If you can love like this

Chapter 13

There has never been any fairness in the emotional world. I tried my best to forget him just to show that I only have him in my heart, and there is no corner of my existence in his heart.

There is still no progress on the sponsorship matter. There is no other way. As soon as people hear that they are sponsoring radio dramas, they politely refuse immediately. People nowadays are too realistic and know that radio dramas will not bring any economic benefits, so naturally they will not give you a free lunch.And the time to go to Shanghai to record is getting tighter and tighter. In a blink of an eye, the National Day is almost here. Except for the [-] yuan sponsored by Zhou Youji earlier, we got nothing.Feng Ke was so anxious that I had no choice but to call Milan and ask her to give me some advice. She was inscrutable on the phone, and suddenly said, "You never thought of looking for Qi Shuli?"

"..."

"He's the real rich guy, you can record ten radio dramas by rooting out hairs!"

As soon as Milan talked about Qi Shuli, he became very excited, "It's absolutely fine for you to go to him. For work matters, what's wrong with you? It's not that you are asking him to borrow money personally."

I said nothing.Milan's excitement makes it difficult for me to say anything.Since meeting Qi Shuli at the reception last time, she has become extremely excited, and this excitement was shown on the day of the reception.But Milan is a calm person. Although she didn't reveal anything to me, she has already started to "act" in private. She not only quickly found out Qi Shuli's background and family background, but also found and created every opportunity to get close to him. It's a pity that the effect is minimal.This Mr. Qi obviously has a lot of people, and he doesn't pay attention to the pictures of girls like Milan. He neither offends her nor gives her a chance. He is polite, arrogant and calm, and always plays with men Milan, who is in the palm of his hand, has met his opponent this time.

Sometimes I also pour cold water on her, telling her not to take it too seriously, saying that Qi Shuli is a man with a deep city, and it is not so easy to deal with.But like me, she likes to jump into a fire pit by nature, and no one can stop her, the more she blocks her, the more she sees death as home.Milan's good words and persuasion to me were calm on the surface, but she was dismissive in her heart. In her opinion, Qi Shuli, a big fish, was determined to win.Of course, I can only wish her good luck. After wandering around for so many years, maybe this time she is serious.And in the current desperate situation, I can only accept her suggestion, and it's not that I personally ask him to borrow money for work.I cheer myself up in my heart.

Qi Shuli was overjoyed when he received my call. This was the first time I took the initiative to call him, which made him very flattered.I didn't talk about the sponsorship on the phone, I just said that I wanted to talk to him about something and asked him to meet.Of course Qi Shuli agreed. He booked a room at Huatian Hotel. As soon as I entered the hotel gate, his bodyguards and assistants greeted me with a cool face. I followed them to the private room on the third floor nervously. Meet a gangster boss.

The "boss" Qi Shuli obviously made careful preparations for this meeting, his suit was neat, his hair was not messed up, his beard was just shaved, and he looked radiant.Seeing me coming in, he got up with a smile and led me to sit at the dining table by the window, and said gently: "I'm sorry, I've been too busy these days, I really don't have time to meet you, sorry."

It has been a few days since he returned to China, and he has adapted to his Chinese. When he just came back, he spoke Chinese and English, and it was very difficult to listen to him. "Your Chinese has improved a lot." I couldn't help but praise him.

"Really, then I'm very happy." He beamed with joy.At this time, his bodyguard also came in, and two burly men sat on the sofa behind him, one on the left and the other on the right.I looked at the two big men and felt uncomfortable.

Qi Shuli was very keen, he sensed my displeasure, and immediately waved his hand to signal the bodyguard to leave.As soon as those two people left, he said helplessly, "I'm sorry, they are used to this. I blamed me for forgetting to dismiss them today. How is it? Didn't you scare you?"

"No, I'm not so timid."

"Yes, I have seen your courage before." Obviously there is something in the words.

I gave him a blank look.

Qi Shuli smiled, showing his beautiful white teeth.I suddenly discovered that he was actually not ugly, and he was even handsome. It was strange why I hadn't noticed it before.He put his hands on the table, leaned forward, looked at me closer, and covered me with tender eyes, "Kao'er, if only we could meet and eat like this often in the future, just like a family."

I coughed twice, and originally wanted to answer him "Who is your family", but then I thought that I still have to ask him, so I had to endure it and not have an attack. It is not difficult to pretend to be stupid but not deaf.

"Frank, actually...I came to see you today because I wanted to ask you for help." I decided to get straight to the point and didn't want to gossip.

Qi Shuli was not surprised, raised his eyebrows, "I knew you wouldn't come to me for no reason."

I laughed dryly, a little embarrassed.

Qi Shuli also laughed, "Tell me, whatever, as long as I can do it, I will spare no effort."

I looked at him, and the stone in my heart fell to the ground.

As expected, Qi Shuli was rich and powerful. After learning why I was looking for him, he immediately promised to sponsor us 50 yuan, and said that if it was not enough, we could add more.When he came out of the hotel, he patted me on the shoulder and said meaningfully: "Kaoer, if you have any difficulties in the future, just come to me. It is my great honor to help you."

"I can't help it either. It's about work..."

I deliberately reminded him that I only came to him for work.

Qi Shuli didn't show his face, and immediately accepted the move, "No matter what it is, this is always a good start."

I raised my head and glanced at him, I couldn't say anything, I felt inexplicably uneasy, I'm afraid this man is not as simple as I seem.He said "this is a good start", but why do I feel that this is a very bad start?Even though he was smiling and kind to me at this moment, I still couldn't get rid of the fear of being aimed at the gun by the hunter.What am I afraid of?

Thinking is a very strenuous thing. I am not used to thinking too much about anything. Is it a blessing or a disaster? Is it something you can dodge if you want?I decided not to think about it.

Five days later, a group of nine of us boarded a plane to Shanghai.

It can be seen that everyone is very excited, talking and laughing along the way, planning how to take advantage of work to eat, drink and have fun after arriving in Shanghai, as if we are not going to work, but to go on vacation.I sat by the window, my mood fluctuated with the ups and downs of the plane.The scene when he and Geng Mochi eloped to Shanghai two years ago seems to be still vivid in his memory.I quickly turned my face away from the window, tears and rain fell in an instant...

I lost!In the end, I was kicked into hell by this man, and now two years have passed, and I have not yet recovered from the pain, and my life has not improved.But I still love him, even if we have turned against each other, I still love him, because no one but myself can know what he means to me.It meant that without him, the open wound in my heart would no longer have the possibility of scabbing.I don't really expect the wound to heal, but at least it stops bleeding.

How did things get to this point?

I don't want to think about it anymore, because there is no medicine for regret in this world. This is a truth that everyone understands. Complaining and complaining will only aggravate the suffering in my heart.And I also admit that the first days of cohabiting with him were still very happy, even though my parents turned against me because of this, and Mother Qi spread it everywhere, which made my already bad reputation worse, but compared to the two being together The happiness of the time is really nothing.Even though the two have parted ways now, as long as I think back to the bits and pieces of those days, I still have no regrets, because I am loyal to my heart, because we have love (at least I thought there was), and that is enough.

At that time, I liked listening to him play the LOVE series the most. Geng Mochi said that there were originally more than 20 pieces in this series, but due to Ye Sha's sudden death, the creation was forced to stop, and there was no possibility of it being completed.Did I say you can't do it alone?He said with a cold face, can a person complete love?Love is a matter of two people!
It has always been like this, every time I try to ask him about Yesha, his face will be very ugly, as if it is his minefield, and it will explode as soon as I touch it, and gradually I dare not ask. .But my intuition tells me that there must be something behind these songs that he doesn't want people to know. Since he doesn't want to say it, I don't need to make him unhappy.

I only know that it is the LOVE series that made him famous at home and abroad. Playing the piano cannot establish his status in the music world. There are many people who can play the piano well. He is famous for playing the LOVE series, and only he Only then can we truly interpret the essence of LOVE, because it is the work of him and his ex-wife.He is very busy and has to go out for performances every now and then, ranging from a few days to ten days and half a month. Although he has turned down many performances for me, our time together is still very limited. Reluctant to part, every reunion is crazy and lingering...

What about after the madness?
On the contrary, I became calm. I can't tell when, I found that there is always some kind of inexplicable distance between me and him, and this distance is largely maintained by him deliberately.He can have sex with me like crazy, make highbrow or cheesy jokes with me, even let me gnaw and bite on him, but he just won't let me delve into his heart, and he never talks about his ex-wife Ye Sarah is proof.I couldn't get any words from him about his marriage with Yesha, and this is exactly what I am most curious and interested in. He can always decisively cut off the further expansion of my curiosity at the most critical time.He hinted to me with his cleverness and non-negotiable resolute attitude that it is enough for everyone to be happy together, don't talk about anything else, and it would be better to keep our own space.

Of course I couldn't get to the bottom of it, I could only turn a blind eye and pretend to be confused, but in my heart I began to reflect on his mentality and motives when he was with me, and the more I thought about it, the more confused I became.I often find that Geng Mochi secretly peeps at me when I am not paying attention, his eyes are unfathomable, vague, contradictory and a little flustered.Several times I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night, and I found that he hadn't slept at all, either staring at the computer in a daze in the study, or standing on the balcony smoking a cigarette helplessly.

What is even more puzzling is that he is always taking medicine, and he always takes it at a fixed time, and rarely stops.I asked him if he was sick and what medicine he was taking.He always prevaricates that it is a kind of traditional Chinese medicine to maintain the basic functions of the body. He has taken it for many years and can't stop.I joked that he wanted to live a long life, so he paid attention to his health.

Geng Mochi asked back, if I died suddenly, would you be sad?The question was very abrupt, which made me even more frightened and anxious, as if he would leave me soon, and his happy days were coming to an end.

Milan once reminded me, "You're stuck, Kaoer, and it won't do you any good. You're not a young girl in love. You should know that love is just a play, and it doesn't matter how you put yourself into it, but You have to come out, the consequences of getting too deep into the drama can only hurt yourself. Don't be stupid, Geng Mochi is very good, but have you ever thought that it is unreasonable for you to be together, and you both lose your lover at the same time, but why would you If you choose him, why does he choose you, have you thought about all this?"

I am silent.

"So you have to leave a way out for yourself," Milan said as a bystander, "If you don't leave a way out, I'm afraid you won't be able to close the show when the curtain comes to an end."

I smiled wryly and said, "The back road? It's not like you don't know, I never leave myself a back road when I do things, even if there are mountains of swords and fire in front of me, as long as I am willing, I will rush there without hesitation, and I will die!" "

"You are crazy!"

"Yes, it's crazy!"

About half a year after we lived together, Geng Mochi was invited to Shanghai to participate in an international music festival. In those days when he was away, I was tormented by missing him, I couldn’t sleep every night, and often called Milan in the middle of the night, “You are really hopeless Already!" Milan gritted his teeth at me.

Of course I knew that I was hopeless, but I just couldn't help thinking about him and thinking about him. When he picked me up from get off work on the day he came back from Shanghai, the man I had been thinking about day and night suddenly appeared in front of me. She was so pleasantly surprised that she almost shed tears, and quickly ran into his arms, throwing all the options and leeway out of the blue.

This is the man I've longed for all my life!I thank God for sending such a wonderful person to me after experiencing several emotional catastrophes and the nightmare of my husband committing suicide!As soon as he and I got back to the apartment, we fell on the bed, and I let him kiss wildly, melting my beautiful and hot body like crazy, I felt like I was floating up, carried away in the cloud of happiness...

I think I'm crazy, completely crazy, this madness makes me excited, but also makes me afraid, because I know that my whole soul is attached to this man, no one can let me let go, even if it is to put myself There is no scruples about being smashed into dust and nothing, being or disappearing, it makes no difference to me, but it is completely different with or without his love!

On the bed, he hugged me without saying a word.

When he fell asleep, I hadn't slept. I haven't had a full sleep for a long time.The man I love is lying in my arms at this moment, his face is extraordinarily peaceful and serene, he is dreaming, will there be me in the dream?I don't know, because I still can't walk into his heart, and his heart is more insurmountable to me than the Pacific Ocean.

A few days later, I accidentally read his diary in the study room. It was like a blow to the head, and all the good hopes collapsed in an instant. I didn't believe it was true, I didn't believe it... I thought I had enough sense to face this relationship squarely. Even if I can't walk into his heart, I still believe in his sincerity towards this relationship, but in the end it's just a self-deceiving scam, I'm the one acting, and he's watching it...

I didn't mean to read his diary, but I know that he has always had the habit of keeping a diary. He went to bed very tired after writing the diary that day, and rushed to the studio early the next morning. The diary was placed in the study I admit that it was a great temptation for me. After struggling for a long time, I opened his diary nervously and excitedly.

God testify, I only read one article, but just one article completely broke me!

Here's what he wrote in his diary:

I have suffered from insomnia for many days, and I dare not dream, because my dreams are all nightmares. Since Ye Sha's accident, my world has fallen into a terrible nightmare.I still don't believe that Ye Sha has left. I thought about a hundred reasons, and all of them denied that Ye Sha would commit suicide. She promised to complete the LOVE series with me. She has never been a person who keeps silent Believers!But I can't think of Ye Sha, even though I never really loved her, we spent countless lonely days together and wrote the LOVE series of songs that have been passed down to the world. We are not only a perfect match in music, but also beyond The flesh and blood relationship of love and affection.After so many years of sympathy and mutual dependence, she has become the source of all my musical inspiration and an indispensable crutch in my life journey... But she is no longer there, and was forever loaded into that bottomless lake by that man!And she didn't leave me any words, at this moment she is sleeping in the dark underground, she did it on purpose, she wanted me to spend the rest of my life to repent and commemorate, she wanted me to know that the whole world is because of commemorating her and exist.Because when she was alive, I never gave her a single word of warmth, all I gave her was indifference and neglect.Having said that, I still stubbornly believe that it was that man who dragged her to the point of no return. Without that man, Ye Sha would not be so heartless, which makes it impossible for me to treat Bai Kaoer reasonably, even though she is the same as me , are all victims of this terrible nightmare, but her husband is one of the makers of this tragedy, so she can only be an innocent scapegoat!
(End of this chapter)