i'm not a bad man

Chapter 558

Under the dazzling sunshine, the car carrying Luan Yu’s mother just followed the traffic and gradually disappeared from our sight. Lu Xi and I stopped and looked at it for a long time. In the process, I thought about something. Things related to nursing homes...

Many years ago, I had the same thought, because at that time, I was a very firm non-marriage advocate. Not getting married meant no children and no inheritance. After reaching a certain age, a nursing home would be my destination, so, I I don't really dislike nursing homes.

However, I can't think about the nursing home from Luan Yu's mother's point of view, because she once had it. She had a good and sensible daughter, and a good husband who knew her well and good. She could have imagined herself with a perfect mentality. Life after getting old, but now I have to go to a nursing home.

The most painful thing in life is to drift with the tide after hitting rock bottom, like a lonely boat floating on the endless sea of ​​suffering, never able to reach the shore, and death is the only relief.

I finally said to Lu Xi, who had been holding my hand tightly: "It's not that she doesn't want to recognize you as her daughter..."

"I know."

"She has accepted this fate and no longer wants to struggle pointlessly."

"But, what exactly is fate?"

After pondering for a while, I replied: "Fate is a fixed number, luck is a variable, and the combination of fate is the process of a specific object transforming in time and space. Fate is determined throughout life, and luck is determined in a moment."

"So, you think fate and luck can be viewed separately."

"Well, if there is only fate and no luck, everything I am doing now will be meaningless." After a pause, I added: "So, I don't believe that I have run out of energy..."

Probably because it's too dull, my addiction to smoking has become a little bit bigger recently, so as I talked, I took out a cigarette from the cigarette case and lit it, but I didn't have any particularly good way to break through this dullness. , I can only use cigarettes. At least, during the 5 minutes of smoking, I will feel more relaxed.

"Then do you know that only when people become happy can their luck improve?"

Lu Xi suddenly said something like this, and I was a little slow to react, so I looked at her dully; she took away my half-smoked cigarette, and said to me sternly: "People must learn to let go of themselves. People who are bound by heaven are so airtight that there is no way out to accept the luck that originally belongs to you?... Remember, you said something to me before, saying that your enemies are too tenacious, so they are always there. When you are about to succeed, there are some unexpected surprises that you didn't expect. You can say that they are tenacious, but this is also a sign of bad luck... Have you ever thought that if you change your mentality to deal with these things before you, you might be better? Will there be different results?"

"I...I haven't thought about this."

"Then are you willing to try to change your mentality towards yourself and others?"

After a moment of silence, I replied, "I have no idea."

"You must feel that if you change your attitude towards people and things, you will completely overthrow the person you were before?"

"Yes, it's not easy for me to get to where I am now. I don't know how to describe my inner feelings to you. I have a kind of paranoia in my heart. Even if both sides suffer, I will persist in walking the path I have chosen."

"So, this is why I must come back to see you."

"You will also persuade me like others, right?... But I am really tired of hearing the words "peace is the most important".

Lu Xi shook his head and replied after a long time: "If I were what you think, I wouldn't let my brother tell you: No matter what you do, I will support you... Han Chao, who am I to compare with?" We all know the pain in your heart, because I am also suffering from the same pain... However, I am not willing to let these pains squeeze me, because you have taught me more than once how people should get along with the world happily. …You changed me, you know?”

I looked at Luxi and remembered her appearance when we first met; she didn’t like to talk or laugh, so I still remember her state when she first went to the RV campground to find me. Sitting facing each other, the industrial lights across the sea shone coldly on her face across the sea, but her temperament was even colder than these lights. At that time, I knew she was unhappy.

However, now she hangs out in the same group as me, listening to the story of her eldest brother's escape and ascending to heaven, and grabbing his red envelopes.

She has changed, really changed, she has become laughable and amiable.

I finally asked her: "Have I ever really been a happy person? Happy enough to affect you?"

"At least when pain and happiness coexist, you will tend to be happy..."

"Yes, the worst case scenario is going to a bar to drink and go find a group of people to play all night... Now that I think about it, this is also a way to solve the pain."

"If it weren't for this method, you wouldn't know me, Sister Ran and Zuo Xiaowei."

"Zuo Xiaowei."

When Lu Xi said this, I subconsciously read Zuo Xiaowei's name, and then my eyebrows sank and my eyes revealed a fierce look.

"Do you hate Zuo Xiaowei that much?"

I looked at Lu Xi and realized that she had seen my expression just now. Of course I hated Zuo Xiaowei, but I didn't know how to talk to her, so my face remained cold.

At this time, Lu Xi said to me again: "I think we can talk about anything, including Zuo Xiaowei, including everything that happened between you."

My Adam's apple was crawling, and after a while, I finally said: "She and I once had a child, but Guan Yubo put medicine in her food and forcibly aborted the child." Lu Xi was shocked, but But I don't know if she can understand the complex emotions here. She must not be able to understand it, otherwise, she will say something to me.

"I shouldn't have told you this..."

But Lu Xi shook her head, and she said to me in an extremely firm tone: "You should tell me."

"At that time, Zuo Xiaowei and I had separated, so every time I think about this incident, I have very complicated emotions."

"You feel unworthy of that child because his mother is doing things for the person who strangled him in order to oppress his father."

I looked at Lu Xi and felt suffocated by her words. It turns out that Zuo Xiaowei and I also had the identity of father and mother because of a child. This is probably the closest relationship besides blood. Related...

As a result, my feelings for Zuo Xiaowei became more complicated, because that child really existed.

"Now, the child's father, out of hatred in his heart, has begun to take revenge on the child's mother..."

"I haven't gotten back at her yet."

Lu Xi looked at me with some confusion.

I wanted to smoke, but in the end I put down my cigarette case and said to Lu Xi, "It was Sister Ran who broke the news about that matter, not me."

"Since you hate her so much, why did Sister Ran do such a thing in the end?"

"I……"

I looked at Luxi and suddenly felt confused.

"If I'm not wrong, those songs should have been given to Zuo Xiaowei willingly by you."

"Yes."

"Then there is no such thing as misappropriation... Just clarify and tell everyone that you gave these songs to Zuo Xiaowei willingly... instead of choosing to remain silent like you do now."

"It's useless. Even if I try to clarify, it's useless... The public is more concerned about her identity as the original singer. Even if I gave her these songs willingly, she is not the original singer."

"What's important is not the result, but the facts that exist in the process... Han Chao, believe me, maybe one day you will feel lucky because you chose to take the risk... If you still don't understand, just think about Luan Yu , think about the mood with which I came to Kunming, and the mood with which I bid farewell to her father."

My brain finally started to work...

At this time, Lu Xi said to me again: "When you come back this time, I only ask you to do this one thing. Try it. Maybe after choosing to relax yourself, you will be happy. Even if you are not happy, at least you will have a clear conscience. ”

I looked at Lu Xi, took a deep breath, and finally replied: "Okay, I promise you, I will clarify it."

After receiving my affirmative reply, Lu Xi finally smiled. She opened her arms again and said: "Hug..."

I subconsciously catered to her, but she hugged me tighter than when we met, and whispered in my ear: "Believe me, just treat it as the darkness before dawn, and you will definitely be happy." Follow my Weixin public account :***, you can view the latest chapters!
"I believe you. If the happiness really outweighs the pain, I will quit smoking."

"Then you should be ready to quit smoking... However, before you are ready to quit smoking, you still have to make one preparation."

"What to prepare?"

"Jiaojiao's flight is to Kunming tonight...be prepared to pick her up. She hates others treating one another the most."

If hating one thing and favoring another can also be a criterion for measuring whether a person has changed, then Qiao Jiao seems to have really not changed much. She is indeed a good-looking woman, and has always been so. Therefore, the standard of reception can only be higher, not lower than.

So, I finally said in a joking tone: "If you want to be completely non-discriminatory, then your brother has to come with you. Last night, we went to pick you up together."

Lu Xi seemed to be joking and replied: "Then ask my brother if he is still willing to go with you..."

Our hug ended in the middle of the joke, and then I saw a look of reluctance on Lu Xi's face... I knew that Qiao Jiao's arrival also meant her departure.

I don’t know where to start, but the three of us can no longer coexist.

If you want to say that, of course, this is also a painful and regretful thing, so when it comes to that happiness, there is really a long way to go.

(End of this chapter)