a memo

Chapter 60
Grandpa actually mentioned it in the chapter of "Death".

When my grandfather was young, he was a math teacher in a junior high school.

Although I am a mathematics teacher, his children are not good at mathematics. For example, my mother often only scored [-] points in mathematics when they were studying.

Although I am a math teacher, his grandchildren are also bad at math. For example, I scored more than [-] in high school exams every time.

Grandpa also accepted this fact later. Every time he went back to visit him, he always asked about his recent school situation. He seldom mentioned his grades in single subjects, and he basically didn't ask about his math grades. He was afraid that his blood pressure would rise.

In the age of my grandfather, being a teacher was not favored, and he would even be laughed at because there was no one in the family who was strong enough to work in the fields.

My impression is that my grandfather has always been in poor health. He would snore every day because of poor breathing, and he would wake up coughing in the middle of the night, and it took him a while to fall asleep.Maybe it's because I've been used to my grandfather's snoring since I was a child, and we don't think he's noisy.

I go to see my grandpa on weekends. When my grandma is cooking, my grandpa will come over and chat with me.

"How have you been at school lately?"

"pretty good."

"Have you had any conflicts with your roommates?"

"No, everyone in the class is pretty good."

"Is there a lot of pressure to study? Can the teacher understand what the teacher is talking about in class?"

"Yes, the teacher speaks very well."

"As long as you can understand it, don't worry if you don't understand it. Take your time and learn as much as you can." Grandpa turned on the TV and waited for the news broadcast.

If grandma pays more attention to my life, then grandpa pays more attention to my studies. His greatest wish in life is to see his grandchildren go to college.

The cousin is the heavy copy, the elder brother is the first copy, and it has become the second copy for me.

I don't know how he feels when he looks at the "history of rise and fall" of his grandchildren. Maybe one night the more he thinks about it, the more angry he gets, and his blood pressure goes up.

Grandpa should have noticed very early that I am not a very smart child. When his sister and brother took the college entrance examination, he always said that he had to work hard and go to a high place. With me, it will be done. Take it easy. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, go wherever you pass the exam, and just study.

He has been paying attention to my situation, even after the third year of high school, every time I go back to see him after the model test, he will say that you will be liberated in xx days, and remember the countdown days better than me.

In addition to the sudden hospitalization of my grandfather during the epidemic, there was another physical emergency and I stayed in the hospital for a week.

At that time, I was in school, and my mother never told me about my grandfather because she was afraid of affecting my mood of living in school.

Until I went home for dinner on the weekend, my mother pretended to be relaxed and said to me: "Grandpa is not in good health recently, do you want to go to the hospital to see him tomorrow morning?"

"How long have you been in the hospital?" I suddenly lost my appetite.

"I stayed for three or four days, and I'm sick."

"Why didn't I hear you mention it when I called at school."

"I'm afraid it will affect your mood, and grandpa doesn't want you to know and worry about him."

"I'll go tomorrow morning. Call me if you don't wake up at ten o'clock." I quickly finished my meal and went back to my room and closed the door.

I woke up with a start the next day, and I took a taxi with my mother to the hospital. When I smelled the disinfectant, tears welled up in my eyes.

I don't know why, at that moment, my mind was full of many bad things, for no reason, and I couldn't control it.

The grandfather who was hospitalized looked more decadent than usual. He was not very tall, but he felt even shorter when he was sick.

When my grandfather saw me, he didn't say "Yo, here we come."

He just sat on the hospital bed and looked at me, telling me not to be late for school.

The location of the ward is very bad, and there is not much light coming in during the daytime. I feel very depressed after sitting for a while.

I suddenly didn't know what to say to my grandpa. Usually we can chat a few words when we meet. In the hospital, it seems that something is wrong and I just can't speak. I feel that if I speak, the next second will be I can't help crying.

"Grandpa, I'm leaving first. Pay attention to your health. I'll go home to see you after you leave the hospital." I took a deep breath, stood up and walked out.

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine, just be safe on the road."

Diary for September 2020, 9: I really really hate going to the hospital, but if it's to see you, pretend I didn't say so.

(End of this chapter)