If you can love like this

Chapter 67

There is no place in this world that can be warmer than his embrace. His breath and his heartbeat will be my best memorial.

Qi Shuli didn't eat lunch at home, he went out to socialize.I couldn't eat, and sat in the garden alone in a daze. I couldn't see the lake under the hillside through the dense forest, but my eyes never left there.I knew he didn't dare to come up, and I didn't dare to see him, but it was only 10 minutes away, but it seemed like a world away.

Finally, in the afternoon, Monica called and asked me to play in her new apartment, saying that Cui Yingzhu was also there.They are my friends in Seattle, I met at Seattle University, and the three of them are often crazy together. Monica is French. After graduating from Seattle University last year, she worked as a translator in a French-owned company. Choi Young-joo is from South Korea. She studies design and is still studying for a master's degree at school.Because of our similar personalities and our interest in each other's cultures, we are always happy when we are together.I have learned a lot of French with Monica, and my daily spoken English is no problem, but I am still half-baked at English after two years of learning. They laugh when I speak English. Except for Qi Shuli, probably few people understand my English.Cui Yingzhu often made kimchi for us, but she didn't look like a traditional Korean woman at all. She had a fiery personality, very aggressive, and talked with fists and kicks at every turn.Among the three, Monica is the most elegant, good at dressing up, full of femininity, and brings us perfume every time I come back from France. Under her influence, Choi Young-joo and I both like to use perfume.And I asked someone to bring small gifts from China to them every now and then, which was also very popular with them.

Monica's new apartment is on Parliament Hill Street, not far from my place, and it takes half an hour to walk there without taking a car.As soon as I entered the door, they hugged me and kissed me. Yingzhu even grabbed my neck and pushed me against the wall, asking me why I let her dove several times.My God, don't you say that Korean women are gentle and virtuous?Why do I look like a dominatrix?I saw her strangling my neck, and simply kicked me over, because I had already taken off my shoes before entering the room, and my damage was not strong, so she picked me up by the waist and fell to the ground, and the two of us were on the wooden floor." Hit" up.Ever since I met this dead girl, I have been affected by it and have a serious tendency to violence. The two of them often "hands and feet" before they can say a few words.

Monica's new apartment is very beautiful, with wooden floors, panoramic floor-to-ceiling windows, European-style furniture, and the French romance is perfectly interpreted here in Monica.Generally speaking, the bathtub is placed in the bathroom, but this young lady actually put the bathtub in the bedroom. Yingzhu and I asked why, and Monica replied in French: "Oh dear, who said that the bathtub must be placed in the bathroom , don’t you think it’s more romantic to put it in the bedroom?”

I shook my head with Young Joo.

"Imagine," Monica coaxed, "when I'm dating Polk and I'm in the tub and he's lying in bed admiring, he can see me and I can see him. Either in bed or What a romantic passion in the bathtub, I tell you, I moved into this apartment because of this bathtub."

I see!Yingzhu was fine, but I was blushing and heartbeating. Monica's boyfriend Polk is from Norway. He is in the watch business. I have met him twice. He is a very elegant gentleman.

This afternoon we went shopping first, then cooked and ate in the apartment when we came back, and drank some wine that Monica brought back from France. Three crazy women were barefoot, holding wine bottles around, Dancing, singing, and making noise until late at night.

I think I drank too much. When I staggered to my home in the Lake District, I fell on the grass in the garden before I entered the door. The grass was soft and comfortable, and the sky was full of stars. I fell asleep right away. , voices came from beside me in a daze, Julia's first, "Sir, Sir, come here. Miss Cathy is here!"

"Cathy, Cathy, wake up!" Someone slapped my face, like Qi Shuli.Then I was carried in. I have no memory of how I got upstairs or how I fell asleep on the bed.

When I woke up in the morning, the room was full of sunlight, my head hurt a little, and my memory came back little by little.I felt a little suspenseful in my heart. Qi Shuli must be unhappy when I came back so late after drinking last night. Normally I can mess around, but he doesn't like drinking.I washed up nervously, and went downstairs, Geng Mochi was already waiting on the sofa, he was wearing a navy blue shirt and white trousers today, with an air of elegance and nobility blowing across my face.

His employer, Qi Shuli, was sitting next to him with a stern face, smoking a cigarette on his own, and when he saw me going downstairs, his face became even uglier, "I thought you couldn't get up, you drank like that, do you still need to learn the piano today?"

"Of course I have to learn." Before I could speak, Geng Mochi said first, "As long as I have breath, I will not let my students be lazy!" He got up and walked to the piano, pointed to the piano bench and said, "Come here, Play the tune I taught you the day before yesterday."

The tone is completely commanding, without any emotion.

I obediently went over and sat down on the piano bench, lifted the piano cover, and started playing without daring to look at him.He pulled a chair and sat down next to me, watching me play with a serious face.Qi Shuli, who was sitting behind us, didn't make a sound, watching all this silently.With my back to him, I couldn't see his expression, but I could still feel his sharp eyes piercing my chest from behind.The atmosphere was a little stiff.

I peeked at Geng Mochi, frowning, and my face was stiff.But he is very patient. When he made a mistake, he didn’t hit my head or pull my ear as usual, but he corrected it with his hands. He spoke softly, and his questioning eyes were very gentle, which made me feel a little uncomfortable. It also made me feel the unspeakable sadness of each other.

And those eyes behind me always make me feel like I'm sitting on pins and needles.Today is not the weekend, why doesn't he go to work?Did he spy on us on purpose?This made me feel inexplicably humiliated, and I believe Geng Mochi did too, but he didn't show it.

Two hours passed quickly, and I saw that Geng Mochi's face turned pale, and suddenly realized that he hadn't taken his medicine, so I quickly ordered Julia to get some water.

"How are you? Take your medicine quickly." I took the cup from Julia's hand and handed it to him.

"Thank you." He took the cup and quickly took out the medicine from his pocket. I noticed that his hands were shaking, obviously he had reached the limit. I watched him take the medicine in a daze, my heart was bleeding from the pain.

But as soon as he finished taking the medicine and put down the cup, Qi Shuli gave the order to evict the guest, "Are you ready? It's time for today." His tone was as cold as iron.

Geng Mochi stood up and retreated in embarrassment, his face turned pale, and his steps were a little messy.

"I'll see you off." His appearance made me very worried.

"No need, I can go back by myself." After he finished speaking, he left the living room without looking back. Outside the floor-to-ceiling windows, his figure swayed weakly in the sunlight, gradually drifting away.I also sat weakly on the sofa, tears rolling in my eyes.

"You don't need to look like this, it's like parting from life to death." Qi Shuli looked at me coldly.

I gave him a sideways glance, "He's a sick man!"

"Really? What about me, am I considered a sick person?" His eyes were like thorns, piercing my face unceremoniously, "I have been sick since the year I fell in love with you, and have been sick until Now, when did you pay attention to my condition with such a moving look?"

"What look? What nonsense?"

"The way you looked at him just now made me very sad..."

"I'm suffering too now! I'm tired, I'll go upstairs to rest!" After I finished speaking, I went upstairs angrily, and he said coldly behind me: "Love is selfish, Kaoer..."

He called me "Kawer" again, not Cathy!

I know how he feels, when he calls me "Cathy" I live in the present, when he calls me "Cathy", I go back to the past.In fact, he doesn't understand, since he thinks his love is selfish, he should also think that my love for Geng Mochi is the same, it's like a thorn in my heart, it's already attached to the flesh, it hurts, but I can't pull it out , how can I love others again?
In the evening, Qi Shuli saw that I ignored him all day, and seemed to want to repair our relationship. After going to bed, he hugged me very tenderly. I reacted coldly and felt numb.Then simply turned his back to him.

"Kao'er, don't be like this..."

"His time is running out, his body is already like that, what else can he do?" I choked up and grabbed the quilt tightly.

"I know, but I just can't control my jealous heart, I'm really jealous of him, I hate why I'm not him!" He reached out and pulled my shoulder, trying to make me face him, and I pulled his hand away.He didn't care, and hugged me directly, "Kao'er, don't be like this, can't I be wrong? I really love you!" He kissed my cheek and ear emotionally, and his breathing became short of breath...

When he got up to go to the bathroom, my tears dripped silently on the pillow.Soon he fell asleep.And I was still awake, the pain in my body was far less than the pain in my heart.I don't know why, but now every time I make out with him, I feel very painful. A woman's heart and body are one.After Geng Mochi appeared, I couldn't pull my heart back from him, and facing Qi Shuli again, I was left with a dry body.

It's late at night, and I still can't sleep.The slight snoring by the pillow disturbed me, so I got up and went to the balcony to breathe.The wind on the balcony was very strong, there was no moon in the sky, but the lights on the shore of the lake in the distance were still flickering, illuminating half of the sky.

I looked closer, and suddenly, I found a man sitting on the bench across the road downstairs. The street light shone on him, and I couldn't see his face clearly, but I could feel his loneliness that was colder than the night.I knew it was him, and almost cried while covering my mouth!

He had obviously seen me, his eyes caressed my face through the dark night, and a gust of wind blew, and I smelled his unique menthol tobacco.Yes, he was smoking, and the flickering light of the cigarette butt was like his feeble heartbeat, which hurt my eyes especially in the night.I gestured to him, telling him to leave, the wind is so strong, why is he still sitting here alone.

He was indifferent to my gestures and looked straight at me...

In the early morning, Qi Shuli went to the company, and I didn't even eat breakfast, so I came to the bench across the road to feel the breath he left last night.A pile of cigarette butts under the chair.I counted roughly, no less than twenty.There must be his breath on the cigarette butt!I took out my handkerchief, picked up the cigarette butts one by one, wrapped them up, and put them in my pocket.

He comes to class on time every day and never stays too long, only two hours.He taught very seriously, and I also studied very seriously.Qi Shuli has never been there to "watch" again, and he also knows that staying at the scene will only make the scene embarrassing. It's God's kindness to get along with each other for two hours, and I'm already very satisfied.

Every time Geng Mochi leaves, he always leaves a few cigarette butts in the ashtray.I always secretly put away his cigarette butts and hid them in an iron jewelry box.I cherish what he left behind so much, just want to keep a little more of his breath.One day he is really gone, these breaths can become my most expensive "oxygen", so that I can continue to breathe and live strong.For me, those cigarette butts are better than any expensive jewelry in this world, better than all my treasures.

Qi Shuli saw that we had always been "regular", and his attitude towards Geng Mochi was much better. Sometimes when he was at home, he would chat with Geng Mochi after class, and even keep him for dinner when he was in a good mood.The two men were talking and laughing happily at the dinner table, and I seldom interrupted. People who didn't know would think that they were such harmonious and close friends.

That day, I took out the jewelry box again, opened it, and counted the cigarette butts inside as usual.I think I'm really sick, what's the point of guarding this box of cigarette butts, can I keep him with these cigarette butts?

"What are you looking at?" Qi Shuli's voice suddenly came from behind.

I was so scared that I quickly closed the lid of the box, holding the box to my chest in horror.

"No, I didn't see anything." I tried my best to make my expression more natural.

"Then why are you panicking?" He looked at me suspiciously, and his eyes fell on the jewelry box, "Can you show me?"

"There's nothing to see, just the jewelry you gave me before..."

"give me!"

"Frank!"

"give me!"

I looked at him with pleading eyes, but this obviously irritated him even more. He came over to snatch it without any explanation, with great strength, and snatched it in one go.The moment I opened the box, I realized sadly that I was done with him!

"What is this? Cigarette butt? Whose cigarette butt?" He stared at me in surprise.

I lowered my head and remained silent.

"Say!"

I still didn't make a sound.

He forced out two words with a trembling voice: "...His?"

I understand everything!He held the box of cigarette butts and his face turned pale. At this moment, no explanation was possible. He was so angry that he slammed the box down, and the cigarette butts scattered all over the floor.This stimulated me, "No—" I rushed over, desperately picking up those cigarette butts, crying while picking them up.This angered Qi Shuli even more, he yelled at me: "Don't pick it up!"

I didn't listen to him, I was still picking them up one by one while weeping.I just keep a little of his stuff, and leave a little memory of my humble and poor love, isn't that okay?

"I said don't pick it up! Did you hear that, don't pick it up!!" Qi Shuli was already roaring.

I don't care about it, I only have these cigarette butts in my eyes, this is the only thing Geng Mochi can leave me, even if love is dead, let me miss his past existence, but this man in front of me doesn't understand, he is just angry, very angry anger!
He stepped on those cigarette butts.

I screamed and watched him crush those cigarette butts. I knelt on the ground and hugged his feet, begging him not to step on them. I became powder, and I lost control, and my screams turned into screams.

The last cigarette butt was by the bed.He and I both saw it at the same time, and then rushed to the cigarette butt at the same time. I moved a little faster and grabbed the cigarette butt, but his foot stepped on my hand.

"Let go!" he snarled at me viciously, his eyes were red.

I lay on the ground and looked up at him stubbornly, but I didn't let go.

"I tell you to let go!" He became completely strange, he looked like he was going to eat people, he was gnashing his teeth, without a trace of mercy, I almost heard the sound of finger bones shattering.

But I didn't cry, I said that my fingers were connected to my heart, but the pain was so extreme that I became numb instead. I only saw dark red blood oozing from his feet, staining the white carpet red, my eyes went dark, and I passed out.

In the morning, Geng Mochi came to teach as usual.

I went downstairs and sat down at the piano without saying a word.My face must be ugly, he frowned and looked at me, "What's wrong with you? Why is your face so ugly?"

I quickly covered it up, "It's nothing, I didn't sleep well last night."

He pulled a chair and sat next to me, half-believing in my words, "Play the etude the day before yesterday again."

I sat still.

"Didn't you hear it? Do you want to repeat it again?"

I stretched out my hand tremblingly, but I could hardly lift my right hand, the fingers were all black and blue.He grabbed my hand, "What's going on? What's going on here?"

"No, nothing."

"It's okay to look like this?" He held up my black and blue hand, his eyes were cramped, "Do you know that for a piano player, hands are life?"

"I don't have this life, I can't become a pianist."

"you have not answer my question yet!"

"Don't ask, I don't want to say anything."

"Kaoer!..."

God, did you hear me clearly, he called me Kaoer again!It’s been so long since I’ve been in Seattle, this is the first time he calls me that. Only his calling can make me so intoxicated and heartbroken. I’m willing to suffer anything for him.

(End of this chapter)