Korean Hurricane Idol

In the dim space, the girl was jumping alone, and the horn of the tape recorder in the corner was playing harsh music crazily. The wild sound made her forget everything around her, just doing one movement after another tirelessly, jumping, Jumping, jumping, I can't feel the soreness of my muscles, I can't feel the moaning of my bones, as if I can't even see the mirror wall in front of me, what flows in my field of vision is an open book, and my thin figure under the desk lamp is lying on my back. On it, lines of writing were left rustling.

It was a diary written in English:

July 2004, 8, sunny

I always think of my childhood, the sunshine in California, the sea and beach in San Francisco, the abandoned sewer in the backyard and the old sycamore tree with a swing tied in front of the door.

My mother said that in October of the year I was born, there was a strong earthquake in San Francisco. It was like a wild horse rushing into the reeds, causing the entire city with tall buildings to shake and collapse. I didn’t know this when I was young. , but occasionally I hear adults make fun of: Born in that year, this child may have a strong temper in the future. [

Later recalled that their prophecies were not fulfilled, or in other words, not all of them were fulfilled.

When I was young, I was a bit wild. I liked to play. I liked to run between the sea and the beach. When the waves hit, my clothes got wet, and when I got home, I was spanked by my mother. Sometimes I explored the sewers, although I was often scared by mice. Screaming, but that dank and dark space allowed my imagination to fly wildly, guessing that behind those darkness, would there be treasures buried by cowboys many years ago, or weapons hidden by gangsters in the 60s, or, Is it a murder scene?

A person was so excited and afraid, but until he grew up, he never stepped into the dark to explore. Now that I think about it, maybe I was destined to be a cold-blooded person since I was a child. What is underneath is just a cautious heart, yearning for many things and fearing many things.

Just like when I first joined the company, I was afraid of the camera and the strangers around me, and now I am afraid of rejection!

He had been away for many days, and after that night's celebration at the kebab shop, he hadn't been seen again, what seemed like a farewell.In fact, there is his number in the mobile phone. Several times I mustered up the courage and wanted to call him, but my hand was on the button, and I couldn't dial out just a few numbers.Occasionally, I also thought about going to the place where his crew was, wandering around, maybe I was lucky to meet him, and then pretended to be a coincidence to say hello: Hey, why are you here?

But all of this is just thinking about it, just like the dividing line between light and darkness in the sewer when I was young, I wanted to step over it many times, but in the end I just hesitated to take back my steps, turned and left...

I really hate myself like this, I hate being always afraid, I hate being always timid when faced with choices, I hate why I can't be braver.

I wanted to change, so yesterday I made an attempt, but reality dismissed my efforts.

...I miss him so much!

Want to want to want to want to want very much!

Especially when, like now, they all despise and slander me.

I think, he must not, as I have always saved, that birthday greeting...

……

An Junhyuk stood at the door, watching the girl sweating desperately, he was a little puzzled, he didn't know why she had to train so hard, until two female trainees passed by the door of this dance room and saw Jung Soo Yeon inside, Talking about gossip in a low voice, only then solved his doubts.

"Have you heard? The company's new girl group seems to have cast her down."

"It has been rumored for a long time. It is said that she took the initiative to ask the head of the department to join. Hmph, because of her high qualifications, do you think it is great?"

"That's right, I've been a trainee for 4 years and I'm still stuck in this place, so don't force yourself if you don't have the strength!"

"Yes, yes, if I had been banned, I wouldn't have the face to stay here. I would have packed up and gone home." The girl's voice was a little louder.

"Hush, whisper, that boy heard..." Another girl said. [

"What are you afraid of? I don't know him."

"I want to meet you, he looks so handsome!"

"It's not safe for a boy to be too handsome..."

What followed was some unnutritious nonsense, An Junhe stopped listening, and refocused his attention on the dancing figure in the room.

Searching the memory carefully, I didn't have much contact with Jung Soo-yeon, and naturally I talked less. In my impression, there were only two scenes about her that were more profound. The first time was when we first met, she walked with her hands in her pockets. The appearance of the eight-character gait is always funny when I think of it. Before that, it was hard to imagine that a girl would walk like this.

The second time was that rainy day, she trembled in fear amidst the thunder, she acted coquettishly with a nasal voice, and the last sentence contained inexplicable meaning.

Brother Yingjun said that he is a wood who does not understand the joy of life, but he is not wrong. He has not been in a relationship for more than ten years, and studies and family have taken up most of his time.And in the dream, I don’t actually have much experience. I have to work hard, take care of my sister, and I don’t have time to think about those things. Later, I have time after I become famous, but my personality has already become cold, and it is impossible to accept strangers in my heart. Of course, there are some, many, occasional dramas in business entertainment, but those are just money and physical transactions.

Therefore, he didn't quite understand what Jung Soo-yeon's ambiguous words meant, and he didn't know what her act of mustering courage meant. Later, he thought about talking to her, but she was running away, and she forgot about it over time. up.

Generally speaking, the understanding of her is very poor, and she always looks cold and powerful in memory, but that rainy day told him that maybe it was just her disguise.

A slightly contradictory person—the impression is so simple.

But this simple impression, after hearing the words of the two girls just now, and her hardworking and lonely figure in the dance studio, suddenly has a tendency to collapse.

Looking at the room silently, An Junhyuk outside the door was motionless, while inside the door, the girl also felt dazed, continuing to move repeatedly and mechanically.

In my mind, the picture of the diary is gradually fading away, just like the act of her quietly writing it down yesterday and silently burning it, when the full handwriting finally turned into a phantom that gradually dissipated, the vision was blurred by something, She stopped slowly and stood there in a daze.

The mirror wall in front of her reflected a girl who was exactly like her. Two lines of tears filled the girl's eye sockets at some point, overflowed, slid over her cheeks, and gathered on her chin to form crystal drops that reflected the light. trembling with breath.

She wiped her eyes vigorously, but this action was like opening a floodgate, the more she wiped it, the more she would bleed, until the sound of breathing seemed to become a low cry.

"Don't cry! Jess, don't cry..."

She was so stubborn, she said to herself over and over again, she hates being so vulnerable, she hates showing her vulnerability, why should I care about those people's gossip?They are jealous, and it would be foolish to cry over someone else's jealousy.

But, I really can't help it... Every moment seems to hear whispers criticizing her, and their sarcastic gazes from an angle she can't see are like sharp swords, piercing her heart He was stabbed all over his body.

Really, I can't help it...

"Ugh..."

The crying that I had been trying to suppress finally flowed from her lips. The girl in the mirror slowly squatted down, and the shadow covered her. At this moment, the world around her was cold...