i'm not a bad man

Chapter 348 Come to my place to celebrate the New Year

Qiao Jiao on the other end of the phone was still silent. The snow suddenly fell heavily and fell on the water of the reservoir. It also fell on my shoulders and feet, bringing a chill, and the cars in the service area were also piling up. The more there are, the more cars there are, and the more people there are. There is already a long queue at the door of the women's bathroom. This is a phenomenon that only occurs during holidays. It is indeed the Chinese New Year. These are all returnees who have returned from various places. I'm not alone. I'm still wandering without a clear destination, so even the Chinese New Year, which doesn't require any suspense about where I'm going, is full of uncertainties and variables for me...

I regretted it, regretted that I had gone too decisively.

But regret is a word that sounds ridiculous. I don’t want to make myself look too ridiculous, so that I clearly have an urgent need for a sense of belonging, but I always pretend not to care and always tell others that I have I live a free and unrestrained life, and have no idea what loneliness and solitude are, but this disguise will always reveal its true form when the New Year is approaching, so that when I see those who return to their hometown for reunion, I will feel a bitter feeling in my heart, just like this At this moment.

Just when I was in a trance because of the crowds gathered, Qiao Jiao on the other end of the phone finally spoke: "Did I hear you right? You want me to go back to Qingdao to celebrate the New Year with my dad?"

"Ah."

"Others don't know, don't you know too? Last time in the villa I lived in, he slapped me hard. I was already an adult, and he also knew that I was an adult, but He still stretched out his hand and hit me. He didn’t want to face himself, and he didn’t give me any face. Why?... It means that there are irreconcilable conflicts between us. We no longer have the ability to communicate calmly, so he hit me. , do you know how serious this is?"

"He was angry at the time. Everyone will be angry and unable to control their emotions... In fact, you also know in your heart that he cares about you very much."

"I do not know."

"Don't be willful. Your mother has gone abroad and has not returned to China for many years. You only have your father as a relative in the country. Do you really want to stay away from each other for the rest of your life?"

"Shut up, stop meddling in my affairs...take care of yourself first. At least I know where my parents are, how about you?"

Qiao Jiao's words were like a sharp blade piercing my chest, causing a tearing pain in my heart. We are too familiar with each other, just like a couple who have been married for a long time, knowing each other's weaknesses. Wherever, pick up the knife and stab it in the vital place.

A burst of anger finally welled up in my heart, as if all the embarrassing things fell on me. Obviously I could tell Qiao Jiao about buying a house and let her understand her father's good intentions, but her father didn't. I felt that I should give her some sense of crisis and let me keep it a secret for the time being. Qiao Jiao was also angry because I refused her to go to Hunan. When these two things were mixed together, it became my fault inexplicably, and I couldn't explain it at all.

My emotions were completely confused by this anger, so I said to Qiao Jiao on the other end of the phone in a very unpleasant tone: "Whether you love me back or not...I don't bother to fucking care about you...it'll be fine from now on." Don’t call me.”

After saying that, I pressed the hang-up button hard, and then my breathing became rapid. This was a manifestation of my anger. Even the heavy snow falling on me could not annihilate it.

……

Because the temperature was low and the snow was heavy, snow soon formed on the highway. So not long after I left the service area, I got off the highway due to traffic control.

The terrain in the mountainous area is uneven, and there are many vehicles returning home, so this national highway with only four lanes in both directions has become a nightmare. Accidents occur frequently along the way, private cars rear-end each other, and large trucks frequently slide out of the lane. After a while, the entire road was tightly blocked. From a high point, I looked around and saw all the cars connected end to end, with no end in sight...

I have a hunch that this will definitely be an unprecedented traffic jam...

I regretted it again. If I hadn't wasted so long in the service area, I might have bypassed the traffic control and wouldn't have suffered as much as I did now. However, living in this world, who can really see through the world? Therefore, some people always say that life is a practice. It will indeed feel better to look at this life with frequent accidents with a practice mentality, because at this time you will regard pain as a mission that cannot be avoided in life. Since you cannot avoid it, you can’t avoid it. It's not that hard to accept.

Simply, I turned off the car, opened the window, lit a cigarette, and wasted away this tasteless time.

Looking at the smoke that kept spreading in front of my eyes, I couldn't help but think of all the past experiences between myself and Qiao Jiao. I didn't know what happened. Two people who wholeheartedly wanted to do good for each other, when they were angry, they... She would also pick up a knife to stab the other person's most vulnerable place. She definitely didn't mean any harm, she was just angry. So after calming down, I was more willing to think about how good she was to me. She was really good to me, and that RV was The best proof is that after Luan Yu passed away, the RV became the most precious thing in my life. It was precisely because she knew this that she worked hard for a long time just to give me one that could still be driven on the road. RV.

After Qiao Jiao, I thought of Lu Xi again. Compared with the verbal conflict between Qiao Jiao and I, this was the real depression. I subconsciously looked at the time. At this time, her flight was about to land. Will the man pick her up at the airport?
Will they hug?

Will we have dinner together?

Will they confide in each other about their lovesickness?

And will she still think of me while doing this?
We also have an agreement that we will support leukemia patients together.

Taking a deep breath of cigarette, I looked at the cars piled up in front of me in confusion. I knew that when I consciously compared myself with that man, I was destined to be the failure, because only You would make such a comparison if you are not confident.

...In a daze, the mobile phone placed in the cup holder vibrated again. I stared at it for a while before picking it up. This time it was a video call from Ren Ran, and she actually took the initiative to call me. Video call. In my memory, none of us like to face the camera of a mobile phone, especially Ren Ran. She always said that the camera of a mobile phone will make her fatter than she is in reality. She cannot accept this kind of vilification.

I answered Ren Ran's call with surprise, and then called "Sister Ran".

Ren Ran definitely looks better than before. Even in the phone call without any filter effect, she looks so young and beautiful. The word youth may not be appropriate for her, but she looks really good. It's very energetic, and even the skin is whitened and seems to be glowing.

"Han Chao, you haven't had any rest recently, okay? Why are there so many dark circles under your eyes?"

"I didn't get enough rest..."

"Too much pressure?"

Of course there is some pressure, but it does not affect my sleep. The fact is that Luan Yu's death has caused me too much sadness, but I don't want to tell Ren Ran about it. I can feel that she is living abroad. I didn't want her mood to be depressed because of my experience. Besides, if a person dies like a light goes out, he will leave. Even if I tell her, it won't change anything. So, I forced out a smile, He replied: "It's a bit big...why did you remember to make a video call to me?"

"Let you see the scenery here."

After saying that, Ren Ran switched the camera of her phone, and I was able to see where she was at the moment. There was no sign of getting dark there. There were many tourists gathered at the beach, mostly Europeans and Americans, and some Sunbathing on the beach, some people were surfing in the sea, and there were things like hot air balloons floating between the sea and the blue sky. Ren Ran explained that this was not a hot air balloon, but a water sport. She couldn't name it. , when I go there, she can take me to experience it...

The most comfortable ones are those sitting in front of the bar drinking beer and chatting. The bar is built on the beach. When the camera sweeps over their faces, the smiles from the heart are really contagious. ; Ren Ran told me in a very proud tone that this is her restaurant. It is a bar during the day and will become a place to eat during meal time.

Compared with my predicament stuck in the road, it was just one day and one day, and I couldn't help but feel some yearning for her.

At this time, Ren Ran completely fixed the camera on the sea. There was a giant white cruise ship on the sea. There was no restraint and it just rose and fell with the waves. I couldn't help but be fascinated...

Until Ren Ran started talking to me: "The Chinese New Year is coming soon, why don't you come to Phuket to spend it with me this year..."

I was shocked in my heart and suddenly came to my senses, but fell into silence again.

Ren Ran really wanted me to go, and she said to me: "Which day is more convenient for you to come, and I will book a flight for you... Did you see that white cruise ship? It was just bought by a friend of mine. She We are also Chinese, and we have agreed to hold a New Year party together on the cruise ship this year. The attendees are all Chinese friends who have settled in Phuket. We will make dumplings and have a reunion dinner together. The New Year atmosphere may be more intense than at home. , and we also found an unregulated island, where you can set off fireworks at will... Let's eat, drink and chat, how happy it is..."

"I... I really want to go, but I can't go... I have never applied for a passport." (Follow the author's Weixin public account: ***, reply "B&B" to view the prototype of Tank Inn B&B. Reply "Luxi ""Qiao Jiao" can view character pictures! You can also view the latest chapters)
"If you go and apply for it now, it should be too late...Thailand provides visa on arrival, which is very convenient."

After a moment of silence, I replied in a depressed tone: "Forget it, Sister Ran... Anyway, you will settle in Phuket for a long time in the future. If you have the chance, go again next year."

"...You say that, and I feel uncomfortable again. Every year you celebrate the New Year alone!"

"I don't necessarily have to live alone... Don't worry, Sister Ran."

After pondering for a while, Ren Ran turned around and asked, "Where are you now? Why is it so dark?"

I pointed the camera of my phone outside the car and replied: "It's snowing, there have been car accidents on the road, and the cars are all blocked."

"Then you have to pay attention to your safety!"

"It's okay, I'm an experienced driver. I'm just a little irritated by waiting."

Ren Ran wanted to chat with me for a while, but it seemed that she had another guest over there that needed to be entertained. After a few words with me in a hurry, she hung up the video call; at the same time, I closed the car window and lay down. On the steering wheel, I stared blankly at the heavy snow in the sky and the cars that were completely unable to move due to the heavy snow...

I felt lonely in my heart.

(End of this chapter)