other people will think when they read this sentence, but Pan Xishi himself can accurately capture the author's psychology when describing it in a flash.It's just that she wasn't pushed away, she was sent away by her parents herself.

She often encounters fright unconsciously, and she will also scream: Mom.

But this mother and Song Jiahui, who is related to her by blood, are basically two people.

Now she felt that her mother might have to pass away, and she seemed unable to accept this fact, but it seemed that this mother and Song Jiahui on the hospital bed could not fully integrate.Her grief was for her mother, but it didn't seem to be for Song Jiahui.

Since childhood, Pan Xishi has also tried various ways to squeeze into other people's worlds. When I was a child, these worlds were based on the family, not my biological parents. .But the world of her own biological parents made her bleed again and again.Now that she has really grown up, even if she is alone, she can live as a thousand-strong army. The only time that the mother in her heart and the real mother in reality may really overlap, there is only regret in her heart.

This regret will never change whether in death or in life.

Pan Xishi was afraid that it would be unsafe for Shang Yan to go to the hospital alone in the middle of the night, so she rushed over to take a taxi to pick up the child and went to the hospital together.At this time, the rescue was over, and Song Jiahui was sent to the intensive care unit. The doctor said that the situation was still very serious.Pan Xishi looked at Shang Yan looking for his mother with red eyes, she was standing far behind with a dazed look on her face.She wanted to go downstairs to get some air, but she heard Song Jiahe crying and explaining to her uncle and uncle.

"I've been in a bad mood recently, otherwise why would I have been hospitalized because of hyperthyroidism. What I said to Song Jiahui was because I was unhappy. But you said that the persimmons grew up by our side, and we were given by our parents. With her backing, who really dares to treat a little girl who is far away from her parents? Besides, people are emotional animals. Even kittens and puppies who have lived together for so many years still have feelings, and we are like relatives Uncle and aunt. Ever since I was a child, I have spent money on clothes, flowers, hairpins, here and there, and traveling with her. Isn’t it a lie? When she lived in school, I gave her pocket money .I just fell ill again yesterday, and I feel angry at everything! That’s why I can’t choose what to say!"

Song Jiabao said: "You are selfish, don't explain. I have always said that Xishi is very good. But you are always dissatisfied. To put it in the most fair way, after our own children work, can they be as good as you are?" Hi Persimmon buys things for everyone during the New Year and holidays. Can the family contribute money and efforts? My own daughter and daughter can’t do it, but other people’s children do it, and they always say that they are not good. It’s really too much! Our two Sis has such a strong heart, Xishi is still her daughter no matter what, so you can't talk without grabbing and seriousness."

Song Jiahe was still defending: "Treat Xishi like my own daughter, then it is definitely impossible for me. Is it possible for you? Is it possible for the elder brother? Even the second sister is impossible. How far is how far, how close is how close Near. Xishi is pretty good. There are a lot of children raised by the elderly or relatives who don’t live as well as her. Especially those whose parents don’t pay for living expenses, and there are not a few of them who graduate from junior high school and go to wash the dishes. It is the truth to raise your own children by yourself!"

Song Jiabao said: "Isn't it a special situation in that era? The second sister didn't put the child next to the old man by herself. At that time, their situation was basically the same."

Song Jiahe said: "So if you raise your child with someone else, don't think that you treat your child the same as other people's children. We are all parents. The eldest brother is for his son, Jiabao, you are for your sons and daughters, and I am for my son. , for the sake of her two daughters, Song Jiahui lives her own life. No one's life is easy. It is already very good to be able to devote all this energy to a niece. I definitely hope that I will get something in return. This is human nature, right? Selfless It can only be done to your own children, it is impossible for others.”

Song Jiabao said: "Don't talk about anything else, just hope that the second sister is okay this time. Jiahe, don't get excited. I heard that if hyperthyroidism can't be cured, it's a list of spirits. I think you're about the same."

"I'm not in a normal mood, I know, otherwise I wouldn't have come to the hospital. When I cried alone until dawn at night, I didn't tell anyone about it." Song Jiahe scolded Song Jiabao, "You all say I'm mean-spirited and selfish , don't think I don't know, Xishi spends the most money on your family!"

Pan Xishi stood in a deserted place for a long time, supposedly both sides were her closest relatives, but now she didn't seem to have much affection with either side, and she didn't want to have too much entanglement.For relatives, she used to think that the more the better, but now, she thinks one is pretty good.The sense of security can only be created by oneself, and the standard of happiness varies from person to person.

It cannot be said that there is no true love in the daily necessities, rice, oil, salt, and chicken feathers, but sometimes it is too tiring.

The uncle spotted Pan Xishi first and called her to come and stand with everyone.Pan Xishi was the least close to his uncle's family among his relatives in his grandma's family. He hadn't been to his house since junior high school, but he always liked to reason with her. Maybe this is a common problem among parents. , I want to be a leader and uphold justice for everyone.

"Xi Shi, your mother is sick like this. No matter what the reasons were in the past, you shouldn't continue to play your temper now. I heard that your second sister is also sick and was hospitalized just now. Your eldest sister is busy Yes, your father’s health is not good there, you should help take care of it, or you should take care of it, but you can’t stand by.” Song Jiaao paused, and then continued, “And your aunt, there is no one around now Take care. It is said that you have a deeper relationship with your aunt than with your mother, so you can't just ignore it!"

Pan Xishi said kindly: "Grandma and grandpa are gone. You mean to be the head of the old Song family. Since this is the case, you should arrange shifts. All the descendants of the Song family take turns to take care of my mother and aunt. One week For 7 days, with so many descendants of the old Song family, one of them can't get me in one day!"

Song Jiaao said: "That's your own mother. If you let the old Song's family serve you, your mother can't agree!"

Pan Xishi said: "My mother didn't say anything, but you made the decision for her. Should I listen to you or your mother?"

Song Jiaao said: "What about your aunt? You don't care about your aunt, she loved you the most since she was a child! You lived in their house for a while, and you should repay the kindness of giving someone some water. How ungrateful!"

Pan Xishi said: "My aunt loves me as much as my cousin and cousins. She treats me a lot and treats them a lot. I don't have much of what they have, so you arrange them first, and if you spend the rest of the day Let me talk about it later!"

Song Jiaao said: "Xishi, why have you become so indifferent? A family should help each other. We helped you when you were young, but now your aunt is older, but you don't care about it. Is it reasonable?"

Pan Xishi said: "My aunt has many nephews and nieces, why are you just staring at me?"

Song Jiaao said: "Look at your enlightenment. You are still a teacher. How can you be a teacher? Do you want to teach a bunch of selfish students? If teachers are like you, can our society be better? "

Pan Xishi's face darkened: "What's wrong with being a teacher? As a teacher, you can't refuse unreasonable demands, you have to accept unfair treatment? If I am such a thoughtless person who echoes others' opinions, then I will only harm you if I become a teacher." What about society? I still hope to educate my students not to be kidnapped by morality, to have their own concept of right and wrong, to learn to protect themselves, and to be able to say no to the so-called great principles. Even if it is the PUA of the elders, they must always maintain Sober, you can always distinguish what is really good and bad, good at beauty, right and wrong, right and wrong!"

Song Jiaao said: "Xi Shi, how did you become like this? You were very good when you were young, but you have been lying to us all along?"

"There is no shortage of people's hearts, and if one's own heart is not right, no one is a good person in his own eyes."

After finishing speaking, Pan Xishi turned and left. She thought that she was useless here anyway, and Song Jiahui had already been rescued and entered the ICU. It was useless for her to stay here. Her student Shang Yan could see her parents safely Even if the task is successfully completed.

At this moment, Shang Yan stopped her: "Auntie, I want to go and see my second aunt, everyone is here with grandma, she is alone"

Pan Xishi said: "Shangyan, you go by yourself. I won't go! I have to go first. If you" can't go to class tomorrow, send me a WeChat message, and I will ask Li Kun to bring you the paper. "

Song Jiahui woke up leisurely, as if she had walked through the gate of hell.One day later, he was transferred back to the general ward.Song Jiahe came several times, but was not allowed in.This time she finally entered the ward, and apologized to Song Jiahui in front of Pan Guanlin: "Second sister, I am a patient with hyperthyroidism, and it has been so severe that I have been hospitalized. Sometimes I really can't control my temper. Many times, I hate everyone when I think of it, not to mention Xi Shi, but even when I think of our mother, I often feel wronged and feel that she is sorry for me. I am sick and have reached the point where there is no cure."

Song Jiahui said coldly: "Fortunately, I'm fine. My eldest daughter and second daughter said that if something happens to me, your family will not be happy. You leave my place quickly, I don't want to see you at all. I I just hate that idiot Pan Xishi for treating you as relatives and my own mother as a villain, now she should regret it, and I should just laugh and see all of you jokes."

Pan Guanlin smoothed things over for the elder sister: "Don't talk about my two daughters, even I, an old man, will not be able to forgive her aunt, you. I must take you to court, but her aunt, it's fine, you How did you get hyperthyroidism?"

Song Jiahui said impatiently: "Lao Pan, let her go quickly, my heart starts to feel uncomfortable when she is here, it's so painful."

Pan Guanlin looked at his wife, then at his sister-in-law and said, "You two are really like Xihong and Xishi in our family. They either meet and don't talk, or pinch each other. I don't know how long they have been apart. , Why is there so much resentment in my heart, it all crawled out of a mother's womb, like an enemy."

When Song Jiahui heard his wife comparing her two daughters with them, she felt uncomfortable again, her face was sullen, but there was boundless bitterness spreading in her mouth, unknown to others.

Song Jiahe, however, seemed like no one had spoken in eight lifetimes, and refused to leave after sitting down: "It is said that every family has scriptures that are difficult to recite, and I know that it is not easy for you. But it is always a lively and lively family. But my day and night They are all alone, and there is no one to resolve the embarrassing things. The more tired the Nikkei is, the sicker he will be."

Song Jiahe's son's family of three settled abroad, leaving behind the youngest daughter in junior high school to board at the International School in Xingang.The granddaughter Zheng Xiaoyun has been separated from her parents and younger brother for a long time, and there is also a generation gap with her. When she reached puberty, her temper became more and more weird. When she came home on weekends, she either found fault or lost her temper with her grandmother.Sometimes Song Jiahe felt that he hadn't said anything at all, and the child was yelling, crying and making noises at home.

"I'm the most particular person about face. The current house is not soundproof, and the new house, the neighbors all think that something is wrong with our house."

Pan Guanlin could feel Song Jiahe's helplessness: "You really don't have to worry about it. Every household has children. Nowadays, children don't have much to worry about. It's understandable for everyone to understand."

Song Jiahe said: "Since I was a child, I have been afraid that Xiaoyun will be wronged if she stays away from her parents. I have always supported her richly. But that's how I spoiled the child. Her parents want to take her abroad, and she must go to an international university." School. But this international school has to live on campus. At that time Xiaoyun was very resistant. Every time the school bus came to pick him up on Monday morning, the children refused to leave the house as if they were going to the execution ground.”

It is also for this reason that the relationship between Zheng Xiaoyun and her grandma, who has been dependent on each other since childhood, has also become indifferent.In the second year of junior high school, there was a fierce conflict with the classmates in the dormitory. After changing several dormitories, the interpersonal relationship was still very tense.

"I thought the matter would be settled. She didn't mention it when she went home, and I was relieved. But who knows, now she suddenly told me that she doesn't want to go to school. If she is forced again, she will die." Song Jiahe Said, "I kept muttering in my heart, so I took my child to see a doctor. Sure enough, the doctor said that she was suffering from moderate depression, which could only be cured by taking medicine, just like the hi-persimmon in the year of the college entrance examination. What kind of depression did she suffer from?"

It was the first time Song Jiahui and Pan Guanlin learned from others that their youngest daughter had suffered from this fashionable disease so many years ago, both of them were stunned, with mixed feelings in their hearts.If Song Jiahe didn't say this because of his granddaughter, they might never know about it for the rest of their lives, and they wouldn't think about it.

At this time, Song Jiahui had completely ignored the existence of Song Jiahe, she just grabbed her wife's sleeve, as if something she had been insisting on, finally completely collapsed at this moment, she murmured: "I regret it!"

Pan Guanlin nodded, but was also speechless.

"Children should not be allowed to leave us. No matter how difficult it is, our own children should be raised by ourselves."

(End of this chapter)