I was beheaded in the Middle Ages for 20 years

Chapter 184 Feeling of Mental Weakness [Supplementary]

The reason why she appeared in John's mansion was why she became Charlie's teacher.

It's all for a reason.

The reason is that she wants to find a way to get acquainted with John and have a good relationship with Charlie.

It was Philip VI's plan to seduce John at the necessary moment, and finally find a good opportunity to fall in love and get engaged to John.

Blanche never imagined that Xu Siling would ask this question.

"What. What's wrong?"

"No, I'm just curious."

Xu Siling was really just curious. From a historical perspective, did Blanche, who was once engaged to John, have a good impression of John?

Before, he thought that with Blanche and John's temperaments, the two would not have many opportunities to come into contact with each other in history.

But now that Blanche appears frequently in the outside world, Xu Siling is not sure whether it is the butterfly effect caused by his appearance, or whether it is the way history should be.

Maybe even if Xu Siling didn't show up, Blanche would become Charlie's teacher. She got along well with John at the mansion?
Xu Siling didn't know, so she was curious.

"John is a very good knight and a good man, not your kind anyway."

"Which one am I?"

"Others say you are a perfect knight, but I know that you are a hypocritical bad guy. Compared to John, John is more like the perfect knight, but in terms of strength, he is not as good as you."

Xu Siling was not angry and nodded firmly: "You are right."

Blanche didn't speak anymore. She still didn't know what Xu Siling's purpose was in mentioning John.

Seeing that Blanche was silent, Xu Siling thought she didn't want to talk to him, so she took the initiative to speak.

"Seeing that you're okay, I'll leave first."

As soon as these words came out, Blanche panicked.

"Do not."

"Huh? What's wrong?"

Blanche's subconscious words made her even more panicked.

She simply wanted to stay with Xu Siling, and never thought of any reason to keep Xu Siling by her side.

My mind is racing, I'm embarrassed to ask.

"Then you. What do you think of me?"

"Ah?" Xu Siling was stunned.

Blanche blushed and waved her hands quickly: "I mean, I'm curious about what kind of person you think I am. What kind of person am I in your eyes?"

"Oh."

Xu Siling was slightly curious about Blanche's strangeness, but did not think deeply about it.

"Blanche, my answer may not be very good. Are you sure you want to listen?"

Blanche hesitated, she had never cared so much about a person's opinion of herself.

"Is it true or sincere?"

"Well, tell the truth. There's no point in telling the truth in front of you."

"Then tell me, I'll bear it."

Xu Siling looked at Blanche who was nervously waiting for evaluation, and he began to think about and sort out his words.

Then he said slowly.

"I feel confusion, pressure and deception from you."

Blanche was stunned, especially when she heard Xu Siling say the word 'deceive', her heart beat hard.

"Xu, what do you mean, I don't understand."

"Blanche, from the first time we met in this pavilion, I felt from you that you are a 'sensible' person."

Xu Siling explained slowly.

"This sensible person is not a compliment, but a derogatory one."

"Be sensible, understand other people's affairs, and understand the sufferings of others. You will often doubt yourself. Even when you conflict with others, you will naturally obey the will of others and sacrifice your own interests for others, as if all this is natural."

Blanche shook her head quickly. She was unwilling to admit that she was such a person in front of Xu Siling. It seemed that she had no self-esteem and had low self-esteem.

Although she knew that Xu Siling was right, her heart was beating fiercely to confirm.

"No, I'm not."

"Everyone is the same. Most of them only do three things in their lives: deceiving others, deceiving themselves, and being deceived by others."

Xu Siling blinked: "You are a royal princess, but in the face of any conflict, you will choose to wrong yourself. For example, when you were in the bookstore, you could get angry, but you didn't. You chose to bear it yourself. Including the previous ones, my words will make you If you feel uncomfortable, other people should have refuted it or vented their emotions, but you didn't. You still chose to accept it and obey others. "

"No, no, I didn't." Blanche still denied, but her tone was slightly weak.

"You subconsciously feel that you should not have conflicts with others. When you are in the bookstore, you can take into account Chris's identity and relationship, but there is no need to take care of these between us, let alone your status is higher than mine , but you chose to accept my words as a matter of course."

"You are very sensible, too sensible."

"This sensible person puts you under great psychological pressure."

"Blanche, people can like something without knowing the facts about it, they can like a book without remembering every page, because liking is liking, liking a thing or a thing, or a person, it doesn't matter. There shouldn’t be any pressure.”

“The same goes for hating, and there shouldn’t be pressure to hate.”

"I don't know if your appearance at John's Mansion and becoming Charlie's teacher has anything to do with your thoughts." "But I feel that you haven't done anything for yourself, you haven't done anything for yourself, and you may even They don’t even know what they want.”

"I'm sorry Blanche, what I said next may be hurtful, but I don't think words should be hidden between us."

"I feel that maybe your sensibility and virtue will hurt yourself, and even to some extent, it will be more objectionable and stomach-churning than robbing, killing, and robberies."

"Because this kind of sensibility will ruin a person's life and deny a person's destiny."

"To be honest, Blanche, I am a hypocritical man. You know it very well and you understand me very well."

"But hypocrisy is actually very difficult. I need to know clearly what I want and what the other person wants, and then pretend to be the same as everyone else."

"But sincerity is different. Sincerity does not consist in saying all your thoughts, but in expressing immediately, expressing only yourself, only what you think and feel."

Xu Siling looked at Blanche, who looked pale and weak again. He couldn't bear it, but he still said slowly.

"I remembered before we were here, you said the difference between telling the truth and telling the truth."

"But it seems that since that day, you haven't spoken the truth a few times, right? Or should I say, you have never been sincere. At least now, the hypocritical me is much more sincere than you."

"And I still feel confused in you. Maybe you realize it yourself, and you don't know whether what you are doing is right."

"You are a conflicted person, and because of our understanding of each other, I don't want you to get into this self-consuming situation."

"Sometimes, you should ask yourself what you really want."

Xu Siling stopped talking, Blanche was already holding her forehead under the golden hair with one hand, weakly supporting her body.

Once people get used to the fact that they always have things they don't want in life, over time, they will gradually become confused about what they really need.

Blanche knew very well that what Xu Siling said was right.

Sometimes she hates herself and hates herself for being too sensible.

Why should we take into account the situation of the royal family, why should we take into account the thoughts of Philip VI, and why should we take into account so much trouble.

But in the final analysis, this is the summary.

Without ability, there is no freedom. Freedom is not the result of choice, but the result of ability.

She has no freedom.

She has no ability.

She is useless.

This is an endless cycle.

She cannot break away from her status as a member of the royal family. She will always be the beautiful and intelligent princess of the kingdom.

Not only Philip VI and others need her like this, but also the nobles and the Holy See need her like this.

If she is exposed to the outside world, it will only add a lot of uncertainty to France.

Neither the nobility nor the Holy See could bear the torment, especially after the defeat at the Battle of Crecy.

But Xu Siling was right, what exactly did he want?
Blanche's head felt empty, and she really couldn't think of what she wanted at this time.

Even if she really leaves the royal family, what can she do?
If she leaks out to the outside world, won't she change from a tool of the royal family to a tool of others?

And as Xu Siling said, her sensibleness is actually more disgusting than robbing, killing, and thieving.

Because this kind of over-sensibleness denies everything she was born to be.

Xu Siling is very sincere. He is willing to express his opinions directly without any objective modification.

Blanche was very happy because Xu Siling was sincere and not hypocritical.

But it was also very uncomfortable. As Xu Siling said, she became the first one to scold hypocritical people.

Yes.

The difference between telling the truth and speaking from the heart is that the word "heart" is missing in the middle. This heart is selfish, so the truth must be right and cannot be wrong. It is truth, truth, principle and responsibility.

But speaking the truth may not necessarily be mixed with selfishness. The former can be said, but the latter cannot.

The former will do it even if he doesn't want to do it, and the latter won't do it even if he wants to. To explain it simply, the truth is for you, and the truth is for myself.

But now Xu Siling is willing to tell his true feelings.

Blanche was very satisfied, but also felt powerless.

Xu Siling looked at Blanche, who was becoming more gloomy, and couldn't help but sigh and explain: "What I said is only objective. First of all, you must understand that no one can decide your life. You must live your own life first. At least make yourself happy first.”

"At least...make me happy first?"

Blanche's brown eyes were a little angry, and she looked at Xu Siling tightly, as if grasping a life-saving straw.

"Yeah, at least make yourself happy first."

Xu Siling looked around, feeling that she had been here for about the same amount of time, and she had said so many inappropriate words, which was probably enough to make Blanche feel uncomfortable for a while.

Leave her alone.

"I'll leave first and you think about it."

However, Xu Siling just turned around and wanted to leave, but found that the corner of his clothes was being grabbed.

He turned to look.

Blanche's almost pale-skinned hands and slender fingers seemed weak, but they firmly grabbed the corner of his clothes. Its owner didn't want him to leave.

"you"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But I often feel like I'm not good at chatting but still want to be clingy."

(End of this chapter)