i'm not a bad man

Chapter 326 A Letter
This was the first time I took the initiative to call Luan Yu after two years of separation. I had no idea what I was going to say after the call was connected. I just wanted to hear her voice, even if it was cold, even if it was only Breathing sounds are also fine...

I held my breath, waiting for the signal to connect...

One second, two seconds, three seconds...

"Sorry, the phone you dialed has been switched off, please call again later..."

I listened uneasily and refused to give up, so after hanging up, I dialed again...

once, twice, three times...

I don't know how many times I repeated it, but I still didn't want to accept this fact, and the uneasy feeling in my heart became more and more intense. I seemed to have completely lost my perception of her, and then my mind went blank and numb. Looking at the ceiling, watching the darkness outside the window and the lights in the house fighting desperately...

"Han Chao, Han Chao...what's your situation...speak, do you want me to call a doctor for you?"

It was Blackfoot talking to me, he was patting my shoulder, I could feel him, but I couldn't speak...

It wasn't until he really wanted to call the doctor that I grabbed his sleeve and whispered to him: "I seem to have lost someone..."

As soon as I said the words, tears fell from my eyes. I finally remembered the inspection report that Lu Xi once showed me, and finally remembered all the abnormalities in Lu Xi recently...

The only thing that won't lie to me is the inner feeling, the telepathy between me and her.

She has been with me for too long. In the two years we were together, except when we were doing odd jobs, we never separated for a minute. We hugged each other every day to make love and sleep... There was a real connection between us. Induction, so after she left me, I just waited passively and never tried desperately to find her, just because there was an intuition telling me that she was doing well, at least better than when she was with me!
Lu Xi and Qiao Jiao rushed back to Qingdao overnight, not because of their friend, but because of Luan Yu, who was not misdiagnosed at first.

In a daze of grief, there was a rush of footsteps outside the corridor, and then the door was pushed open hard. I stood up with difficulty and looked around. It was none other than Qin Minhong, who had been doing her best by Lu Xi's side...

……

Qin Minhong almost broke in, but the moment she saw me, she seemed to be petrified. She didn't say anything, just looked at me, only the changes in her eyes... I did it over and over again because of suffocation. While swallowing, I was speechless. I didn’t dare to speak. I was afraid that she would answer me and tell me everything. I still had a trace of fantasy in my heart. I preferred to be a drama queen with no basis. Thinking about it so much.

"Han Chao..."

"Ah."

"Luan Yu...she's gone!"

I looked up at her, no breathing, no emotion, even the blood stopped flowing...

"What time is it?"

"Six fifty-six in the morning."

"understood."

After I said these words, grief was like the most terrifying virus in the world, swallowing up my internal organs in an instant. I sobbed in pain: "You deceived me so much... I should have met her, I should have been with her She... saw her for the last time."

"It's not that we lied to you, it's Luan Yu's own intention... She doesn't want to delay your work because of herself. She knows that you are a man who values ​​feelings. If you knew about her illness, you would definitely drop everything to find her. ...What she cares about most...I don’t know how to explain it to you. She wrote you a letter before she passed away. Maybe there will be the answer you want in it...You can read it yourself."

Qin Minhong took out an envelope from her bag, and Black Foot took it for me. After opening it, she handed it to my hand.

I unfolded the letter paper, and for the first time in my life I had the opportunity to see Luan Yu's handwriting besides his signature. The handwriting was just like the person's, so the handwriting was very elegant and regular.

"Han, when you see this letter, I have already left this world... It seems that everyone who leaves a final message will have such a beginning... But there is no way, I really can't keep myself, I can’t find a better way to talk to you about what’s on my mind, so as you always like to pursue the latest trends, just make an exception and allow me to be an old-fashioned person... When I wrote this letter, I thought about it a lot. Most of the things are about our experiences on the road: I remember you holding an umbrella, holding me in your arms, standing by the food stall, just waiting for a delicious oden, and I remember you carrying me on your back by the Erhai Lake The laughter of me running wantonly... What makes me unforgettable the most is your tenderness. Every time I was sick, no matter how unpleasant the medicine was, you would take it with me, even though it was not necessary at all... This Everything makes me feel very romantic... My thoughts are a bit messy, so I will say whatever comes to my mind. Maybe it will be difficult for you to read, but I still hope you can be patient and listen carefully to what I have to say... What you lack most is patience. You are never willing to stay in one place for a long time, and you are not willing to make long-term plans for your life... I see that you have finally calmed down in a small town and want to do something in your career. I'm happy for you... So, this is why I let Lu Xi hide it from you. I am already a dying person, and it's not worth it for you to delay the career you are fighting for me... Don't hate me for not being with you. When you see me for the last time, I look really ugly now. I lose a lot of hair every day and my skin is shriveled. I don’t want you to see me like this. I hope you will think of me when you think of me in the future. It was that afternoon when you saw me for the first time at the school gate... Let’s talk about Lu Xi. I really like her. In recent times, she will come to the hospital to stay with me whenever she is free. We have a lot of chats. The most popular topic is you... She said you are a very cute man, of course you are very cute... Every time you make a mistake, you always pretend like nothing happened, but your lame You've deceived me with your acting skills, but I've never exposed you, because you're really cute when you try to hide your secrets... Speaking of which, even if you deceive me, I find it cute. This is probably what people often say about love on the Internet. Think about it... But I'm really not a woman who loves love, so I must love you very much, very much... If you are the man I love most in the world and can't let go of, Then Lu Ming is the man I'm most sorry for... I didn't tell him about my condition. In fact, after he found out that I lied to him, he went to a branch abroad in the name of a business trip and never came back... Diagnosis After that, I left the small town, which was also arranged by Lu Xi... Perhaps, I should have left a letter to Lu Ming to express my apology and repentance to him, but I gave up in the end. I don’t know why I gave up. Sometimes I really don’t understand myself very well. I am like this, why aren’t you like this... I really want to have a family in my heart, but I just want to wander outside and don’t want to go back to find your parents... Speaking of your Dad, I really feel sorry for you, because no one in this world knows how lonely you are better than me, so I still hope you have a good family, and I hope you can reunite with your parents soon. Your dad Mom must be a very good pair of parents, because they really raised you to be excellent... Finally, I have a little wish. If you are free one day and want to visit me... remember to bring it with you Put on your guitar and sing another song for me, my favorite "Maple". Do you know that every time you sing this song for me, I will become your little fan girl...Don't you either So I’m worried about you. I always say that my creative talent is not as good as Jay Chou. In my heart, you are no worse than him at all. It’s you who gave up on the path of creation, so you are not willing to invest so much energy in it. If you are not willing to put in the effort to do this, how can you go beyond it? ...Speaking of Jay Chou, I also have some grievances of my own. I really spent more than the original price to buy the set of vinyl records I gave you as a gift. I didn't expect it to be fake... Just treat this as an accident in life. In this world we live in, who can truly have 100% control over their own life? ...That's it, you must be well in the future. If there is another world, I will be well too... Everything will slowly get better. "

(End of this chapter)