I don't like the world, I only like you

Chapter 7

001
Last winter I developed eczema out of nowhere.

I went to the hospital and prescribed a lot of medicine. The doctor told me to avoid food, no seafood, no milk, no eggs, no beef and mutton, no chili...

Immediately, I felt hopeless.

"What's the point of living? Isn't life just for stuttering?"

He glared at me, "Look at your promise."

Under Mr. F’s supervision, our family could apply for a green environmental protection unit. The table was full of green vegetables, which made my eyes glow green. He looked at me pitifully, and finally let me eat pork.

That night I fried a plate of fish-flavored shredded pork, which brought tears to my eyes. I said sincerely: "I think the word in this world that makes people happy is meat."

After a winter, it finally healed. The wound on my calf was scratched and left a scar. When I wore shorts in summer, my friend asked what happened.

I glanced at Mr. F, and said pitifully, "Because I'm not good, I was raped by the family."

He was stunned for a few seconds, then straightened his face and said, "Didn't I warn you not to say anything, go back and beat me up again."

Hahahaha I couldn't help laughing.

002
On the day I married F, he was drunk a lot, mainly because he kept protecting me from drinking, and let him replace all my wine.

During the toast, he kept holding me tightly, and I laughed and said, are you worried that I might run away.

He nodded seriously, yes, it was hard to trick him.

I said don't worry, I won't run away unless Jay Chou comes to snatch the marriage.

Later, this guy drank too much, changed his previous iceberg image, swayed with the wine and said: "I am happy today, can anyone here give me a message, I sincerely thank Jolin Hou Patty, you guys have to have a good time with Jay Chou... ..."

The group of people below, including me, spewed out rice.

003
Before I got married, my girlfriends threw me a bachelor party. F often calls me crazy, which is really true.I am very happy when a lot of good friends get together, and I take the initiative to find drinks when I am happy.In my memory that night, I seemed to keep clinking glasses with people, drinking red wine, beer, cocktails and champagne.In the end, I drank the fragments without any suspense.

The next day, I slept groggyly until four o'clock in the afternoon. When I woke up, I asked Mr. F: "Did I drink too much yesterday?"

He nodded.

"I... am not ashamed?"

He: "Unbearable to look back on."

"what did I do?"

"Take a microphone and shout to the waiter to call the most beautiful girl here, force everyone to praise you for being beautiful, say sorry to Jay Chou's photo, and must marry him first in the next life..."

I put my head under the pillow, but I really didn't have the courage to listen any more.

"But the most embarrassing thing is not you, but watching the tide."

"What?!"

"We managed to coax you home, but you suddenly cried while hugging Guanchao."

"why?"

"You said sorry to him while crying, and said that he was the man you loved the most before, and now you can't love him anymore."

F suppressed a smile and continued: "Guan Chao tried his best to explain to the people next to him that he was your own brother, and the way others looked at him was even more strange..."

004
I can't tell the difference between "N" and "L".

Every time I say "iron plate beef tenderloin", I will say "iron plate willow willow."

This is someone's eternal joke, he likes to tease me when he's bored: "You said sizzling beef tenderloin."

I'm not convinced, how could it be possible to keep saying wrong?So he said very cooperatively: "Iron willow..."

After he finished speaking, he knew that he was wrong again, and he laughed for a long time.

I don't know where the joke is.

005
Mr. F has a nephew who is a young and mature elementary school bully.Every time I see him, it's like seeing Mr. F in my childhood, and I can't help but want to tease him.

"I heard you said you put the Oxford motto on your bedside?"

The primary school bully told me: "Now it's Harvard."

"Not going to England?"

The elementary school bully said sternly: "The water quality in the UK is too hard, and it's easy to get bald if you stay there for a long time."

I silently glanced at Mr. F.

The elementary school bully took the opportunity to confess his love to his male god: "But Uncle F's school likes it very much."

F patted the head of the elementary school bully, um, tasteful.

"My mother said that Brother F's major is difficult to pass."

I teased him: "It's not that difficult, it mainly depends on the face."

The elementary school tyrant was incredible: "Are you lying to me?"

I was serious: "There will be an interview, and the professor will recruit whoever looks good."

"real or fake?!"

"Of course it is."

The primary school bully's outlook on life was greatly overturned, and he turned his head and asked F with tears in his eyes, "Is it really based on face?"

Student F pondered for a moment and said, "Not all of them."

He said without changing his face: "Occasionally, I also guess punches."

……

He has been really led by me in the past few years, what a serious (wu) (qu) person he used to be.

006
I have a quirk, I must read a book when I go to the toilet, Mr. F ridiculed me that "after graduation, the place where I received cultural education changed from school to toilet".

Once I was in a hurry and forgot to take the book, so I just read the instructions of the shampoo word by word.

When I came out, I asked him if I could put a bookshelf next to the toilet.

He gave me a blank look. "impossible."

"Who stipulates that there are no bookshelves in the bathroom?"

"I stipulated."

"Is this not negotiable?"

"There are no doors."

I thought about it and said, "I thought of a way to get the best of both worlds."

He snorted coldly: "Are you trying to say that if you don't agree, you will put a toilet in the study? Don't dream."

He added slowly: "I can hear the calculation in your heart two blocks away."

I was so angry that I swallowed my words.

He really guessed right...

007
I accompanied him to the dinner last week, and the big boss of their company was present. I didn't dare to make a mistake, and I kept my eyebrows low throughout the whole process.

The big BOSS did not know where I learned about my Chinese major in college, and asked me to make a book list for his daughter.

"The books my daughter reads, men and women only know how to fall in love, don't they need to work? Is there no social pressure? It's just nonsense."

I nodded with a guilty conscience, and opened my eyes and said plainly: "I usually read serious literature."

Instead, discuss Stendhal's creative mode and the characteristics of Victorian novels.

Eating a meal feels like returning to the thesis defense scene.

On the way back, I sighed with F: "Your boss is really difficult to serve."

"His grandfather is XXX."

I gasped, that's a literary figure!When I was young, I also recited his old man's articles.

"Then didn't I play tricks just now?!"

"No, but... usually only read serious literature? Who stayed up late last night to read romance novels?"

I didn't change my face: "I don't know, maybe it's your little wife?"

008
Mr. F is also called a fortune teller in our family, he can calculate everything accurately.I'm going to X City to attend a friend's wedding, because I booked a flight at [-]:[-] am because I was greedy for cheap. Mr. F was on a business trip, and after hearing about this incident, he expressed considerable distrust towards me.

"The plane at 7 o'clock will leave at 5:[-], can you get up?"

I am full of confidence: "Don't worry, no problem!"

As a result, I worked overtime that night until two o'clock before going to bed.

In the early morning, I received a call from classmate F: "Get up."

Me: "It's only five o'clock..."

"You stayed up late last night?"

"Don't talk, I'll hurry up and sleep for another 10 minutes..."

Hanging up the phone in a daze, and then opening my eyes, it was already 7:[-], and I told Mr. F in despair.

"I got up late."

"know."

"I'll change the sign..."

"I've changed it for you. It's 45:10. If you go to the airport without traffic jams, you can still have breakfast in three or ten minutes. PS: I expected this to happen."

Me: "Fortune teller, please accept my worship!!!"

009
Before going to bed, I asked him: "What do you like about me?"

He just opened his mouth: "Kind, considerate, funny, independent, good character, and tasteful."

"anything else?"

"pretty."

Full marks!I praised him for his honesty and kissed him to turn off the light and go to sleep.

Suddenly woke up in the middle of the night, no, this is not me at all, does he have a wife outside? !
010
His work required long-term business trips, and he was worried that I would be alone at home. Before I left, I helped him pack his luggage. He suddenly said childishly, "You can go with me."

I said no.

Because it was the morning plane, I woke up the next day and he had already left. I got up to drink water in a daze, and saw him stick a note on the refrigerator, took a closer look, and wrote:

"Don't open the door to strangers."

I spit out a mouthful of water, and Tianlei called him rolling.

"Do you treat me like a three-year-old?"

"It's fine if you're a three-year-old child. I'll take you with me wherever I go."

I like collecting postcards very much, so he sent me a postcard every time he went to a place.

Soon I received several, but the recipients were: Wang Jianguo, Li Shengli, and Wang Ziqiang.

I called him again, and he said confidently, "In order to let the postman know that there is a man at home."

Then a few days later, when I was shopping on Taobao, the courier called me and called Shen Dayong.

Sure enough, this guy changed my recipient's name too.

Student F, I don’t know if you have considered, let others think that the situation is more dangerous if there are different men in and out of the house frequently, okay?
011
One night we quarreled over a trivial matter, and we broke up before going to bed, lying on the bed and ignoring each other.He had to catch a plane early the next morning and got up at four o'clock.I didn't fall asleep. I felt that the alarm clock rang and he hung up quickly, and then the light didn't turn on. He tiptoed out with his clothes in his arms.

I used to wonder why I didn't notice every time he left.He was the one who quarreled with me and refused to talk to me, and he was the one who went outside in the dark to change every time in order not to wake me up.

012
I like to eat fruits, especially cherries, and I have been thinking about waiting until they are on the market. I bought two catties and planned to eat them while watching TV.

The first thing I did when I got home was to wash the cherries, put them into a newly bought glass bowl, and bring them into the living room happily. Just when the phone rang, I slipped the cherries into F's hand and turned to the bedroom to answer the phone.

When I came back from the phone call, the bowl was empty.

I was angry: "Who told you to eat it!!!"

"Isn't it for me?"

"It's mine! You can only eat three at most!"

It happened that I just learned the word "friendship" from someone on the phone, and I immediately said to him: "Goodbye, the ten-year friendship has come to an end."

He was sour: "It turns out that our relationship is not as good as two catties of cherries."

The next day he came back from get off work with a big bag of cherries, and I immediately beamed with joy, thinking that this guy is really sensible.

After dinner in the evening, I watched him slowly bring out a big bowl of cherries, sit down, turn on the TV, and...then I ate it by myself...

I waited for a long time and couldn't hold it back. I stretched out my hand and said, "I want it too."

As if he had just seen me and suddenly realized it, he slowly picked three from the bowl and handed them to me.I don't understand.He explained calmly: "Our love is only worth three coins."

I was stunned for a few seconds before I realized, Student F, does your colleague know that you are so naive? !
013
Student F actually knows how to make me happy. One of the proofs is that I told him yesterday: "Actually, I am very easy to coax. I don't swipe your credit card or buy bags. You just need to praise me hard and marry me." Isn't it a good deal."

He interrupted me decisively, "No, I'm only interested in your appearance. If it weren't for your good looks, I would have divorced a long time ago."

I was immediately elated and said, my dear, I will make you whatever you want to eat at night!
014
He is often called a fool by him, and I seem to accept this title.One day I had a dinner appointment with a friend, and we went out late, and we couldn’t find a parking space after a few laps. We were in a hurry, and suddenly there was an empty space in front of us, so I hurriedly urged him: “Hurry up! That’s it!”

"That's for the handicapped."

I blurted out: "It's okay! I'm brainless!"

After I finished speaking, I was stunned. He lay on the steering wheel and wiped his tears with laughter.

015
When I read a book, I like to annotate by hand, and write whatever comes to mind.I read "Zuo Zhuan" once, and mentioned that during the Spring and Autumn Period, Wen Jiang had incest with his brother, and the emperor of Qi directly killed the emperor of Lu because of her.I commented next to it: Brothers all over the world!
I went back a few days later and found that someone had added a line below: The gangsters in the world are one family.

He was quite a decent person before, why is he so dishonest now!

016
Wanting to go out to play with him, while he was in a good mood, he hugged him and behaved: "Honey, do you know what day it is today?"

As expected, he was in a good mood, and asked cooperatively, "What day is it?"

I said, "It's our 587th wedding anniversary!"

"so what?"

I smiled obsequiously: "Shouldn't you show it?"

He gave me a white look: "Only pig raising will record the number of days of safe production."

I was choked speechless by him, sat aside and sulked.

He suppressed a smile and said, "Just say what you want."

I said, "Cut~ who cares."

"Give me some face and celebrate for me."

I was annoyed: "What are you celebrating?"

"Celebrating my 587 days of raising pigs safely."

He smiled and patted my head.

(End of this chapter)