i'm not a bad man

Chapter 370 Empathy
After the car got on the highway, it flew all the way. I felt that I particularly needed this speed, so that I could leave those worries and unnecessary emotions far behind me. But I am not a robot. I will get tired. In addition, I didn't have a good rest yesterday, so after driving [-] kilometers, I couldn't concentrate as much as I could, and gradually I felt an insurmountable sleepiness. I had to choose a nearby service area, planning to rest for a while before continuing on my way.

After flattening the seat, I lay down heavily. I thought I would fall asleep soon, but as soon as I closed my eyes, I would think of Lu Xi standing in the wind, confused and confused, and then my emotions would become chaotic.

Of course she did nothing wrong. Even when she went to meet that man, I personally sent her to the airport. So, where did this psychological change come from?
I thought of Qiao Jiao again, and what she said to me, and my heart still fluttered, and I felt at a loss because of her departure; in fact, when she was by my side, this feeling did not change. Strong; after she left, it was like I suddenly woke up from a drunken state. I really wanted to stretch out my hand, even if it was weak, I wanted to hold her. This is an instinct and a desire... …

My experience tells me that once a woman lives in her own desires, it will be difficult to leave her for the rest of her life.

……

I finally took my phone out of the car's storage compartment and found the message Lu Xi sent me before I got on the highway on WeChat. The heartache felt very real. I hurt her as if I had hurt her. I myself and we have a lot of experiences together, and we agreed to work together to help leukemia patients find hope of survival.

Until this moment, I have not forgotten that when we were in the small town, we were so elated because we established this common goal, which seemed to open an outlet for the pain and dullness that had been felt for a long time, so that I forgot everything and ran to the hospital in the small town. , and suddenly remembered that this was not a hospital capable of treating leukemia, but the feeling of desperate survival has been deeply ingrained in my blood.

The appearance of Yang Yiming changed everything. He transferred Jiani to Union Medical College Hospital, which has stronger medical capabilities. I can refuse thousands of things in the world, but for the sake of my children, this is the only thing I cannot refuse; so, it is like a The sweet dream that was supposed to be complete was suddenly cut in the middle by someone, but I didn't even have a chance to bandage the wound.

I don't know if this is a kind of inferiority complex, but no matter whether I am willing to face it or not, the feeling of loss is real, so the two emotions formed a state of ebb and flow in my mind... ...so that it makes me feel that my experience with Qiao Jiao is more real and reliable.

……

Regarding relationships, I have a principle. After I have made a choice in my heart, I will never deliberately hang on to another woman and try to step on both sides. I have never done such a thing in my life, even in the most depraved life. , I never did this even when I was at my most rotten.

Because of this principle, I finally replied to Lu Xi: "You didn't do anything wrong, it's just your fault. The relationship between us has always been hazy and vague... I don't want to go on like this anymore, so my heart has There are other options.”

"who is she?"

Luxi seemed to have been waiting for my reply, so she responded quickly to the message I sent, but I fell into a dilemma. I closed my eyes and was silent for 10 minutes before I finally Qiao Jiao's name was on the conversation column between me and Lu Xi.

I have no way of knowing how Lu Xi felt after seeing the name Qiao Jiao. I only know that she fell into silence for a long, long time...

There were several cars parked next to me just to rest for a while. Just when I thought she wouldn't reply and wanted to continue on my way, she texted back: "So, a flower originally grew On the high mountains, there are no vines or branches, and you can enjoy the flowers alone. One day you discovered them. She felt that you must be a courageous person to come to such a high place. You can pick them if you want, but when you pick them After you came to this flower, you just wanted to play with it... So, before you took her down the mountain to see the world, you left her halfway up the mountain, but you didn't care whether she would wither without the roots... ...Why did I meet you, why did you provoke me again...I hate you so much!"

I lost my mind on this message, because I finally saw Lu Xi’s mood in these words, but I no longer had the strength to save anything, so I just looked out the car window blankly, watching the sunset sinking little by little. …

This evening came too quickly, and the night came even faster, as if it was blown by the wind. The wind was very cold, and wherever it blew, there was a depressing atmosphere. I couldn't help but look in the direction I came from, and only saw a bed of dead leaves. All over the ground, the wind got stronger and stronger, and finally picked up the fallen leaves and dust. So in addition to the depression, there was a dry smell unique to winter in the air, and everything became confused because of this dryness. …

The last time I was in this mood was in the service area of ​​the highway. At that time, I was still with Luan Yu. She went to the bathroom, and I sat alone in the RV, looking out the window at the same scene as now. My heart is filled with the anguish of not knowing where to go. I don’t know whether I should find a city to stop for Luan Yu, or stick to the belief that freedom is the most important and continue to wander...

It was the fallen leaves that gave me guidance. Once a fallen leaf falls on the ground, it will rot. Only when blown up by the wind can it encounter fire, and then burn vigorously to fulfill the ultimate mission of a fallen leaf...

But at this moment, I have no such guidance, because the choices I face are different. At first, it was a choice between a woman and a free life; now, it is a choice between two women, who to let go or who to be with. , will not be perfect.

Suddenly, remembering that there were still [-] kilometers to go, I fell into a kind of despair that was about to end. I couldn't walk anymore. With this mood and countless confusions... I just stopped. In the service area, I watched the time change, and the people and cars around me changed one after another. In the end, the moon completely replaced the sunset, casting a faint light on the world, and the wind also blew colder and louder. So fierce!
……

Next to my car, another bus stopped, and dozens of passengers got off, showing dozens of postures, wandering in front of me; it was at this time that Ren Ran called me.

I was stunned at first, and then hurriedly answered the call, as if I had grasped a life-saving straw. However, after the call was connected, I fell into a dilemma where I could not speak. In the end, I just shouted "Sister Ran" in a deep voice.

"Why do you feel so depressed?"

I lit a cigarette, faced the cold moonlight, and puffed away one mouth after another until I felt a dry and bitter feeling in my throat, and then I said to Ren Ran: "Sister Ran, do you think I am a good man? "

"A good man?...I don't know, I just know that no one is perfect in this world."

"If you think so, it is indeed a good excuse..." After a pause, I said to Ren Ran in a lower voice: "I don't know what's wrong with me. I seem to prefer to be with Qiao Jiao." Together, just last night, we had a very honest conversation... when she said she liked me and wanted to have a home with me and have a child... I literally almost cried!... I didn't know what to say. How can I describe my feelings at that time? Anyway, it was very shocking. I wanted to spend all the rest of my days at that moment and had no intention of waiting... Sister Ran, do you think this is because you like me?"

"Why...how did you suddenly have so many things happen to Qiao Jiao?...I never thought that anyone could shake Lu Xi's position in your heart. So, as a bystander who thinks he knows you very well, This change is so sudden!"

"It's sudden for you, but for me, it's a subtle process... So, I did something to hurt Lu Xi again, and I told her clearly that I liked Qiao Jiao."

"Not only did you fall in love with someone else, but you also moved on to her best friend... Uh... I don't know how to say this, because both of them are good girls... But Lu Xi will definitely collapse, As a woman, I know very well that she is not a woman who will fall in love with a man easily. Once she does, she will definitely work hard..."

I fell into silence.

In my silence, Ren Ran said to me again: "Since you have given yourself the result, don't think too much." (Follow the author's Weixin public account: *** to view the latest chapters)
"Ah."

"You are already an adult, don't label yourself a bad man easily... There is no right or wrong in relationships, there are only choices... If you choose Lu Xi, you will feel sorry for Qiao Jiao... Is it possible? That so-called good man with a good reputation, you can't eat because of choking, and in the end you don't choose anyone?... This is not practical, is it?"

"Correct."

"Then think of the best in everything... Anyway, one thing is for sure. Considering the conditions in Luxi, there must be a better choice besides you."

The reason why I regard Ren Ran as a life-saving straw is because she has such ability and she knows how to comfort me. I feel really comfortable and find the motivation to continue on my way.

Just when I wanted to say something to express my relief, another call came in, this time from Qiao Jiao.

Emotions don't lie. At this moment, I felt mixed feelings. I wanted to tell Qiao Jiao that we were going to be together, but at a certain moment, I felt like Ren Ran that this change was sudden and too dreamy. ...Suddenly, I don’t know how to design a future with Qiao Jiao.

(End of this chapter)