If you can love like this

Chapter 46

As soon as I entered the door, I saw Yingzhi wearing an apron serving food from the kitchen. After Zhou Youji opened the door, he held the remote control and sat back on the sofa to watch TV. He didn't treat me as an outsider at all, let alone himself. Outsiders, as if that was his home.I wandered around the house, the smell of food was everywhere, the clothes of two people were hanging on the balcony, underwear and underwear were pasted together, there were two pillows on the bed in the bedroom, an ashtray was placed beside the bed, and clothes hung on the hanger. It's also the pajamas of the two of them.I was suddenly so moved that I wanted to cry. This is what a family looks like. There are men and women who have a life. This feeling is far away from me. Now Sakura has returned to the way life should be, except for being happy. , what else can I say?

After dinner, Sakura sent me downstairs.

"When did it happen?" I put my arm around Sakura's shoulder and asked.

"It's been more than half a year." Sakura bowed her head in embarrassment.

"Very well, you are quite suitable, you are both old classmates, and you know everything."

"He has been entangled for a long time, and I have never agreed. Later, I saw that he was so determined. Besides, we are alone anyway, so let's be together, and he is very good, and treats me very well." Yingzhi said.

"It's time for you to start over, I'm glad."

"What about you? You should also..." Sakura realized something was wrong before she finished speaking, and stopped immediately.The cold wind on the street blew over the fallen leaves. I shivered from the cold, put my hands in my pockets, and suddenly said: "Yingzhi, I want to go to Shanghai to see him. I, I miss him so much, I I've been thinking about him like crazy for a while."

"Go if you want him."

"But Milan is over there too, I'm afraid..."

"They don't have a legal marriage relationship. What are you afraid of? You are Mr. Geng's real girlfriend!" Since the scene at the wedding, Yingzhi's opinion of Milan has become even worse, and she encouraged me to say, "You I really love Mr. Geng, since we are in love, why don’t you fight for it? To be honest, I didn’t approve of you being with Mr. Geng in the past, because you made yourself scarred every time, but you have been with Zhou Youji for the past six months In the end, I felt that it is not important for two people to love each other, what is important is being together, even if it is the most ordinary day, as long as they are together, they will feel happy."

"Sakura's..."

"Kao'er, unless you want to separate yourself, no one can separate you. You have to believe that."

Back in spring on the other side, as soon as he entered the community, he ran into Qi Shuli. For some reason, he was losing his temper with the security guards of the property company.I tried to pretend I didn't see it and went around, but Qi Shuli called me from behind: "Kao'er, your eyesight seems to be getting worse recently."

I turned around and sighed, "It's not just bad, it's almost blind."

"A bee sting will cause blindness? Is it so serious?" He really didn't open any pot.

"That's why I want to stay away from you!" I didn't bother to talk to him, so I turned around and left.Qi Shuli followed me and followed me into Yalanju. "I didn't invite you in!" I stood in the entrance vigilantly.

"Why are you so rude, I'm a guest." Qi Shuli ignored me, bypassed me and went straight into the living room. "Xiao Si, make me a good Longjing, the kind I gave you last time," he ordered as if ordering his own servant, "make it stronger, I drank some wine at noon."

Xiao Si hurriedly rushed into the kitchen.

"By the way, Xiao Si, make two cups," Qi Shuli suddenly shouted to the kitchen, "Your sister Bai wants to drink too, the tea is clear." After he finished speaking, he looked at me like he was looking at a vexatious child , "Kao'er, the relationship between neighbors is very important, why do you have to make it so tense, it's a harmonious society, everyone should be more harmonious."

I'm surprised that he, the sea turtle, has also learned to speak bureaucratically, "Where did you learn this?"

"I have been invited to several meetings, and the one I hear the most is harmony. I like these two words very much." He took out a cigarette case, took out one, rubbed it on the coffee table, and lit it.

"I thought you would never come into this house again." I said contemptuously.

He raised his eyebrows, "Why? Because of what happened that day? Kao'er, although I offended you that day and was not a gentleman, I think it's reasonable, okay? I missed you so much, and ended up excitedly When I came back, I saw you cuddling with other men, do you think I can not be stimulated?" He lit a cigarette, probably because he had been drinking, his eyes were a little wandering, "Besides, I am a normal man, and I am a normal man. It’s understandable for a woman who misses you a little bit to express intimacy, don’t you think?”

I said angrily: "You are justifying your behavior!"

"I can't talk about excuses. No matter what I do, I never shirk. Even if you ignore me these days, I don't know why I'm always in a fog, and I always think about that kiss..."

"Frank!"

"Your lips are very sweet." He looked at me and smiled.

I felt uncomfortable, coughed twice, and picked up the chrysanthemum tea Xiao Si made, "I think I have to explain to you, if it wasn't for the fact that we are neighbors, I would definitely..."

"How about it?"

"I won't let you in this house again!"

He laughed loudly, "Kao'er, you underestimate me too much, just such a door can stop me? But I can tell you the truth, although I don't deny that your body has an irresistible temptation for me, But what I want more is your heart, because when most men reach my age, things like sex are already very indifferent. At least for me, lasting happiness is much more important than momentary pleasure. Although I live in the United States More than ten years, but I'm still a very traditional person in my bones, otherwise I wouldn't miss a kiss for so long..."

I pointed to the door, "You can go now."

"Kao'er, why are you always like this? Don't worry, even though I've been drinking, I still have self-control. I've always disliked having sex after drinking. It's too discordant."

"You are so strong-willed." My subtext is that he has a thick skin.

"No, Cole, I'm vulnerable. You haven't seen me when I'm really out of control. For example, I went through '9'. When I faced the ruins, I cried and cried. Can you believe it?"

"Have you experienced '9·11'?"

"Yeah, when the World Trade Center was hit, I just got out of the elevator. I heard the noise and ran outside to have a look. Good guy, I thought I was watching an American blockbuster, but I immediately woke up. I knew I was I escaped a catastrophe...It's a pity that only a few of my employees escaped, and a few of my good friends were buried under the rubble, it's too miserable." He picked up Teacup, my mood became a little depressed, and then I stared at my face and said, "You must be very disappointed, I can still survive."

"Of course not, I'm not as bad as you think." I looked at him and said seriously, "Although I don't like you, I still don't want anything to happen to you, because you are Shujie's only brother. And you are a charitable Family, if you are going to die, it will be a loss to the society, at least the hospital you invested in in Baishulin will not exist."

"I can't help it. I can't die. It's happened several times. Each time is more dangerous than the last time. I survived." Qi Shuli shook his head, regretting that he didn't die in the "9". I’ve had enough life long ago, if God doesn’t accept me, there’s nothing I can do.” After that, he added: “But now I understand why God doesn’t accept me, and he still has important tasks for me.”

"What mission?"

"Clean you up." He looked at me and said.

You can imagine how insecure I feel as a neighbor with such a person. It feels like sleeping next to a wolf's den, and there may be no bones left one day.I was depressed because of this, and Gao Peng went to his friend's party on weekends. I couldn't raise my interest at all, but I was afraid that Gao Peng would be unhappy, so I had to go to the appointment.I can’t say that I like his gang of cronies, because his friends are all kinds of people, eating or chatting together, and I have never seen them say a few clean words, vulgar or nasty words, regardless of whether they are present or not. Ma'am, they never curb their indulgence, but Gao Peng likes to hang out with them very much, and even hopes that I can join them.I haven't made a clear statement on this, because I'm not used to their decadent life style, and I don't think I've fallen to that level yet.Gao Peng is good at this, he never forces me to do anything, he never forces me to do things that I don't like.

But in the end there was still a stalemate. When I got to Gao Peng's buddies, I was not paying attention at all. I had no memory of what they said.Seeing me like this, Gao Peng asked me to go back first, so as not to affect his mood.

As soon as I heard this, I immediately stood up and went out without even bothering to say hello.Gao Peng chased him out and quarreled with me, saying that I didn't give him face.Did I say you didn't want me to go?I will give you face, who will give me face?Gao Peng scolded that you are sick, if you can afford it, you can play it and if you can't, you will fall down.Pulled down, pulled down, I hit a car and drove away without looking back.

Gao Peng didn’t know why he seemed impatient these days, and he was no longer patient in speaking and doing things. I asked him if he was annoying me, but he refused to admit it, and said that I was nervous.I feel like he's consciously putting distance from each other, and his reluctance to tell me why he's bothered is proof.In fact, I really want to treat him a little better, because I always feel that he is helpless like a child and needs the care and rescue of others, but he seems to be a bit repulsive to others' in-depth exploration of him. The messy things more or less affected his self-esteem in front of others, but his excessive self-esteem made him feel inferior. His inferiority went deep into his bone marrow, and he reflected on the people around him all the time.That's how I've always felt about him.

After returning home, I felt sulking for a long time. At noon, I received a call from Lao Cui, asking me to go to the stage, saying that I had something to discuss with me.When I got to the radio station, old Cui smiled at me from afar, telling me intuitively that there was a new mission.Sure enough, in the director's office, Lao Cui handed me a stack of materials and said: "The plan submitted by the planning room is very good. It is to interview female soldiers who were sent to the Xinjiang Construction Corps 30 years ago, and then make a special program. You see Take a look, I think it is very creative, although it is difficult to interview, but I believe you will be able to complete it.”

"Xinjiang Construction Corps?" I was surprised, what a planning room, thanks to them they figured it out.

"Yes, what kind of living conditions are those female soldiers who were sent to Xinjiang to support the construction 30 years ago is worth paying attention to. I heard that the TV station is also planning this topic. We want to grab theirs. In front." Old Cui looked at me and said.

"Why do you want me to go?"

"Because you have this ability!" Old Cui began to put a high hat on me again, which is his usual strategy when assigning work to his subordinates.

I can't say anything more, because the tasks assigned by Old Cui have always been one and the same, whether you are willing or not, you have to do it.But at this time, if I go to a place so far away in Xinjiang, if I don't freeze to death, there are still a lot of things on my side.I wanted to talk to someone, and when I was thinking of someone to talk to, Gao Peng suddenly called me and asked me to have dinner.I told him on the phone that I was going to Xinjiang, and he kept saying, "Okay, Xinjiang is a good place. I've always wanted to go, but unfortunately I don't have time."

We made an appointment to have dinner in a big restaurant near Radio and TV.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gotten angry at you yesterday." Gao Peng sincerely apologized to me.

I laughed, "I was the one who got angry at you first."

When I was drunk, Gao Peng suddenly asked me: "Kao'er, do you think it's possible for us?"

I was silent, not understanding why he suddenly asked this question.

"Just ask, don't pay too much attention to it. I have been in touch with you for a long time, and I doubt my willpower, but I have self-knowledge. People like me are not worthy of love, and I can't afford love." Covering up his embarrassment, he took a sip of wine, with a gloomy expression, "But I really want to have a woman to love well, and I hope to get her love, but after so many years, I can't find a way to love someone I feel it, I thought I would start a new life when I met you, but unfortunately...you always have someone else in your heart."

"Sorry, Gao Peng."

"Why do you say I'm sorry? What are you sorry for?" Gao Peng looked up at me and smiled self-deprecatingly, "I was too whimsical, thinking that I could regain my life."

Gao Peng was puffing out the smoke, his alcohol-stained face sadly showing a decadent pleasure in the smog, which seemed to imply his chaotic and impermanent life.I suddenly felt a pain in my heart, held his hand and said: "Gao Peng, why are you so unconfident in yourself? Although I don't know what you have experienced in the past, I really don't want you to give up on yourself like this. We can be a lifetime Friends, don’t you think it’s more appropriate for us to be friends? Because we are all of the same kind in essence, we are equally vulnerable and sensitive, and we also hope for love and hope. We shouldn’t give up on ourselves like this, let’s work hard together, okay?”

Gao Peng lowered his head and took a sip of his wine, lost in thought.Then he asked for another bottle of red wine, filled it up for me, looked at me, and squeezed my hand.We didn't leave until we finished two bottles of red wine.Gao Peng held my hand until we left the restaurant. This feeling somehow made me want to cry.On the way home, we walked on the street with neon lights, staring at each other, feeling that the world is so noisy, we are so small, we are not lovers, nor relatives, but we are like lovers, and we depend on each other like relatives.

When he sent me to the gate of the community, he lit a cigarette, looked up at the night sky, and suddenly said: "I want to hold a photography exhibition."

I was taken aback, thinking he was joking.

Seeing that I didn't believe it, he said firmly: "If I want to succeed, I must succeed. I don't want to mess around like this anymore. I want to try some new things, many things, including love... I want to take a risk, test Son, I want to change my way of life, really! I'm already tired of the current life of people who are not ghosts or ghosts, and I want to live like a human being."

He said these words very softly, but I heard them clearly, looked at him in surprise and said, "I'm glad you think so! If you need anything from me, just say it! Uh, yes, you are not Did you promise to help me take a set of photos?"

I talked to Gao Peng about this a while ago, he just wanted to take a group of portraits and asked me to be his model, and I agreed.At this moment, he also made a special statement: "I will arrange the time. If the filming is good, I can take it to the exhibition."

"Really?"

"real."

(End of this chapter)