My life is like walking on thin ice

Chapter 275: The plucked goshawk?
When Cheng Buzhi saw Zhidu in his mansion after not seeing him for many years, he couldn't help but sigh that time flies.

——In fact, Cheng Buzhi had not been away from Chang'an for long.

Starting from the third year of Emperor Xiaojing's reign, he followed the former Grand Commandant Zhou Yafu to quell the Wu-Chu Rebellion, and then served as the Prince's Shield Guard. Soon after that, he was exiled to the north. In total, it was three years.

As one of the few relatively pure soldiers in the Han Dynasty, and as it was his first time to enter the center of the Chang'an court, he was given the clear political labels of "Queen Dowager's subordinate" and "Prince's cronies". Cheng Bushicai did not have many acquaintances in Chang'an, especially in the court.

Cheng Buzhi did not deliberately make friends with officials in the court to avoid taboos.
The nobles and relatives, the more respectable ones, looked down on a young man and a nobody like Cheng Buzhi, and the second generation of playboys were looked down upon by Cheng Buzhi.

If we count on our fingers, if we really have to name someone Cheng Buzhi knows in the court of Chang'an, it would be Han Tuidang, the Marquis of Gonggao, who, because of his identity as a surrendered Hun general, could not integrate into the circle of meritorious officials and therefore did not look down on Cheng Buzhi, a "little man".

The number of people he knew, or rather, the number of people who were familiar to each other was small enough that Cheng Buzhi retained a fairly clear memory of every court official he had met.

Cheng Buzhi clearly remembered that three years ago, after the Wu-Chu Rebellion was quelled, the General of the Central Army Zhidu, nicknamed "Goshawk", was the one who helped the late Emperor Xiaojing Liu Qi suppress the evildoers inside and outside the court.

Although there were some unpleasantness with the previous emperor's princes - mainly the seventh son Liu Pengzu, the ninth son Liu Sheng, and the crown prince at that time and now the emperor Rong - because of the wild boar incident in Shanglin Garden, but overall, Jian was still in the emperor's heart and was favored by the emperor.

But Cheng Buzhi never imagined that in just three short years, the goshawk Zhidu, who was once famous throughout Guanzhong and could even stop children from crying at night, has become what it is now.

——Once upon a time, the neat beard that was always well-cut and pleasing to the eye has now become a little dry and messy;
The eyes that were once as sharp as an eagle's have now lost a lot of their sharpness.

What replaced it was visible loneliness and a vague humility.

You could also say it's humble.

Especially when facing Cheng Bushi, the popular figure of the day who was about to become the first upstart to be awarded the title of marquis for his merits during Liu Rong's reign, a hint of caution could be sensed in the depths of Zhidu's eyes.

Although he could still sit opposite Cheng Buzhi, Zhidu instinctively placed Cheng Buzhi in a superior position with every move he made;

It was just the little bit of self-respect that remained that allowed Zhidu to barely maintain an attitude towards Cheng Buzhi that was slightly above the standard of "flattery".

"After Emperor Xiaojing passed away, Zhi Zhonglang suffered..."

Originally, he wanted to have a small talk with Cheng Buzhi and talk about family matters, but when he heard Cheng Buzhi express his concern for him so directly - mainly because his career had not been going well in recent days, Zhidu just lowered his head instinctively.

After a long silence, she forced a stubborn smile that was uglier than crying, and bowed politely to Cheng Buzhi.

"Thank you for your concern, General."

"Yu, the situation is still okay..."

Zhidu is of course just being stubborn.

Zhidu knew it clearly in his heart, and Cheng Buzhi also understood it;
Zhidu even knew that Cheng Buzhi could see through his pretense of strength.

But his remaining self-respect forced Zhidu to pretend to be calm and indifferent.

How has Zhidu been doing during this period of time, especially in the past six months since the death of the previous emperor?

Anyone who has paid attention to what happened to Zhidu would probably shake their head and sigh with regret.

——As early as the time of Emperor Taizong Xiaowen, Zhidu had been labeled as a "Crown Prince's cronies" by almost everyone inside and outside the court.

During the time of the previous emperor, Zhidu himself had implicitly stated more than once: I, Zhidu, am more like your Majesty's private minister than a minister of the Han family.

What is a private minister?

He can only be summoned by the Emperor Qi, and Zhidu will not obey anyone except the Emperor Qi!
At that time, people inside and outside the court said: In addition to the Imperial Physician Zhou Ren, the late emperor now has another retainer whom he can trust absolutely and who he does not have to worry about betraying him.

But no one - including Zhidu himself - had expected that the late emperor, who was even younger than himself, would die so early.

He reigned for only six years;
Zhidu only enjoyed six years of prominence in the court thanks to the "absolute trust of the emperor" before the previous emperor suddenly passed away.

Unfortunately, during the reign of the previous emperor, Zhidu failed to protect the emperor in the Shanglin wild boar incident, and was scolded by the then crown prince Rong. It was basically determined that he would not be selected as the crown prince's new team.
When the previous emperor passed away, because the old Empress Dowager Dou in the Eastern Palace was in a bad mood, Zhidu received the order of the Crown Prince Regent and invited the old Empress Dowager to Shanglin in an unceremonious manner to witness the handover of power of the Han Dynasty.

After the death of the previous emperor, Zhidu was, as expected, forgotten by everyone in Shanglin Garden - forgotten in the palace where the previous emperor died.

Even the connection was the result of the Emperor Rong’s secret and open negotiations with the Empress Dowager Dou of the Eastern Palace...
From the emperor's favorite, close minister, and lonely minister, the country's pawn and the emperor's arm, to a man who was ignored and could be bullied by anyone, and even the honorary General of the Central Army who was jointly undermined by his subordinates.

Zhidu experienced thoroughly the process of falling from the top to the bottom of the valley in just a month.

Zhidu thought about resigning and leaving the hustle and bustle of Chang'an.

However, no matter the big shots he had offended in the past because of his identity as "the emperor's lone minister", the threats it brought to Zhidu himself and his family, or the lofty ambitions in Zhidu's heart that had not been completed - or even the shadow of which he had not seen yet, all made Zhidu choose to continue to stay in Chang'an.

Zhidu didn't know what he was waiting for.

But apart from staying, Zhidu didn't know if he had any other choice.

Half a year is neither long nor short.

At least for Zhidu, these six months were almost the longest and most difficult years in his life.

Time always brings people growth.

Especially the unlucky and lonely years, which always force double growth on the originally broken soul.

In the past six months, Zhidu has obviously grown a lot.

But this growth also makes people feel sad and nostalgic for some reason.

"Zhi Zhonglang, do you still remember your origins?"

After a long silence, Cheng Buzhi asked again without warning, which made Zhidu, who was still deeply immersed in his memories, couldn't help but sigh.

For some reason, Zhidu thought of the scene when he was first received by Emperor Taizong Xiaowen.

Zhidu will never forget that day.

I can never forget every sentence and every word of my conversation with Emperor Taizong Xiaowen that day.

"Are you Zhidu?"

"——I am Zhonglang Zhidu, a native of Dayang in Hedong County!"

···
"I heard that there is a Zhonglang named Zhidu, who is courageous and brave, honest and upright, and does not accept requests or gifts from others."

"There really is such a strange person in this world, and he is a subject under my nose?"

"——I don't deserve your majesty's praise!"

···
"You know, the hardest thing is the easiest to break~"

"Refuse requests and gifts from colleagues, and don't associate with them - when you get into trouble in the future, I'm afraid it will be difficult to find even one person to plead for you..."

"——I am far away from my parents and serve as an official in the imperial court. I can no longer take care of my filial piety!"

"——The only way is to serve the public and die with integrity, and be completely loyal to the emperor!"

···
······
Zhidu was filled with emotion. He thought of that spring, when he was like the sun in the morning, with vigor and vitality written all over his face.

The starting point is Zhonglang, and if you are sent out, you will start as Junwei!
Once one has achieved military honors, he will be promoted to the rank of generals and can enter the court and compete for the position of Nine Ministers.

Unfortunately……

"Speaking of which, I was a Zhonglang, a few years earlier than the general and Li Guang."

"When the general and Li Guang became famous and were called 'Li is good at attacking, Cheng is good at defending' both inside and outside the court, I was promoted to General of the Central Army."

"—— Wu and Chu rebellions were quelled, and Zhou Yafu, Marquis of Tiao, made great contributions and was promoted to Prime Minister;"

"If Wei Wan had not been granted the title of Marquis for his meritorious service and had not been promoted by Marquis Tiao, the position of Lieutenant would have been left to me by the late Emperor..."

Recalling the past, Zhidu suddenly felt a sense of suffocation in his chest for no reason.

Seeing that Cheng Buzhi wanted to chat with him, he no longer had much guard;
He also took this opportunity to vent the anger that had been pent up in his heart - to complain a little in front of Cheng Buzhi, a younger generation and former subordinate.

"I'm so jealous~"

"The general and Li Guang made contributions during the Wu-Chu Rebellion, and were appointed as the Changle and Weiyang Guards respectively when they entered the court."

"Then he was sent to a frontier county to establish his career and achieve fame and honor on horseback!"

"It's a pity that I have been an official for more than ten years, and I was born as a Zhonglang, but I only vaguely understood this truth now..."

···
"Tsk;"

"I don't know, when Your Majesty summoned me and asked me what my ambition was, what if I answered: to be sent to the frontier as a general?"

"I think now, even if I can't achieve merit and be awarded a title of nobility, I am at least a general respected by the soldiers..."

"——Maybe I'm really wrong~"

"With all his abilities, he chose to be a solitary official or a private official;"

"Once you lose the trust of the emperor, you will be like a rootless duckweed, swept away by the storm."

"If you want to continue floating on the water, you need something heavy to press down on your head and something tangled under your feet to pull you down..."

As he spoke, Zhidu's originally calm face was already showing bursts of self-mockery.

——Zhi is very calm.

Zhidu never, and never thought of hiding his envy of Cheng Buzhi, especially Cheng Buzhi, who has now achieved great success and has a bright future.

Especially in the past, in the office of the General of the Five Officials, new generation reserve officers such as Cheng Bushi and Li Guang had to call Zhidu "General" in a proper manner.

General of the Zhonglangs—the general of the Zhonglangs!
In the past, Zhidu was the immediate superior and highest military commander of the Zhonglang group including Cheng Buzhi and Li Guang.

What now?
When Cheng Buzhi, the former younger brother, met his former elder brother Zhidu, he stopped using the honorific title of "Mr. Zhi" or even "Brother Zhi";
Even the "Zhi Zhonglang" who turned against Tian Gang was because Zhi Du was about to be reused and work with Cheng Buzhi.

On the other hand, when Zhidu saw his former little brother, he immediately called him "General" without any disobedience!
In the past, many people called him General Zhidu.

Zhidu also called many people generals.

Moreover, those who were called "General" by Zhidu were basically people who were also called General by Emperor Taizong and Emperor Xiaojing when they appeared in front of the emperor.

Now, when he met his younger brother Li Guang, Zhidu had to treat him as an equal and call him: Li Yanmen/Li Guangling;
When he met Cheng Bushi, he turned the tables on Tiangang - he used the name his younger brother used to call him "General".

This is just now, Cheng Buzhi has not yet been made a marquis;

When the title of Marquis was finally bestowed upon Cheng Buzhi, Zhidu, the elder brother, even had to bow and address him politely, calling him “Lord…”

"I am already planning to resign from my post and return home soon."

The sudden words made Cheng Buzhi slightly stunned;
However, Zhidu seemed free and easy, but in fact he was full of reluctance, and shook his head with a helpless smile.

The look he gave his younger brother Cheng Buzhi was filled with the words "I'm so envious" written clearly on his face.

"You will soon be made a marquis, and you will be able to enter the court and join the ranks of the Nine Ministers in the near future."

"——Zhou Ren, the General of the Central Army, is similar to me. He is also a trusted minister of the late emperor."

"Your Majesty, even if you are not in a hurry to appoint and dismiss people in the court, you will not let Zhou Ren continue to occupy such a key position as the Minister of the Imperial Household."

"Brother, congratulations on your rapid rise..."

He said this and indeed made a gesture of bowing his hands;

After Cheng Buzhi stood up and returned the greeting with some hesitation, Zhidu smiled and let out a long sigh.

"After returning to Hedong, I will stay at home for a few years."

"If there are enemies seeking revenge, or if the Empress Dowager wants to settle accounts later, I will bear it all."

"If you are lucky enough to survive, you can join the army in the border counties."

"——Yu, I plan to go to Yanmen."

"Even if you are just a vanguard, you still have the opportunity to make achievements and serve your country."

"It's better than now, wasting my time in Chang'an and accomplishing nothing..."

After saying this, Zhidu looked as if he had given up, calling him "brother" and "brother" all the time. It was obvious that he was completely disappointed with the court in Chang'an and no longer placed his hope on his younger brothers and old followers.

He complained to himself, and from time to time swallowed the words that were about to come to his lips with bitterness, feeling so unrestrained and free.

Zhidu was complaining, but Cheng Bushi calmly picked up the tea bowl, listening and observing this old brother from the past, wondering what he was thinking.

After a long while, he continued to talk to himself again, "I have inquired about it, Yanmen is not bad", and then Zhidu finally seemed to have let out all the depression in his heart;

He let out a long sigh of satisfaction and finally remembered the important matter.

"Today, I sent someone to invite you. What's the matter?"

After asking this question, Cheng Buzhi just stared at his elder brother Zhidu, whose determined eyes seemed to have rekindled his passion - even a raging fighting spirit.

After a long while, Cheng Buzhi grinned inexplicably again, and looked at Big Brother meaningfully;
Zhidu couldn't help but feel a little scared when he saw this, and then he smiled and said, "Let's go to Yanmen~"

"Hmm;"

“It’s a good place to go…”

(End of this chapter)