i'm not a bad man

Chapter 406 The only suspense

Although Lu Xi also wondered why after receiving the news about my family, instead of being happy and expecting, I showed panic and depression, she never disturbed me and just stood beside me, waiting for me quietly. I adjust my emotions by myself, and I really need this kind of space. My heart is very confused, and I don’t know how to talk about it with others.

I saw panic and guilt and many other complex emotions within myself.

……

After lighting up a cigarette and taking a deep breath, I nodded and said to Lu Xi: "It was Zhao Yingrou who called me just now. She said that a classmate of mine saw my dad. What she said was very accurate, because this classmate I have a deep impression on my dad.”

Lu Xi was silent at first, and then asked: "During this period, you have been thinking about the whereabouts of your parents. Now that you finally have news about them, shouldn't you be happy?"

"Zhao Yingrou asked me the same question... You are all right. I should be happy, but I can't be happy... because that classmate saw my dad at the scrap collection station. My dad was riding an electric tricycle. Selling scraps there... I... I was extremely panicked, and my mind was filled with the experiences I had before running away from home... During that experience, I thought about death more than once, and I was burdened with the heavy responsibility of making a comeback. , because of this, they forced me to climb high branches and even killed my dog... We haven't seen each other for four years, but that kind of family atmosphere still makes me feel suffocated when I think about it..."

"So what you're really afraid of is going back to the life you once had."

"Yes, there was still a house in the family at that time, and no matter how miserable we were, we would not live on the streets. But later they even sold that house. Because after selling this house, I had some fantasies about my dad. With him, With his experience and ability, using the money from selling the house to start a business, it is not impossible to make a comeback... But now, suddenly someone told me that they saw him at the scrap collection station, and this illusion was shattered. I knew they would even I am living a more miserable life than before, otherwise it would be impossible for my father to do this with his determination..." After a slight pause, I said in a deeper voice: "In addition to fear, there is more guilt. , I did not act like a man to take up the dilapidated family... Even if my parents used some extreme measures, they could not let go of the 20 years of childbirth. What's more, in the past 20 years, they They did their best for me, so that I can live a much better life than the average person of the same age... I should be more mature, and even if it was painful at the time, I should still remember their upbringing."

"The fact that you think this way proves that you are mature now."

"But this maturity comes too late... They must have had a hard time in the past four years!"

"Actually... I think it's not too late at all... You shouldn't even have fear... You are no longer the Korean trend four years ago. Now you have your own career, and it's a job that is enough to make you happy." They are proud of your career... and they will not force you to be with a woman you don't like... because you already have Jiaojiao, who can be better and more outstanding than her?... Therefore, you should face up to who you are now, and don’t let yourself be crushed by pressures that no longer exist. They will definitely be very happy to see you...and the same goes for you, because the contradictions that troubled you at the beginning have long since It no longer exists!”

After saying that, Lu Xi smiled at me. This smile contained encouragement and some disappointment; and I was awakened by her, and then I realized that I had fallen into a terrible habitual thinking. So much so that I forgot all the changes that had happened to me in the past four years.

My mood seemed not to be that bad anymore, and suddenly I felt that even if my father was really down and out selling scraps, it would not be an unacceptable thing, because I was no longer the Korean Chao who was always at a loss in the face of difficulties. .

"First check with your classmate to see if it is him. If she is really so sure, then you can go back to Tianjin... and guard him at the scrap collection station. If he really does this for a living, he will not go there just once. of."

I should be glad that Lu Xi was by my side when this happened. She not only relieved my confusion and fear, but also pointed out a way for me and told me how to go. When I gradually calmed down , found that I should do exactly what she said.

Four years have passed, no matter how many unexpected changes there have been, I should meet them and re-establish a relationship, because the blood relationship cannot be erased under any circumstances.

……

I called Zhao Yingrou again and asked her for the contact information of the female classmate. I had some impressions of this female classmate. Her name was Zhai Nuo. She seemed to be the English class representative of our class at the time. She once expressed her good feelings to me. After I didn't respond, she didn't insist anymore, and the reason why I had an impression of her was also because of this incident. After all, this was a woman who once placed a girl's feelings on me.

Therefore, this matter is somewhat credible. Based on her attention to me, she will indeed have a deep impression on my dad. At least, in appearance, my dad and I are [-]% similar.

... After taking a deep breath, I finally called Zhai Nuo. She answered the call immediately. I spoke to her first: "Zhai Nuo? I'm Han Chao."

"Ah."

"It's so late, so I won't disturb you."

"Don't bother me. It's almost Chinese New Year, and I've been staying up late lately... Besides, I know you will definitely call me."

Although I had calmed down before, when I really had to face it, my heartbeat still became faster, and my tone became less calm: "Zhao Yingrou said you saw my dad at the scrap collection station... Exactly Is there any possibility of mistaken identity?"

"You look so much like your dad. If I don't misidentify you, I won't misidentify you as your dad... It's just that I can't believe I saw him in that place. He looked very haggard and much older... So, I was stunned for a long time and didn't dare to recognize him...otherwise I wouldn't have left you with such a big suspense!"

"Hmm...where is the scrap collection station?"

"BHX District, the intersection of Xinbei Road and Liangcang Road."

"Okay, I'm about to leave for Tianjin...Thank you." (Many book friends said that Han Chao's parents are making a comeback. Search and follow the author's personal satellite number: ***. Reply: Parents, look at you Did you guess correctly?)
"It's too polite to say thank you to old classmates... I was worried when I heard about your family's affairs before, but I haven't been able to contact you. How have you been these past years?"

I fell into silence, and Zhai Nuo said to me in an apologetic tone: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked you that... Anyway, find your parents quickly. The most constant thing in this world is family affection. Parents are here, Life has a place...right?"

"Well, I will definitely find them, and I will definitely make up for the shortcomings over the years."

"I believe you can do it...because I have always felt that you are an extraordinary man. No matter what has happened in these years, I still insist on this view."

To a certain extent, Zhai Nuo and I are already strangers, but at this moment, hearing such recognition and encouragement, I still feel a little warm in my heart.I think it’s time for me to become extraordinary, because I already have a different weight on my body. Now I no longer regard this weight as a burden, but as a motivation to move forward. In order to make life better and avoid regrets and losses as much as possible.

That's what I'm thinking at this moment.

……

I got up early the next morning and heard that the winding mountain road was open again, so I planned to leave this morning. My godfather and godmother also expressed their understanding and were sincerely happy for me, because They also know that I have been wandering for too long... My helplessness is not their concern, so when I was leaving, they kept telling me that if I find my parents, I must Repair this relationship.

After getting my approval, they felt relieved.

Luxi also left with me. For her, no matter how much it is worth remembering here, when I am not here, she will have no reason and meaning to stay here. The only suspense is that she will be with me. Go to Tianjin, go back to Qingdao, or go to BJ?

(End of this chapter)