Hi persimmon

Chapter 7 Mental dependence is also a disease

Pan Xishi has faced many difficulties since childhood, but now is the saddest one.When I became a teacher after graduation, it was actually to make money.At the beginning, I went to an educational institution to become a teacher with the attitude of giving it a try, but I didn't expect that it was really a reward for every effort.

She is very patient with students, and she is also very dedicated and serious in teaching. In a short period of time, she has already taken charge of her own work, leading many classes of different types by herself.

Income is directly proportional to effort. She spends almost all of her time on work except eating and sleeping. She has a great sense of accomplishment in terms of income and recognition from students.

During that time, she was really high-spirited, and she had endless energy every day.With the money she earned, she refurbished the house for grandma, replaced it with a complete set of furniture, and brand new electrical appliances. She was not stingy with whatever requests my uncle and aunt had.Later, she kept reflecting on herself, and gradually realized that many of her actions were to gain the approval of her relatives and to gain a sense of presence.

Now it seems that the void in your heart cannot be filled by others. Either you don’t expect anything in return, even if it’s spiritual, or you really do what you can and take care of yourself first, even if you are an iron rooster in the eyes of others. But my heart is full.

Pan Xishi thought that educational institutions were a lifelong career, but he didn't expect to be slapped in the face soon. Not only was he laid off, but he couldn't even find a new job for a long time.

She does not have a prestigious school background, a postgraduate or a doctoral degree, and has not worked for more than eight years, and she is at the age of pregnancy. Even if she is not married, the employer has doubts to some extent.

As a large number of laid-off institutional teachers to choose from, Pan Xishi's conditions are very average after such a comprehensive evaluation.Therefore, the official establishment of public schools has no chance for her. The best opportunity she encountered was to work as a substitute teacher in a famous school.

In the past two years, the number of airborne students in Xingang has increased, and the shortage of teachers has also increased. Otherwise, Pan Xishi may not even have the opportunity to be a substitute teacher.

On the day of the interview, five leaders in the conference room asked her questions, and she answered them one by one with kindness.Finally, the youngest male teacher asked her: "Teacher Pan, I would like to ask, what do you think is your advantage compared with other young female teachers?"

Pan Xishi raised her eyebrows instinctively, maybe because of her sensitive nature, she actually found this sentence a bit offensive.What advantage does she have?No background, no connections, just an ordinary woman who graduated with a first degree and did not continue her studies.

If there is any advantage in the eyes of others, it is the good appearance since childhood?She raised her head and glanced at the male teacher across the conference table.

He seems to be about the same age as himself, with a very sunny and handsome appearance, and his person is as flamboyant as his language, which is Pan Xishi's least favorite type.

"Probably my greatest strength is that I don't give up on any of my students."

The male teacher asked back: "Why do you think so?"

Pan Xishi thought for a while, and decided to answer truthfully: "Because I have dreamed since I was a child that I am not the one who was given up!"

After receiving the interview and passing the phone call and email, Pan Xishi was still restless.When encountering happy things since she was a child, she always felt a burst of sadness first, because she didn't know how long such happiness could last, and how would she go to the next crossroads in her life alone?

After she calmed down, she subconsciously picked up the phone, and it took her a long time to realize that she wanted to call Fan Wenbin.

She suddenly shuddered. Mental dependence is not a good habit. She is about to reach her thirties, and she must be completely independent. There is a change in this point.

Pan Xishi has recently become more and more aware of her own problem. Some women covet the money given by their husbands to gain a sense of security. A woman like her will not be attracted by the other party's money. Her sense of security comes from her love Men's spiritual dependence is not independent enough in essence, and it is also a manifestation of endless demands.

This is cured!Pan Xishi took out his phone and directly deleted Fan Wenbin's phone number and WeChat.

With a job, even if the income is not high, it can be regarded as settled down for the time being. Now the first priority is to find a house and settle down.

Substitute teachers should be the busiest group of people in the school. They arrive very early in the morning and are on call after get off work. They also have to attend meetings and write reports for the leaders. Being close to the school is the choice with the strongest desire for survival.However, the houses around the key middle schools are not only expensive to sell, but the rent is also skyrocketing.

The long-term living experience of the old and the poor is too bad, and the community that can live in a little bit is not affordable by her current income level as a substitute teacher.

The agent took her to look at many listings, but none of them were suitable. Finally, the younger brother of the agent pulled her aside and said secretly, "Sister, let me tell you something heartfelt, I still have the listing. One, but it is not a good housing source, that is, the beholder sees benevolence and the wise sees wisdom."

The house my brother mentioned is in a community of more than 20 years old. One bedroom and one living room have a balcony, facing north and south, with plenty of sunlight. Although it is an old community, the community is very green, with mottled red walls and green trees. Shade, the sanitation of the corridor is also in place.

Opening the door, the furniture inside is fully furnished, and there are vibrant spider plants and many green plants growing on the balcony.

"Is anyone living in this house?" Pan Xishi asked in surprise.

The little brother said embarrassingly: "This house is empty, but, the landlord often comes to see the house and cherishes this house very much. Sister, do you understand?"

Pan Xishi blurted out: "Understood! It's just that this landlord is very thorny, has many things to do, and is not easy to get along with, so such a good location, such a good house, and the rent is fair, but it has always been vacant."

"Smart, sister, you are really smart." The agent brother explained, "In fact, this house has never been vacant for too long, but every time the tenants don't live long, it's not because they are dissatisfied with the house, it's because the landlord made it difficult for them." Headaches, people who called us and complained, and those who couldn’t offend the landlord and complained about us. Several colleagues in our store have had their commission refunded because of complaints, so we dare not recommend it lightly!"

"It's okay, I'll rent this house! Whether it's good or bad has nothing to do with you." Anyway, she has no other choice, so she should put her foot down first and concentrate on her work.

"Sister, let me inoculate you first. This landlord is not an ordinary annoying person. The conditions are good. It may be that he is very mean because he is not short of money. He is a bit idle and has nothing to do to make things difficult for others. You yourself Be more careful!"

Finally having a place to stay, Pan Xishi immediately called his aunt and took away some things that were stored in her drawer.Since when did the relationship between her and my aunt become alienated?Probably after my grandma passed away.

Now she finally understands a truth, why she had such a high tolerance for relatives like her little aunt before, it turned out that she did not hesitate to not communicate with each other today.

"This child, why is he so thin? You can see that there are fine lines in the corners of his eyes? He was so beautiful before. Why is this grandma gone? She really suffered a lot!"

Song Jiahe is Song Jiahui's younger sister. They also have an elder brother and a younger brother. The elder brother and she and the younger brother's family are all sons. In the early years, even brothers and sisters who were first-milk compatriots could not avoid jealousy.The eldest brother also went to the mountains and the countryside, but because of the proximity, he returned soon, and the elder sister-in-law is also a native of Xingang.

After returning to the city, she replaced the old people on both sides and worked. Because her elder brothers and sisters all went to the countryside, she stayed at home smoothly and was admitted to university all the way. She also married the best.

In contrast, the second sister, Song Jiahui, had the worst conditions in the family at that time, not only at home, but even the poorest neighbors.She also looked down on the second sister's family more or less in her heart.

But this little niece who happened to be raised at her grandma's house was surprising.At that time, the policy allowed the children of an educated youth to return to the city and settle down.

This little girl who came to live with her grandma when she was more than one year old, grew more and more beautiful when no one took good care of her, and no one watched her study. Well, this kid can endure hardships and has a very popular appearance, but he grows wildly in society.

In those few years, the family of the two uncles and her little aunt had needs, and the children helped a lot, and the grandmother was the most helpful. She often said that she had raised so many children, and this little granddaughter was more filial than all of them.

At this moment, Pan Xishi went straight to the back room, looked at the situation in front of him and said, "Little aunt, it's these, then I'll pretend to leave!"

Song Jiahe said: "Don't be in a hurry, my mother and I will order some takeaway", let's have a good chat.I have a lot to tell you. "

Pan Xishi hurriedly said: "No, no, little aunt, I still have things to do."

The eldest cousin of my aunt’s family bought a house abroad. The mother was afraid that her son would be under too much pressure outside, so she decided to sell the house she lived in in the city center and go to a farther place to buy a smaller one. The price difference will be given to her son. A remittance in the past.My little uncle died when my eldest cousin was in college.

Fortunately, my eldest cousin was excellent both in character and learning. He was excellent all the way from childhood until he was admitted to a famous foreign school, and stayed in the United States after graduation.The eldest cousin and his wife gave birth to their daughter Xiaoyun when they were graduate students in China. Later, when they went abroad to study for a Ph. D., they left their daughter with grandma.Then within two years, their son was born abroad, and there was less communication with their eldest daughter.

Song Jiahe said to Pan Xishi: "This house is going to be sold after all, I really can't bear it! I've been looking forward to your coming, so I can share my bitterness with you. Now at Old Song's house, you and I are the closest. Why did you leave in such a hurry when you just came here?"

Pan Xishi didn't have the slightest thought of reminiscing about the old days, so he quickened his hands to pack things up.

Song Jiahe said to himself: "It's not that I didn't think about going abroad to reunite with my children, so I could simply retire abroad. But I went to the United States to stay for a month, and it was really a pain. I don't understand English, I don’t know the way when I go out, so I can only stay at home, suffocating myself.

Originally I wanted to keep Xiaoyun, but the child cried and couldn't leave me, and he wasn't close to his parents, so I couldn't rest assured.Besides, your eldest cousin and the others are struggling to take care of a young son, and it is really too much for them to have two children.I brought Xiaoyun back again. "

The eldest cousin's daughter, Xiaoyun, is the same age as Shang Yan, and since she will definitely go abroad in the future, she has been sent to an international school since kindergarten.Kindergarten and elementary school are picked up by aunts, and in junior high school they live directly in school.

Song Jiahe babbled on and on: "Your cousin and sister-in-law said that children should be taught quality education. But I am alone watching my children learn piano, painting, dancing, and a second foreign language while learning English. I don't have that much energy.

Simply send them to an international school and learn everything there.But after entering junior high school, this child is really difficult to manage, and I also have a headache every day.Xi Shi, you can help my little aunt find a way, this child is yelling to drop out of school every day, he doesn't want to live in school, he says he can't get along with the classmates in the dormitory, and he is being bullied, what do you think I should do? "

"Adolescence will bring about great changes." Pan Xishi heard the words that the child was being bullied, and had already walked to the door, and stopped uncontrollably, "This matter should be taken seriously, listen carefully Listen to the child's voice, then find the teacher to understand the situation in time, and then make a decision!"

Song Jiahe suddenly cried and said, "Xi Shi, you don't blame Auntie, do you?"

"No!" Pan Xishi said lightly.

"I know you have a problem with my aunt in your heart, but you have to be considerate of my difficulties." Song Jiahe rubbed his eyes and said, "You spent a lot of money on grandma's house, and my aunt also got a lot of honor from you. But grandma's family paid a lot for raising you.

The money you lent to my aunt, I am not reneging on the debt, but I am simply unable to pay it back.Take it as repayment for the kindness I have treated you since childhood.If you didn't have a big family with grandma, you wouldn't be able to grow up so big at all.At that time, all the children in the alley knew that you grew up wearing hundreds of clothes and eating hundreds of meals. "

"Well, that little aunt, the money lent to you and uncle's family is treated as my repayment for your care for me since childhood. Do you think I have paid it off? Don't tell me such things in the future Well, I've heard enough growing up."

Song Jiahe raised his voice: "I know you have grievances in your heart, and it's not that my aunt doesn't love you, but if I compare you with your eldest cousin, I naturally love my son more.

But as long as I have extra ability, I will definitely take care of you.We are all a family, whoever has the money will spend it, and whoever has the ability will help others more. You grew up in this kind of situation since you were a child. You have to pass on the baton, right? "

"Auntie, I have something else to do, let's go first!"

"I haven't finished my sentence yet!" Song Jiahe stopped her and said, "You were looking for a house some time ago, and I didn't let you borrow it. I really plan to sell the house. When my aunt gets settled in her new place, you can move out." Come on, our mother and I can still be companions.

By the way, I will help Xiaoyun with Chinese. Your eldest cousin said that even if Xiaoyun will definitely go abroad in the future, he still needs to learn Chinese well, but you also know that the international school here is not good at Chinese. "

Pan Xishi dodged left and right, but couldn't reach the gate, so he hurriedly said, "Auntie, I've found a place to live."

Song Jiahe shook his head like a rattle and said, "Doesn't it cost money to rent a house outside? You live with your little aunt, and even save half of the money for takeaway."

"Everything in this world requires money." Pan Xishi took the things, and after a lot of effort, finally rushed out of the door, and then said into the room, "I bought you some apples And bananas, you want to eat them."

"Why do you buy these, you have never bought me bananas and apples before!"

"The ones I bought before are not practical, these are gifts for serious visits to elders!"

Back home, Pan Xishi emptied out the things he had brought back from his aunt's house.These are some photos and diaries from my childhood.It must have been seen countless times by my aunt's family, and there are traces of children's drawings on it, which should be Zheng Xiaoyun's handwriting.

She finds it more and more interesting that in this world, even privacy is a luxury for those who are not independent or capable.She said to herself resentfully in her heart, eating a hundred meals and growing up in a hundred clothes, did she have no parents?It's like being a beggar, but the parents still feel that they have taken advantage of it.

This deadlock, in addition to doubling to make my heart stronger, otherwise I can't solve it, and I can only let myself fall into endless emotional internal friction.She has had enough.It's better to delete everything with one click, it's clean and happy!

(End of this chapter)