rich concubine

Chapter 1451 The feeling of still being in the world

Everyone knew that Mingyue didn't like Qi Zichen, and she almost wrote her dislike on her face. No matter how nice Qi Zichen was to her, she would not have other feelings.

Some people may think that Ming Yue is arrogant because of being favored, and that they don't take him seriously. If she doesn't have the favor, she is nothing. But who has ever thought about it from Ming Yue's perspective? , what exactly does she want, just like Rong Yi at the beginning, everyone is trying to persuade her, since things have come to this, why not just accept it, and know that it is not a different world?
Everyone knows that an arm can't twist a thigh, and they will all tell the truth. They have already been grateful for this favor, instead of being like them, holding something that others can't get, and getting it cheap. Be good.

But in fact, Baozhu was right. Those who know the current affairs are heroes. What's more, Mingyue herself is a weak woman with no power to restrain a chicken. Now she can sit here so well and enjoy so many people. Serving and taking care of her, if it weren't for Qi Zichen's love for her, how could she have the happy life today?

If Qi Zichen had only treated her as a hostage back then, I'm afraid that she would be really in dire straits now, and even her life would be a problem.

This made Mingyue couldn't help but think of herself back then. At that time, she learned about the general and Madam Fu next to him. People in the capital talked a lot and described the two people as extremely hateful. However, through Lin Zhun, Mingyue also knew the facts. It has long been distorted by outsiders. The love and hatred between the two of them could be published in a book. At first, it was not all about love and reluctance. They took advantage of each other by force and used power to suppress each other. The beginning of man...

Mingyue remembered it very clearly. At that time, she also said that Mrs. Fu was really fierce. As long as she bent down, her life would be much easier than she imagined. A man, especially a man like a general, would be willing to have sex with her. He worked so hard and played with such thoughts just to keep her by his side. After all, he had true feelings for her.

At that time, I just sighed that Mrs. Fu was in the game and couldn't see how favored and special she was. Even outsiders would be worried for her when they saw it. Why didn't she understand?You obviously have a good deck of cards in your hand!But it turns out that when I was in the middle of the game, I couldn't analyze the interests very rationally. I didn't care about my truest thoughts at all and only pursued the best results.

Mingyue clearly remembers how calm and rational she used to be. Even if the country was ruined and the family was destroyed, she was reduced from the daughter of a noble family to the point where she was almost sold out. There were so many changes during this period that her waist was damaged. Because she is aware of current affairs, she has always been clear-headed and knows what is best for herself. She can also quickly analyze the pros and cons and choose the path that suits her best without any hesitation. Mingyue knows very well in her heart, She is no longer the wealthy eldest daughter of that noble family. She has become a dispensable person in this world. If she wants to live, she must accept this and accept that she will be lost among others and drift with the crowd.

However, she can figure out everything and can persuade herself to make the most correct choice. Only in terms of feelings, she cannot turn a blind eye or pretend to be pretentious.

She can also stay by his side in order to survive as she did before. If he wants to give birth to a child by herself, she can obediently give him a child. In short, he is very good to himself. Since he has such a feeling for himself, Friendship, the glory and wealth that I thought about when I stayed by his side was not a difficult thing. This was the best choice.

But she, who was usually so bright, seemed to be stuck here at this juncture. She clearly felt that her pitiful self-esteem was lashing her conscience, and asked herself over and over again if she was going to live like this for the rest of her life. , follow the trend, go with the flow, maximize benefits, regardless of the true thoughts in the heart, like a conceited villain.

Suddenly, all the negative emotions over the years suddenly enveloped her. She didn't want to lose her guard over this matter and lose herself again. She clearly felt that she didn't want to follow him, and she didn't want to lose herself again. Again and again, just to "hang on and survive".

And the most important thing is that what she can't let go of is her feelings for another person.The man who pulled her out of the abyss at the darkest moment of her life, who was willing to fight against the entire family for her, also wanted to keep her safe. He was infamy for her but was still gentle and delicate, with no regrets... …

Mingyue knew very well in her heart that if she were herself back then, she would be a good match for him, but now she is not worthy of him, who has a pure family background and noble character.

Even if Qi Zichen is not there, even if she still stays in the capital, maybe one day she will smile and watch him marry a noble lady, and they will be happy, harmonious, and have a smooth life from now on.

This is what she wants too.

He is so good, how can I drag him down?He is really a man that people like very much and can't let go of. He obviously has a bright future, but he dares to almost break up with his family for himself. How many men can do this?

However, it is precisely because of this that he cannot harm him. It would be a great loss for him to be entangled with him for a lifetime if he is such a good person.

At first, when Qi Zichen brought her to Chitan Country, Mingyue comforted herself like this. She told herself that her departure might be a relief for him. From now on, he would have one less trouble. Maybe he would listen to his parents obediently, marry a good girl, and spend the rest of his life smoothly.

But the more she thought about it, the more uncomfortable she felt. After all, she was not the Virgin. She couldn't smile and wish the man she loved a happy marriage with another woman. While she wanted him to have a good life, she also looked forward to it. If one day How great would it be if he could appear in front of him like a god descending into the world and take him away?

These two contradictory thoughts were intertwined, like a cancer, taking root in the depths of her heart and growing bigger and bigger, making her more and more gloomy and depressed. Now her whole person is extremely depressed. On weekdays, She couldn't say a few words and closed herself in her own space. She disliked communicating with others less and less, and she didn't know who she was competing with.

Sometimes she even felt that it was meaningless to live like this, with an empty soul and empty thoughts, no, the thoughts were twisted and twisted. She wished she could empty her mind and not think about anything, just like a zombie all day long. Living a normal life left her with no hope of life. What was funny was that occasionally when Qi Zichen was around, when she resisted, she felt like she was still in the world.

……

(End of this chapter)