It's a diary

Chapter 159 5.10
It's still raining.The continuous rain made the ground, which was not flat, have many small puddles.

I just stood on the corridor on the top floor, leaning on the railing with my hands, looking at the scenery in the distance.

I saw the tops of several mountains and saw a few people walking by in the white rain.

The raindrops, which were not too big or too small, floated on my body. I was unmoved and still just looked into the distance quietly.

I didn't last long. The smell of rain falling on my face was not pleasant. Moreover, my hair was only washed yesterday.

I sat back in my seat, read the book, and wrote for a while. Finally, after failing to solve the problem again, I closed the book and put away the pen that I had gradually gotten used to.

Turn on the phone and write this article that should be sent out tonight. I don’t know what it is.

The mood is dull, just like the current weather.

Even with headphones on, I still heard the chirping of the birds perched on the willow tree below.

Crisp, ethereal...

Anyway, it doesn’t sound like what the human world should sound like.

I should probably say something else.Because I really want to say it.

About the meaning of life, about the silence of love and hate, and about every minute of my life...

I said that I was scared by an obedient puppy and took five or six steps back. I talked about the rainbow after a heavy rain. I told more stories about my childhood...

Can't speak.

I don’t know why, I think, no matter where you start talking about it, it seems a little pretentious.So whether to say it or not, how to say it, and what to say all depends on the pen I am holding now.

Of all the people I have met in my life, good people probably account for the vast majority.

I don’t know how to define the word “good” among these good people.

Some of them are just good for me.Some people treat everyone the same.

To be honest, I prefer the former.Who can control blatant favoritism?

But in this case, can he still be considered a good person?Maybe he is a good person in my life, but he is a bad person in the eyes of others.

But how do you define good or bad?

I also want to be a bad guy, blatantly bad, and natural.

It's not scary to be obviously bad. What's really scary is those people who are usually polite and amiable to everyone.Because you don't know when he will jump up and bite you.

Oops, it seems like I have become this kind of person.

But I can only do the first half, but I can't suddenly turn around and bite others like a poisonous snake.

I don't know why.People often judge me as a good person based on this, but I feel annoyed because I am obviously a bad person.

He has the most terrifying, vile and dirty thoughts, is cold and ruthless, and is almost crazy to the extreme.

And that latter.I always thought they were just having fun.Sadly, I actually saw myself in it.

Many days and nights, during countless moments when I was tossing and turning and unable to fall asleep, I remembered what the doctor wearing glasses in Beiyu said:
"I can tell from the poem you wrote that you are so passionate..."

passionate.

passionate.

This word has been spinning in my mind.

Doesn't being passionate mean being ruthless?

Am I ruthless?

Among the many things I have said about the past, I seem to have nothing to do with this word.

But I am certain that I am very ruthless.

I was particularly sad at first, thinking that I had lost the ability to perceive emotions in the world.

Later, I discovered that this is engraved in everyone’s bones.It's not just me, everyone is the same.

It's just that they didn't notice it.

So it's very sad.

This is a hard fact to accept.

I wrote the above before the evening self-study, and now I want to continue writing.After deleting, deleting, and revising, it seems like nothing can be written.

Rather than say something more abrupt and inconsistent with the previous article, it is better to stop here.

Lie down lazily for a while and go to bed early and late.

The rain never stopped.

There was thunder near the end of school.Even now, it thunders from time to time.

But if you listen carefully, it seems that the rain is about to stop.

The sound of rain is sometimes slow and sometimes urgent...

One day passed amid the patter of rain.

(End of this chapter)