If you can love like this

Chapter 76

In fact, I should have understood that fate is like a game, and we are all pawns in this game. In the end, life is better than death.

God, if you think you are omnipotent, please take all that you have given me, my pride and beauty, my sorrow, my longing and my pain, everything, everything.

You no longer have the slightest sympathy for me, whether you kill me or beat and torture me, it actually shows that you are tired of me.That being the case, I no longer expect you to give me happiness, you simply destroy me at this moment, let me disappear in this cold world from body to soul, because I am already tired of myself!

The past is over, I wanted to start again, just because of the vow to him, no matter how tired and empty, how deep and painful, or force myself to remove the broken past from my life, clean and completely Forget about the past.Because what I lost, even if I start from scratch, I can’t get it back, I simply change my mind and live for him, but God still refuses to give me such a chance, nailing me to the cross, and taking me from the hand of death Lila came back so that I could continue to bear this endless pain.

The moment I opened my eyes, I felt that I shouldn't wake up at all. What's wrong with waiting for the man I love in another world?You don't even let me die, what did I do wrong in my previous life? !
It was very quiet in the ward, and there were foreigners talking outside the door.

"Miss Cathy is fine now, but (Miss Cathy is now out of danger, but...)"

"But what? (But what?)" This was Geng Mochi's voice.

"The baby was died. (The baby in her stomach did not keep.)"

"Baby? What baby? (Child? What baby?)"

"You mean she is pregnant? (You mean she is pregnant?)" This was Qi Shuli's voice.

"Yes. The baby is about 3 month old. (Yes, the baby is about [-] month old.)"

There was another dead silence.

"Why didn't you know she was pregnant?" Qi Shuli asked Geng Mochi.He speaks Chinese.

"I, how do I know..."

"Why don't you know? She sleeps with you every day!"

"I...we don't have sex..."

"What? No sex life?" Qi Shuli suddenly amplified his voice, extremely angry, "Then whose child is in her stomach? It's not yours, whose is it?!"

Geng Mochi didn't make a sound.

Only Qi Shuli was panting, "...Is it me, mine?"

The poor man remained silent.

The surroundings were so quiet that the ticking of time could be heard.

"No——" Qi Shuli suddenly roared, rushed into the ward, threw himself on the side of the bed and hugged me, who was weak, "Kaoer, my Kaoer, how could this happen, our child...is gone, do you know Knowing that I have been looking forward to it for so many years, I just want to have a child with you, my hair has turned gray, have you seen it, Kao’er, Kao’er—”

Qi Shuli's tears soaked my clothes.

"Why is God so cruel? He didn't let me get your love. He even took away my flesh and blood. I have only one blood left in our Qi family. My younger brother died and my younger sister disappeared. God left me a descendant. That's all." Is it difficult? Who will I leave the family business I have created in half my life? What is the meaning of my life! Kaoer, answer me, is it you who are cruel or God is cruel? You should know that it is my child when you are pregnant, but If you don't say a word, I've loved you for so many years in vain, Kao'er, do you know how cruel you are..."

"Let go of her, she is still very weak." Geng Mochi came over to pull him.

"Shut up!" Qi Shuli let go of me, but rushed towards Geng Mochi, grabbed his collar, his eyes were red, and his gaze was like a beast devouring people, "You bastard, aren't you going to die? Didn't die? If you weren't pestering Kao'er, why would your wife come to Seattle to make trouble, and if she didn't make trouble with my child, how could she just say no, Geng Mochi, I hate you! Hate you!..."

Geng Mochi was pushed against the wall, Qi Shuli didn't give up, and continued to roar and roar: "Did I owe you in my previous life? How can I not finish this life? I know your days are numbered, so I allowed her to come back to you, so as not to Even if you are a ghost, you come to pester me, but you are worse than a ghost. You took away my flesh and blood and killed my child. You are the indirect murderer! Your wife is the direct murderer. Where is your wife? Where is she? Where is she?!"

Qi Shuli let go of Geng Mochi and ran out of the ward again. After a while, he grabbed Milan in, grabbed her by the hair and slammed her against the wall, dragged her to the bedside and kicked her to her knees, "Apologize to me, to my child, you Bitch!"

As he spoke, he slapped her face hard, and Milan was beaten until his mouth and nose were bleeding. Qi Shuli still didn't let go of his hatred, and dragged her up against the wall to strangle her neck, "Bitch, I want you to pay for your life, I'll kill you today!" Kill you! I'm going to kill you! Thanks to me, I will arrange a place for you, provide you with a car, and give you money to use, so that you don't bother Kaoer. Who knows that you, a bitch, actually killed me. Child, do you still dare to live in this world? I will kill you today!"

Milan struggled, his eyes widened, his lips began to darken, Geng Mochi went over and pulled Qi Shuli away.

"Listen to me, if you really want to kill her, let me do it!" He said weakly while breaking Qi Shuli's hand, "I'm the one who is about to die anyway, so it doesn't matter if I kill her to pay for my life, if you kill her , you will pay for your life, who will take care of Kao'er after you pay for your life, after I die, Kao'er is yours, it's yours..."

"Mine?" Qi Shuli let go, and Milan slid to the floor like mud, "Haha..." He suddenly laughed out loud, staring at Geng Mochi, pointing at me, his face pale, "Now, I will still Do you want her? She is a catastrophe and will only bring misfortune to those around her. My younger brother even died after marrying her. I spent all my heart and soul on her, but I still got nothing. Now even my children are gone. I hate you, and I hate this woman, I curse you, even if you go down to the eighteenth floor of hell, I will curse you too! You will all have a terrible death! A terrible death!"

I leaned on the bed, my ears began to roar, my abdomen felt cramped, and my lower body suddenly surged. I felt the heat of life fade away quickly in my body. My love and my hatred had all disappeared.My consciousness also began to blur, and I felt like I was lying on a blood-stained river, the sky was so far away, the wind was whimpering, God's mocking eyes were staring at me coldly, I was just drifting like this, with no direction until the end of life.

A nurse came over vaguely and lifted the quilt.

"It's bad, Miss Cathy is bleeding!" It was the last voice I heard in the real world.

Am I dead?I wish.

ten days later.

The sky is a bit wide, the clouds are to the left of the cabin

Leaving the west coast where you live, floating in the sky

The moonlight in California rests on the wings of the plane

Ending this love makes me braver

You say we'll talk about it tomorrow, I don't think so

I'm sentimental, you're fantasy

we are different...

Evening in Seattle, and your last meal

I feel like this place is no longer my paradise

Seattle moon, send me out of the Pacific

Think before you land, goodbye to those times

……

Listening to the tired and helpless singing of "Goodbye, Seattle", I often cry.I'm back!I returned to my hometown where I had been away for three years.Without saying goodbye to anyone, I embarked on the return plane with my luggage alone.It was night, and the sleepless seaport of Seattle was right under my feet, so bright that it hurt my eyes.

"Listen, as long as you stay by Geng Mochi's side for a day, you will never find peace. I want him to go to the grave and he will have no peace. He is my man in life and my ghost in death. Why should you be by my side?" I’m his wife, why you can get everything from him, but I have nothing?! Aren’t you just a slut who accompanies him to bed and spy on his property? Why can you get the love of two men, but I have nothing?! Almost strangled to death by them? Bai Kao'er, just stay by his side. If you don't believe me, just wait and see whether Geng Mochi dies in my hands or in your hands. And Qi Shuli, you are all together Guys, I hate you guys, I hate every single one of you! As long as I, Milan, still have breath, you guys will die!  …”

This is what Milan personally told me when I was still in the hospital. At that time, she was standing beside my bed with a hideous face and gnashed her teeth. It seemed that I really had a blood feud with her, and she wanted me to pay it back with blood.I've never thought she was so scary. Her distorted face gave me nightmares at night, and I still had nightmares after I was discharged from the hospital.

As expected, Milan did not give up, and went to the door several times to make noises, or made threats by calling, threatening to return to Japan to hold a press conference, and announced to the world that the LOVE series was not written by Yesha. I know, she always holds this trump card, She didn't have to do anything, just this was enough to kill Geng Mochi.I fell into unprecedented anxiety. The relapse of old illnesses and massive uterine bleeding caused my body to collapse again, and I lost weight quickly. I returned to the emaciated state when I came to the United States three years ago, lying on the bed dying, more like a dying person than Geng Mochi. people.

Thinking about this love entanglement up to now, I am really exhausted. After all, God is not so generous. He can't even realize his wish to die with his beloved man in the end, and he is so burdened with him, making him restless all the time!And Qi Shuli, he and I are basically the same kind of people, love someone to pieces, but unfortunately I can't give him the love he wants, my love has been given to Geng Mochi in this life, this man who is really dying, even if he is really death, my love has no possibility of living.Although Geng Mochi said that he went with Milan, he was going to die, and he couldn't control it anymore, but I couldn't turn a blind eye. It wasn't because I was kind, and it wasn't because I wanted to protect Ye Sha's reputation hypocritically. I was just afraid. Both men died at my hands, I was afraid that they would chase after me to pay back the debts I owed in this life, so I'd better leave and let everything return to peace.

In fact, I should have understood that fate is like a game. We are all pawns in this game. Fighting to the end, advancing or retreating, life is worse than death. Why should I make this tragedy worse?

The night before my departure, I invited Geng Mochi to a well-known western restaurant in Seattle's pier area for dinner, which could be regarded as my last supper.I tried my best to calm myself, not daring to reveal the slightest parting emotion.But I was still half-choked to death by the mustard, my throat seemed to be on fire, I poured half a glass of ice water to recover, and I was so hot that I burst into tears, "Sorry, I always feel bad when I eat. "

He stared at me blankly, the light reflected in his eyes, and there was my shadow in it.

"I'm sorry, it's all my fault." He slowly stretched out his hand, caressing my thin face, his eyes were sad.

"I'm the one who should say I'm sorry." As he said this, tears rolled down his face. Through the blurred light of the tears, he felt that he had lost a lot of weight, so thin that the cheekbones on his cheeks were protruding and the corners of his eyes were bulging. Already have fine lines.

He murmured dreamily: "I don't know what's wrong these days, I keep having nightmares, dreaming that you left alone and left me here alone. I'm very scared... In this world, apart from my mother , I have no one to rely on, now you are my support, I am really sorry, I should be your support, I have caused you to suffer so much, and you have lost your child, sometimes I really feel like a sinner , I don't understand how we got to this point, but I know that some mistakes can no longer be made up for. I can't give you happiness, but instead made you suffer so much. You didn't hold grudges against me, but you have been waiting by my side At this time, I realized that God has treated me kindly and sent such a good you to me. I gradually learned tolerance and acceptance in gratitude, such as forgiving Qi Shuli and letting him die when I die. Afterwards, continue the love that I cannot continue, give you happiness, give you happiness, I really changed a lot..."

My tears fell on the dining table, and I held the tablecloth tightly with my hands, but I still pretended to be nonchalant, "I'm sorry, I've been crying all the time lately."

He looked at me, his eyes flickering like flickering candles, as if to illuminate my heart.I panicked for a while, but he suddenly found that my ring finger was empty, and he was surprised, "Where's the ring? Why..."

I untied the silk scarf around my collar and showed him, "I'm wearing it!"

The ring has been worn by me around my neck on a thin platinum chain.

He smiled, "How do you wear it around your neck?"

"Because... I can't justly wear this ring, but I want to wear it until I die, so I hang it around my neck. It's good. Isn't Frodo in "The Lord of the Rings" just wearing the ring Hang it around your neck."

"Thank you!" He spit out these two words softly, and immediately lowered his head, as if he didn't dare to look directly at me.

"What should I bring you? I don't have anything valuable on me..." I also lowered my head and pretended to look for something in my bag, but in fact I wanted to wipe away the tears all over my face.

At this time, the sound of the piano stopped abruptly, and the pianist in the corner of the restaurant got up and left his seat, probably because the performance had come to an end.With an idea, I got up and left my seat, went straight to the piano, and sat on the piano bench.A long-lost "Farewell Song" flew out from my fingers. Many years ago, in a certain piano store in Star City, he played this song for me for the first time. The first time I heard him play the piano, he played "Farewell Song" , It seems that from the very beginning, it foreshadowed the fate of parting. From the moment Qi Shujie and Yesha sank to the bottom of the lake, we couldn't get rid of this fate.

He never asked me why I played this piece of music. After leaving the restaurant, we walked hand in hand on the street of Elliott Bay Pier. The bright moon was in the sky, and the bright lights of Seattle made the moon a bit eclipsed.None of us are willing to talk. I really hope that we can go on like this, without end, until the end of our lives.The space needle was flickering behind us, and I looked at the face under the light that was unforgettable in my life, and suddenly rushed over, hugged his neck tightly, and sent my trembling cold lips.

It was still the same as the first kiss many years ago, it was unbelievably soft, with a certain blurred atmosphere, thrilling, the only difference was that now there was more heart-pounding pain.

"I love you, Mochi!" I looked up at him and exhaled softly.

"I love you too, idiot!" He put his arms around my waist and smiled, but there were tears in his eyes, and the charming harbor of Seattle had an eternal taste in his eyes.

When I got home, I took care of him and took his medicine as usual, but at the end I added a sleeping pill when making milk for him. He couldn't sleep well, and even the slightest noise could be heard.After putting him to sleep, I started to pack my luggage, wrote two more letters, and wrote the medicines he should take every day in English in a booklet and put it in the kitchen. Julia can see it tomorrow morning.

The light in the bedroom is warm and sad. I stood at the door with my luggage for a long time and couldn’t move. He slept under the light, his face was peaceful. Although he was thin, every line was so soft, and his eyebrows were stretched. , as if you will see me when you wake up tomorrow morning.But he is about to lose sight, and neither can I. This farewell must be the last farewell!
"Ink Pond!..."

I threw down my luggage and rushed to his bedside, weeping in a low voice. It seemed to be raining lightly outside the window. I kept crying, as if all the tears in this life would be shed in one night, as if I just shouted desperately in my heart, he will stay in this world.This kind of parting is no longer once or twice, but it still makes me so painful that I can't breathe. In the blurred shadow of tears, his face, his eyebrows, his lips... are suddenly near and far in sight, but the imprint on my heart It's getting clearer.

The rain was getting heavier and heavier, and I cried for a long time. Finally, I couldn't delay for another second before leaving the bed and gently closing the door. Those loves I had, those unforgettable moments, I locked them in this door bit by bit. behind the door.

(End of this chapter)