I am reborn and refuse to be a sickly rich woman

Chapter 121 Yao Mingyue: Let us start again.

The Bund.

The bright lights and greenery reflected from the high-rise buildings formed a bright reflection on the river.

This is a holy place for many young people to come for dates and check-ins.

The river beach was piled with sand and turned into a beach. The waves are sparkling at night and it really feels like the ocean.

Xu Musen came to the Bund. There were many tents and parasols on the beach. In the evening, merchants came to provide seats and drinks.

Xu Musen walked along the river, and after a long time he finally saw the blue parasol.

It's silent here and there's no one around.

Under the parasol, that slim and slightly lonely figure sat quietly.

Her long hair was like ink, blending into the dark night, and her fair skin was as soft and tender as freshly fallen snow.

Xu Musen didn't want to become enemies with her, after all, they were just husband and wife, but he didn't want to make the same mistake again.

The river breeze was blowing slightly, and her long hair was moving with the wind, and the strands were hanging around her ears and in front of her eyes, giving her a somewhat broken beauty.

"You can't say it casually if you like it. Can you express your love freely? Some people said they wanted someone to be their girlfriend at noon today, but they were more casual than me." Yao Mingyue squinted her eyes.

In the last life, Xu Musen could still endure her temper because Yao Mingyue really cared about him and really loved him.

Yao Mingyue turned over the old bills.

If it hadn't been for the accumulation of things later, and the last straw that broke the camel's back, maybe they would have continued on.

Yao Mingyue showed a self-deprecating smile. She looked at Xu Musen, her eyes were not as strong as before.

She turned her head sideways, with a drunken blush on her beautiful cheeks. She looked a little less cold and stern than usual, and a little more girlish.

"I just happened to hear it."

Xu Musen wanted to say something, but was shushed by Yao Mingyue.

The river breeze was gentle, and the alcohol slowly stimulated the brain. This moment was particularly peaceful.

"It's indeed pretty." Xu Musen said as he looked at the sparkling river.

"Don't say the word like casually."

"The Bund is not the sea."

Xu Musen walked over and snatched the wine from her hand.

Xu Musen looked at her, slightly silent.

Xu Musen looked at her like this and then looked at the wine in his hand.

"Because if I don't drink, I'll keep thinking about you."

But Yao Mingyue picked up another bottle. It seemed that she had drunk a lot. She was not as cold as usual, but smiled a little heartlessly.

She had been sitting here alone for who knows how long, and there were several cocktail bottles scattered around.

"Xu Musen, do you remember? When I was in my third year of high school, you said that when our college entrance examination is over, you will take me to see the sea together."

She had already drank half of it just now, so she didn't have to worry about being drugged.

"Yes, the Bund is not the sea, but even so, you don't seem to be willing to accompany me to see it."

"Yao Mingyue..."

Xu Musen walked on the beach in silence, but Yao Mingyue still felt something in her heart. Those delicate ears were like bat radar in the dark night.

However, morbid feelings are a kind of disease. If they cannot be cured, they will eventually lead to a hopeless situation without any cure.

"Are you following me?"

She stretched out a white finger to cover her red lips. This action seemed a bit naive.

"What's beautiful is not the scenery, but being with the person you like." Yao Mingyue moved closer to him, her red and phoenix eyes burning and bright.

Although Yao Mingyue's feelings for him were abnormal, they were absolutely sincere.

Xu Musen paused and naturally knew that she was talking about the girl named Zhu Yulan.

Xu Musen moved some distance again.

Yao Mingyue's eyes were scorching, and she showed a silly smile: "But after drinking, I miss you even more."

Xu Musen knew her temper, so he didn't try to persuade her. Instead, he took a sip from the bottle.

"Are you really promising? You go out drinking alone in the middle of the night?"

Xu Musen said, this is just the Huangpu River.

Xu Musen nodded. People in the Central Plains always have a yearning for the sea.

Yao Mingyue opened the cocktail in her hand again, and touched it with the wine that Xu Musen had snatched.

Yao Mingyue looked at him, a smile on her red cheeks, and her eyes reflected the trivial scene on the river in the night.

"I don't want to hear you trying to reason with me right now. I don't want to hear it. You came out here just to drink with me."

"You're really here. I thought you were planning to avoid me all the time."

"..."

Xu Musen was speechless for a moment. Seeing that she didn't lose control of her expression, he said, "You should also be able to tell that I just said that on purpose because I didn't want to get entangled with her."

"You don't want to get involved with her, but what about that girl?"

Yao Mingyue changed her tone. She held her wine-red cheek with one hand and looked at him closely.

An Nuannuan's cute little face suddenly appeared in Xu Musen's mind.

He didn't know why, but he always felt very relaxed when he thought of the three words An Nuannuan.

"Xu Musen, do you like her?" Yao Mingyue saw all the details that flashed in his eyes.

The gentleness that emerged in his eyes was like a small knife piercing her heart.

Obviously these used to belong to her alone...

"I can't say the word "like" casually, but I do have a crush on her."

Xu Musen didn't hide it. The word "like" carries so much weight.

Before he and An Nuannuan develop further, Xu Musen doesn't want to say it rashly and ruin their current atmosphere.

Just after he said these words.

Yao Mingyue bit her lips tightly, her emotions turned sour, which no amount of alcohol could suppress.

"You and she have only known each other for a few months... What does our relationship for so many years mean?"

"Let the past things pass. Isn't it good to be like this now? There are so many people in the world, so there is no need for you to fall on me."

Xu Musen took a sip of wine. The stimulation of alcohol seemed to neutralize the emotions in his heart.

"Maybe if you told me this sentence more than ten years ago, it might still be useful, but now, do you think it's still possible? Can I still forget you?"

After all, Yao Mingyue's tone had some fluctuations. Her sincere and somewhat sad tone made Xu Musen feel a little unable to say harsh words.

"We're not a good fit, really."

"How do you know it's not suitable if you haven't tried it? We have been together for nearly twenty years. Twenty years. If we are not suitable, how can we be considered suitable?"

Yao Mingyue spoke with stubbornness in every word.

"Some things have nothing to do with time. We may be more suitable for this just-right relationship."

It's just right now, no more, no less, and still forgettable...

"But I don't want to be just right, I just want to be with you. I want to be with you every day for more than ten years. I don't want anyone else!"

Yao Mingyue reached out and grabbed Xu Musen's sleeve, fearing that he would disappear again.

"Xu Musen, do you dare to say that you don't like me? Look at me, I don't believe you don't see me!"

Yao Mingyue came closer, with a pretty face that was familiar to her bones, and her red lips smelled of alcohol.

A pair of red phoenix eyes were also filled with some water.

Xu Musen looked into her eyes for a moment.

At the very least, the two of them were really happy in the first two years of their marriage in their last life, but all the romance was torn to pieces in the subsequent lives.

Momo looked away again.

"Xu Musen, you have me in your heart. If you are angry that I refused your confession before, then I will apologize to you. I can even confess to you in front of the whole school. As long as you can be as good to me as before. good…"

Yao Mingyue tugged on the corner of his clothes. This girl who had been proud for half her life could be said to be a bit humble in her words now.

"It has nothing to do with that. My previous confession was actually quite childish. I didn't know what liking meant at that time. Maybe it was more of a momentary impulse."

Xu Musen shook his head and took another sip of wine.

Speaking of which, when I confessed my love to Yao Mingyue in the past, I was indeed stimulated by the people around me from time to time.

And at that time, I didn't understand what liking was and what possessiveness was.

They have been together since childhood, but Yao Mingyue has become better and better. Whether it is appearance, study, personal ability or family, she has gradually distanced herself from his childhood sweetheart.

He was afraid that Yao Mingyue would leave him one day.

Xu Musen has always been sensitive and inferior in his heart. In the past, he was no better than Yao Mingyue.

His confession was also mixed with some ulterior motives.

"Like a person's face is like, like a person's character is like, even if you like a person's money is like, who is more pure than who? I only know that I just like you, ever since I was little, I just like you Wanna be with you."

Yao Mingyue looked at him, her eyes slightly red from drinking.

In fact, Yao Mingyue is right. There must be a reason to like someone. People are visual animals. Ninety percent of people like someone starting from their face.

There is nothing absolutely pure about love, it is all love from point to point.

Xu Musen was silent for a moment. No one would believe him about what happened in his previous life, but this was also a good opportunity to have a good chat.

"Yao Mingyue, let's assume that if we were together, would you really be happy?"

Xu Musen suddenly changed his tone.

Yao Mingyue's eyes lit up, and her pretty red face revealed a look of yearning: "Of course..."

After all, two people will feel more secure when they are together, and no one will come to rob him from him again.

"You still don't understand that an identity can't bring you any sense of security. Real security comes from the trust in each other's hearts and the fulfillment of your own hearts."

Xu Musen shook his head and looked at Yao Mingyue: "Let's assume again that we have announced our identity. Then if I have to come into contact with other women because of work, can you control yourself from having random thoughts?"

Yao Mingyue was stunned for a moment. The first impression in her mind was no!

Because he is already her boyfriend, that is her ownership, and she needs to pay more attention to it.

But looking at Xu Musen's expression, she was speechless for a moment.

"I, we are together, you don't have to work, I can support you!"

Yao Mingyue spoke seriously.

But Xu Musen showed a real expression: "Yao Mingyue, I am a person, not a wood without ideas. I need my own work, my own career, and my own life.

Now that I am with you, not only do you have no sense of security, but it will actually increase the uneasiness in your heart.

What you have to learn is to know what it means to like someone, which is more giving, more tolerance and trust, rather than greater willfulness and demands. "

Xu Musen said patiently, as childhood sweethearts, as two families who are better than relatives.

Xu Musen still hopes that Yao Mingyue can truly realize her problems, otherwise her problems will only get bigger and bigger in the future.

Aunt Liu was her only daughter. If something happened to Yao Mingyue, Aunt Liu's last psychological support would probably collapse.

This is not what Xu Musen wants to see.

"But will you give me a chance?"

Yao Mingyue raised her head, holding the wine bottle: "You told me last time that you let me experience what it feels like to really like someone, but what about you? You and that girl stay together every day, and you see me I just want to hide, have you ever given me a chance to like you?"

She shook the bottle, but the wine was like half a bottle of vinegar, and the sour taste made people feel even more unbearable.

"Xu Musen, what is so good about her? I can give you everything she can give you. Why can't you continue to be nice to me?"

Xu Musen silently took a sip of wine: "It's respect, understanding, freedom, and the kind of heartless purity."

"She likes snacks very much, but every time she will let me take a bite first. She will come over in the sun every day to deliver mung bean soup to me. She will think that I have heat stroke, so she stubbornly drags her injuries upstairs to see me.

Even if I asked her to sign something, she would always believe me unconditionally.

I gave it to her milk tea shop, but she gave me all the money she earned every day..."

Xu Musen said one by one, but each one of them was like a knife piercing Yao Mingyue's heart.

"I can do these things too!"

"You are different."

Xu Musen shook his head: "You don't treat me like someone you like, but like a toy you like. You will wipe me carefully every day, protect me, and don't allow anyone to hurt me. But you never They won't ask me what I want and whether I am happy or not, because we have always been unequal in our relationship.

Well, after all, toys make people happy, who cares whether they make them happy or not? "

Xu Musen smiled and finished drinking the wine in his hand. His tone was gentle, but when it fell on Yao Mingyue's heart, it was like setting off a stormy sea.

At this moment, Yao Mingyue's heart was filled with his self-deprecating words.

She couldn't refute because she had become accustomed to being pampered by Xu Musen for so many years.

Her love for Xu Musen is indeed like treating a favorite toy. She will protect him in every possible way and will not let him get hurt. She will satisfy him whatever he wants, and she can't wait to lock him in her safe. .

However, she never asked Xu Musen what he liked or what kind of life he wanted to live.

This is an unequal relationship.

"I……"

Yao Mingyue opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

She had realized something, but...it seemed a little late.

Xu Musen opened another bottle of wine and said: "That's why I have a good impression of her, because she is good to me, she just wants to be good to me and won't put any pressure on me.

Nowadays, many people have a wrong understanding of relationships. They always feel that they must first establish a relationship and identity before they can continue to be good to the other person.

Just like if people nowadays want to get married, they must have a house, which is said to be the basic guarantee of happiness.

But a house only protects life. Without emotional support, a safe haven will also become the source of violent storms.

At that time, the house was no longer a home, but a cage that bound two people.

The so-called identity should be a turning point that comes naturally, a castle built by two people to witness love, rather than a cage that imprisons two people. "

Xu Musen took a sip of wine.

In fact, in his previous life, he was like a canary locked in a cage. He was taken care of meticulously by Yao Mingyue, but he could not be free in his life.

She loved her singing voice, but she ignored that he also had feathers that longed for freedom.

Yao Mingyue clutched the wine bottle. Her heart was sour and her eyes were filled with tears. She looked at Xu Musen.

"I know...but I really can't live without you, Xu Musen. You promised me before that you would always be with me. You can't like others..."

Yao Mingyue grabbed his sleeve with one hand. She was really panicking now.

Because today Xu Musen exposed everything naked in front of her.

The sharp knife of truth hurts the most.

"I haven't fallen in love with others because I feel that I have never really known how to like someone."

Xu Musen looked at Yao Mingyue, his eyes softened a little. Looking at her, he saw in a trance more than ten years ago.

On that rainy night with lightning and thunder, she was waiting outside the operating room in despair, wearing the little skirt her father had just given her.

When the doctor announced the results.

She cried so hard that she could no longer shed tears. Xu Musen held her in his arms from that moment on.

The fate of the two people is tightly tied together.

She lost her father when she was still a child, and the family faced bankruptcy. Her mother had to leave her alone for a long time to keep the company running.

Yao Mingyue lives alone in an empty room. It is unimaginable how much mental pressure it is for a child.

Therefore, Yao Mingyue was afraid of losing, and the wounds in her heart caused her morbid mentality of crazy possession.

The appearance of Xu Musen became her last spiritual support.

In the beginning, Yao Mingyue regarded him as her dependence and her last resort.

But as two people grow up slowly, even if they are childhood sweethearts, there are always some things that they need to avoid suspicion.

Moreover, some girls will also have a crush on Xu Musen when their love interests are just beginning to bloom in adolescence.

This caused another fear to arise in Yao Mingyue's heart. She was afraid that Xu Musen would leave her one day.

This psychology gradually became distorted over time, and she could no longer tell whether the two of them were friends or confused love.

Her yandere character was gradually formed...

Xu Musen looked at her tearful eyes, sighed, and continued: "Actually, I also have a problem. When I confessed to you before, I was also coaxed on a whim.

After all, you are really outstanding. From childhood to adulthood, I can’t count the number of people who have confessed to you, especially some outstanding boys.

I am also really, really stressed, and I am also worried about whether you will leave with someone else.

Coupled with some impulses in adolescence, I also felt that it would be more respectable if I could fall in love with you, and you are still a rich woman. I was also very worthless at that time, thinking that this way I would not have to work hard in the future. "

Xu Musen shook his head: "So, the two of us actually care too much about what others think, but we have never really thought about what we like about each other. We are together not because we really like each other, but because we don't want others to Just take away what you like."

Xu Musen analyzed the human weaknesses of himself and Yao Mingyue.

Yao Mingyue tugged at the corner of Xu Musen's clothes, with tears in the corners of her eyes: "What do you mean by liking... I only know that if it weren't for you, I wouldn't want anyone else."

"Again, even if we are together, can you really be happy? Can you really stop your insecure thoughts? Is it really what you want when you get an empty shell of me?"

Xu Musen asked her again.

But this time, Yao Mingyue was stunned, and her eyes were tangled with blood.

"Ever since that day, Uncle Yao left and Aunt Liu had to go out and run around. You always feel like the whole world has abandoned you.

Although you regard me as your only support, you are afraid that I will leave you too.

So you have never been sincere to me, or in other words, you don't even trust yourself, and you are afraid that you will lose everything you cherish again.

That's why you try to control everything in your own hands by any means possible. "

Xu Musen looked at her, and Yao Mingyue covered her chest with one hand, where her heart was.

She felt that at this moment, the scars in her heart that had been covered up were revealed again today.

Memories of the previous life came to mind, and Xu Musen was also very complicated inside.

"If we really get together, or even get married, you will only become more and more uneasy, and the final result will be that we both lose the original beauty.

You didn't get the sense of security you wanted, and I didn't get the love I wanted. We are all losers in our relationships. Don't let such a tragedy happen again, before we reach the point where it's hard to recover. "

Xu Musen raised his hand and gently wiped away the tears from the corners of Yao Mingyue's eyes: "You and I are childhood sweethearts. No matter what happens to us in the future, I hope you can live a normal life and truly appreciate the beauty of life. , to truly understand what it feels like to like someone.”

The waves on the river flow on the shore, accompanied by the evening breeze, which brings peace to people's hearts.

But in the silent night, people can always hear the truest voice deep in their hearts.

Yao Mingyue looked at him blankly.

Yes, they all seem to be losers in relationships.

It's like a math problem.

The beginning is correct, and the answer is certain.

But there was a problem with the formula applied in the middle.

Yao Mingyue reached out and took his hand to wipe her tears.

There was still some cautious hope in her eyes: "Xu Musen...Does that mean that as long as I can find a way to really like you, we can still be together?"

Her tone was like that of a drowning person trying to grasp at the last straw.

Xu Musen looked at her with a complicated expression: "Why do you bother? There are not many people in this world who are better than me."

"Xu Musen!"

Yao Mingyue was still choked with sobs, but she shouted this sentence with extra force.

"You may not like me now, you may reject my ideas, but don't push me somewhere else, and don't deny my determination to be with you seriously! I just like you in the wrong way, but I like you This feeling will never change!"

Every word Yao Mingyue said seemed to be shouted into Xu Musen's heart.

Xu Musen looked into her eyes, which were clear and firm that he had never seen before.

If I could have done it earlier in my previous life...

Xu Musen was silent for a long time. Unfortunately, there is no if in this world.

He gently broke away from his hand: "As a childhood sweetheart, I will be very happy with your change, but... our relationship will be like this for now."

An Nuannuan's figure always appeared in Xu Musen's mind. He could not forget that day when An Nuannuan had a difficult time, holding on to the handrail of the stairs and climbing up little by little to deliver mung bean soup to himself.

That kind of pure emotion was like a beam of light breaking into his life.

Yao Mingyue looked at the complexity in his eyes, and she suddenly moved closer.
He looked at Xu Musen and said, "That's it? Xu Musen, tell me, do you really want to see me with other boys in the future?"

Her voice was serious, and her red phoenix eyes were filled with the reflection of Xu Musen.

Xu Musen was also stunned for a moment.

In front of him was his childhood sweetheart of nearly twenty years, and his wife of many years in his previous life.

If all contact is completely severed in this life, maybe Xu Musen will forget her little by little as time goes by.

But now...

The fate of the two people does not seem to be easily separated.

If one day, Yao Mingyue would appear in front of him with another boy... Xu Musen suddenly felt irritable in his heart!
He didn't speak.

But Yao Mingyue looked at all the emotions flashing through his eyes. There were tears in her eyes, but she smiled happily: "Xu Musen, actually you and I are the same... you will not let me go, but you Don’t worry, I will only like you for the rest of my life, forever.”

Xu Musen didn't speak. He drank all the wine in his hand and finally said: "Yao Mingyue, I don't want to be the person who deceives you, so I will tell you now that I have the best impression of her now."

Yao Mingyue's eyes dimmed for a moment, but she also took a sip of wine, and her face turned red with tears.

"But, why does it matter that I like you? I, Yao Mingyue, have never lost to anyone in my life. I just want to tell you that I still like you. Sooner or later, I will make you come back to me willingly."

Yao Mingyue supported her pride, but it was also the most serious promise in her life.

Xu Musen didn't say anything. He had said everything that needed to be said, and he couldn't control the rest.

He stood up and picked up all the wine bottles on the ground: "Let's go, I'll take you back."

Xu Musen took a few steps and threw the bottles into the trash can.

"Xu Musen!"

Behind him, Yao Mingyue shouted.

Xu Musen turned around, but his pupils shrank for a while!
Yao Mingyue was drunk at the moment, her cheeks were red from drunkenness, and there were some tears in the corners of her eyes, but she staggered up the handrail stairs by the river.

Behind you is the river.

"Yao Mingyue, what are you doing!"

Xu Musen sobered up instantly.

But Yao Mingyue smiled, and her hair moved in the evening breeze. Her eyes were red, with a smile, and her red and phoenix eyes reflected the brilliance of the riverside.

"Xu Musen, tell me, if I fall into the river with her, who will you save first?"

"Psycho! Get off here!"

Xu Musen ran over anxiously, but he still couldn't trust this crazy girl.

But when Yao Mingyue saw his anxious look, she smiled even more happily and walked lightly.

"I'm not forcing you to choose me, but I have an answer... I just want to tell you that I like your determination."

Yao Mingyue saw that he was already close in front of her, her voice was soft but firm.

"Let's start over."

As she spoke, she leaned back slightly...

(End of this chapter)