You promised to make a bad movie, but your box office exceeded 10 billion?

Chapter 218 Just a table, a chair, and a foot
Soon, an extra table appeared on the stage, with two people in coats.

What puzzled the audience was that they knew one of the two people, but they couldn't compete with each other in cross talk.

As for the other one, I have never heard of it.

"Hello everyone, my name is Yun She. I'm here today to tell you a cross talk. If it's not good, please bear with me."

The unknown Yunshe smiled kindly and handed everyone, "The person next to me, I believe everyone knows him, is the famous outlaw, Luo Xiang."

"What kind of outlaw?"

"I teach law!"

"Outlaws are the example I often give."

Teacher Luo Xiang spat and started to take action.

"Oh, you teach law?"

Yun She turned to look at Luo Xiang, with hurtful doubts in his eyes.

Teacher Luo Xiang clenched his fists and almost wanted to hit someone.

Only then did Yun She speak again, "Well, let me ask you a legal question."

"Oh?"

"You want to test me on legal issues?"

Luo Xiang, whose fists were clenched, had a smile on his face. This was the confidence of a law teacher. "What's the problem? Let's talk about it."

"How long will a person's sentence be?"

Yunshe looked at Luo Xiang nervously.

Luo Xiang looked at Yunshe in shock.

"Is this the one I understand?"

Yunshe smiled proudly, "This word is not that word, but the 'word-of-mouth literature' of the current Internet."

"Oral literature?"

Luo Xiang's small eyes were full of doubts.

"This oral literature is said to have originated from a certain platform that did not allow 'beat, kill, kill' in the beginning. Words such as beat, kill, and death needed to be replaced with letters."

Yun She explained, "If they have the same initial letter, use uppercase and lowercase letters to distinguish them. For example, use a big S for death and a small s for death."

"Big S and little S will probably be pissed to death after hearing this."

Teacher Luo Xiang seemed to have understood what Yunshe was going to say, and he also felt angry in his heart.

Yunshe chuckled, looked at the audience and continued, "But this is still too cumbersome, so later on, fighting, youth, and all kinds of things were simply expressed verbally."

"Killing all over the place became a mouthful of people, killing people like crazy became talking about people like talking, "Kill Bill" became "Kill Bill", killing people in Cao Cao's dreams became people in Cao Cao's dreams."

"He lives up to his name!"

Teacher Luo gave a compliment at the right time.

[God TM lives up to his name, Cao Kou, the friend of wives, really lives up to his name! 】

【Juejuezi】

[Indeed, blocking words now is so disgusting, I am completely speechless]

At this time, the audience began to come to their senses. Although these two were not professional cross talk actors, their performances were decent, and what they said resonated with many young people. Naturally, I quickly accepted that this was a cross talk setting.

"Every time I read the section of Changbanpo, it was said that the soldiers were not allowed to kill Zhao Zilong, but they actually made Zhao Zilong talk seven times in and seven out."

Yunshe looked at Teacher Luo next to him again, so there was still a legal question here, "Is this considered an attempted rape by a soldier, or is it considered Zhao Zilong's deliberate over-defense and intentional rape?"

Teacher Luo held his chin with his hand and seemed to be thinking carefully. After a moment, he gave the answer, "It probably belongs to the person who made the mistake!"

[Hahaha, laugh to death, professional counterpart]

"If it ends here, maybe it's nothing. In the adult world, it doesn't matter if you don't fight or kill."

Yun She looked at the audience again, "But it's much more than that!"

"Slowly, listening to my mother's words turned into listening to what my mother said."

"Then, eating exquisite food became a delicious food, and the emotional color became a taste."

"In the end, the darkness will pass, and the light will be eternal, and the darkness will pass, and the light will be eternal."

"Oh, it's amazing!"

Teacher Luo's blood pressure has soared, "Then according to what you say, how will we communicate in the future?"

"Then I'll give Teacher Luo a section?"

Yunshe looked at Teacher Luo.

"Then let's do it for a while!"

Teacher Luo looked at Yunshe in a leisurely manner.

"The breasts were sore. After I put her on the bed, I took her temperature. Then I quickly gave her water to drink. She was fine during the day. People were having oral sex at the door, so why did they suddenly have oral sex at night?"

Yunshe nodded with satisfaction, looked at Teacher Luo, and motioned for him to comment on his performance just now.

"Good guy!"

"I'm already full of mouths and mouths."

Teacher Luo shook his head gently, "The more mosaic it is, the more curious I am. The less emotional it is, the more erotic it becomes."

"That's right!"

The roles were reversed, and Yun She started to praise him, "At first, this was probably done for defense, which should have been a good thing, but suddenly one day, when everyone saw Kou Kou, they thought of killing him. ...After seeing one-time teaching, everyone will wonder whether the author originally wrote about one-time teaching. When seeing pure white, people will think of white..."

"Hey, isn't that what Mr. Lu Xun said?"

Teacher Luo is worthy of being an educated person. He quoted from classics and said, "When I see short sleeves, I immediately think of white arms, immediately think of whole body, immediately think of straight penis, immediately think of surname intercourse, immediately think of hybridization, immediately think of illegitimate child, Chinese people Only at this level can our imagination make such a leap."

"That's probably it!"

Yun She nodded, "If things continue like this, there will only be two words in the entire article in the future, one is a spoken word, and the other is also a spoken word!"

"Understood!"

Teacher Luo suddenly realized, "This is called over-defense!"

"Yes, defense is a good thing, but the world of adults should not have only one color. They also have the right to see black, white and gray, as well as red, yellow and blue."

Yun She has turned to look at the audience, "If they can only see white, they won't be able to distinguish between black and white, and white will become black!"

"Yes!"

Teacher Luo nodded, "Just like we need to see that there are good people in this world, we also need to see that there is also Zhang San in this world. Only when we see Zhang San can we be wary of other Zhang Sans and be wary of the Zhang San in our own hearts. , can you understand why good people are good people!"

"So I often think that oral literature is not necessarily about defense, but about not being defensive and not acting."

"It's not that the text is too sensitive, but that some parts are too lazy. Such inaction and laziness are worrying things."

[Some Jiang Novel Network, come out and get beaten]

[Isn’t this the current situation of Guangyu Chat?]

[That’s so right. If he hadn’t blocked me, I wouldn’t have thought wildly. After all, what normal person would have any doubts about “taking your temperature”? 】

[There is no way. The amount of information is so huge now that it is impossible to review it manually. All of it is replaced with keywords directly by the program. This is the result]

[Fuck, I just realized that I was watching the Spring Festival Gala. Can I say this? 】

[Old thief, he is so bold! 】

[This is just the beginning, now I am suddenly looking forward to the following programs]

[I’m so excited. I hope the old thief will stop immediately. I want to see more of his works.]

"Thank you everyone for listening to our chat here!"

Yun She cupped her hands and clasped her fists in all directions, "I hope that one day when we stand here, we don't have to just talk. In that case, the money will be very profitable!"

"Hey, that's right, thank you guys!"

Teacher Luo also clasped his fists, and then the two of them retreated.

The two hosts came to the stage and said, "Dear audience friends, this year is quite special. On New Year's Eve, many hard-working workers still insist on working at their jobs. In our capital, Beijing, there is such a young man, He can't go home because of work and is worried."

"What kind of story does he have? Next, please let us enjoy the sketch - there will be no holiday on New Year's Eve this year!"

The two hosts slowly left the stage. At this time, a young man walked onto the stage with a sad face and said, "Oh, I am really worried about the Chinese New Year this year. I said I would go on a trip with my family, but the leader suddenly said I would take time off and would not let him go on New Year's Eve."

"You tell me, I have worked hard for a year and just want to go home early. This is great. All the leaders are gone, and only us employees are left working here." "I'm talking about Xiao Wang."

Just then, a fat middle-aged man walked in from the door.

"boss!"

The young man looked at the fat middle-aged man in panic.

The fat middle-aged man continued, "The company's operation cannot stop for a day. You have to understand!"

Young man: "But I..."

Boss: "Hey, for the sake of the company, we are determined not to take a holiday!"

Young man: "Okay! Then I will stand on this last shift just like thousands of migrant workers!"

"it is good!"

The fat middle-aged man praised, "In this case, you call home to make sure everything is safe, and we can continue to work!"

"it is good!"

The young man nodded like a chicken pecking at rice, then took out his mobile phone and said, "Hey, Mom, I didn't buy a ticket. I can't go back today."

A voice came from the phone, "I haven't gotten off work yet, and I still have 30 pages of PPT to finish. I won't tell you more, so I'll hang up now!"

The fat middle-aged man listened with tears streaming down his face, "Xiao Wang, you are really a loyal family, and you are all good workers!"

"Ok!"

The young man nodded heavily, "Don't worry, boss, I will work hard and be grateful to the motherland and the company. It wasn't until this moment that I realized how special this New Year's Eve is!"

“I really enjoy going to work!”

"I am happy to attend the New Year's class, and I am full of joy to start my New Year's work. The company is a big family, and my colleagues are my family. How can a New Year's Eve not spent in the company be considered a Chinese New Year!!!"

After Xiao Wang finished speaking, a group of people suddenly gathered around him, "The boss just bought a few kilograms of dumpling wrappers. After working overtime in the evening, he asked us to make dumplings and smash them together!"

"Okay, then you guys work hard, I'll go home for the New Year first!"

The fat middle-aged man applauded and praised, then turned and walked out, leaving behind a group of beaming workers.

"Xiao Wang is so good!"

"Workers like Xiao Wang are all good people!"

The stage was covered by a curtain, and the two hosts walked onto the stage again. Silly Bening praised with a smile on his face.

“It’s so hard to still work during this big holiday!”

Wang Binbin took over the topic.

“Celebrating New Year’s Eve is not everything in life, celebrating the New Year is!”

Silly Bening replied with a smile, "If he doesn't work hard, how can he be an excellent worker and build a beautiful New China!"

Wang Binbin: "I am so touched by what you said. I have decided not to retire when I am 60 years old. I will continue to be a worker who works from dawn to dusk!"

Silly Bening: "Yes! Be a worker who works from dawn to dusk!"

clap clap clap...

There was warm applause from the audience.

It took a while for the applause to stop, but it was foolish of Bening to continue, "Just now the two teachers mentioned oral literature, which is indeed a kind of chaos, but the two teachers just now were worried that this would cause the disappearance of words and make the text disappear. Everyone can’t communicate, but I don’t think so.”

"Oh? How can we communicate without text?"

Wang Binbin looked at Silly Bening with a curious look on his face, and his slightly puzzled eyes immediately made many viewers cute.

"Shhhhhh..."

Silly Bening whistled lamely, and Wang Binbin gave a confused expression, which also made the audience full of questions.

"Hahaha……"

Silly Bening laughed awkwardly, "Sometimes, you don't need words to express the meaning, even pictures!"

"Please enjoy the ventriloquist performance below..."

"So, were you performing ventriloquism just now?"

However, Wang Binbin's next question directly became a killer question, causing the audience in front of the screen to burst into laughter.

Amidst the bursts of laughter, the two hosts had already exited the stage.

In the center of the stage, a table has been placed. The table is covered with a black cloth, and there is nothing except a folding fan and a ruler.

Sitting on the Taishi chair behind the table was a lean old man wearing a long gown and a melon-pipe hat, holding a folding fan in his hand.

"There is a person who is good at verbal skills in the capital. He holds a banquet with guests and sits in a barrier with only a table, a chair, and a foot."

As the narration began, the old man spread his hands to show everyone the small wooden table in front of him, patted the chair he was sitting on, and finally picked up the ruler and patted it gently on the wooden table as the narration continued.

"But when I heard the touch of a ruler in the barrier, everyone sat in silence, and no one dared to make a scene."

Snapped!
"I heard the barking of dogs in the deep alley..."

Wang Wang Wang...

The old man behind the table adjusted his mouth shape, and then there was a sound of dog barking. This sound seemed to come from a distance after many obstacles, and the word "deep alley" was vividly displayed.

As soon as he opened his mouth, his profound skills were clearly revealed.

"There was a woman who was so frightened that she couldn't stretch her legs..."

Then as the narration continued, the old man continued to imitate and make various sounds. It was obviously just one person, and it was obviously just a mouth shared by everyone, but as these sounds came out, pictures naturally emerged in people's minds.

The moment the old man spoke, all the audience in front of the screen held their breath, as if they were afraid of disturbing the old man who was performing.

For them who are used to seeing singing and dancing, this kind of performance is refreshing for them.

Everyone has heard about ventriloquism since they were children. For most people, it is indeed the first time they see it. Only then do they realize that this art that ancient people began to appreciate hundreds of years ago is so shocking!
Generally speaking, ventriloquism performances require a screen to separate the performer from the audience, because the performer's performance will attract the audience's attention and prevent the audience from being better immersed in the sound.

But this time the old man removed the screen. This is the confidence of an old artist!
"At this time, the sounds of the woman slapping the baby, whimpering, the baby crying with milk in his mouth, the older child just waking up, and the husband yelling at the older child, all came out at once, all wonderful things!"

As the narration started, in an instant, five or six voices came out of the old man's mouth at the same time. The originally single scene instantly became lively, as if it really led the audience into the family's bedroom.

【what? 】

[It’s fake, this was recorded in advance, right? 】

[My mother asked me why I knelt down to watch the Spring Festival Gala]

[Obviously he only has one mouth, so why can he make so many sounds at the same time? 】

Just like what is said in the book, at this moment, all the viewers in front of the screen stretched their necks, glanced sideways, and sighed silently, thinking it was wonderful!

For most people, drawing a circle with the left hand and a square with the right hand is already an impossible task. But now, what this old man is showing is that he can present five or six sounds at the same time!

This difficulty is far more difficult than the left and right circles. As the audience said, a person has two hands but only one mouth!

Although he was just sitting quietly on the stage performing alone, the performance was thrilling and completely attracted the audience's attention.

Just when everyone thought this was the limit, the next fire-fighting scene made the audience couldn't help but look up and look out the window.

The sound of burning flames is vivid, the sound of houses collapsing makes people's hearts tremble, and the sounds of splashing water, cries for help, and snatching are even more immersive, no, the sounds are immersive.

If the scene in the woman's house just now was just a mixture of five or six voices, then at this time, there were more than ten kinds of voices mixed together.

The old man is not only displayed, but also well-proportioned and not chaotic at all. This is absolutely impossible to achieve without decades of hard practice. This kind of art that has been polished over countless years can bring the audience into that place. In this kind of ingenuity, it seems to have received a spiritual cleansing.

This is more than just an art show!

The performance had been over for a while, and the audience came back to their senses. By this time, the old man, the tables and chairs had been removed, and Silly Bening and Wang Binbin had returned to the center of the stage. They seemed to be still immersed in the performance just now. He stood on the stage blankly and did not speak immediately.

"The ancients said that a thousand armies are easy to get but a general is hard to find. I didn't believe it before, but now, I really believe it. This old gentleman can perform the momentum of thousands of troops by himself!"

After a while, Silly Bening said exaggeratedly.

"Yes, I didn't expect that the old gentleman could complete such a complicated performance by himself. He is really a master among the people!"

Wang Binbin praised it.

"That's right, the masters are among the people!"

Silly Bening continued, "It is said that there are many dog-slaughters who slaughter righteous people. The ancients do not deceive me. In real life, there is such a dog-slaughter. He did something that is difficult to evaluate, but it really helped many people. matter."

"Next, please enjoy the sketch - "I'm Not the God of Medicine"!"

Yes, this is Su You's confidence in directing this Spring Festival Gala.

Although he didn’t have a ready-made party to copy homework from, he could simplify the finished movie, rearrange it, and turn it into a sketch!
(End of this chapter)