Reborn Bao Guowei, I really didn’t want to be a great writer!

Chapter 490 Dazai Osamu’s morbidity? The redemption of “No Longer Human”!

Three years ago, Oyama Hatsuyo met Dazai Osamu, also known as Tsushima Shuji, who had just turned 18, at Hirosaki Junior High School.

The two soon fell in love.

Dazai Osamu's family was well-off. Unlike other classmates who were worried about taking college entrance exams, his family arranged for him to study in France early on.

But obviously, Dazai Osamu didn't care much about this opportunity.

In order to be with Hatsuyo Oyama, he resolutely gave up going to France.

When his family found out that Dazai Osamu gave up studying abroad for a geisha, it naturally caused an uproar.

Dazai Osamu, who has been submissive since childhood, is surprisingly firm in his feelings.

He even broke up with his family who opposed him.

The young Dazai Osamu didn't care about studying abroad at all. He just needed someone who could accept him and accompany him to heal the trauma in his heart.

And the more opposition his family received, the more loyal he became to this relationship.

Afterwards, despite opposition, Dazai Osamu abandoned worldly prejudices and resolutely married the geisha Hatsuyo Koyama.

In order to be with Dazai Osamu, Oyama Hatsuyo also escaped from the geisha life in Tamaya and went to live in Tokyo with Dazai Osamu.

The two people started a bumpy relationship.

When he was in college, Dazai Osamu was keen on participating in left-wing movements.

When the traditional family found out, they were furious and officially kicked him out of the house.

From then on, Dazai Osamu's life fell into a trough again, and he spent all day hanging out in Ginza, hanging out with the waitresses there.

When Xiaoshan Hatsudai saw this, he became disheartened with him.

In the end, under the dual influence of love and family, she left Tokyo and left Dazai Osamu.

Until the end of last year.

Oyama Hatsuyo accidentally learned that Dazai Osamu had attempted suicide again.

Even with the waitresses in Ginza.

Her emotions suddenly broke down and she burst into tears.

Although they were resentful about this, the redemptive love eventually allowed Hatsuyo Koyama and Dazai Osamu to reconcile and return to Tokyo.

Last month, the two reunited in Tokyo.

Although the two did not register their marriage due to family opposition, they have been living as husband and wife.

In Gotanda Group, Shinagawa District, Tokyo, two people hope to start a new life.

The house is not luxurious, it is just an ordinary rented apartment.

But it carries their infinite expectations for the future.

Just today, Xiaoshan Hatsudai received a payment for her work, which was the result of her hard work over the past few months.

It is extremely joyful to be rewarded for your hard work.

She immediately prepared to buy two servings of sashimi from the street, intending to enjoy them with her husband Dazai Osamu to celebrate this moment together.

As the vendor was packing up, he smiled and said to Xiaoshan Hatsudai, "Madam, you don't see her often? Did you just move here?"

Xiaoshan Hatsuyo smiled and responded, "My husband and I just moved here last month. We both don't like to go out, so maybe you are unfamiliar with me."

"Okay, okay. Life is not easy nowadays. Madam, you are obviously well-educated and are much better off than the rest of us."

Xiaoshan Chudai didn't say anything, but he was very happy in his heart.

After a brief conversation with the other party, he walked back home.

Since following Dazai Osamu, Oyama Hatsuyo was influenced and learned to write. He then participated in the left-wing literary movement under the pen name Kawasaki Muneko.

Compared to her previous identity as a geisha, the identity of a writer is obviously much better.

Moreover, it can also support the lives of both of them.

Xiaoshan Chudai could feel what it would be like if he held a book in his hand, had a pen on his chest, or wore a pair of gold-rimmed glasses.

The respect you can get will be much greater than this.

This is something that cannot be compared to the identity of a geisha.

"Just a geisha."

In the past, the relevant voices and contempt would fill my ears endlessly.

"This is the best way now."

Xiaoshan Chudai was in a good mood and walked towards home with brisk steps.

She had already started to fantasize about living with Dazai Osamu in Tokyo, and the two of them would earn a good income by writing and publishing books.

Then give birth to a lovely child.

What a wonderful scene that would be?

Hatsuyo Oyama loves her husband very much, even though he is a little weird, a little unsociable, and sensitive and irritable from time to time.

But he rescued himself from the whirlpool of the geisha.

Gently pushing open the door, Oyama Hatsuyo saw Dazai Osamu reading attentively in the study, and couldn't help but smile.

She placed the sashimi on the table and gently poured a cup of tea for the other person.

"Shuji, take a break. My royalties arrived today, so I bought some of your favorite sashimi."

At this moment, Dazai Osamu, who had a thin face and messy hair, raised his head from the sea of ​​books.

He smiled and said to his wife, "Don't bother too much, I'll just eat whatever I want."

After thinking about it, maybe I felt that this statement was a bit cold.

He added: "But... I still want to congratulate you, First Generation, you are talented in literature."

"Thank you."

Xiaoshan Hatsuyo lowered her head, a blush on her face, and snuggled tightly in her husband's arms.

At this moment, both of them felt the long-lost sweetness and hope.

However, Xiaoshan Hatsuyo could notice that her husband's brows were tightly furrowed when he was reading the novel at hand.

Moreover, one can see gloominess in his expression.

This expression was alleviated only after the first generation of Xiaoshan appeared.

Not very happy because of this work?
Xiaoshan Hatsudai immediately had some guesses, so she couldn't help but ask questions.

“This work is not very good?”

Dazai Osamu was stunned for a moment, then turned his gaze back to the novel. As if he remembered something, he pushed the work to Oyama Hatsuyo and said.

"I almost forgot. This is the latest novel I got, written by Mr. Bao Bingwen from China.

This is a great work, I just watched half of it, you should also watch the first generation. "

Xiaoshan Chudai was a little surprised: "Bao Bingwen? Is it the Bao Bingwen from China? The one who wrote The Old Man and the Sea?"

"That's right." Dazai Osamu nodded. "He is the Chinese novelist who won the Goncourt Prize in Europe and has a great influence."

“I really like his work.”

Xiaoshan Hatsudai took the manuscript carefully as if he was holding a sacred object.

"I got this from Mr. Kuran. It hasn't been officially published yet, but it's definitely his work."

When it comes to literature, there is still light in Dazai Osamu's eyes, and he gives instructions.

"Mr. Bingwen's works have many styles and are not limited to writing style and background. If you can learn a little bit from them, you will definitely benefit a lot."

"Yes! I will study hard!" Xiaoshan Hatsudai nodded vigorously, her eyes full of hope. She held the manuscript in her arms and stood up to tidy up.

"Shuji, let's read this novel together. I happened to bring some sashimi."

Dazai Osamu also showed a warm smile on his face. Even if he was walking on the street at this moment, others would only think that he was just a somewhat gloomy and introverted man.

There's no sign at all that he's committed suicide countless times.

The two people hugged each other and read "No Longer Human" together.

From time to time, Xiaoshan Hatsudai would pick up a few slices of sashimi for her husband.

For a moment, this warmth and sweetness made Xiaoshan Hatsudai feel that life had reached its peak.

She was even a little dazed and felt that she was not worthy of such a life.

In one night, the two of them carefully reviewed the life experience of the protagonist Ye Zang.

This is a suffocating story that seems out of place compared to the sweetness between the two people.

After reading the novel, Dazai Osamu seemed a little depressed.

But this dullness did not last long, and he immediately started analyzing again.

"As Mr. Kuran said, this is a book so good that I don't know what words to use to describe it. Even when I read some of the plots, I can't help but tremble all over."

He became more and more excited as he spoke, and even a little fanatical at the end.

"Having written The Chrysanthemum and the Sword and No Longer Human, I even suspect that Bingwen is a Japanese. Otherwise, how could he understand the Japanese so thoroughly!"

"That's right." Xiaoshan Chudai nodded vigorously, but then became a little worried.

Because the other party was too excited.

Oyama Hatsuyo rarely saw her husband react like this.

As far as she feels, "No Longer Human" is indeed an excellent work, but it is also extremely gloomy and depressing.

Even a little chilling.

Isn't it the most frightening thing that Dazai Osamu shows such excitement?

After all, he has always had thoughts of committing suicide.

Worried about this, Oyama Hatsuyo spoke tentatively.

"But I think the depiction of reality and human nature in the film is a bit creepy, and the protagonist Ye Zang's experience is also..."

After thinking about it, Xiaoshan Chudai weighed his words and spoke in a different tone.

"And I suddenly feel that this film, No Longer Human, has helped to revise your previous style."

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"My style?"

"Yes! It's just like what you wrote! The experiences in it are also like you."

For a moment, Xiaoshan Chudai felt that his idea was too brilliant.

Such a gloomy and dark novel makes even the readers feel suffocated.

But it seems exactly like something her husband could write.

She also felt that this idea could alert her husband.

Once this idea came up, it gradually spread.

Hearing this, Dazai Osamu frowned and noticed some details that he had not paid attention to before.

He thought for a moment and said, “Come to think of it, the protagonist Ye Zang’s experience is quite similar to my childhood life, I mean some details, such as pleasing family members.

I've had similar experiences in the past and it still haunts me."

It was normal for Dazai Osamu to feel familiar.

In fact, the original work of "No Longer Human" is a monologue by Dazai Osamu about his own life.

Fortunately, when Bao Guowei wrote this novel, he basically just used the shell of the original work.

In fact, it is very different from Dazai Osamu's version of "No Longer Human".

So I am not afraid when I am in front of the real master.

Moreover, Bao Guowei wanted to write something of his own, such as criticism of society that was rarely seen in the original work, and to add some left-wing ideas.

That has to change.

After copying his creations at the beginning, Bao Guowei rarely plagiarized the original works completely.

Basically, they all make their own adaptations and writings based on the original plots.

In a sense, it can be considered a reinterpretation of the original work, or a fan work.

Therefore, even though Dazai Osamu felt very familiar, he did not feel that it was strange, or that he felt that his thoughts and experiences were written down by another person.

Moreover, in Dazai's view, this kind of oppression is very common.

This can make him feel more resonant!

Previously, Dazai Osamu only felt that the plot was vaguely familiar.

But now that we pay attention to it, it becomes very different.

He opened the pages of the book again, watching scene after scene, and his heart was touched by the monologue of the protagonist Ye Zang.

For a moment, I couldn't control my emotions.

"Because I am more like an ugly monster. Although I want to live like an ordinary person, society has always treated me as a monster."

“I know someone loves me, but I don’t seem to have the ability to love others.”

"Why do people have to eat three meals a day? Everyone eats with a serious face, which seems to have become a ritual. They sit side by side in an orderly manner, regardless of whether they have an appetite or not. It's like praying to the gods dormant in the house."

Relevant sentences kept circling in Dazai Osamu's mind, stinging his nerves, and he actually felt as if his inner soul was screaming.

He seemed to be on the verge of collapse.

Seeing this scene, his wife Xiaoshan Hatsuyo was a little at a loss. She hugged her husband and said with concern.

"Shuji, what's wrong with you? This isn't your fault. This is just a novel. We have a great life, don't we?"

"No." Dazai Osamu suddenly screamed as if he was going to vomit out his soul. "I shouldn't be like this! Life shouldn't be like this! It's too painful! Why am I like this!"

Xiaoshan Hatsudai was completely panicked and kept saying something.

"this is not your fault."

Words of comfort like these seemed to have no effect at all.

She was afraid of losing her husband, and afraid that the happiness that was within her reach would slip away from her hands.

But in the blink of an eye, all the happiness seemed to disappear.

Dazai Osamu completely ignored her words of comfort.

Xiaoshan Hatsuyo held Dazai Osamu's thin face in his hands, tears flowing from his eyes. The uncooked fish were scattered all over the floor, and the room was no longer as tidy as before, but a mess.

"Shuji, we still have hope and we will find a way to be happy."

She held the other person's face and cried along with Dazai Osamu.

The sight of two people hugging each other and crying was as messy as the scene in the study.

I don’t know how long it took, but Dazai seemed to be fine again. He hugged his wife’s head and patted her gently.

"Shuji?"

Xiaoshan Hatsudai looked up in surprise and saw that there seemed to be determination in her husband's eyes.

"So, do you still think that life is meaningless?"

She was afraid that her husband would start another death attempt.

After all, the feelings brought by this movie "No Longer Human" are too unforgettable.

Even some normal people have thoughts of suicide because of this work, let alone a character like Dazai Osamu.

Xiaoshan Hatsuyo's worries stem from her understanding of her husband.

But surprisingly, Dazai Osamu did not say things like "Let's die together", "I don't want to live anymore", "This is a damn world".

Such pessimistic and hopeless words.

Instead, he became very calm, as if he had figured something out, and turned to speak to his wife.

“This is a very good work.”

This reaction is strange, but it is not uncommon for extreme people like Dazai Osamu who have attempted suicide many times.

His wife, Hatsuyo Koyama, understood her husband, but still had tears in her eyes. She couldn't help but nod and said, "This is a great work, but it's not necessarily true. Life can be beautiful."

She thought of the joy she felt when she received her royalties, the conversations she had with street vendors, the class leap she gained by becoming a writer, and the sweetness between her and Dazai Osamu.

Finally, she thought of the fantasy she had when she came back, which was just a dream. She gave birth to two children and went on vacation to Hokkaido with Dazai Osamu's family of four.

The dream did not last long and seemed to collapse bit by bit.

But just when Oyama Hatsudai was in despair, he heard a completely different reaction from Dazai Osamu.

"No, no, no, Shodai, you don't have to worry about me."

His eyes unexpectedly became firm.

"No Longer Human has inspired me, and I think I should seek some deeper meaning!"

Hearing her husband's slightly excited words, Xiaoshan Hatsudai was suddenly speechless. She looked at him in surprise and uttered a question in her throat.

"what?"

Dazai Osamu ignored all of this and spoke with joy in his eyes.

"First generation, I have understood the meaning of my life."

Xiaoshan Hatsuyo felt that her husband must be sick, otherwise how could he suddenly turn from sadness to sudden joy.

She even thought about sending her husband to the hospital.

However, Dazai Osamu's following words completely dispelled Oyama's thoughts.

I only heard Dazai Osamu say this with deep emotion.

“At first, I always felt that life was full of emptiness and despair, and people were often in a state of alienation.

They long to be loved but are afraid of being hurt, so they choose to close their hearts.
I hate the cruelty of society. Hypocrisy and utilitarianism are rampant in society, and people fight each other for their own interests.

Human nature is supposed to be ugly! I need to escape from here!

But now, after receiving enlightenment from Bingwenjun and the core of the work "No Longer Human".

I feel like everything is different!”

(End of this chapter)