If you can love like this

Chapter 55

Annie left Star City four days later and returned to Shanghai. Before leaving, I accompanied her to the Changqing Cemetery. Annie said that she couldn't make it to Yesha when she passed away.The cemetery is also covered with snow. Under the lead-colored sky, the distant mountains are set in the sky like a white jade belt, and the nearby hillsides and woods are also dressed up as a white world by white snow. Looking up, the tombstones are covered with thick The thick snow, as if wearing a white hat, the howling wind in the valley, and there is no other sound in the world except the wind. This situation reminds me of a sentence in "Dream of Red Mansions": What a wonderful person The white land is so clean!

Seeing the tombstones of Ye Sha and Qi Shujie standing side by side, Annie didn't express the slightest surprise. Maybe she didn't know that the person who committed suicide with Ye Sha was Qi Shujie, just like Geng Mochi didn't know that Qi Shuli was Qi Shujie's brother at first. This tragedy has brought pain to too many people, and many people are instinctively avoiding many details.Although Annie kept saying that she didn't like Yesha, I could see that she was also very sad. She put the flowers she had bought in advance on Yesha's grave, and gently brushed off the snow on the tombstone. After standing there for a while, she first let out a long sigh, and then said a long sentence to Yesha's tombstone:

"Yesha, I'm sorry, I didn't come to see you until now. I didn't expect to see you in such a way. Do you remember the last time we met? That time we had a big fight, and I said that I will live forever I don’t want to see you again, you said you didn’t want to see me even after you died, I don’t even remember why we quarreled at that time, but I always remember what you said, you really died not long after that meeting, And I have been hesitant to come to see you. Because I know you don't like me, just like I don't like you. We have hated each other since we were young, and we don't want to look at each other. I am resentful, and I always prevent you from getting close to my brother, and it also makes you feel resentful, Ye Sha, you should understand now that you are lying on the ground, the tragedy of your life is because you love the wrong person, you shouldn't love My brother, let alone marrying him, if you marry any ordinary person, even if you are not as rich as my brother, you will end up better than now! You are relieved when you die, and my brother only has half his life left. In suffering, he married a woman he didn't love. You said that I prevented you from marrying my brother. Was it wrong? If you listened to me, why did everyone suffer so much?

"I stand here facing you today, actually very sad, because I don't know how long my brother can live, even the doctor is not sure, his disease has no cure. I only hope that if you are in another world in the future Encounter, please don't disturb him, as if you don't know him, everyone has been so miserable in this life, if there is a next life, I only hope that everyone doesn't know him.

"If there is a next life, I hope you can meet someone who truly loves you. You don't need to be beautiful, smart, rich, or successful, but you must have someone who loves you by your side. What is missing is love. I hope that the next life can make up for the regret. I hope you are happy.

"Yesa, do you still hate me?"

……

After Annie finished speaking such a long paragraph, her expression was calm, but her eyes were filled with sadness.She turned around and looked at me, stepped forward and shook my cold hand, and said calmly, "Go back, you're freezing."

"Annie..."

"Don't cry, I don't want to see your tears. From now on, I hope all the people I love are happy, no tears, no sorrow, including you, Kaoer."

On the way back to the city, I drove very slowly because the surface was icy.Annie sat next to me and remained silent the whole time, staring at the hazy snow scene outside the car window in a trance.It was already noon when we returned to the urban area, we found a restaurant for dinner, Annie still didn’t talk much, she opened a bottle of red wine and filled it up for me, then raised her glass, “Come on, I’ll toast you, I’m leaving this afternoon , I don't know when we can meet again, I hope that next time I see you, your complexion will be better."

I clinked glasses with her and drank it down.

"Do you know why I want to see Yesha?" Putting down her glass, Annie asked suddenly.

I looked at her and shook my head.

"Because my brother called me last night and said that he dreamed of Ye Sha a few days ago, and Ye Sha cried to him, saying that we don't love her, no one cares about her, and that Annie doesn't go to see her when she arrives in Star City , she was very sad. My brother told me to go to the cemetery to see Yesha no matter what. He said that after he went to Japan, he might never come back. We are all abroad, and Yesha stayed here alone. So I decided to go to the cemetery early this morning, thank you for accompanying me, I thought you didn't want to go."

I pondered for a long time without saying a word, and said for a long time: "Annie, when you hate someone to the point of despair, you don't have the energy to hate. It's been so long, I don't want to think about it anymore. I agree with what you said. , if there is an afterlife, I only hope that we are all strangers, living peacefully in our own samsara, without tears, betrayal, or harm, and enjoying the most ordinary happiness of ordinary people."

Annie held my hand and suddenly choked up, "Kao'er, I must beg you, if there is an afterlife, you can become strangers with anyone, but it must not include my brother! Do you know how my brother talked to me when I came to Star City?" What did I say, he said that he must meet you earlier than anyone else in his next life, you can only be the only one for each other, and he will definitely make up for what he owes you in this life..."

"He doesn't owe me anything, Anne." I was unusually calm, "We have come to the point where it is hard to say who is right and who is wrong. Everyone has the right to choose their own life. I don't owe anyone. As for whether we can meet in the next life, who knows, there is no way to grasp the things in this life, so talk about the afterlife, it's just for psychological comfort."

"But you can't say this to my brother. He has been sentenced to death by the doctor. He held his breath but he still can't let you go. He took Milan away and arranged the funeral. He wanted you Live a worry-free life for the rest of your life. You may not know that before he registered with Milan, he had transferred a considerable amount of property under his own name to your name, because after registration, his property does not belong to him alone , At least half of it is to be shared with Milan, and a lawyer will come to you to go through the relevant procedures in a few days."

I finally cried out, "I'm almost gone, why do I need so much money? I don't want it for life, I don't want it for death. I don't want it, I don't want anything..."

"Kao'er, don't refuse, just let my brother go away with peace of mind, okay? And don't be too discouraged, the reason why my brother chose to settle in Japan is because I have an uncle in Japan, he is a very famous heart The disease doctor is second to none in all of Asia, my brother was able to get good treatment in the past, as long as there is a glimmer of hope, my uncle will do his best to treat him."

"really?"

"real."

After lunch, Annie went back to the other shore, took her luggage and went straight to the airport. On the way to the airport, she said to me: "The property rights on the side of the water have also been assigned to your name, and you can help take care of it when you are free. You can live in that house by yourself or bring your family over. I brought my brother and some personal belongings here and put them in his study." Annie took out an envelope from her handbag and handed it to him. Me, "This is a CD that my brother recorded specially for you. It is his favorite piece of music. You can listen to it when you miss him."

"What song? LOVE theme song?"

"No, it's Heartstrings."

"Heartstrings?"

"Well, because this song has never entered the recording studio, it is a private work, so it is not in the album you can buy on the market. My brother specially recorded it for you." Annie looked at me, wanting to speak Stop, "This song does not belong to the LOVE series, but it is the same author as the LOVE series."

"..."

At night, I looked at the CD carefully under the light. On the plain CD cover, there was a line of small characters written in a pen, "I would like to dedicate this song to my favorite Kaoer", and also marked "Composer: HCX Performance: Geng Mochi ".

"HCX" should be the initials of the name, who is it?
Male or female?

But that’s not important anymore, what’s important is that Geng Mochi played it exclusively for me, and Annie also told me that I’m not allowed to play this piece of music on any occasion other than listening to it privately, and I’m not allowed to lend the piece to anyone, let alone listen to it in private. Can not disclose any information about this piece of music to outsiders, because this is the composer's request.This made me very nervous, and I was very careful when playing the song, for fear of breaking it. It’s not that I haven’t heard Geng Mochi play this song before, and I just feel that the melody is beautiful, but now I listen to it through the stereo, and I feel that the song is like crying It's like complaining, like the rustling wind in autumn, ethereal and ethereal, making people feel sad.

I reclined on the sofa with my eyes closed, my thoughts drifting slowly along with the melody, as if I was in a silent wilderness, the grass was luxuriant, the wind sang, I walked through the rustling grass, the dandelions danced lightly, and I looked at the end of the world My sorrow is colder and more hopeless than the wind.But I know there must be someone who is more desperate than me. This farewell is a farewell. The tragedy of the end of the song is doomed in this life, and I don't even have the chance to say goodbye. Mourning, the song is still at the end, I hugged the pillow and curled up on the sofa, weeping uncontrollably.

After the broadcast, there was a pause for a few minutes, and then there was a light cough. I sat up from the sofa in horror and listened quietly, thinking it was an illusion, but then there was another cough, which was extremely clear.

"Kaoer, it's me."

I was stunned, and stared at the stereo with wide eyes. It turned out that there were recordings in it!
"You must think it's a ghost talking, don't be afraid, I'm not dead, although I'm not far from death. I don't know if you will hear this recording, maybe you will throw it away when you get the CD, you How much I hate me, I know. These days when I came back from Star City, my health is very bad, and I take a lot of medicine every day, but I don’t want to lie in the hospital. It always reminds me of death. I’m not afraid of death, but I I don’t want to die in that place. Ever since Yesha passed away, I have hated the hospital even more, because I saw Yesha’s body in the hospital mortuary. Her body was swollen and her face was so swollen that it was deformed. Makes me sick to my stomach, Yesha like that is not the wife I remember at all. She has always paid attention to her image. When she was alive, she got up earlier than me every day. She must choose beautiful clothes and put on makeup Ken let me see her face. In fact, she is very beautiful, and it is not hard to see without makeup, but she is almost paranoid that she should show me her most beautiful side. This is what I have never been able to really do. The reason why I love her is because I can't see her real face under the makeup, and her strictly educated and elegant manner makes me feel like a dummy, you can't imagine even sitting on the sofa with her watching TV, she is behind It was very straight, no different from her enjoying an opera in the theater. I couldn't bear it, I really couldn't bear it. After ten years of sharing the same bed with different dreams, I felt that she and I were people living in two worlds.

"But I never dreamed that a woman who was more afraid of wrinkles than death would face her husband with such an unbearable face. Her face with no makeup was swollen, pale, and smelled of decay. Kaoer, you also claimed Qi Shujie’s body in the mortuary. You must have experienced the thrill. We are all victims of this tragedy. We have thousands of ways to meet each other. Connecting us together, so we can't get rid of the shadow of this tragedy in this life. I want to love each other, but I have a grudge, I want to let go, but I am very reluctant. I really have enough of this kind of entanglement and pain that is worse than death. Yes. But I have never regretted meeting you. It was you who made me truly experience a love full of fireworks in the world. You are different from Ye Sha, Jin Yi, or even any woman I have dated in the past, but I prefer You, your appearance is like a flash of light, lighting up my gloomy life all at once. However, it is not enough to carry love. It is like a muddy road between you and me. It is not an easy task for us to wade across this river and walk towards each other, so we have been exhausted in the past few years. It is not that we do not love each other enough, but that our love bears too much misfortune and shadow.

(End of this chapter)