i'm not a bad man

Chapter 147 exhausted all her emotions

I put down the guitar, put the phone back in my pocket, then walked to the rooftop, lay down on the guardrail, leaned over and looked into the distance...

The lights of the city seemed to have drowned me, but I had no desire to break free. Being in these blurred lights, all I thought about were the scenes with Lu Xi, from the first meeting to the end. I broke the deer I gave her, and it was like a slow-motion replay, piercing my heart frame by frame...

I opened my mouth subconsciously, and a burst of cold air came in, as if it was freezing me. I didn't like this night that had just rained, let alone the coming winter.

……

I finally chose not to respond, because I couldn't tell Lu Xi the truth, and there seemed to be no point in making up a lie. It was better to continue the ruthlessness to the end.

But the ruthlessness did not completely relieve me. My heart seemed to be torn apart. Every time I took a breath, there was a sharp pain.

I know Lu Xi is a very calm woman. It is not her style for her to send me such a message, but it just proves how badly she was hurt by me. Only when people are in extreme depression can they Make yourself less like yourself...

I am the same. I used to like to express myself so much, but I have also become taciturn, because I am no less depressed than Lu Xi.

In a daze, I seemed to have passed through the lights in front of me and traveled nearly a thousand kilometers away. I saw her sitting alone in the hotel room, looking dejected. I felt guilty again, I shouldn't have provoked her. She shouldn't act like she would go through fire and water for love in front of her...

She does this, and everyone who values ​​love very purely does this, so what Qiao Jiao said is right, I am messing with her mentality. As long as she doesn't hate me, she is even a little dependent on me. At that time, he gave her a fatal blow.

……

I don’t know when Zuo Xiaowei also came to the balcony. She hugged me from behind and asked softly: "Are you hungry? Let me order you some takeout."

"I'm not hungry. I'm a little bored. I want to go out for a walk."

"I'll accompany you."

"No, I won't go far, I'll just hang around here."

"Okay, then I'll tidy up the house. I'll stay in another room and won't leave tonight."

I nodded and walked to the door. When I opened the door, Zuo Xiaowei chased me and handed me a coat to keep me from freezing.

This thoughtful gesture made me feel a pull in my heart again, and reminded me that I chose a woman who loves me, but the feeling of regret is also very real; I know that for a long time to come, I will I will be pulled by these two emotions until I slowly forget about the woman who stunned me as soon as she appeared.

……

After walking around the block downstairs, I came to the beach alone again. It was at this time that Brother Shanhe called me and said that he had not had a drink with me alone since he came to Qingdao and that he wanted to have a drink with me. I'll drink some...

There was a bar by the sea. I ordered a box of beer and drank one bottle before Brother Shanhe arrived. He was a little drunk, and it looked like he had been persuaded to drink by Tu Lin and Shao Zhu.

I first filled a glass of beer for Brother Shanhe, and then filled my own glass. After clinking a glass, I asked: "Brother, you have been in Qingdao for some time. How do you feel about this city?"

Brother Shanhe squinted his eyes and replied with an expression of enjoyment on his face: "I really like this city, not only because of the city's environment and humanity, but I also like the group of people I met here. Everyone can have fun together... I drank wine at Saozhu's bar tonight, not to mention it was delicious, and I sang with them on stage for a while, as if I have returned to that era of burning passion!"

Brother Shanhe raised his hands as he spoke, and his eyebrows became more and more elated. I was quite happy for him. Since his wife passed away, he has been dull. I am afraid he has not been so happy for a long time.

He was really happy. He took out his phone again and showed me the video of himself singing in the bar today.In the video, Brother Shanhe is holding a beer in one hand and a microphone in the other, singing a red rock song, and his emotions have reached the peak... Watching him sing at the top of his lungs and swaying the beer wantonly, I seem to have seen the part that belongs to him. Passionate years; therefore, he will definitely fall in love with Qingdao and the like-minded people he meets here...

After the video was played, Brother Shanhe and I had another full glass; I asked again: "Since you like this place so much, why don't you stay?" Brother Shanhe nodded and smiled: "Stay, you have to stay..."

I smiled in agreement with him and helped him fill another glass. When I was toasting, he pressed the glass in my hand and said seriously: "Listen to Ren Ran, are you planning to leave Qingdao?"

"Well, I plan to go back to Xiaowei's small town to live with her."

I thought Brother Shanhe would be like Ren Ran and advise me to be cautious, but he said to me in a very open-minded manner: "People must follow their own ideas, and go wherever you want..."

"I think so too. Whether in Qingdao or in a small town, it is an experience that can enrich my life. I am not afraid that I will not live a stable life, but I am afraid that my life will be too rigid."

Brother Shanhe laughed: "This is a bit against my will. Going to a small city means living a stable and rigid life. There are not so many choices in small cities. You must first be able to endure loneliness."

As expected of Brother Shanhe, who has seen all the vicissitudes of the world, he saw through my disguise at a glance. I couldn't help but smile in embarrassment, then picked up the cup and drank a cup as a punishment.

When Brother Shanhe stopped, he lit a cigarette, took a deep breath, and then turned to me and said, "Since you don't plan to stay in Qingdao, you have to rent out the house you rented, right?"

"It has to be rented out. Xiaowei has already hired an agency."

"What kind of agency is this? Am I not a ready-made tenant? Your house is nice. Let me rent it for you."

Brother Shanhe was able to rent this house, which saved me a lot of trouble. I should be happy, but I lowered my head, raised it after a long while, looked at Brother Shanhe and said with a forced smile: "Okay... this is really helpful." It saves me the trouble... But Brother He, we have an agreement in advance, but we can’t set my price just because I am in a hurry to rent out."

"Brother He is not a man who is short of money and will not take advantage of you. Just tell me how much is appropriate for you."

I calculated in my mind and quoted a number; Brother Shanhe has a very strange habit. Although the times are developing and electronic payment has become popular, he still trusts cash more, so he always carries a lot of cash in his bag; No one knew how much money he had in his bag. My rent was not cheap. I thought I could finally get to know him this time, but he easily took out 3 yuan in cash from his bag and handed it over to me. in his hand, and there was still money in his bag...

These days, there are still people who go out with so much cash. Are they really not afraid of being robbed?

Brother Shanhe seemed to see through my mind, he smiled and said to me: "This is actually why I came out to drink with you, so I withdrew cash from the bank. Normally I don't put so much money in my bag. "

"If you hadn't told me, I would have thought your bag was a cornucopia, with endless supply!"

I sighed like this, but my heart suddenly felt relaxed. If everyone was like Brother Shanhe, who was neat and tidy and respected other people's ideas, I wouldn't be so embarrassed and entangled...

Thinking about it again, I don't blame Ren Ran and Qiao Jiao. Maybe it's just because my friendship with Brother Shanhe hasn't reached that level yet, so he looked at this matter indifferently.

……

Having 3 yuan in my hand is a heavy feeling, and it also gives me the confidence to go to a small city. At least with this 3 yuan, I don’t have to eat Zuo Xiaowei’s money and spend Zuo Xiaowei’s money. I can also rent a house for myself. I like the house and live a relatively independent life.

Although Zuo Xiaowei told me that we can live in her house temporarily, I don’t think it’s appropriate. I agree with what Brother Shanhe said. Life in small cities is rigid. Being rigid means being conservative, and being conservative means there are endless things to say. gossip, so before I get married to Zuo Xiaowei, I absolutely cannot live in her house.

……

On the way back, I took out my phone and looked at it again. When I didn't reply, the unfamiliar number also fell into silence and did not continue to pester.

I am even more certain that this is Lu Xi, because her character is like this. One initiative has exhausted all her emotions.

(End of this chapter)