The reason why Tongtong started to use the Internet after getting a smartphone was because it was too expensive for them to buy a computer before. In addition, in the minds of Tongtong's parents, computers are used for playing games. Her parents were reluctant to spend thousands of dollars at once to let Tongtong play games.

And although Tongtong's hands could move at that time, he could not always perform fine movements. Even simple tasks like knitting a sweater would take Tongtong a long time to complete after more than ten minutes.

Going to school became Tongtong's obsession. Later, every time she went out with her mother to purchase goods, she couldn't help but take a few more glances at the school when passing by. She would secretly take a photo with her mobile phone and stare at the photo for a long time when she got home.

During festivals, the topic of discussion among relatives is always about grades. When seeing relatives proudly showing off their children's good grades, Tongtong dared not raise his head, because he knew that he was not worthy of participating in this topic.

At this time, she secretly looked at her parents. The smiles on their faces were a little stiff. They tried hard to continue the conversation but couldn't get a word in. From time to time, they were ridiculed by relatives for being poor and having no status.

Seeing her parents trying to please her humbly, Tongtong felt sad and thought she was a failure and felt sorry for her parents. She remembered that when she won the first prize in school, her mother was also very proud. At that time, she was also her mother's pride.

Later, as time went by, Tongtong's condition worsened and her grades became average. Sometimes Tongtong blamed herself for not having a smart brain. Otherwise, if her grades were good enough when she was promoted from primary school to junior high school, the obstacles of the stairs would not have mattered.

When staying at home, Tongtong's biggest fear is her parents getting sick. Whenever her parents get sick, Tongtong becomes very panic-stricken because she doesn't know what to do next, because she can't take care of herself and will also cause trouble for her sick parents.

At this time, she always wishes she were a normal person, so she wouldn't be so helpless and feel so deeply guilty.

Tongtong often gets stuck in a most critical problem: if his parents are gone in the future, what should he do and how should he face the future life.

The answer is that there is no answer. She always thinks about the future when her parents are gone and she will die in despair and misery. She can't help but feel scared just thinking about it, because she doesn't even have the most basic living security.

Tongtong's father accidentally twisted his waist when he held her, and the doctor recommended rest to recover. During that time, he tried not to work, but her father couldn't rest, he had to take care of her and earn money to support the family.

She still had to go to the store to work every day. When the pain became unbearable, her father would put a pain-relieving plaster on her back and continue working. She never took a day off.

After Tongtong's parents had her, they never traveled far. Whenever friends and relatives invited her parents to travel together, Tongtong's parents always declined politely. Because they couldn't leave, Tongtong was the biggest stumbling block.

When Tongtong’s mother sees the scenery photos or videos posted by others on WeChat Moments, she doesn’t express envy, but just watches them over and over again.

When a relative came back from a trip and told Tongtong's father about the trip, and said that he would invite his family to travel there together next time, Tongtong's father just smiled and agreed, saying, "Let's go together next time."

But everyone knows that there will always be a next time.

Tongtong's parents would occasionally go on a long trip to a nearby hospital for medical treatment, and they would excitedly post a message on their Moments. Tongtong knew that her parents actually longed for freedom as deeply as she did.

Occasionally, Tongtong's mother would hear about the neighbor's children working during the summer vacation, and she would inevitably nag them when she got home: "People your age are already working, but you are still at home waiting for someone to take care of you every day..."

When she saw Tongtong lying on the bed resting, she would say, "It's already this late, others have already had three classes, and you're still lying down sleeping..." The kind neighbors and relatives also looked down on Tongtong. They thought that Tongtong was an idler who stayed at home every day doing nothing and just waiting to die.

There will be some kind-hearted uncles and aunts who will tell Tongtong’s parents that the child is now an adult, so if things don’t work out, just find a husband for her and marry her off. That way, they will have a child. Even if the couple cancels the engagement later, they will still have a child and the couple will have hope.

When faced with this kind of thing, Tongtong's parents just smiled and said they would not burden other families. And Tongtong could only keep silent, because he knew that he was not capable now and did not even have the qualifications to refute. Only when he was capable would he have the confidence to support himself.

Tongtong really wanted to lighten his parents' burden and prove himself to others, but because of his congenital disease, it was like being in prison.

Tongtong's biggest wish is to run, jump and enjoy his youth like other children. But the complications of congenital diseases are that his whole body is sick and his body parts are inflamed every other day.

When the pain in my joints is so severe, I can't even turn the pages of a book. I have severe myopia and my eyes become tired after reading for less than 30 minutes. My spine is bent and deformed, so I can't sit for a long time.

His body was slowly deteriorating every day, and he didn't know when he would suddenly die. Every morning when he opened his eyes, he was glad that he was still alive, although a new day meant new torture and trials for Tongtong.

Tongtong feels that for someone like her who has no tomorrow but only today, the present is the greatest happiness. She is particularly confused about her future and does not see any hope.

I can only comfort myself in my heart and live well in the present, believing that I can change my current situation through a little bit of effort and slowly see the direction of the future.

Wanting to learn more, she bought junior high school textbooks and tutorial books and studied with online teachers. She hadn't studied for several years and was not used to studying again at first, but after getting used to it, she enjoyed the process of learning and improving a little bit every day.

The annoying thing is that I often have to stop what I'm doing because of health reasons, or changes at home make progress very slow.

Occasionally, they would have handicrafts, and Tongtong would try to do them, such as flower arrangement, sewing clothes and insoles, etc. He could earn a few cents for each one, or one or two dimes for each one.

Although Tongtong learned it, he could not do it for a long time due to his poor eyesight. Moreover, his hands were weak and he could not work fast. He was fired every time he went and did not earn a penny.

Tongtong still remembers that she went home in the afternoon after learning the handicraft. Her father was very happy because he thought she could make money in the future.

Looking at her father's smile, Tongtong was a little dazed. For a moment, she remembered that many years ago, when she received a certificate for studying, her father also had the same smile.

But later, when Tongtong took home handicrafts, she could never finish them, and often needed her mother's help, or she would return them. Later, people refused to let her take handicrafts home.

Tongtong's father didn't say anything after he found out, he just sighed. But Tongtong could see some worry and sigh from his father's face. (End of this chapter)

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