Pictures of pomegranates

Chapter 4 Another one

No one knows Zhang Zhaodi's choice, because it is a choice that cannot be seen in the light. The answer is hidden in the small handbag that was accidentally dropped just now.In her handbag were two boxes of newly-prescribed sleeping pills. These two newly-acquired pills, plus the tablets she had previously prescribed from different small clinics, were enough to commit suicide.

Suicide, which sounds very offensive, is a taboo topic that everyone avoids.

Zhang Zhaodi is also very aware of its disadvantages. She has heard that in Christianity, suicide is regarded as a very serious sin.Because suicide violates God's teachings, that is, "Thou shalt not kill." Suicide is a contempt for God's salvation. It can also be said to be giving up God's gift. The person who commits suicide will always be trapped in hell and become a soul that will never be forgiven.

However, this very bad thought haunted Zhang Zhaodi for a long time.

Because the life she experienced was like an endless spider web, and she was just a little insect trapped in the web, unable to fight back.The result is that as an ordinary person, the more she struggles and works hard in life, the less necessary she seems to continue to live.

The reason why Zhang Zhaodi has been struggling is that she can't pass the final hurdle in her heart, but now she can make up her mind without hesitation because Fan Guang proposed to her yesterday.This proposal made Zhang Zhaodi's mother get her wish, and their wedding was just around the corner.

Zhang Zhaodi thought about this, and that unspeakable emotion came to her mind again, and the voice sounded in her brain again: "You are not happy, you are really not happy at all, no one cares about you or truly loves you, go to hell, die If you can be liberated, you can be happy!”

Thinking of this, Zhang Zhaodi asked in a low voice: "Why do you think that girl jumped off the building?"

"What do you care about her? Don't people have accidents in Weili Building every year? Live your own life. Darwin said that survival of the fittest is a natural phenomenon. Who cares what others do? If you just jump off the building if you are unhappy, there is really no need for people to exist, right? ." Fan Guang said disdainfully.

Zhang Zhaodi turned her head and glanced at Fan Guang who was driving, feeling strange in her heart. If a person commits suicide just because he is unhappy, does that person really deserve to die?She always felt that there was a sober indifference in Fan Guang, and she could vaguely feel the reality of weighing pros and cons in a man's bones.

Does he really love himself?Will he cry when he dies?Could it be that he deserved it?She didn't know and didn't want to know.

Zhang Zhaodi had never been in a relationship before, and Fan Guang was her first boyfriend. It was not that she had no one chasing her before, but she was not interested in those chasing her.Falling in love with someone who has no interest in her is better than living comfortably by herself. Until her father suddenly passed away and her mother collapsed emotionally, she was at a loss. The big boy from the neighbor who stayed by her side slowly became her boyfriend.

Thinking of this, Zhang Zhaodi sighed again, as if talking to himself: "Hey, what are people living for?"

"For what? In a small way, it's about honoring the ancestors, and in a big way, it's about revitalizing China and changing the world..."

Fan Guang's mouth opened and closed. You didn't need to look at Zhang Zhaodi to know that his eyes must be shining at this time, and he was always high-spirited for a bright future.Zhang Zhaodi thought more than once in her heart that she was really different from him, and she would never be able to understand his longing, desire and reality.

Living in a big house, driving a nice car, eating big meals, and spending money like water. If this is what ordinary people pursue for a better future, then Zhang Zhaodi has already had such a life, and has had enough of it.

"Did that girl commit suicide because she couldn't honor her ancestors?"

"Maybe, she must have suffered some kind of blow, or maybe she can't survive! Poor, if she were stronger..." Fan Guang wanted to continue, but was interrupted rudely by Zhang Zhaodi.She said: "It's not necessarily that she can't live anymore, maybe she thinks life is boring. Not everyone wants to honor their ancestors, but I don't!"

"You, you insist on quarreling with me, why is life interesting or not? You must be too idle and fragile, you see..." What Fan Guang said always made Zhang Zhaodi distracted. Just like now, she didn't want to hear a word.

Zhang Zhaodi lowered her head silently. She suddenly thought of her mother, who often felt like she could not communicate.

Her mother was a middle-level leader of a small public institution before she retired from illness, and her deceased father was in the same situation.However, the arrogant father was not very good at handling complex interpersonal relationships. After several ups and downs, he became discouraged and stubbornly chose to resign from public office and go to work.

The parents once had a fierce quarrel over this matter, and the two of them once almost divorced. Even the only daughter Zhang Zhaodi had no time to take care of it.Unexpectedly, after resigning, his father's life seemed to be on the hook. The small factory he set up grew bigger and bigger, and the family became richer and richer.

Finally, the money his father earned appeased his irritable mother, and they no longer quarreled.

In those years, as the only daughter in the family, Zhang Zhaodi lived a very comfortable life. She had no worries about food and clothing, and spent money like water.It was this kind of nourishment that overwhelmed her daily life that made her feel restless, with an indescribable emptiness and weakness in her heart.She even envied those classmates around her who worked hard for their grades.

Compared with the college students around her, she felt like an alien, in a vacuum where she was unable to struggle.When it comes to studies, parents say just be happy; when it comes to finding a job, parents say just be happy; when it comes to future planning, parents still say just be happy.

Money changed her family beyond recognition. Her parents let her go, and they also let themselves go.My parents had gone from arguing non-stop every day to being indifferent all day long. The house was as quiet as a tomb, and everyone just wanted to be happy.

What exactly is happiness?
Just when Zhang Zhaodi was thinking wildly, a dark wall of people appeared in front of the road, and Fan Guang stopped the car carefully.

"Wait for me in the car. I'll go see what's going on in front of you. You won't run into another performance, right?" In front of the road is a large artificial lake and a large lakeside stage. There are often some free bands on holidays. Come perform here.

With that said, Fan Guang got out of the car and walked forward. After a while, he came back with a pale face.

"Why don't you say anything? What happened in front of you? So many people gathered there, it's already 08:30 in the evening!" Zhang Zhaodi asked after seeing that he had been silent since he came back.

"The peace of mind in July is really crazy. A girl just jumped into the lake in front of her. She said that she cut her wrists before jumping into the lake. There is no sign of survival at all!"

"Huh??? How could this happen? Are you a student??"

(End of this chapter)