a memo

Chapter 49 Reflection

Young teachers sometimes just like all the bells and whistles, such as writing reflections after every big exam.

I just turned to the draft of the reflections written in the diary for the mid-term exam of the second year of high school, a bit sad and a bit inexplicable.

"Midterm Reflection"

"I have never found the so-called motivation. I am tired every day, exhausted physically and mentally. It seems that I have done a lot of things, but it seems that I have not done anything."

"My school routine is roughly like going back to school to make up homework, asking for leave to go home after finishing up the homework, and coming back to make up after a lot of homework owed. I know my mistakes and don't correct them. I am very playful."

"I've always been in a weak state. Maybe I'm tired of studying. Sometimes I think it's boring when I think about it. There are a lot of messes. I'm in such a bad mood that I just want to stay away from school life, but I know that escaping is not a way. It’s not just a matter of one person, if I don’t study hard, I’m not only sorry for my family’s expectations, but also I’m sorry for dragging a big box back and forth for four hours every week, so I linger on my last days, watching and living one day.”

"I don't know when this negative emotion started, it seems to have been there all the time. Slowly realizing my ordinaryness and powerlessness, I should have known myself a long time ago, and I don't know where the previous pride came from."

"How about this, let me take the initiative to let you give me up, move my seat to a corner, and let me fend for myself. It's not good to occupy such a good seat and not study."

"I don't want to ask for leave, I don't want to run to the office every day, I don't want to be named, whether it's criticism or praise, the people around me are very good, which highlights my badness. From the beginning to the end, I was a very bad person."

"There is no objective factor, there is no inspirational chicken soup, the reason for failing the exam is that you did not focus on your studies."

"When Mr. Sheng helped me analyze the [-]-point math paper, I could only say sorry over and over again. Later, I found out that I was sorry for too many people and things."

Looking at the reflection of this article now, I can only see that the test results were not satisfactory, and the whole person is in a bad state. I want the class teacher to help me change the seat in the corner, and I don’t have any specific impressions.

I also didn't know that the things I wrote as a young sophomore in high school could be so endless, and the wording in some places was not appropriate. Maybe it was popular at that time, and this kind of self-defeating tone was popular.

We have written similar reflections many times. Sometimes when I go home on weekends and I am too lazy to write by hand, I will copy a paragraph on Baidu, modify it, print it out and hand it to the head teacher.

Reflection when you pass the test is basically to introduce the specific results of each course, what progress, what shortcomings, and where you will work hard in the future. In short, the whole article is a journal full of positive energy.

When I didn't do well in the exam, it was similar to this one. It was written with no beginning, no end, and no theme. I thought about where I was, and mourned as much as I could, somewhat idealistic and stream of consciousness.

It is worth mentioning that the teacher in charge of this reflection gave a reply.

"It's okay to hide in a corner and fuck hard. It's okay to break through the darkness, but if the corner can't even get the light in, don't go there. You'd better sit in a place with light."

This paragraph seems a bit convoluted, but the gist is "I won't change seats for you, so study hard."

Fortunately, the emotions in my youth came and went quickly. As soon as I handed in my reflections and finished my exam papers, I walked out of the shadow of failing the exam and became a hero again.

(End of this chapter)