i'm not a bad man

Chapter 130
Faced with Lu Xi's invitation, I still didn't seem so straightforward. This was an emotional extension. When I hesitated whether to go back to live in the small town with Zuo Xiaowei, I was actually already a little moved. If If I decide to go with Zuo Xiaowei, there is no need to have too much interaction with Lu Xi. Being caught between the two, indecision is the biggest pain. I am a person who is very afraid of pain, so in order to avoid pain, sometimes He doesn't even hesitate to be a cruel person.

These seem to be two questions, but if you think about it carefully, they are actually one question, because the root of the hesitation is that I don’t have a clear answer to the matter of going to live in a small town: If I decide not to go to a small town, there will definitely be no consequences. She didn't hesitate to accompany Lu Xi to have dinner with her brother and her sister-in-law; on the contrary, she didn't want to mess around anymore.

I put down the phone and looked at Ren Ran across from me. She seemed a little absent-minded. This was the first time in my memory that she showed such indifference to my affairs; no, she was not indifferent, she was just like me. , I don’t know how to choose this matter.

"Sister Ran, I remember you told me before that if I choose to go to BJ with Zuo Xiaowei, you are willing to support me, and you even think it's okay to give up the project here? Why are you acting so abnormal now? "

Ren Ran put down the coffee cup in her hand. The cup had already reached the bottom. In just ten minutes, this was already her second cup of coffee. Her emotions were probably hidden in the coffee she drank.

After pondering for a moment, she finally said to me: "The reason why I don't want to express my opinion is because going to BJ and living in a small town are completely different things; everyone knows what kind of city BJ is, and the only purpose of going there is to One is to struggle, to have a place for yourself in the most core place in the country... Saozhu has told me more than once that Xiaowei is the kind of person who must enter the music circle, otherwise it will be a waste of money; you... you are more Needless to say, you have creative ability. Even if you can't become a public figure, you can still stay with Xiaowei to assist her. There will always be one person between you who succeeds. To say the least, even if you are not famous in the end, what will happen to you? For you, it is also a two-way effort. After all, BJ is not a city for any of you. When you struggle there, no one will accommodate anyone. When difficulties or conflicts arise, you can at least solve them with a fair attitude... But If you follow Xiaowei back to her small town, it means that you have to pay more, because you have to adapt to the rhythm of that city, adapt to new interpersonal relationships, and have to bear the pressure of employment. If everything goes well, that's fine, if not Did it go well?..."

Having said this, Ren Ran paused for a moment, and then said seriously: "There are very few opportunities in small cities. With your ability, there is no problem in supporting your family, but you have no ability to withstand risks, because Xiaowei's family is just an ordinary person." In a dual-income family, you have to be responsible for her parents. This responsibility includes their lives and health. Do you think you can do it?... If you can't, at this time, there is another person around Xiaowei who can take your place. If you do these things to a man, can Xiaowei still hold on to her feelings for you?...I think it is difficult. When a girl like Xiaowei returns to their small town, the man who can match her must be the richest in the town. A certain rich second generation, because she is really beautiful, in terms of appearance, she may be the ceiling of their small town, and her parents are both teachers. Although she does not have much financial ability, but for the small town , but the social status is not low. If Xiaowei continues to engage in the teaching profession, she will be the most popular girl in a small city... What about you? You are fair in BJ, but when you decide to go to a small city, You are no longer worthy of Xiaowei... I think Xiaowei's parents must be smart people, so they paved such a path for Xiaowei. When Xiaowei gave up the rich second generation or officials in the small town, Second generation, if you go back with such a person, can her parents really accept you calmly?... Once there is a risk to her family that you cannot afford, will they blame Xiaowei for giving up a better choice? Will Xiaowei maintain her original intention?...These are all things you have to face, and you can't just covet temporary comfort and ease."

My scalp was numb from what Ren Ran said, so that I didn’t say anything for a long time; at this time, Ren Ran spoke again: "So, Xiaowei can love you in Qingdao, I can love you in BJ, but not I can love you in their small city... This is unfair to you, and there are too many potential conflicts; more importantly, I don’t want you to be a mediocre man. For a man, career is the biggest thing Bonus points, especially at your age, it is wrong to be obsessed with love and pleasure.”

I was stunned at first, then picked up the coffee and took a sip, and then gradually calmed down...

I have to admire Renran with admiration because of her vision and understanding of human nature.To be honest, I never thought about going to a small town to be too complicated. The only thing I was struggling with was whether I should give up my fantasies and continue to pursue a free life. I never thought deeply about it. The interpersonal factors and family factors in this matter are precisely these two points that are the most fatal.

There are some things that you really should talk to your friends around you more, especially Ren Ran, who is a few years older than me. Her understanding of life and relationships is really much deeper than mine!
In my silence, Ren Ran finally said: "I don't deny that Xiaowei is a good girl, let alone her feelings for you. If you must go back to live in a small city, please make a plan first to make it easier for you." If you have a high-level career, it's not too late to live there; otherwise, go to BJ or stay in Qingdao... This is my final advice to you."

I nodded, agreeing with Ren Ran's words, but I was also a little tired because I was used to freedom and hedonism. My biggest weakness was that I didn't know how to fight and fight for the so-called struggle. Make a very clear plan, and then around this plan, unleash your ambition and plunder wealth.

If I had this energy in my heart, I would not run away from home. I should have shouldered the important task of reviving my family long ago.

Don’t forget, before I decided to stay in Qingdao, I had been thinking about where to get some money to complete my XJ trip. This was also the furthest plan I had ever made, so after finishing my XJ trip , I haven’t thought about doing something else.The meaning of Ren Ran's existence seems to be to prevent me from being such a person. Unfortunately, I can understand her intentions, but I can't let go of the laziness in my heart and the fear of having my soul dominated by wealth.

This cannot be entirely my fault, because I have lived a very privileged life since I was a child, so I do not have such a deep understanding of the sufferings of the world; if we must compare, Qiao Jiao and I are more like the same kind of people, so she is experiencing the same thing as me With the same worries, her father is forcing her to make progress, but she is extremely resistant and just wants to play in the world... (The author Wei Xing's public account, ***, reply "Luxi" to view the photos of the heroine!)

Our problems are caused by family environment and family education. We are so pampered that we have no sense of crisis in our hearts.

But there are always exceptions to everything. At this time, I thought of Lu Xi and Lu Ming again. Their family background is also very superior, at least much better than my previous family, but they don't seem to have become like me and Qiao Jiao. They each have their own careers, and they can be described as dragons and phoenixes among men.

Maybe it's because their families don't dote on them, but instead encourage them to be independent.

……

After I separated from Ren Ran, I was walking alone on the street and suddenly became very depressed. I kept walking with my head down in the sun, and my shadow stretched very long behind me. When I turned around and looked around, I seemed to see an unbearable person. I have too many problems. When all these problems gather on me, it is enough to turn me into a bad man...

I have no motivation to fight, nor am I filial to my parents, nor am I responsible for my old love...I am so damn bad. At this moment, I neither want to go back to that small city with Zuo Xiaowei, nor do I want to go back to that small city with Zuo Xiaowei. I don’t want to go have dinner with Lu Xi.

I don’t want to go back to a small city because I don’t have confidence; I don’t want to eat with Lu Xi because I have low self-esteem...

I really feel a little inferior. I have met Lu Ming. His aura, his conversation, and everything he has are what we should pursue at our age. Therefore, I can imagine the one who is about to marry him. Women are so outstanding; he and Lu Xi are brother and sister, and Lu Xi is no less inferior to him. Even if I don't care, Lu Ming, as Lu Xi's brother, will probably look at me according to the standards of his fiancée...

This kind of comparison will make me feel ashamed, I will!
(End of this chapter)