i'm not a bad man

Chapter 117 What a fool
Saozhu seems to like the title of "Rock Godmother" very much, and with everyone's encouragement, he really accepted my performance idea. He will transform into a female drummer on the day of the charity performance to liven up the atmosphere. In line with my interpretation of the spirit of rock and roll, the so-called rock and roll must be about liberating nature. The so-called liberating nature is to break the spiritual barriers. At that moment, face the inner demons and monsters, which can be ferocious, evil, vulgar, or just. Awe-inspiring, caring about the world...

Of course, a coquettish pig does not have the realm of caring about the world, so release the demons and ghosts in your heart and please yourself and others at the same time.

……

Before I knew it, it was getting dark.This day's rehearsal was very fruitful for us. We have been able to perform the ensemble together with a certain degree of completion. This is due to the tacit understanding between Tu Lin, Sao Zhu and Zuo Xiaowei. We have collaborated with each other many times in the bar before. I am a regular visitor to the bar. Although I have not participated in it, I have listened to it a lot and I understand their cooperation habits very well, so I can integrate smoothly; the rest are Shanhe brother and Lao Yang, the professional skills of the two of them are beyond words. As long as we have ideas, they can quickly understand them and even take the initiative to make up for some minor mistakes we made during the performance. This saves us a lot of running-in. pressure.

At this time, the women were all tired, especially Qiao Jiao, who had no sense of participation, and had fallen asleep on the sofa. Zuo Xiaowei and Lu Xi were also leaning on the backs of their chairs, closing their eyes to relax. .

Band rehearsal is indeed a very tiring thing, especially at this stage when the tacit understanding has not yet been completely formed. The strangeness between each other can only be eliminated through a lot of training. Therefore, the few of us men were also a little sluggish, and then They each lit a cigarette and chatted from time to time to relax their highly tense spirits.

Looking at the street lights outside that turned on at some unknown time, I suddenly felt that something was missing. It was Ren Ran. She didn't come to my place this whole day, and she didn't even make a phone call.

Just when I was thinking about why Ren Ran didn't come, Saozhu had already put out the cigarette in his hand and said to me: "That's it for today. The bar will be open soon. I have to keep an eye on it."

I looked at the time and saw that it was already 06:30 in the evening, so I didn’t force Saozhu to stay. Tu Lin and Brother Shanhe hit it off immediately. Tu Lin suggested going to Saozhu’s bar for a drink, and Brother Shanhe followed them. Lao Yang didn't stay long because he had a performance in the evening; as soon as they left, there were only four people left in the room: me, Lu Xi, Qiao Jiao and Zuo Xiaowei.

This evening, I will definitely not go anywhere, because I am the initiator of this charity performance, and the burden on me is naturally heavier than others. I have to take advantage of my free time to compile the scores of other pieces and After the score is produced, some adaptations must be made appropriately. This workload is extremely huge.

Qiao Jiao yawned and said to Lu Xi: "Suddenly I want to eat Japanese food. Let's go eat Japanese food tonight?"

"My parents have returned to Qingdao, and we have made an appointment to have dinner with them tonight... If you are alone, come and eat with us."

Qiao Jiao hesitated for a moment and replied: "I haven't seen your parents in almost half a year, and Lu Ming... He is about to get married, and I haven't met his fiancée yet. Let's have dinner together." ?”

"Well, they are together too."

"I remember that Lu Ming has been the dream boy of all the girls in the school since junior high school. I'm really curious as to what kind of woman he will marry in the end... Hurry up and let me go see your future sister-in-law."

Qiao Jiao has always had such a fiery character. After saying that, she picked up her purse and without saying hello to me, she took Lu Xi and left my residence; maybe she was really curious, and I I am also a little curious about Lu Xi’s sister-in-law, because from what she said to Lu Xi, I saw her understanding of life. This kind of understanding is not something ordinary people have. She must have experienced a lot; originally , we had a chance to meet, but we avoided it by accident, especially last time, when I was intercepted by Qiao Jiao’s father. If I were to pick up Lu Xi and her at the airport, I must have met her before. .

……

These people seemed to have deliberately left my residence to me and Zuo Xiaowei. After Qiao Jiao and Lu Xi also left, Zuo Xiaowei and I were really the only ones left in the house. Today, I did not drink. I am more awake than ever, so when I face Zuo Xiaowei alone, I feel a little embarrassed. This embarrassment comes from the uncertainty in my heart. I really don’t know what relationship should be used to define Zuo Xiaowei and me. She regarded her as her girlfriend, but nothing happened between us. Just last night, we slept in the same bed... and now, night has fallen again.

Zuo Xiaowei cleaned up the cigarette butts and drink cans we left in the house. After that, I thought she would make dinner, but she picked up her handbag from the table, and then unplugged the charging mobile phone. , said to me: "My music producer will return to BJ from Hong Kong tomorrow. I have to go back and talk to him about the follow-up release. I will come back the day after tomorrow, and I won’t take the suitcase with me."

I was a little surprised, and Zuo Xiaowei said to me: "I can't help it, this is a temporary schedule... Don't worry, it won't delay your charity performance. Just mark the places where you need accompaniment, and I'll go over it." Can remember."

"I either doubt your professional ability, or I think you are too tired from traveling back and forth like this."

"It's very convenient to take the bullet train." After a short pause, Zuo Xiaowei continued: "Even if I'm tired, I think it's worth it... because when I paid for you, you also paid for me unconditionally... You write My producer spoke highly of those songs. He said that I have a high chance of making these songs popular. He also praised my talent and said that these songs have not been domesticated, standardized or modeled by society. culturalized, but in line with the current public aesthetics. He saw a very top musicality and creative ability in these songs. This is actually a recognition of you... You know, my producer is a very prestigious person in the industry. Gold medal producer, the reason why he cooperated with me is because he liked what you wrote. He felt that I had the potential to become famous. It was with his care and support that I had the opportunity to cherish my feathers. , there is no need to betray yourself in order to grab resources... If I can really succeed, he is my Bole, and you are my soul!" I have never been able to truly see through Zuo Xiaowei's heart, but I believe that these words They are all words from her heart. It is precisely because she is in such a mood that she has such dependence and devotion to me. But I don’t want such devotion. I gave these songs to her, just hoping that I could make a difference to her. Some compensation instead of letting her sink deeper and deeper.

However, it seems that it is really difficult to have that kind of [-]% understanding between people, so there seems to be some incomprehension between Zuo Xiaowei and me.

……

After Zuo Xiaowei left, I cooked a bowl of noodles for dinner and then started to get busy. It was already 11:30 in the middle of the night.

I closed the computer, went to the rooftop, and then habitually leaned on the guardrail and lit a cigarette... I was a little uncomfortable with the sudden desertion, and couldn't help but think of the scene of drinking here with everyone last night.

I don’t know why, but since I said goodbye to the RV and moved to a house, I dislike the feeling after leaving less and less. When I think about it again, I understand: when I had the RV before, I seemed to have a pair of freedom. Wings, you can leave if you want, stay if you want; therefore, I will always be the one who leaves; now, I have settled down and no longer have the freedom I had before, so I have become the one who is separated, so It seems that what I hate is not separation, but that I am the passive one when we are separated, because whoever is passive will be reduced to the role of watcher... Watcher is a word full of persecution in my eyes, and its badness , second only to asking but not getting.

I spit out the cigarette in my mouth, then turned around and leaned against the guardrail, no longer looking at the psychedelic and seemingly endless city below me; I took out my mobile phone from my pocket, and finally took the initiative to call anyone who had not contacted me. Ran made a phone call.

After a while, Ren Ran answered the call, and I asked first: "Why didn't you come to my place today?"

"I can't help you much. If I go, I will only cause trouble for you."

Ren Ran's tone sounded a little cold. She had never treated me like this before, and I couldn't help but be speechless.

In my silence, she asked me again: "Did Xiaowei stay at your place last night?"

"Not leaving."

"Are you a little too crazy?"

I was silent again for a while, but this time I finally spoke: "Why do you say that to me?"

"I think your current state is even more messed up than when Luan Yu left you... At least you were only hurting yourself at that time, but now you are hurting others and yourself... Han Chao, act like a normal person Is life really that difficult for you?"

I swallowed subconsciously, and then looked up at the sky. There were no stars in the sky, only the lights of an airplane flickering in the southwest. I felt lonely because of this. No, I was already lonely before talking to Ren Ran. But I still smiled and asked Ren Ran on the other end of the phone: "What is the life of a normal person like?"

"Where are you?"

"On the roof."

"If you look down and see the cars on the elevated highway going home, you should know how a normal person should live... You have to fight for yourself to have a home. You have a home, no matter where you are. , no matter how late you go back, you will always have expectations in your heart, because there will always be a light on for you... Under the light, there is your wife and children, you love them, and they love you very much..."

(End of this chapter)